Our Lady of Weight Loss

Our Lady of Weight Loss

Jon and Kate spoiler: A sandwich of betrayal, stress & divorce?

I can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like to be Jon or Kate or one of the eight. The amount of milk and bread consumed daily would be enough to put me over the edge, never mind the noise level, or the stress of living your life in a fishbowl. Oh, and how about the accusations of betrayal? The National Ledger reports that “Jon and Kate have been rumored to have been living apart for months and accusations of infidelity have hit both parties. Kate has been accused of having an affair with bodyguard Steve Neild while Jon has been accused of a months long affair with teacher Deanna Hummel.”
My mother, who was married 60-something years before my father died, said that my dad was a buffer between her and the world. They were best friends who looked to each other to ease the stress that life inevitably brings. They shared the happy moments, the painful moments and the stressful moments.
Still, she said that one needs to know the difference between ‘sharing’ and ‘dumping.’
True, an important part of a relationship revolves around sharing your life, letting the other person know what’s going on, as well as asking for support; giving support. Leaning on each other … all important parts of a relationship.
Nevertheless, before you dump – ‘talk at’ your significant other, you might want to take a look at these truly helpful and useful communication guidelines.
Ask Permission: “Is this a good time to listen? I need to share the gruesome details of my crazy day.” If the answer is “NO!” Respect that No! Ask, “Please let me know when it is a good time.
Timing: Before you launch into your bucket list of upset, frazzled nerves and complaints (all justified, of course), do check in with your main squeeze to see if he or she is equally stressed.
Be Clear: Are you sharing, looking for feedback, or just need a place to be heard. If all you want is to be heard. Start the conversation off with “Please, do not respond. Just listen -intently! I need you to be with me. That’s all.”
Time Yourself: Vent, talk, share … dump … whatever you want to call it for a maximum of one minute and then check in and see if the person is still with you. Really 30 seconds would be better. Don’t take advantage of the ‘sharee.’
Responsibility: Ultimately, it is your stress. Support is great! But no one can singularly ‘fix it.
Special Note: For further insight into the machinations of relationships, I checked in with my colleague, Peter Weinstein, LCSW, Psychotherapist, Relationship Expert.
Mr. Weinstein adds, “Being sensitive to your partner’s needs is one of the most important components of a successful relationship. Just as YOU want respect and appreciation, so does your partner/spouse. Putting yourself in the ‘others’ shoes and considering his/her needs (without sacrificing your own need) is true empathy and the cornerstone of relational/marital bliss.”
More weighty celebrity talk:
Elizabeth Edwards: public humiliation to new reality
Kathy Ireland: Overweight. Overwhelmed.
Kelly Clarkson’s weight gain.
Spread the word … NOT the icing,

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Janice Taylor is a Life & Wellness Coach, specializing in weight loss, reinvention, transformation & happiness, author, seminar leader and 50-pound-BIG-Time-LOSER! Write Janice for an Introductory Coaching Session.
For more motivation and inspiration, join the Kick in the Tush Club: Beliefnet Chapter.
“Janice Taylor is a certain kind of kooky genius ~ see if her idiosyncratic diet plan will work for you.” ~ O, The Oprah Magazine
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  • Renee Drew

    Today is our 29th. anniversary! They’ve been mostly happy years, except for some time in the late 80’s, when we weren’t using techniques like these. We now have a great marriage, mostly due to having God in our lives. Also, we are now communicating much better, and use these kinds of techniques

  • Nancy Roberts

    When I was working it was really easy to unload the day on my spouse, but it was never much on his side. It seems that he internalized it. He is the one that ended up with heart attacks and by-pass surgery. He is ok now. We learned a lot over 40 years of marriage that it takes a lot of listening and less talking to help one another cope. Listening is the hard part. Just a kind word at the end of the day can help diffuse a terrible day. I think each of us have limits and need to live in their basic areas. Thanks. Nancy.

  • Your Name

    I have learned my lesson that i should not take so much of my time thinking and overanalyzing whats happening to my life.Sharing it would only make it worst especially when i share it with someone who cares for me,i am creating unnecessary stress to myself and to my listener.On my unconsciousness i have cause bad day to others or loved one,i realized i am wrong and i thank the ear who still understand what i’ve been and still go through.As much as i want to change my life for the better,i am to improve and allow myself to grow up more to overcome the distress and settle down my emotions of the after effect of my past experiences.I am grateful and still joyful that i am not alone with this kind of situation,i will not give up the faith,hope and love that is caving inside my heart.Every bad thing shall come to pass in due time,by God’s saving grace,and every good thing,it shall remain with me.I am asking forgiveness and understanding of all my past mind unsettlement,truly our strength and faith in God is being processed for testing and endurance,it is only by grace we are saved,not of the result of our good works.My experience may cause my life but God provides strength to endure every pain associated with the process of testing our faith in His name.

  • pagansister

    After 44 years, the last 4 with both of us retired. Would do it again in a heartbeat! We raised 2 beautiful children, one of whom is married, and the other in a serious relationship. Life is good.

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