Parenting on Purpose

Parenting on Purpose

Other Parents Think My Kids Have Good Manners, But…

posted by srballantine

Girl With Please SignHave you ever had an experience where your kids spent the night at a friend’s house and when they are dropped off, the parents remarked how polite and helpful your child was? While everyone wants their children to behave at their friends’ homes, sometimes you are left to wonder why they act differently there than they do at home.

Why is it that the kid who grumbles at clearing the table at home readily lends a hand for another mom? How come the youngster can remember to say “please” and “thank you” around others, but not to their own family?

Is it because you taught them to behave elsewhere and give them the freedom to “misbehave” at home?

If you are finding this sort of disconnect in your children’s behavior, it is a good time to step back and evaluate your own actions. It may be that you are indeed attracting less than perfect manners from your kids because of the messages that you are sending them.

It is human nature to relax in your own home around your loved ones. You feel safe. That’s a good thing. Sometimes this feeling safe can slide into not making an effort. This is where it is especially important for everyone to be clear on what the expectations are for all family members.

Before you think I’m merely talking about a list of chores, let me clarify.

Expectations are about behavior and responsibilities, but they are also about attitudes. These expectations will largely determine what you attract as a parent and what your children attract.

Teachers have learned that when they expect more from their students, the students do better. If the teacher has a preconceived notion that the student will not do well, their performance suffers.

The same principle may be at play here. There is no history between your child and their friend’s parent. When your children go to another home, the energy may be very different and they will therefore act differently. If that parent has an expectation that your children are polite and helpful, they are apt to fulfill that expectation. The friend’s parent praises the behavior, further supporting it.

I’m not suggesting that you treat your children like strangers. I am suggesting that you expect the best from your children and do whatever it takes to maintain that feeling about them. By shifting your energy and aligning with the highest version of your child, you will attract and support that behavior.

Then, the next time your children visit another friend, you will not be surprised at how well-behaved they are. You will know they are being their true selves, and you will be pleased because they are that way at home as well.

What are your thoughts?

© 2014.  Sharon Ballantine.  All Rights Reserved.

Bigstock Photos.

 

 

 

Ending Frustration With Your Child’s Wardrobe Choices

posted by srballantine

purple_jacket_and_pink_bootsImagine it’s your child’s first day of school. Maybe it’s a new school, a new grade, or just their first day ever. You want your son or daughter to do well, to make friends, and yes, to make a good impression. After all, everyone knows that first impressions last, and you only want what is best for your kid.

Now imagine that your son or daughter comes downstairs having gotten themselves dressed, all excited and ready for that important first day of school. Their face is shining — clean and filled with joyful anticipation. They are clad in an ensemble that they clearly picked out with care and declare themselves ready for this important day.
Can you guess where I am going with this?

You see your darling child, and you look at them in their outfits with masked dismay and realize there is no way you would have chosen this for them. You are now faced with the dilemma of whether to allow your child to go to school dressed “like that” or upset their feelings and make them go and change.

This scenario happens every day around the world and wherever kids don’t wear uniforms to school. You want your kids to dress themselves and to wear clothes that are comfortable, but sometimes their choices are not so comfortable for you.

The key to ending this common parental frustration is to not march the child back to their room and demand they change clothes. The key is to shift your own attitude about the situation. This isn’t always easy to do on the fly, but given that aside from potential wardrobe malfunction issues, clothing choices are not likely to be the end of the world. This is an excellent opportunity for parents to practice letting kids make their own choices and let go. Clothes are one of the first ways that children use to express themselves.

Parents have the option of choosing to obsess over their child’s choices. Parents who dress more conservatively might not be thrilled at the swirling color and pattern combinations their child loves. On the other hand, more flamboyant parents may be distressed with a child who dresses like a young accountant.

Rather than focusing on having your child “fit in” or match your preferences, you should encourage your child’s creativity and personal style. By wearing clothes that feel good to your child, your son or daughter is in alignment with their Internal Guidance System. Because they feel good, their vibration is up and they are more apt to have a positive outlook on the day and create in a more positive way.

If you choose to control your child’s choice in clothing, you are telling them that you do not trust their decisions. When you make them wear clothes they don’t like or feel good in, not only is their vibration going to be lowered, but they will doubt their own ability to make choices. This doubt can creep into all facets of their lives and not just their closets.

It is true that your choice in clothing says a lot about you. Let your kid tell the world they are confident and true to their inner spirit. Clothing choices are just the beginning.

What are your thoughts?

© 2014. Sharon Ballantine. All Rights Reserved.

Teaching Children the Power of Acting from Joy

posted by srballantine

 

kid_jumping_hurdleAdults and children alike are here in life to create. Your life experience helps you to fine tune what creation looks like, exactly. Sometimes your desires are born out of living something negative. The negative event helps you better define what you don’t want. Other times, you know your heart’s desire and acting on that fills you with joy.

Isn’t it wonderful when you know what you want? Whether the desire is new or has been simmering in your soul for a long time, how fun is it to feel like the possibilities are unlimited?

When you feel this way, you are at your most powerful. You are in alignment with your highest good, actively attracting from joy.
Feeling good always means that you are in a place of allowing what you want to manifest. This may be an experience, a thing, or even a person.

When you are in this state, you become filled with ideas and take inspired action which then results in your attracting what you want.
By teaching your children to actively seek this place of joy, they will experience how much fun life can be. Even before your desires manifest, it is exciting to plan and research.

You are filled with positive anticipation, knowing that something good is coming your way.

If you approach your desires from a place of fear, lack, or disbelief, then you will have a very different result. Instead of anticipation, you will feel dread and anxiety. Planning and researching will be a chore to be handled rather than a pleasure.

What is it that your children really want to achieve? Do they want to go to a special camp? Do they want to become class president? Do your kids want to be in a play or join a new sports team?

You can teach your children that the best time to think about what they want is when they are already feeling good. Help them to understand that when they are feeling bad, they are cutting themselves off from the flow, and that all the planning in the world will not help.

Even though this may be counter-intuitive, sometimes taking time away from your goals is the fastest way to achieve them. Instead of trying to push through a negative feeling, it is better to take the time to feel better first. Then, once you are feeling better, you will be open to all the possibilities and inspiration the Universe has to offer.

What are your thoughts?
© 2014. Sharon Ballantine. All Rights Reserved.

 

Trusting Your Kid’s Decisions? They Can’t Even Keep Their Room Clean!

posted by srballantine

  

Teenage Girl In Untidy BedroomParenting is a great way for people to learn about themselves as well as their children. You can have the greatest intentions in regard to raising your kids to be positive, that you will never raise your voice, and that you will trust them to make their own choices. The Universe might have a funny way of testing your resolve.

Keeping a room clean may seem like an insignificant habit, but it is something that most parents run up against at some point with their children. You want your children to be independent, to make their own decisions, and establish their own routines, but sometimes it can feel challenging. After all, how can you trust your children to run their lives when they can’t even keep their room clean?

As good as your intentions are, most parents will encounter some habits that are harder to ignore than others. I wondered how my children could live in chaos. For other parents, it may be their children’s tendency to procrastinate regarding their homework or chores.

When you notice your displeasure with how your children are behaving, it is time for you to take a step back. Even if you don’t say a word to your kids, they will feel your displeasure and they will get the message that you do not actually trust them to manage their lives.

How does a parent turn situations like this around so everyone feels good?

The first step is to stop pushing against it. Are you going to change the situation by arguing about it or by getting upset? Probably not. By placing so much attention and energy on what you do not want, the Law of Attraction is actually causing you to actually attract more of what you do not want.

Instead of pushing against it, turn towards what you do want. Focus on your vibration, and do what you need to do to shift how you’re feeling, from disapproval to love and trust. Your kids will feel the shift.

This doesn’t mean that they will instantly turn their rooms into looking like a spread in Better Homes and Garden, but it will make for a happier and healthier home life for both kids and parents.

Sometimes the solutions are easy. Sometimes they require discussion. In your case, maybe you simply ask the kids to keep their doors closed and stay out. Sounds simplistic, but it works. Over time, the issue fades in importance and your attitude will shift.

What habits does your child have that are driving you crazy? If you find yourself stressed out, wasting time and energy, wishing they would do things differently, take a minute and recognize what you are really asking for. This is a request that your children be more like you and behave as you want them to, rather than listening to their Internal Guidance Systems.

Allowing your children to develop into their own unique beings can be a challenge. Sometimes you just have to stay out of the way — literally or symbolically — and let them be. When you do, they can feel your love and trust. They will in turn, trust their Internal Guidance Systems as they grow into independent, mature, and loving adults.

What do you think?

© 2014.  Sharon Ballantine.  All Rights Reserved.

 

 

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