Our Lady of Weight Loss

Our Lady of Weight Loss


What’s Your Handicap?

<img alt="ART%20Turnip.jpg" src="http://blog.beliefnet.com/ourladyofweightloss/ART%20Turnip.jpg" width="252" height="168" style="float:left;margin7px;"
Handicap Me! excerpt from All Is Forgiven, Move On, the best permanent fat removal book ever written, by Janice Taylor, Beliefnet Blogger
Golf is a great leveler. It’s handicapping system enables beginners to compete with skilled players. A zero handicap is called a ‘scratch’ handicap, and a 20 handicap is called a ‘bogey.’ The handicap measures how well you’d stand up against a ‘scratch’ golfer.
Our Lady of Weight Loss is well aware that some of us have bigger challenges to overcome than others, so she had me design a formula for computing our weight loss handicaps, enabling us to compete with those with high metabolisms, those who forget to eat, and the gym bunnies of the world.
How to Calculate and Best Utilize the Our Lady of Weight Loss Handicap System

Note: Handicaps are earned. They are for professional ‘dieters’ ONLY. In order to receive a handicap, you will have had to have been on at least five diets in your lifetime. (I suspect that qualifies most of us.) 5 different diet plans that you followed for least 5 weeks long. This is not for the weak at heart. For those who are playin’ around with weight loss. This is hard core!


Instructions:
Step 1: Total the pounds lost in your last attempt to lose weight over the course of the last five weeks you were on said diet.
Step 2: Multiply that number by the number of children you have living at home.
Step 3: If you are living with an adult who insists on eating in front of you and who is insensitive to your weight loss mood swings, factor in an additional point. If he or she is truly impossible, give yourself another 3 points. Add to above number.
Step 4: Multiply that number by 3.
Step 5: Divide by 5. (Slice off fractions, as you would slivers of cake.)
Step 6: For every 10 points, give yourself one handicap point. Those who have a handicap of 10 or more are called ‘turnips.’ (Thus, the above art in case you were confused.)
How to use your handicap:
The next time someone asks you how much you lost this week, feel free to add your handicap into the equation. This system should level the field for those who are competing at group meetings, in offices or at home! Or for those who are letting the Scales of Injustice get to them.
Remember, it’s only a number. Have some fun with it!
What’s your weight loss handicap?
For more light-hearted, yet serious inspiration and motivation, join Our Lady of Weight Loss’s Kick in the Tush Club community.
Janice Taylor is a 50 pound big-time-loser, weight loss coach, certified hypnotist, author, motivational speaker. Her next workshop is at Omega Institute.



  • flashmom

    I am a little late posting this on suffering. It really hit a chord with me. I have lost 30ish pounds and i havent suffered. Ive lost it one pound at a time. I quit beating up on myself and was happy that i lost one pound at a time rather than societies crazy lose 10 pounds in a week plan. Gradually, ive added healthy behaviors. they kind of built up on each other like a pyramid. I usually dont tell people this because i think they are locked into the have to suffer system. Some months, like when family members had surgeries, i didnt lose anything, but i didnt gain either. I celebrate my victories by reviewing them in my mind. I wish you all a lot of luck on your journey. Keep on loving yourself and getting healthier.

Previous Posts

Best Weight Loss Tips: Are You Okay? Really?
If you spend the day (all of it or any part of it) pretending that you are happy when you are not, pretending to fit in when you don’t, pretending to be okay when you are not okay, I’d like to suggest that you simply try being okay with not being okay. Pretending is exhausting, isn’t it? De

posted 3:17:24pm Jul. 30, 2014 | read full post »

Kick in the Tush Tuesday: Just How Negative Are You?
Have you ever heard the expression "You are what you eat?" Yes? Well, Our Lady of Weight Loss has a

posted 3:37:04pm Jul. 29, 2014 | read full post »

Eat This: Lose Weight - Zucchini, Chickpea Salad
I've gone mad with power, "spiralizing" my way through the kitchen.   Cucumber noodles, zucchini noodles, beet noodles, alike!  I don't generally endorse products, but I'm having so much fun with the Spiralize

posted 9:45:58am Jul. 26, 2014 | read full post »

#OneWord Thursday: 11 #Cousins Day Quotes
Today is National Cousins Day!  In celebration, of Cousins Day, I am dedicating this post to my cousins, who are way more like sisters

posted 3:01:43pm Jul. 24, 2014 | read full post »

Tasty Tidbit: How to Measure Success?
How do you measure success? For some people, money is a sign of success; for others success is measured by their accomplishments, their relationships

posted 1:33:43pm Jul. 23, 2014 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.