Recently, one of my artist friends who became involved in meditation and Buddhism described her changing relationship to her art. “I used to paint from the I, and now that my perception is changing, so is my art.” She spoke of feeling lost for awhile, of questioning old subjects, having to re-learn how to paint. As I continue to explore both yoga and meditation, I find my relationship to my writing changing, too, and I wonder if you, fellow bloggers, find the same?
I think a lot of my writing used to stem from the desire to “bridge” parts of myself. I wrote as a process of self-discovery, as a way to look into a mirror. It was as if one part of self was writing to another, schizophrenic as that sounds. I often had the experience of not fully “getting” what I was writing until later….as if some higher self was writing to a more worldly self. I still have this experience, but less so as I get to know myself better and feel more “in communication” with my whole self in general. Maybe this stems from contemplative practices, or maybe its just getting older, but I feel more in touch with how I think and feel now in general, and don’t need to journal for pages to catch a glimpse.
A lot of my writing was also, as my friend phrased it, “from the I.” There was a lot of “getting things off my chest” of “having my say” and telling “my” story. All valid things, to possess and honor one’s own voice and story…..but sorta ego-filled, don’t cha think? Or maybe it depends on intention….
I find myself contemplating the dialog of writing more now, not just monologue. I wonder more about audience, and generally think of it more as sharing than venting. There has to be some active ego in writing or art-making in that you feel confident enough in what you say and make to believe it matters. But matters for who? For the author, for release or discovery? Or for everybody?
What drives you to write, or create art? Has it changed since you’ve begun meditating?