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Pockets

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There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: “I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The […]

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What The Bible Means

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, “I know what the Bible means!” His father smiled and replied, “What do you mean, you ‘know’ what the Bible means?” The son replied, “I do […]

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You Know You Love Dogs When…

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Daily Joke You Know You Love Dogs When… You have a kiddie wading pool in the yard, but no small children. You have baby gates permanently installed at strategic places around the house, but no babies. The trash basket is […]

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IQ Guesser

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke There was a certain restaurateur who was quite famous for being able to accurately guess people’s IQs. One night a man walked in and talked to him briefly and the restaurateur said, “Wow! You must have an IQ […]

HMO Heaven

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke A doctor, a nurse, and the top executive of an HMO have died and are in line together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter speaks with them and asks them what good they have done in their lives. […]

Seventeen Chapters of Mark

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke A minister told his congregation, “Next week I plan to preach about the Gospel of Mark.  To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read tall of the chapters of scripture beforehand.” The following Sunday, […]

Tough Old Cowboy

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke A tough old cowboy from Eastern Oregon  counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on his oatmeal every morning. The grandson did this […]

Mountain of Wishes

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke Three men visit the mountain of wishes where, if you jump off and say your wish you’ll get it. So the first guy jumps and says I wanna be famous, POOF he’s famous. The second guy jumps and […]

Thirsty Visitor

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke A Texan is visiting Israel, and feeling thirsty, he stops at a house along  the road. “Can you give me a drink of water?” asks the Texan. “Of course,” says the Israeli, and invites the Texan to come […]

Will the Real Bride Please Stand Up?

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man. “This young man agreed to marry my daughter,” said one. “No! He agreed to marry MY daughter,” said the other. And so they began arguing […]

A Good Pun is Its Own Reward

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke – A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. – Dijon vu – the same mustard as before. – Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. – A hangover is the wrath of grapes. […]

Chin Chin

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke Chin-Chin the panda was on trial for entering a New York City restaurant, eating dinner, pulling out a machine gun, and shooting out the windows and doors. The judge looked at Chin-Chin’s lawyer and proclaimed, “Thirty eyewitnesses saw […]

Knowing Where to Put It

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem […]

Little League Conference

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke Coach Jones called the young lad in from center field during a Little League game for a conference. “See here Larry,” said the coach, “you know the principles of good sportsmanship that the Little League practices. You also […]

Ole Bessie

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. “Didn’t you say, at the […]

Valuable Book

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke A collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he had just thrown away an old Bible that he found in a dusty, old box. He happened to mention that Guten-somebody- or-other had printed it. […]

For All You Lexophiles (Lovers of Words)

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke 1. A bicycle can’t stand alone because it is two-tired. 2. What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway). 3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 4. A backward poet writes inverse. […]

Space Monkeys

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke NASA decided to send a shuttle into space with two monkeys and an astronaut. They trained them for months. Then when they thought they were ready, they placed all three in the shuttle and got ready to send […]

Bats

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelt the blood and began hassling […]

Funny Cat Quotes

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke “Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.” – Anonymous “There is no snooze button for a cat that wants breakfast.” -Anonymous “In a cat’s eye, all things belong to cats.” – […]

Riding a Dead Horse

posted by Prayables

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that, “When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.”  However, in government, in corporate America, more advanced strategies […]

Can’t Take it With You

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke Trying to disprove the saying “You can’t take it with you,” a stingy old lawyer, diagnosed with a terminal illness, finally figured out how to take at least some of his fortune with him when he died. He […]

Talented Rat

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke A man walks into a diner and asks the waitress, “If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free lunch?” The waitress considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and […]

Romantic

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke An older couple was lying in bed one night… The husband was falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk. She said, “You use to hold my hand when we were courting.” Wearily he reached […]

Deli Man

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke Moshe, the owner of a small kosher New York deli, was being questioned by an IRS agent about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year. ‘Why don’t you people leave me […]

God’s Time And Money

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke A preacher went into his church and he was praying to God. While he was praying, he asked God, “How long is 10 million years to you?” God replied, “1 second.” The next day the preacher asked God, […]

Midnight Lecture

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke A man is stopped by the police around midnight and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, “I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects […]

Healthy Living

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. “I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look,” she said. “What’s your secret for a long happy life?” “I smoke three packs […]

Pick a Chapter

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke A businessman rushed into the office of his rabbi and complained loudly about his troubles. “I am stone broke,” he cried. “My creditors call day and night demanding money. My wife says she’ll divorce me if I don’t […]

Preacher Buys a Parrot

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke A preacher is buying a parrot. “Are you sure it doesn’t scream, yell, or swear?” asked the preacher. “Oh absolutely. It’s a religious parrot,” the storekeeper assures him. “Do you see those strings on his legs? When you […]

Heaven Bound

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, “How do you expect to get into Heaven?” The boy thought it over and said, “Well, I’ll just run in and out and in and […]

Proverbs by First Graders

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke A 1st grade school teacher had 24 students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It’s […]

Saving All Seats

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, “Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.” The man groaned but didn’t […]

Delayed Entry

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter. “Here is your ocean side condo, over there are the tennis courts, swimming pool, and two golf courses. […]

Church Money

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke A minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he talked with the organist to […]

Jar 47

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke A new doctor had arrived in town. He could cure anything and anybody. Everyone was amazed with what he could do – everyone except for Mr. Thompson, the town skeptic. Grumpy old Mr. Thompson went to visit this […]

Me First

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke A rabbi, a cantor and a congregation president are all held up by a robber who points a gun at them. “Let me at least give one more sermon before you shoot me,” pleads the rabbi.  “Let me […]

Mayhem in the House

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the […]

Kid’s Bedtime Prayers

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, “So your mother says your prayers for you each  night? That’s very commendable. What does she say?” The little boy replied, “Thank God he’s in bed!” *** When my  daughter, […]

Explaining Marriage

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke The child was a typical four-year-old girl – cute, inquisitive, bright as a new penny. When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images […]

Anagrams

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke An anagram, as we all know, is a word or phrase made by transposing or rearranging the letters of another word or phrase. The following examples are quite astounding! Dormitory – Dirty Room Desperation – A Rope Ends […]

Car Accident

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke A very successful man parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the […]

Nowhere

posted by Prayables

An Atheist is trying to convince his 8-year-old son that God doesn’t exist. While his son is sleeping, the man writes on his son’s bedroom ceiling:”God is nowhere.” The following morning the son comes running to his father and says: […]

College Writing

posted by Prayables

A visitor to a certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus. “It’s a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway,” he said. “Actually,” said his guide, “it’s named for Joshua […]

Email From…

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel in Florida, […]

Death on Vacation

posted by Prayables

During their vacation and while they were visiting Jerusalam, George’s mother-in-law died. With death certificates in hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the states for proper burial. The Consul, […]

Where Do You Live?

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke You live in Colorado when… 1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car. 2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center. 3. […]

From Cana to Your Car

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke A minister is driving down the road and is stopped for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath, sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and asks, “Sir, have you been drinking?” The minister replies, […]

Company Bulletin Board

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke Sign on company bulletin board: “This firm requires no physical-fitness program. Everyone gets enough exercise jumping to conclusions, running down the boss, dodging responsibility, and pushing their luck.”   READ MORE and enjoy these features from the Daily […]

At Ninety-Nine

posted by Prayables

When a grandmother was in her late eighties, she decided to move to Israel. As part of the preparations, she went to see her doctor and get all her charts. The doctor asked her how she was doing, so she […]

Holmes and Watson

posted by Prayables

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were camping in the forest. They had gone to bed and were lying beneath the night sky. Holmes said, “Watson, look up. What do you see?” “I see thousands of stars.” “And what does that […]

Bible Salesman

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke A man came into a shop with a ‘Salesman Wanted’ sign in a window. He went up to the owner and said, “I-I-I w-w-waannn-t the j-joooob-b.” “I don’t know if this job would suit you because of your […]

Ten Things Dad Will Never Say

posted by Prayables

10. Well, how ’bout that?… I’m lost! Looks like we’ll have to stop and ask for directions. 9. You know Pumpkin, now that you’re thirteen, you’ll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won’t that be fun? 8. I noticed that […]

Catholic Dog

posted by Prayables

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, “Father, me dog is dead. Could ya’ be saying’ a mass for […]

Philosophy and the Talented Doggie

posted by Prayables

An optimist sees the best in the world, while a pessimist sees only the worst. An optimist finds the positive in the negative, and a pessimist can only find the negative in the positive. For example, an avid duck hunter […]

Only Three Doors

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke An airline captain was breaking in a new flight attendant. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the newbie the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop […]

Stand or Sit

posted by Prayables

A Jewish congregation was arguing over whether one should stand or sit during the Shema Yisroel. Half of the congregation said one should sit, the other half insisted one should stand. Every time the Shema was recited they shouted at […]

Hormone Hostage

posted by Prayables

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands. Following is a handy guide that should be as […]

Family Bible

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an […]

Thirteen Things PMS Stands For

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke Thirteen Things PMS Stands For: 1. Pass My Shotgun 2. Psychotic Mood Shift 3. Perpetual Munching Spree 4. Puffy Mid-Section 5. People Make me Sick 6. Provide Me with Sweets 7. Pardon My Sobbing 8. Pimples May Surface […]

Virtual Poetry

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke Remember when ram meant just a male sheep And bugs and worms were just things that creep? When a gopher and a mouse were li’l critters And virus were microbes that gave one the shivers? When a web […]

Fairy Story

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke A married couple in their early 60s were out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, “For being such an exemplary married […]

Frog in Love

posted by Prayables

A frog is praying for love. Every day he sends his petitions to the Lord with no response. Finally, he has a dream and he’s sure the Lord has spoken to him in his sleep saying: “You are going to […]

Going Global

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke Who Said “Going Global” Was Easy? In a brush with embarrassment, Colgate sold a toothpaste called Cue in France.  Cue just happened to be the name of a French pornographic magazine. Coors’ “Turn It Loose” slogan didn’t go […]

Corporate Structure

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke Chairman of The Board – Leaps tall buildings in a single bound. Is more powerful than a speeding locomotive; faster than a speeding bullet. Walks on water. Gives policy to God. President – Leaps short buildings in a […]

Speed Limit

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a police officer sees a car puttering along at 22 mph. He says to himself: “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he […]

Church Gossip

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke Mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed arbiter of the church’s morals, kept sticking her nose into other people’s business. Several residents were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, […]

Comrade Rudolph

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke Back in the day, a Russian couple was walking down the street in Moscow, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. “I think it’s raining”, he said to his wife. “No, that felt more like snow […]

Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke SCHIZOPHRENIA: Do you Hear What I Hear? MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER: We Three Queens Disoriented Are. DEMENTIA: I Think I’ll Be Home for Christmas. NARCISSISTIC: Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me. MANIC: Deck the Halls and Walls and […]

Church Mice

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke Three pastors met and were talking over conditions at their churches. The first pastor said, “You know, since summer started, I’ve been having trouble with mice in my church. I’ve tried everything – noise, cats, spray – nothing […]

Can’t Do That

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke A student was heading home for Christmas. When she got to the airline counter, she presented her ticket to New York. As she gave the agent her luggage, she made the remark, “I’d like you to send my […]

Reading of the Will

posted by Prayables

“To my wonderful wife Betty, five million dollars and my entire estate.” “To my loving son Joe, seventy percent of the business and our mansion in Florida” “To my beautiful daughter Jill, one million dollars and my Rolls Royce” “To […]

Truisms

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke One nice thing about egotists: They don’t talk about other people. The older you get, the better you realize you were. If God dropped acid, would he see people? If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why […]

Aching Side

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially interested when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs. Later in the week his mother […]

New Decade

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke You know you’re living in a new decade when… 1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave. 2. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years. 3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to […]

Why God Never Received Tenure

posted by Prayables

1. He had only one major publication. 2. It was in Hebrew. 3. It had no references. 4. It wasn’t published in a referred journal. 5. Some doubt He wrote it by Himself. 6. He may have created the world, […]

Up for Grabs

posted by Prayables

Three ministers are talking over lunch and before long find themselves discussing how much of the weekly offering is appropriate to keep and how much to give to the Lord. The first minister says, “I just draw a line on […]

Perfection

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke The preacher said, “There’s no such thing as a perfect woman. Anybody present who has ever known a perfect woman, stand up.” Nobody stood up. “Those who have ever known a perfect man, stand up.” One elderly gentleman […]

Home Economics For Men

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke 1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop. 2. Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge 3. Dressing Up: Beyond the Wedding and the Funeral. 4. Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead. 5. Design Pattern […]

Sunday Best

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke A little girl dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, “Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late! Dear Lord, […]

Stay in School

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke A Jewish kid is sent to a Jewish school by his parents. After two weeks he is kicked out for fighting and laziness. So his parents raise the money and send him to a private school. However, after […]

New Teeth

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke Our local minister had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures made a few weeks ago. The first Sunday, his sermon lasted 10 minutes. The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes. But, on the third […]

Come Home

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke A foreign-born Jewish woman tells a travel agent that she wants to go to India. “I vant to go to India.” “But Mrs. Cohen,” says the travel agent, “India is so hot, the food is so different, things […]

Things I’d Like to Hear, Just Once

posted by Prayables

From my auto mechanic: “That part is much less expensive than I thought.” “I’ve never seen anyone maintain his car as well as you do.” “You could get that done more cheaply at the garage down the street.” “It was […]

Can You Hear Me?

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke At the church meeting, the preacher announced, “Anyone with a special concern or problem who wants to be prayed over, please come forward.”  Billy Bob got in line, and when it was his turn, the preacher asked, “Billy […]

What “Really” Means

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke “I can’t find it,” REALLY MEANS, “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.” “That’s women’s work,” REALLY MEANS, “It’s dirty, difficult and thankless.” “Will you marry me?” REALLY MEANS, “Both my roommates have moved […]

Rules Kids Won’t Learn in School

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke Rules Kids Won’t Learn in School Rule #1. Life is not fair. Get used to it. The average teenager uses the phrase “it’s not fair” 8.6 times a day. You got it from your parents, who said it […]

New Pet

posted by Prayables

A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a […]

Understanding a Woman’s Language

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke Sometimes our body language will help us keep the sacred vow of using respectful language. Here’s how we do it: “Fine” – This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we […]

Van Gogh’s Relatives

posted by Prayables

The family history of the famous artist Vincent Van Gogh has been recently discovered in a European monastery. There is now a record of his many relatives. Among them were: His dizzy aunt . . . . Verti Gogh The […]

Roof Leak

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke Pastor Dan had a leak in the roof over his dining room, so he called a repairman to take a look at it. “When did you first notice the leak?” the repairman inquired. Pastor Dan scowled. “Last night, […]

Walking on Water

posted by Prayables

Daily Joke All of his life Roger from Cape Breton had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that […]

Understanding Flies

posted by Prayables

Daily Religious Joke The Reverend’s wife walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. “What are you doing?” She asked. “Hunting flies” He responded. “Oh. Killing any?” She asked. “Yep, 3 males, 2 females,” […]

Deep Thoughts

posted by Prayables

- I planted some birdseed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it. – I had amnesia once — or twice. – I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart. Now what? – Protons have […]

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posted 6:24:14pm Mar. 27, 2014 | read full post »

You Can Have A Better Marriage
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