Our Lady of Weight Loss

Our Lady of Weight Loss


Swab Down the Mental Decks of Your Mind

The winter is almost over (hip hip hooray), and I’ve started my spring cleaning. (Very impressive on this cold day in New York City – only 28 degrees.) I’m not just cleaning out the closets and sweeping the tumbleweed dust balls from under the bed but also working on my clutter filled mind. Yup, my mind is filled with an assortment of – for want of a better word – crap that is blocking my energy, my focus – even my resolve.
Want to swab down the mental decks with me? Clean out the guilt, regret, anger, worry and who knows what else that is crammed into the corners of our minds? These thoughts are affecting our physical well-being, as well as zapping our energy. Cleaning out the cobwebs frees us up for productive thoughts, allows our ideas to flow easily and creates luscious feelings of spaciousness.
Step One: FORGIVENESS. Forgive someone else and/or yourself. Be merciful. Clean out the anger, jealousy, self-doubt. If it is not possible to make amends with another (or self), in your mind’s eye imagine filling up a dump truck with these pieces of anger, slices of jealousy, remnants of self-doubt, and take them and leave them at the junk heap in the sky. Take Our Lady of Weight Loss’s motto is “All Is Forgiven, Move On” to heart. Forgive and move on.
Step Two: LET GO OF THE PAST. Move into the present. If you are reliving your yesterdays, you are missing your todays. Stop for a moment. Take in a deep breath and on the out breath, let go of the past. Ahhhh.
Step Three: ATTITUDINAL ADJUSTMENT. Start with feelings of gratitude. Practice giving instead of taking; share and share some more. Simply experience the blue sky, the green grass, the joy of just being alive.
Step Four: LIGHTEN UP. Laugh it up, lighten your thoughts. Make time for fun each and every day.
How might you lighten your mental load? Leave a comment!



  • cat

    I love that, because cleaning is always a bit of a chore…this way, I can clean up without getting up! Thanks!

  • Cathleen Snowden

    Just wanted you to know that the “giving” part REALLY DOES WORK!! I often wonder why so many people are so very miserable…if they would just stop and think about so many “others” that are way more misfortunate than they are and actually “give” something to those people…they would be so wonderfully blessed and have such “relief” on their own “woes” that those “woes” would no longer feel so overwhelming. That is what the world has gotten away from and what makes it so full of “bad”. Helping your brothers and sisters makes everything 100% better. Hey everyone…try it…I have and continue to do so each and every day. It will put a HUGE SMILE :) on your face and it does make life so much better. Thanks, and “Angels all around you and yours always”!! Granmakittykat

  • Kevin J. Leach

    The section which talked about letting it go was very helpful. I’ve been holding on to a situation for over three years. Every time I even think about it a ball of anger surrounds me. The one name I find calms me is “JESUS”. When he decides to relieve me of this burden then my trail will be complete. WOW! I’ve never been tested to this extent. But, my faith in him (“JESUS”) continually grows. There is LOVE,JOY,PEACE,COMFORT IN THE NAME OF OUR LORD.

  • Pat Wall

    This couldn’t have come at a better time. I just lost the space in which I had my massage practice and have not
    been able to find a new space. I’m going to just let all the worry and anger at this situation go and I’m leaving it all up to God to find the place I’m supposed to be. He knows where my particular skills are needed and when the time is right it will appear. I thank him for making me slow down and taking the time needed to take care of some personal things that I had been put-
    ting off for a long time.

  • Jerralynn

    Letting go of the past is the most important item on the list for me.
    I tend to get bogged down in past woes and then just “stew”.
    I start today, letting it all go. The only one hurting here is ME.
    Enough!

  • SuzanneWA

    WOW!! A “cluttered” mind is what I’VE got, and in spades! I wish I could clear everything out; but I’m faced with a possible cancer diagnosis, a $22K IRS debt, and the possibility of losing my house. How does one let go of the “present moment?” The “past” is NOT what I’m worried about now. I do, however, have to make peace with my stressors – I’m a person with bipolar – so that another manic episode doesn’t completely incapacitate me.
    Thank you for such a positive outlook on how to do our “Spring Cleaning.” I will hold onto this as I face each and every day, and let that day take care of itself.

  • Piscesgirl74

    I felt so empowered reading this and then I read the comments… First, I should be thankful that my problems do not seem as bad as others, but the real question is, “How do you let go of resentment or awful things from the past, when they continue to force their way into your present?” I would love to “de-clutter”, but how do you manage that when there are awful people in this world that want to make you hurt no matter what? It is harder to do than it sounds… wish it wasn’t.

  • Monique

    I’ve been crying all afternoon, feeling sorry for myself because I can’t seem to get away from past situations. I’ve gotten rid of clothing, furniture, isolated myself from people who reminded me of my past (moved to another city), but somehow, I find myself in identical situations, confronted by the same types of problems. I’d love to de-clutter, but life’s irony has a way of trashing every path I’m trying to clear. If I weren’t so dejected, I’d laugh.

  • Khaing

    For some people it’s just hard to letting go of the past. The more they try, the harder it is to forget about the past.
    I think the best way to cope this overwhelming psycological situation is to calm oneself down and think positively and meditate frequently in a natural serene environment.
    Think of this way: feeling regretful, and angry at yourself & somebody is perfectly normal but there are more people who are facing worse situation than you are. They carry with that defeated feeling till they die. But you are still alive. God is giving you many chances to fix the situation better before you leave this earth. Please love yourself and others and dont live in a dark world where you feel lonely, and lost. Talk to your friends, families, professionals, & other close people. Go out & enjoy the clouds on the sky, the sun, the moon, the flowers, the breeze, and other natural beauty.
    Be optimistic about your life. Be hopeful. It is not worthwhile to beat yourself down because you are the child of the most high Heavenly Father. He is just testing you. When you stop feeding yourself negative thoughts, you can see the brightness. HE will direct you and just pray to him whenever you feel lonely or lost. He is your most powerful spiritual friend. Just keep your faith up that good things will finally come to you.

  • Rhonda

    Trying to rid your mind and forgive is so hard and I pray every day for strength and to be a better person. I live my life to serve the lord and do good things to people and don’t expect anything in return and no matter how much I do to help I end up getting burned in the end. Is it a test of my faith?

  • hopeandblessings

    I really needed to read the words that you shared – God is making Himself known to me as well as making me realize what He wants from my life – your words go hand-in-hand with other studies that I have been doing lately. I am so blessed to keep encountering themes of forgiveness, letting go of the past and encountering my attitude regarding all of it. Only when I began studying God’s Word closely did I realize that holding on to anger and hurts from the past were sins that I needed to ask forgiveness for. It’s so nice to realize that I’m not sinning alone – and that others are going through the same things I am. I am also blessed that God choses to make Himself known to me in ways I never dreamed of. Along with spring cleaning, I’m learning to follow His commands. As Luke 11:10 states, “Don’t bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need.” I try to remember ask for His help and guidance with these problem areas each day – thanks for the reminder!

  • joseph

    give someone a hug. play with a child.

  • Merriel

    I have been dealing with my inner child because of the guilt that I feel. I have four children, one in Alaska whom I have not heard the voice of in 12 years and have not seen him in 14 years. I have been blaming myself because I was the last member of the family to hear his voice. He has cut communication with everybody that we know, family and friends. I have been told by most of my family that this break is MY FAULT!! I would like some advice on how to handle this situation. Can anyone out there help me??

  • Madge

    I, too have a son that has cut himself off from the family. It started long ago and I can’t blame myself anymore. He was always a rebel, doing things I couldn’t understand why. I had three other sons who turned out to be upstanding men in their community, and they were raised the same way. The son that I lost he considers it my fault, too. But I know in my heart that I did the right thing in telling him not to be like his father, an abuser, and I told his girlfriend not to accept his behavior, and that it would only get worse as the years go by. She left him because she believed what I said, and he blames me for that. I had that kind of relationship with his father, and I knew that it was the same pattern he was following, so I had to warn her. I felt guilty at first, but now that I have remarried and know the difference of a man that treats me with kindness and love, I have to let go and let God take care of him. I may never get him back, but God knows what is best for me, and I trust that I did the right thing in His eyes. He has forgiven me on the cross, I have forgiven myself here.

  • blessedlamb

    These words come at the right time in my life. I seem to always get what I need or need to hear. My get up and go seems to go up and leave when I need to continue getting a job done; I’ve figured out it’s the past I’ve been dragging around with me. Just like my physical clutter. Thanks for helping me have a wonderful day – and I hope others will have one, too. We only have today – let’s not waste it with cluttered yesterdays!

  • Laura

    I started practicing: I care; I just don’t have to care that much!
    Those few words have saved ME plenty of heartache & sleepless nights!
    GOD knows we, as Mother’s LOVE our children whole-heartedly & once they become adults, we no longer need to burden our health w/ their rebellion, etc. CARE, just don’t care that much; to the point of making yourself unhappy & worst, SICK!!! Their eyes will open once they have kids of their own! GODSPEED!!!!!!!!!!

  • Ronald Mcclincey

    As Oswald Chambers says”leave the irreparable past with Him and move on into the irresistable future with God”.

  • Judy Mc

    Thanks for the cleaning of the clutter of my Spirit. I can always use one, no matter what is good in my life. Sometimes, for me the good can become unmanagable in my life. Doing for others is a way to get out of me, but there is a time that I must work on me and let others work on themselves.I don’t always see the things that are causes me pain and worry, until I hit my bottoms and life becomes overwhelming.
    I have an adult daughter whom I love with all of my heart. She has Chrones disease and is sick with worry and confusion most of the time. She has given birth to my second grandchild and been so blessed to have a healthy child. Due to her illness, she is always worried about something, and still she trys to use me as her target. Seems us Moms wear on our backs in our childrens eyes.
    I do not let her blame me for her worry, fears, frustrations, aniexty today. This is not my responsibilty. I have refused to allow her to use me as her dumping ground. I am not going to make myself sick, at her expense. I am not here to be abused by anyone. Contary to her belief, I am not GOD. Prayer is the best solution that I can give today. It is a powerful tool that I use quite often. I pray for the wisdom to help her and when to let go of her. God knows what she needs more than I do. God bless all of us Mothers, we make mistakes, but “we” are not a mistake. We just make choices and then we live with them. God turns them around for the good, my job is to hold on, and look at the miracle at work.

  • Pam Shufelt

    I also had a child (daughter) who while she was pregnant with her first child (my first grandchild) got mad at me for reasons to this day I still don’t know. I was not invited to her wedding or there for her pregnancy or the birth of her baby. She sent me a picture of her daughter (Zoe) and told me that she wanted to start new.
    I must say, that we have found a new respct for each others positions in life, me being the Mom, with a few more miles under my belt and her position as the Mom also, to her daughter. It could have been the hormones of pregnancy, or just outside interference (her father, my former husband). Whatever the case, it’s in the past now and we just look toward the future. I am involved as much as I can be in my Grandaughters life (she lives 4 hours away). I seem to have alot of time on my hands now for taking care of working on “LETTING GO AND LETTING GOD”. I lost my job Nov 2, 2007, I have M.S. and use a walker to get around. Although I have applied for jobs, gone to interviews, the prospective employers all seem to have the same “Dear Jane” letter to send to me. I am rolling with the punches and searching for what I am to learn from this. I believe all things happen for a reason, and I am not alone. HE is guiding me everyday and evey morning I wake up and just say outloud “Thank You). Just hang in there, it’s true he doent give you more than you can handle, (although there are times I wish he didn’t have so much faith in ME)!.

  • sebring

    I too learned from your article. Yes it is time to declutter your mind. I had a terrible experience during the month of February. My father passed away, he had lung cancer. While my father was in the hospital I met up with my younger brother(related by father only) who I have not seen in 20 years. To my surprise my brother turned out to be very vicious and did not allow me to enter my fathers house or obtain any of his belongings. In addition, he did not let me participate in his funeral arrangements, after my father was buried on Friday, my brother hired an attorney on Monday for his inheritance. I thought that was shameful and disrespectful to his memory. Nevertheless, I am willing to forgive him and hope that one day he realizes that was most important is family and keeping it together in a time of sorrow and not greed.

  • Ursula

    I also have a son who will not speak to me. Even if we are together at a family gathering he ignores me completely. He also does not allow contact with my grandson. My heart aches that someone I raised can be so cruel. We have had differences but nothing that would lead to my deserving this. One day I decided that there is nothing I can do about this situation. I have tried to no avail to mend fences. I have always found the Serenity Prayer to be very helpful. You really do have to know the difference between what you cannot change and what you can change. I cannot change my son’s mind, I can only accept that this is the way it is and go on with my life. I care, but I cannot allow this situation to steal my life from me. I love my son and grandson — I always will. They are always welcome in my life, but I will not wallow in self-doubt and self-pity because of this anymore. It hurts, by with God’s help I have risen above it. I pray for them each day and I hope that they will find peace. Hang in there. God is constant, an ever present help in times of trouble. God bless you. I will keep you in my prayers.

  • Barbara Flinn

    I’m a step-mom to Doug and Debbie who were 14 and 9 respectively when I married their Dad. The years they lived at home were both joyful and tumultous. During early adulthood, they stopped speaking to each other and tolerating each other’s presence making family gatherings and holidays impossible–I have determined it is Debbie who initiated the hard feelings. After I retired, Debbie wormed her way into making us her sitters and go-fers. All this supposedly because of an intense labor strike where her husband worked and she didn’t ‘trust’ any of the regular sitters who were on the opposite side of the strike. One summer during this two-year ordeal, I became quite ill with ‘smoke inhalation’ acquired from working at a food booth at a local fair. My lung capacity had dropped to 30% and recovery was a long and tedious route. However, Debbie still expected the usual child care and since her Dad was disabled, I had to put forth the effort. BUT when the weekends came, she and her husband and kids would drive 2 hours to a lake to spend Friday thru Sunday because ‘her husband worked so hard under adverse conditions’. This is typical of Debbie’s attitude–ME FIRST–so since her Dad passed away 4 years ago our relationship is nil. I tried to have the usual ‘family traditions’ but to no avail. She asked me there for a Christmas meal saying she would call when they got ready to ‘eat’—needless to say, I never got a call. Next day I called her to inquire…and she said, ‘Oh, I went to sleep and forgot’. This is only the tip of the iceberg so to speak but I have put all of this in God’s hands and will live my life as I see fit. For me to have a loving family is just a romantic idea—an idea—and I’m happy with my Church friends and Doug is a good step-son and we have a good relationship. So I consider my glass ‘half full’ instead of ‘half empty’. God gives strength to those who ask.

  • Belinda

    Thanks a lot I needed that this morning.

  • Alzada Hill

    And all the time I thought I was sharing this grief alone. All three of the comments I read are just like mind. The children are the same as those children. The only difference I have a step mother whom I love very much, and I tried for 66 years to please her, nothing I ever did was as good as so and so. So and so’s house is beautiful, so and so has a great job….the list goes on. But the last straw was 2 years ago, I had not seen her in 5 years, so my husband and I go to visit. Well, the step sister had just returned from Kansas singing with a group for President Bush and she had her picture taken with him. Well, my stepmother ignored us completely, all she talked about was that article. She had a doctor’s apptment that she did not cancel because she wanted to get there to show the article.
    But I’ve forgiven her and I’ve moved on. I have a great life, my husband loves me very much, I have one son and a daughter in law that thinks I’m the best thing since peanut butter, and a lovely granddaughter. I have friends and co-workers that love and respect me, and God continues to bless us.
    I pray everyday for my estranged daughters and their children. Hopefully someday, we will be together again as a family. But until then I’m living a FULL LIFE. I’m 66 years old and I’m going to make the best of the years I have left.

  • Dawn McIver

    I have also been very hurt by my sibling’s and I am a very sensitive person…. My father died suddenly eleven years ago he just dropped dead as you can imagine this was a very big shock!!
    Not long after my Sister’s daughter was to be married and my husband was very ill and had been for many years with PTSD. My neice called me about the wedding and said Auntie if you come you won’t show me up will you? I wear suits like Lady Dianna used to wear (from India) and colourful shoes. I was very hurt and as my husband was so ill also I declined the invite. Well my sister never spoke to me again and at other family meetings made it impossible for me to attend.Family stopped inviting me!!! Now Nine+ years later and my mother in her eighties she still is nasty I can’t even call her if my mother is ill without she hangs up on me shouting the odds. My brother through all this is distant but cival and I at times feel I lost all my family that year and feel so alone at times…..I do send love and light and I try to understand her but the pain when she was sixty and I couldn’t wish her well was unbearable.
    Although you can forgive someone and move on how can you forget you have a sister that you grew up with who could walk away over so little and hurt you so much …I live with this pain always……and my Mother assures me that my sister does not lose a wink over me!!!! ….which hurts me even more..
    I only hope and pray that one day I will be pain free and she can forgive me for whatever she feels I have done to her so badly!!!!!

  • jun smyth

    i, too, needed that this morning. it’s been a difficult six months — but life IS good the future is all mine now. thanks!

  • J.D VanLeer

    Hi, my name is Kelley VanLeer, J.D. is my son who is curranty serving our country.J.D. has always been a blessing to me.I have wronged him in many ways thru my battle with drugs and alcohol.I am just now starting to clean house myself.Faceing pains and hurts of my past.Trying to get that inner peace that GOD has for me.I have yet to talk to my son one on one about some things.
    In the mean time,will you send this inspiration of cleaning house of the mind to him.I’m sure it will be helpful.I also have a daughter that could use this info.her address is kailak_2007@yahoo.com
    GOd Bless YOu

  • Teri

    What insightful advice. Sometimes I wonder how any of us can even think in this media filled world. Sometimes we just need to let ourselves just “be”. How many of us are really living in the moment? I know that sometimes I find myself just hearing noise and not really listening to what is important. So many of us have sad stories of people in our lives.
    It is so much better for us to forgive and move on. Thank you for your kick start to my spring break!

  • Mariana V.

    Good start…I swab my mental decks daily…awakened by chatting squirrels…coffee sipped…sun peeking through early morning clouds…ducks drifting on the pond…a new day has begun.
    Needs of others listed on mental pages…priorities made…visited thoughts of family, of friends and their situations…this is a good day…a good day to share…
    Everyone has regrets and short-comings…this is a new day …a new season…it is spring…a time of renewal and rebirth…fresh starts.
    Amends do not have to happen all at once but all begin with the extended hand to touch the troubled spirit…what a person feels, is/has been, felt by others…you are not the only one to be affected by the rejection of loved ones…surround yourself with loving hearts and reach out to those whose heart is affected by their own demons…anger, jealousy and doubt can all be put behind you…I do believe you are on the money with the ‘forgive yourself first’…you cannot take back hurtful words or actions that were spoken or executed. The thing is to heal yourself…forgive yourself and move forward…start slow…reward yourself with kind thoughts…a smile in the mirror…sort out old photos and send copies to those in the pictures that may not have one, along with your short, positive thoughts on the subject of the photo…ask for their recollection of the day…this may open the lines of communication…do not expect an immediate reply…some people need to brew…days grow shorter and pass faster the older you get…sometimes people pass away before forgiveness is given or received…these are the tough ones…I feel that the ceremonial forgiveness of thoughts on paper either burned, placed in the balloon to release, or buried in an old shoebox have helped many people to start their road to healing…
    Plant a favorite flower of your loved ones…relive the fond memories in the fragrance and beauty of the plant…feed the wild birds…volunteer for an organization that addresses issues you hold close to your heart…children, elderly, ethnic background, religion, abused, neglected, artistic, gardening, environmental, historical preservation, economic development, translations, housing, feeding the hungry, tutoring…when you share with others you heal yourself. You will meet like minded people and through shared experience you will heal and forgive you…that is step one!
    Step two would have to be…appreciating the good in your life. Be thankful for those that do love and accept you for the person you are today. I do find nature to be a healing element in my life…To hear the song of the wild bird…the chatter of a woodland squirrel…to see the morning dew on the lawn…ripples on the water following the drifting ducks…sunlight breaking through the clouds of the early morning…a time to think and be thankful…
    A brisk walk always gets the blood flowing…move the stale and coagulated thoughts from those dark places that haunt your mind…forgive yourself…laugh a little…live a lot…swab those mental decks.

  • Sashina

    This is a good tip. I’m going through a brutal Third Party custody battle for my second daughter Raena. I understand where the other party’s coming from but it still hurts, especially yesterday (Easter) which was the holiday my daughter’s went to stay with their grandmother in 2000 and didn’t return till 2005 when I was three years sober. I broke down, but at least now I know that when I feel this way I need to work through it and then move on.
    I was diagnosed with PTSD after I had an Aneurism burst in the back of my head. So I know that if I try to deny the way I feel I have major anxiety attacks. Also my father has said that the painful feelings like anger, and sadness.. and crying are ways for our soul to clear out the garbage. In other words don’t hold on to the gargage. Let it go.
    One way to do that… and you are right. Is through a Gratitude list, and a small stone to cary in your pocket. When touched it reminds me of the things I am thankful for… my family, my life after stroke, my healing, and my sobriety.

  • Pink

    Whilst I can appreciate your positive messages about Spring cleaning out our minds I find your article inaccessable to me.
    I’m sure your intentions are good however….
    It really is not as simple as you make out. I know – I have been working hard at it for years and years. It does not just go away because you tell yourself to forgive. How to forgive can be a life long journey in itself.
    Mental clutter is a complicated condition built up over years. It does’nt disappear by thinking new positive thoughts I find.
    I’ve let go and let go and let go over many years and I’m still tortured by my feelings and negativity about my past.
    I have never found ‘quick fix’ methods to work and believe me I’ve tried many of them.
    Please do’nt be blasa about this kind of thing.

  • Judy L.

    Scripture gives us this quick recipe for cleansing:”Create in me a clean heart, oh God, and renew a right spirit within me.” I say this verse daily (often many times daily!). As with dirty dishes, sins nad willfullness pile up fast!

  • Tai-Fang Leu

    Thanks for this wonderful article. I have been through a lot in my life but survived the worst situation. As an immigrant of this country, I do believe we need moral discipline more than academic or athletic one. The root of all problems has to be diagnosed. What was the very cause? I’m very disappointed what I have observed especially in the church. There is DART (Dallas Area Rapid Transportation) senior manager who confessed to me in my blue Honda driver’s seat about his homicide cold case 1n 1988. I was shocked by his no remorse feeling at all. He had to let it out b/c he had nightmare sometimes. His good conscience haunted him. Even though I reported to the human resources director in DART on Valentine’s day of 2007. In 2005 one night right after the night he drove my car out of DART parking garage, before we separated, he stated, “I’m not afraid of letting you know, this thing happened long time ago, there is no evidence to prove his murdering the woman’s husband on the scene (at her apartment b/c her husband found out the affairs and beat her} She called him to rescue. He showed up and shot her husband to death. The woman told him to leave. She called 911 to protect him in self defense, she killed her husband. But the truth and fact was he was the one who did the murder. After the case was over, he advised her to move out of Texas. Even the Caucasian lady human resources director did not take any affirmative disciplinary action toward him, She never responded to me. My speculation would be he might use his unique skillful temperament, a wolf wearing sheep’s coat, prostituting himself to all women superiors as a camouflage according to what I knew about his true background. Ever since May 29, 1998 I met him at Luby’s restaurant. I also met Dallas county sheriff candidate by chance in Febrauary, 2008 who promised to get things done and failed to follow-up. I know there is favoritism in DART. Even chief police officer’s secretary Ms. Monica tried to block my message to Ms. Lynda Jackson. Apparently he knows how to prostitute himself among all women, especially senior female superiors. He did a lot of yaki and nasty behaviors and thought he has a lot of camouflage as protection. I’m wiiling to be testified by using lie detector to verify his wrongdoing and he was very happy to occupy VIP position in DART with all the silver, gold, platinum decorations as another protection. All that glitters is not gold. People have been fooled long enough and become insensitive or numb and would regard me as insane. His real intention was to after my house and my daughter. Now that I thought over what he did was seizing the opportunity to get free sex and use my house as free room and board.
    He was deprived his father’s right by a wealthy Highland park caucasian lady Melissa even though he was her son’s biological father. A super jumbo fly in the lady’s room, when it flies, making all kinds of noise. What a nuisance he is! What a coward he was, is and will be. I thought for the time being Chief police officer at DART should command an intensive investigation extensively since as Mr. RGS thought lack of evidence made him get away with the crime he committed, a very serious one, especially he was pastor of Hispanic congregation for many years. Somebody has to initiate this major crime investigation. If the woman whose husband was murdered by Mr. RGS, protected him for the sake of affairs, you’re immoral in the first place, why went futher to protect this rotten to the core Hispanic trash, was that what your culture’s morality taught you?
    Don’t you feel regretful by now? Do you know how much damage he can further cause to the society? Can you speak out? I hope he did not kill you after the case was over. He called a Caucasian engineer to the men’s room in DART, stated, “Take down your underwear, see whose penis is bigger?” when he himself doesn’t have engineer degree, learned from them and fired the engineer afterwards. It is sexual harassment because Dart men’s rest room is still inside the work environment, right?
    As the moral structure existed long enough in USA, I thought we can start from locating the very evidence, whether it’s that woman or his weapon, which he used. Police department should not ignore this allegation just b/c as he wished to be so fortunate as to get away with it.
    In profound Oriental culture, we were taght to behave from within and conquer the evil temptation. I didn’t expect his confession. His lack of remorse feeling is the worst of all. He went to church, stole $20 out of other people’s offering to God and saying, “Thank God, I have today’s lunch money.” Isn’t it rotten to the core, shame on his being a pastor. He deserved colon cancer. He showed up in front of the very ill(Multiple Sclerosis) Caucacian husband’s bed after he made love with his wife. What if he were that poor husband?
    He unplugged his father’s life support system when he was the decision maker among siblings and got 55% of his daddy’s inheritance. When one of the youngest sister complained about it, he said, “Go ask daddy.” I asked him, “Can dead person talk?” How pitiful DART still regards him highly without knowing all about all these his immoral personality characteristics! We need to purge from the federal agency such Thanks for this wonderful article. I have been through a lot in my life but survived the worst situation. As an immigrant of this country, I do believe we need moral discipline more than academic or athletic one. The root of all problems has to be diagnosed. What was the very cause? I’m very disappointed what I have seen especially in the church. There is DART (Dallas Area Rapid Transportation) senior manager who confessed to me in my blue Honda driver’s seat about his homicide cold case 1n 1988. I was shocked by his no eremorse feeling at all. He had to let it out b/c he had nightmare sometimes. His good conscience haunted him. Even though I reported to the human resources director on Valentine’s day of 2007. In 2005 one night right after the night he drove my car out of DART parking garage, before we separated, he stated, “I’m not afraid of letting you know, this thing happened long time ago, there is no evidence to prove his murdering the woman’s husband on the scene (at her apartment b/c her husband found out the affairs and beat her} She called him to rescue. He showed up and shot the husband to death. The woman told him to leave. She called 911 to protect him in aelf defense, she killed her husband. But the truth and fact was he was the one who did the murder. After the case was over, he advised her to move out of Texas. Even the Caucasian lady human resources director did not take any affirmative disciplinary action toward him. never responded to me. My speculation would be he might use his unique skillful temperament, a wolf wearing sheep’s coat, prostituting himself to all women superiors as a camouflage according to what I knew about his true background. Ever since May 29, 1998 I met him at Luby’s restaurant. I also met Dallas county sheriff candidate by chance in Febrauary, who promised to get things done and failed to follow-up. I know there is favoritism in DART. Even chief police officer’s secretary Ms. Monica tried to block my message to Ms. Lynda Jackson. Apparently he knows how to prostitute himself among all women, especially senior female superiors. He did a lot of yaki and nasty behaviors and thought he has a lot of camouflage as protection. I’m wiiling to be testified by using lie detector to verify his wrongdoing and he was very happy to occupy VIP position in DART with all the silver, gold, platinum decorations as another protection. All that glitters is not gold. People have been fooled long enough and become insensitive or numb and would regard me as insane. His real intention was to after my house and my daughter. Now that I thought over what he did was seizing the opportunity to get free sex and use my house as free room and board.
    He was deprived his father’s right by a wealthy Highland park caucqasian lady Melissa even though he was her son’s biological father. A super jumbo fly in the lady’s room, when it flies, making all kinds of noise. What a nuisance! What a coward he was, is and will be. I thought for the time being Chief police officer at DART should command an intensive investigation extensively since as he thought lack of evidence made him get away with the crime he committed, a very serious one, especially he was pastor of Hispanic congregation for many years. Somebody has to initiate this major crime investigation. If the woman whose husband was murdered by Mr. RGS, protected him for the sake of affairs, you’re immoral in the first place, why went futher to protect this rotten to the core Hispanic trash, was that what your culture’s morality taught you?
    Don’t you feel regretful by now? Do you know how much damage he can further cause to the society. Can you speak out? I hope he did not kill you after the case was over. Before DART CEO, Mr. Roger Snowball’s credit card abust scandal happened in 2000?, he called a Caucasian engineer to the men’s room in DART, stated, “Take down your underwear, see whose penis is bigger?” when he himself doesn’t have engineer degree, learned from them and fired the engineer afterwards. It is sexual harassment because Dart men’s rest room is still inside the work environment, right?
    As the moral structure existed long enough in USA, I thought we can start from locating the very evidence, whether it’s that woman or his weapon, which he used. Police department should not ignore it just b/c as he wished to be so fortunate as to get away with it.
    In profound Chinese culture, we were taght to behave from within and conquer the evil temptation. I didn’t expect his confession. His lack of remorse feeling was the worst of all. He went to church, stole $20 out of other people’s offering to God and saying, “Thank God, I have today’s lunch money.” Isn’t it rotten to the core, shame on his being a pastor. He deserved colon cancer. He showed up in front of the very ill(Multiple Sclerosis) Caucacian husband’s bed after he made love with his wife when he was pursuing his Master degree in UNT Denton, he would find this caucacian woman to exchange for room and board and free sex. What if he were that poor husband?
    He unplugged his father’s life support system when he was the decision maker among siblings and got 55% of his daddy’s inheritance. When one of the youngest sister complained about it, he said, “Go ask daddy.” I asked him, “Can dead person talk?” How pitiful DART still regards him highly without knowing all about all these his immoral personality characteristics! We need to purge from the federal agency such as DART or EEOC employees, especially senior managers who know how to abuse their power and correct the moral atmosphere, right?
    This ought to be the authentic Spring cleaning after this early Happy Easter season, right? Both his own biological father and Caucacian man were very ill, but the woman’s husband was a healthy man. Was he deserve to be shot to death by this coward Hispanic trash and his unfaithful wife’s betrayal to cover up for Mr. RGS? RSVP more comments or any good suggestion?
    I did not read the Rules of Conduct and was afraid of all my time and effort in pursuing this homicide cold case investigation to be initiated by somebody was all in vain. Garland chief police officer should cooperate with DART cheif police officer as a team to solve this American most wanted criminal. He was Garland resident back in 1988. Dallas county sheriff candidate suggested to look into the Dallas Morning newspaper in 1988 and find the match. The next day of that night in 2005 I have already reported to downtown Dallas police department homicide cold case division. I was wondering what made him to have this kind of privilege to get away with every evil thing he did. This is a very serious allegation.

  • Anu-Spirit

    I’d just like to add an addendum about forgiveness. There is an old saying “To forgive, but not forget.” If you forgive while holding on to bitterness and resentment, you’re only fooling yourself. The pain and toxicity remains simmering in your unconscious (sometimes for years), erupting suprisingly and unexpectedly, until you truly find a way to let it all go. It’s not an easy process, but necessary for your own peace of mind and actual physical well being, as that toxity can result in depression, addictions and other self-destructive behavior. How do I know? It’s only taken my entire adult life to truly forgive childhood abuse.

  • spiritual-cooking teacher

    What a beautiful article. As someone who has been through the Twelve Steps, I find your article very helpful. What an awesome way to promote self healing! I have had a gratitude journal for years now, and at first it took me quite a long time to come up with something I was grateful for on some days. Now, I find I have an abundance of things that I am grateful for. But, always at this time of year, the ending of the winter, it is with a junk drawer for a mind, that I try to find my gratefulness. I find myself with an attitude like Pink, the lady who asked you “Please don’t be blasa about this kind of thing.” I find myself quick to anger at slow drivers, smart mouthed students, co-workers, anything and everything.
    How wonderful to have the option to Spring Clean my mind! How common-sense, why didn’t I think of this long ago? Un-clog my mind to free up my spirituality, my energy, my feelings, my gratefulness. Create free flowing movement! Create space!
    Now on forgiving, yes it is very hard to forgive some of the horrific things that happen to us. But, if God forgives me for all of the sins that I do, if He gives me a second chance everytime I ask for it sincerely, then who am I not to forgive those sins done to me? “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.” If we expect our sister to forgive us for something we did to her, then why can’t we forgive her too? Yes, some things are absolutely unforgivable in our minds. But, if that person asks God, with sincerity, for forgiveness for what they did to us, God automatically forgives them with Love and Joy. It makes His heart burst with Joy to forgive us, that we seek His forgiveness!
    So, to Pink, please don’t give up on forgiving others. Yes, sometimes it takes us quite awhile to forgive someone, after all we are only human, but we must keep on trying! That pain and anger is gnawing away at your heart. It is creating a blockage in you, so that your love and giving nature is hidden. It is like a cancer inside of your soul, eating away at you. Killing your true spirit. So, keep on forgiving, every day, forgive until you truly have forgiven. You are worth it! Don’t let the anger and hatred towards the person(s) that you can’t forgive run your life. Don’t let it be who you are.
    When I started my Twelve Step Program and my gratitude journal it was very hard, as I have said, to come up with things I was grateful for. I really wasn’t even sure that I wanted to be sober. But, I kept at it, every night before bed, I came up with 3 things I was grateful for. Now, my previously negative attitude, my negative being, has completely done a turn around and I can honestly say that I am, for the most part, a truly positive person. Life is Grand, Beautiful, Full of Love! My past was definitely part of my life and I lived it for a reason. Because it made me who I am today. And I am very glad to be who I am today.
    So, thank you, Our Lady of Weight Loss, for helping me to clean out the junk drawer that I had for a mind this post winter season. I will pin your article up on my bulletin board by my computer to remind me to “Spring Clean” as needed. Have a Glorious Day! God Bless!

  • Mags

    wow thank you all. I don’t know if I’m big enough or strong enough to forgive …no I DO know that I’m not yet but maybe like you people I’ll keep trying every day. Maybe the door will open very slowly and the light will start to come in more and more . Maybe I have to do it the easy way in reverse order 1. Lighten up and laugh 2.ATTITUDINAL ADJUSTMENT. Start with feelings of gratitude. 3.LET GO OF THE PAST. Move into the present. and finally 4. Forgivness
    Even if it takes me along time to get there at least by taking the other steps first I know I am improving my life and beginning to heal and feel better.
    No it’s not easy but who said it would be ? I know I dont want to get stuck in the winter season I want to spring clean I want to enjoy a new summer again.
    I will also print these words and keep reading them
    So thank you my friends all the people that have written these words and helped me to understand a little better and I hope others that read them after me also gain some courage from them

  • Mary Olson

    I found myself in great turmoil and very angry with a few of my friends who did not stand up for me in a very crucial job situation. It was hard for me to believe but the situation where I worked was so difficult for everyone that these people were concentrating on “their own situation” only!! I retired (had over 20 years service) and then found myself praying that God would support me and take care of those friends by causing bad things to happen to them. Then, I realized that it was my duty as a Christian to forgive them. As I prayed, the Lord helped me to realize I couldn’t, in myself, forgive. And, at the same time, I knew that holding the feelings I had would cause harm to me both physically and spiritually. I then asked God to forgive them through me!! This was the answer to my situation. I felt forgiveness enter into my heart and life. Then, I found love filling my heart for these friends and my health was affected in a positive manner also. Sometimes, on our own, we cannot forgive. Then we need to let God do it in our hearts. Remember, He has forgiven us for our sins!

  • Beth

    AMEN~~I have never commented before–but have been a true faithful reader of Belief net–and I must say–through my self help stragedies–this websight has been a great help and inspiration. The 4 steps to spring cleaning your mind–makes so much sense–and letting go of the past is the hardest one–in my opinion–but is honestly the most important one–to be able to move on in life. I have been working on this daily–and it truly makes one feel so much better. My burden has “been lifted”, so to speak–and today CAN BE the first day–of the rest of your life. Thanks so much for the people who put the time and effort into this websight–you have been a true God send to my self help therapy. God Bless !! and Happy Spring Cleaning!!

  • Krissy

    You know…I forgave almost a yr ago, But the person I forgave will never feel the same way. I did it for myself,my kids,my parents. I broke down after 4 yrs and now I am in the same boat with this person living the same situation we lived prior to me breaking down and putting the past behind us. I feel better however She is still holding onto the past. So I just move forward and do not look back. If we see each other I know we will content with out ackwardness in any situation when we bump into each other. I could not hold onto that anger any longer for it was disturbing the whole family. I am not in contact daily nor do I want to be but just making the first step really made me feel like I can conqor anything I want to.
    Try it….Some people will never be able to do this but it is not about who goes first or who is right but it is about those who are learing and living in this termoil. Just do it and enjoy the rest of your life.

  • Maryrose

    After losing my brother-in-law, my dear Mother, and unexpectedly my husband of forty years, I was having a hard time finding gratitude in anything. But with the help of prayers from my sisters and friends, I felt I was included in the living once again. There was so much for which I wanted to thank these people, so when they were down, I wanted to do for them, as they did for me. I said if we cannot find at least fifty things in one day to be thankful for, then we are NOT counting. I started out with the gifts of sight, hearing, taste, feeling,smelling, not to mention all of my organs that were in working order…..lungs, kidneys, heart, etc. Then we could go on to our limbs that are serving us each and every day. The ability to talk, to express ideas, to serve those less fortunate. The love of family. The gifts of the stars, the moon, the fresh air, the rivers, mountains, etc. Now when things are looking bad, I try not to look down at my own needs, but up to God to see where he wants me to go.

  • dorgordon

    Thanks for writing this wonderful article. It’s a nice stomach full and leads to great digestion, especially for me – things to think about more and do daily.
    And, even when it’s winter time it should be spring in our minds.
    Blessings.
    dorgordon

  • Anonymous

    Stay focused.

  • Sandi

    I became the blunt of a joke, between co-workers, I was embarrassed,
    it hurt most because I felt the person who said it, was someone whom
    I had admired, and was secretly taken with. I voiced that I didn’t appreciate being the blunt of such jokes the next day. But the person who had made me the blunt of the joke wasn’t at work. So the next day, when I went to work, I sat by myself. One of my co-workers came over and appologized for the two days previous remark, I accepted the appology, but told them I wasn’t ready to sit with them that day.
    Yesterday was Monday, I sat with them, but did not look at the person who had said the remark. In Church on Sunday the pastor talked about forgiveness. I know I should say I forgive my co-worker for the incensitive remark, but really feel that the person who said it should appologize first. What do I do, do I state that I forgive them, prior to an appology, or just like yesterday, act like it didn’t happen even though I can’t forget that it did? Torn between what God says I should do, and what I feel should be said first.

  • BRENDA CHAPPELL

    PRAISE GOD PRAISE GOD THANK YOU JESUS IT ALWAYS BETTER HAD IT ALL OVER TO HIM CAUSE WHEN IT OVER OUR HEAD IT UNDER HIS FEET i like this god bless all of you and rejoice in the lord always and again i say rejoice your sister in christ brenda

  • millie Davis at beautiful Lake Willoughby, Westmore, VT

    Thanks for the wonderful Article!
    A few years ago some earth was being moved and we said we could use some in our center of the yard which seemed to have erroded. Several loads were dumped and my husband took the tractor and smoothed it out. This was done in the fall. Winter set in. Early spring I was delighted to see all the earth coming up in a beautiful green color. New lawn to mow- I mused. Soon it became apparent that the green was ONLY TERRIBLE WEEDS brought in from where the earth had been moved. Not wanting to use any weed killer on this area – I decided to pull the weeds by hand on my knees a three gallon bucket at a time. A fairly large area 50x100feet.
    Everyone seeing me asked why I was doing it and thought I was a little nutty. However; I commented to each one who questioned me that it was wonderful therapy – not only did I get good exercise but EACH WEED I PULLED – I found I could attribute it too weeds in my mind which without a doubt needed to be cleaned out.I was considered even more strange!! It took about 2 weeks of intent weeding (I did this for an hour very early each morning for the 2 weeks) before I could finally look and see that it was a job well done! Not only the green weeds were gone – but I felt a huge burden had been lifted off me – as some of the thoughts within me even brought tears – and I had been dealing with them for years. I prayed to my heavenly father each morning to somehow make a difference in my life. And HE did!!
    Do you know how many obnoctious weeds there were in those many buckets full that I pulled???
    Our minds and conciences are always in need of weeding. I recommend it to everyone. You can become a better, more caring and giving person.

  • sonia

    I truly enjoy what you wrote here.
    I have PTSD with mood disorder and I have terrible flashbacks, not just of the traumas that have happened to me from early childhood into young early adulthood, but of all the mistakes I have made. i have tried prayer and meditation, am on medication and yet still have a hard time dealing with the flooding memories of trauma and pain. I am a good artist and seamstress. Yet on bad days and those where I have not slept good the night before, it is hard for me to function the next day. I also get severe anxiety attacks which keep me scared and paralyzed in fear. If there are any pointers you can help me with, I would greatly appreciate it! Thank you so very much.

  • Nance

    I don’t think what I have just read could have come at a more oportune time. I have been going through quite a bit of turmoil in my life and yes, spring cleaning my mind is exactly what I need to do for myself. I feel all four steps were intended just for me. I rely on this site and one other to help heal me. My family thinks that I need to seek medical advice and yes maybe take a pill to fix me. I on the other hand want to fix myself without that pill. One day not long ago, I was discussing all of my turmoil with a cousin. When I told her I would self diagnose my problems, her reply was “So, you have a fool for a doctor”. I took that comment as it was intended, a little humor. I thank the good Lord for all of the spiritual advice in helping me deal with whatever is happening in my life and trying very hard to do it without that pill. Yes, there are some people who need whatever it takes to get help. With this website and the other I read everyday, I am praying with God’s help I will not need the medicine. Thank you Beliefnet for helping me along with my healing.
    Sincerely,
    Nance-geemod@att.net

  • DEBORAH JONES

    TAKE TIME OUT FOR MYSELF DAILY… STAY PRAYED UP! LIVE FOR TODAY AND FORGET ABOUT THE PAST. PRAISE AND WORSHIP JESUS CHRIST ALWAYS, AND PUT HIM FIRST BEFORE ALL THINGS. TRY TO DO AT LEAST 2-3 GOOD DEEDS DAILY IN HELPING OTHERS. THANK AND PRAY TO JESUS DAILY.

  • don shah

    quite deeply inspored. hip hip horay !!!

  • Tim

    Hello. I am lightening my load, for a few seconds. I am a liberal Christian, and feel that I have the normal stress, not an extreme amount of problems. However, no matter how much stress anyone has it IS good to stop and breath. Taking a few moments to stop and read what someone else has written, such as on Beleifnet CAN go a long way. Singing to your self, and humming in the car goes a LONG way, as well. God bless us, and the U.S.A!

  • Lourdes

    I am quite relieved with the idea you gave. I am a very sentimental person. When I love somebody, I never wanted to leave him and likewise I dont want him to leave me. I hope I can do the things you have mentioned so that I may go on with my life. I am successful in my career but my being a sentimental person affects my career. The words “GO ON WITH MY LIFE” and forget the past is of course the best thing to do. I will work on it….

  • Barb L

    A friend of mine and I decided we were sick of the cold here in NY and this past weekend went to see Horton Hears A Who and we laughed till our stomachs hurt! We are both in our 50′s and enjoyed the movie far more than the kids in the audience! The laughing did us a world of good and it took away the winter blahs! We all get so caught up in our daily grinds at time and we just need to laugh more!

  • Connie

    Simplify and don’t forget to get rid of the clutter…all the negative stuff we so carefully cling to. Pile your thoughts into three baskets, the garbage basket, the I don’t know basket, and the keep forever basket. Get rid of the garbage right away. Pray on the I don’t know basket and leave it be until you know what to do. Organize the keep basket according to priorities. Connie

  • Anonymous

    Watch Fiddler On The Roof and remember, it could be worse and It most likely is better. Let Go and Let God!!!

  • maria

    I promised after yesterday to God I was going to let go of my ex boyfriend once and for all. Today is April 1st and I made a promise I was going to try to be happy with my kids and not think of the past. I pray God gives me that strength becausse I am still so hurt and cant stop crying. Its been so painful…….i never knew how hard it was to let go of someone u truly loved with all your heart and soul…its really over and I have to move on…i just dont know how..

  • dorgordon

    Thanks for writing this interesting article.
    Indeed there is nothing as fulfilling as laughter. My mother always laughed first and then dealt with the problem after. There is really a joy in having a clear mind especially going to sleep and waking up with fresh thoughts and ideas.

  • Anonymous

    Aloha,
    I am from Hawaii, we have had lost Aloha airlines, and like the Mainland lots have lost their jobs. But when I live in the NOW, it seems that life has away of bringing in good things.
    Thanks for your thoughts, it is sunny here, surf is up, flowers are blooming, birds are singing. We all have so much to be thankful for, just need to plant some hangers to plant our veggies.

  • jeff0264

    I AGREE WITH GIVING INSTEAD OF TAKEING . i’M AT MY BEST AND GET OUT OF MY HEAD WHEN i CAN BE OF SERVICE TO ANYONE THAT i CAN. i HAVE A GOAL TO SAY HI TO THREE STRANGERS A DAY .
    i’VE MET SOME GOOD AQUANTANCES AT THE TRAIN STOP. iT’S NICE TO BE GREETED BY SOMEONE i BARELY KNOW IF MY WORK DAY IS HECTIC,.

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