Parenting on Purpose

Parenting on Purpose


Don’t Talk To Your Kids When You’re Mad

posted by srballantine

Teenager's ProblemAll successful relationships revolve around some form of communication. This communication may come in what we speak, or non-verbally in what we are emitting with our feelings and also in our actions. With whatever form of communication we choose, most people will be able to tell how we’re feeling.

With regards to our children and most particularly with our teens, productive communication can sometimes be a challenge. We want to talk to our kids and we want them to talk with us. So, we want to set ourselves up for a good feeling and productive exchange.

Alignment, or in other words, feeling good/happy is the key to having clear communication. When we feel good, we have access to Universal wisdom and our wellbeing. Answers come to us faster, ideas flow and results become evident. Haven’t we noticed this to be true? Therefore, why would we ever take the chance of not having the communication we want with our teens by being out of alignment when we talk to them?

Yet, we do this all the time. It can be easy to get activated when confronted with something unpleasant our teen has just said to us, or some action they’ve taken that didn’t seem wise. Most of us have probably experienced that the conversation can go from bad to worse. And we also know that there is little that will feel productive when this happens.

It never works when we act angry and it never works when we try and act like we’re not mad. Kids will always feel whatever we are feeling, so it’s important to stop any form of communication until we feel better. We don’t have control over when and if our kids will feel better regarding the disagreement at hand, but we do have control over ourselves. This means we choose when to discuss things further.

While raising my kids, this often meant that I would call a “time out” with the discussion and tell them my intent, which was that I was going to leave the room, do whatever I needed to feel better and sit down with them again when we could talk to each other and not be angry. I would tell them I was willing to come back to the table as many times as it took to have good communication. This was my priority.

My children didn’t always agree with this method, as they weren’t practiced at stopping an argument. By repeatedly not being willing to talk to them while I was angry, it didn’t take long for my kids to realize that I was serious about wanting to solve any disagreement between us, and I wouldn’t do it when there wasn’t a chance of some sort of good communication.

We didn’t find the perfect solutions every time, but we did stand the best chance of at least a compromise when we came to the table to talk to each other when we were in alignment. My children have learned that in order to stand the best chance of getting what they want in their lives, they need to be willing to do all their communicating from their place of alignment.

Please feel free to comment!

© 2014.  Sharon Ballantine.  All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 



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