Greetings and Salutations Tushkateers!!!
How’s it going? Have you lost your Holiday Mind yet? This past weekend, the ‘kids’ came for a visit (they’re like soooo old, they’re hardly kids, but they’re my kids, so they will forever be ‘the kids’), and we had the best time leafing through catalogs, circling items, bending pages, picking out gifts for each other and ourselves for the holidays.
We set limits (dollar amount per person). But somehow or another, it was all too seductive (oh – those glossy pages – you gotta’ love ‘em) and the original dollar amount went flying out the window.
With each “Ohhhh, Look at this. I love it.” I glanced a ‘what do you think’ look toward my husband, the sensible one – half hoping he’d cave in, too / half hoping he’d snap us out of it – to which he replied through his twinkly, smiling eyes, “Oh, let’s.”
In many ways, it reminded me of out-of-control eating. First, we set an amount, and then the neurons in our brains went wild. (Those shiny objects get me every time!) And then, I sought permission to go off the ‘money diet,’ and found it easily and effortlessly in my husband’s eyes. There was equal pull in two polar opposite directions – spend/don’t spend – just like the polar opposite – eat/don’t eat … AND, I have to admit, there was the “I deserve” it element in it. It was a rough week.
Once I got hip to the “I deserve” it element in the mix, I regrouped and reminded myself that once the AmExp bill arrives (post holidays, after the glitter fades), I’d feel like I do when the scales of injustice rise to unhappy heights, which we all know is NOT a good place; not the aspired place to be.
What to do? Readjust for the holidays. Maybe the original dollar amount was too difficult an amount to hold to. (Akin to crash dieting, miracle diets, et al. – Just not going to happen; not realistic.) So, we are having a group ho-down tonight to revise the amount. Bring it to a realistic holiday amount that feels okay.
“I Deserve:” The “I Deserve” it theme runs deep in our ‘food’ lives. Doesn’t it? I hear it often! The question to ask is, “What do we really deserve?”
I’d like to share an email to OLofWL from Tushkateer Bev now that underscores the “I deserve” mentality and more …
Dear OLofWL ~ Two years ago, I suffered a terrible loss. My daughter died. I dealt with it to a large degree by eating, which I know is what many people do. It is a reasonable response. I felt like I deserved to at least sooth myself through food. And that was okay – THEN – but now, two years have past, and while I realize that I will never be who I was before this horrific accident, I want to stop eating and at least lose the pounds I gained. The Grief Pounds, I call them.
I do not want to be ‘that person.’ The person who could not recover; the person who stuffed down every sad emotion and as a result gained and gained and gained.
I am a fan of OLofWL and the Kick in the Tush Club, and your life & weight loss coaching (I attended one of your workshops). I imagined that if we were at a workshop, you’d probably ask me to speak to ‘what I really deserve.’ So I wrote a long list of things, which helped. I keep it posted to the refrigerator door. I deserve to love myself; I deserve love from others; my body deserves to be loved and healthy. I am working on this and I’m getting through this …
But I am having difficult with the ‘faith’ aspect of all. I do not have complete faith in myself that I am up to ‘living’ without ‘stuffing the feelings,’ and well – let’s just say – that’s the tip of the iceberg on my feelings on faith.
What words of wisdom do you have for me? I need a kick in the tush. Thanks for all. ~ Bev
Dear Bev ~ On behalf of Our Lady of Weight Loss and all Tushkateers, I offer you our heartfelt sympathy. We are deeply sorry for your loss. You are a brave and honest soul. I admire your determination and desire to ‘move on’ as best you can, in a healthy and meaningful way.
I pulled together (see below) the best quotes I could find on faith, because I think they say it all. I hope that one resonates deeply! After reading them, I realized that you cannot live in faith and fear simultaneously.
In addition, here are a few steps toward faith:
1. Faith vs. Fear: Recognize that faith is instinctual and that fear is learned. Instinctual trumps learned.
2. Journal Fear: Journaling about your fear, putting it on the page, can help you move through it. Not over it, not around it, but through it. Put in on the page and leave it on the page.
3. Make a Conscious Choice: Ultimately, even in the face of tragedy, we need to make a conscious choice between fear and faith. Choose faith … and then
4. Live In Faith: For a moment, you can begin to think about how life would be different if you lived in faith. Complete this sentence: “If I lived in faith, I would be able to _________________.”
I hope that helps, Bev. Please feel free to write again, or call, or set up a time to talk. Whatever you need. I am here for you, as is OLofWL (and Tushkateers throughout the land).
Spread the word … NOT the icing!
PS: As many of you know, mom (95 years young) took a nasty fall last week, fractured her elbow and is in rehab. Many thanks to those who wrote me. Your thoughts, prayers and support are greatly appreciated.
I feel strongly that there is ‘suffering’ and then there is ‘optional suffering.’ It is natural to feel awful, to cry, to be concerned, to circle the wagons. And then there is the ‘optional suffering’ – the kind of suffering that doesn’t allow you to see the golden moments even in the face of illness; the kind of suffering that puts a halt to life.
We have decided (made the choice) to live in faith, and fully appreciate the humorous and interesting moments that surface, for those moments are plentiful. And so … I’d like to share what I think interesting! When asked her age, my mother is not quite able to pull the number up; BUT she knows the year she was born (1916) and she knows that it is 2011, so she uses her finger to do the math in the air and comes up with the right answer. The long route, hey?! But nevertheless, she gets to it.
Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother. ~ Khalil Gibran
You cannot have faith when fear is present. ~ Janice Taylor
Faith is not something to grasp, it is a state to grow into. ~ Mohandas Gandhi
Love, hope, fear, faith – these make humanity; These are its sign and note and character. ~ Robert Browning Hamilton
That deep emotional conviction of the presence of a superior reasoning power, which is revealed in the incomprehensible universe, forms my idea of God. ~ Albert Einstein
All who call on God in true faith, earnestly from the heart, will certainly be heard, and will receive what they have asked and desired. ~ Martin Luther
As your faith is strengthened you will find that there is no longer the need to have a sense of control, that things will flow as they will, and that you will flow with them, to your great delight and benefit. ~ Emmanuel Teney
Faith and doubt both are needed – not as antagonists, but working side by side to take us around the unknown curve. ~ Lillian Smith
Faith and prayer are the vitamins of the soul; man cannot live in health without them. ~ Mahalia Jackson
Spread the word … NOT the icing!
Become a Tushkateer!
Tushkateer* A Tushkateer is a person who receives Our Lady of Weight Loss’s newsletter, called the KICK in the TUSH CLUB!!! Sign up and receive her weekly e-newsletter with all the news that ‘fit’ to print, and you are automatically a Tushkateer! How cool is that?