O Me of Little Faith

O Me of Little Faith


Celestial Soul Portraits

posted by Jason Boyett

First, please look at this photo:

I know what you’re thinking: Can this photo even be improved? Clearly it is awesome already, what with the guy’s mullet perm, floppy hippie shirt, super-masculine power violin stance, and absence of feet. Also there’s the fact that he’s clearly playing his weird little violin in a barnyard.

This photo is already perfect on so many levels.

But what you don’t know is that it can be better. SO much better. For starters, let’s take the guy out of the barnyard and put him in a tropical rain forest. Then let’s put not one but two halos on his head, because he’s more than saintly. He’s bi-saintly. Also, that baggy shirt is a little dreary, don’t you think? Let’s make it glow in the dark.

AND, instead of playing and power-stancing in front an empty field of clover, let’s pretend he’s playing to a translucent fairy. Or that a translucent fairy is coming into creation by the sheer majesty of his music. Or something.

Let’s do those things, because doing those things will make the photo a whole lot more interesting. See?

Sweet Noah’s rainbow, that is one freaky portrait. But an artist named Erial Ali will gladly take your dull, uninteresting portrait and give it the fairy rainbow treatment in order to capture the essence of your celestial soul. They are called, appropriately enough, Celestial Soul Portraits, and you can see more Celestial Soul Portraits right here.

The artist makes these “soul portraits,” by the way, after “tuning into you” in order to “get your unique essence.”

Apparently, some subjects’ unique essence involves laser beams erupting from their foreheads, or the presence of mystical light-emitting scepters. I am not making this up. Please visit this site so you can see them for yourself. You will owe me one.

Disclaimer: I always get in trouble when I make fun of art. Art is subjective, I know.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I know.

Don’t mock the authentic expression of someone’s heart, I know.

Snark is not becoming of you, I know.

But I am just a man. My inner discipline only goes so far. Any time your heart expresses itself via a business that involves Photoshopping trippy rainbows and fairies into photographs — and you call this somehow spiritual product “soul portraits” — then you are just asking for trouble.

If, by “trouble,” you mean “mockery.”

Now, please excuse me. I need to go out in the clover field to summon my personal fairy by playing my harmonica, and my Yanni shirt is at the cleaners.

—————

(H/T to Nate for knowing me so well he felt compelled to send me this link.)



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Comments read comments(11)
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Matt

posted December 2, 2009 at 9:11 am


For $150, you could have the painting of Jesus sharing his arm with the drug addict (more?) celestialized. I'd chip in.



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shueytexas

posted December 2, 2009 at 9:19 am


Pretty sure that violin player was one of Dr. DeVoe's fencing students.(Inside joke, people. Won't happen again. Nothing to see here.)



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Lauree

posted December 2, 2009 at 9:22 am


this is not "the authentic expression of someone's heart" this is someone making money off of people who need a mystical, external proof of a spiritual life. i am sure that sounds really intolerant…..



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Muddled Mawkishness and Murky Musings

posted December 2, 2009 at 10:45 am


ROTFL! ROTFL! ROTFL! You are so right. Some things just /beg/ to be mocked. I think the artwork is cool but I hardly think someone can "read your soul" over the internet. I don't really believe people could read my soul even after meeting me once. I think my husband comes the closest to reading my soul and we've been together since 1993. I would actually be offended if this artist attempted to "read my soul". I'll stop now and let someone else post.



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Lisa DeLay

posted December 2, 2009 at 11:07 am


Oh dear.If you were joking this would be pretty funny-but SO over the top. Since it's real. I'm just…well, mesmerized. By, it's incredible awesomeness. But, honestly, and I'm being serious here. Why isn't a Liger in the picture? (Lion/Tiger with magical powers.) This musician was ROBBED.



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Reid Klos

posted December 2, 2009 at 1:43 pm


Wow! The only thing missing from Iasos pic (example number 5) is a head shot of Obama in a think cloud.



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Rick G

posted December 3, 2009 at 9:12 am


This will haunt my dreams. Preciate it.



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J

posted December 7, 2009 at 3:32 am


No, i got on to you for being snobbish about Stephen's work, but this? Some smart cookie claiming to see someone with some dough's "soul"? Snarkworthy.



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John Armstrong

posted December 7, 2009 at 1:59 pm


I think your faithful readers should take up a collection and let you get your own soul portrait made. Hmmmm, what would a Jason Boyett soul portrait look like?



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Jason Boyett

posted December 7, 2009 at 2:02 pm


@john: I would REALLY love to know. Because I'm pretty sure it would involve 1) unicorns and 2) rainbow lasers emitting from my fingertips.



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j

posted December 13, 2009 at 6:55 am


Flaming Lips?



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