I posted a best/worst Christmas list last year and have decided to do another one for this year…but with all-new, culturally relevant bests and worsts. The long wait is over, friends.
Best update of How the Grinch Stole Christmas:
Sue Sylvester on this year’s Christmas episode of Glee.
Worst update of How the Grinch Stole Christmas:
How the Grinch Stole Christmas, starring Jim Carrey
Best Christmas decorating trend:
Simple white lights. Always tasteful.
Worst Christmas decorating trend:
Reindeer antlers and a red nose for your car. It’s bad enough that the Grinch did it to his dog. Please don’t do it to your Subaru Forester.
Best Christmas ornament:
One your child made in preschool, preferably with his or her face on it.
Worst Christmas ornament:
One that replaces the traditional nativity figures with snowmen, bears, owls, or other collectibles. I’ll take my Jesus fully human, please.
Best Rankin-Bass stop-motion holiday special:
Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Hermey, The Abominable, the Island of Misfit Toys, FTW!
Worst Rankin-Bass stop-motion holiday special:
Nestor, the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey. I am calling for a moratorium on stories about humble animals and/or trees who somehow find their significance by becoming part of the Christmas story. There’s enough inspiration in the story itself without adding domestic animals or vegetation to it.
Best Santa Claus Origins Story:
The life of St. Nicholas, bishop of Myra
Worst Santa Claus Origins Story:
The Santa Clause Trilogy
Best Christmas Album:
Depending on my mood, it could be one of three. Behold the Lamb of God (Andrew Peterson), Noel (Derri Daughterty, Steve Hindalong & Friends), or Songs for Christmas (Sufjan Stevens). Go ahead and mock me for my hipsterish ways, but that Sufjan Christmas album is awesome.
Worst Christmas Album:
Christmas on Death Row, by various Death Row records artists. I’m no rap hater, but when Christmas rolls around, I’m not looking for gangsta lyrics by Snoop-Dogg about Santa’s difficulties delivering gifts in the ghetto. I’m just not. Also, the words “Silent Night [Explicit]” should never appear together, ever.
Best Christmas Cultural Trend:
Concern for the poor.
Worst Christmas Cultural Trend:
Concern for whether or not a retail establishment says “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Holidays.”
Your turn. Submit your favorite Best/Worst Christmas combination. Or argue with mine. Unless your argument is about the validity of Christmas on Death Row, in which case: don’t bother. For shizzle.