O Me of Little Faith

O Me of Little Faith


Apocalypse Alert: Total Eclipse of the Sun

posted by Jason Boyett

In case you didn’t know, the start of the apocalypse might have occurred earlier today when parts of the eastern hemisphere (including China and India) experienced a full solar eclipse. Like Dick Cheney, eclipses have long been considered harbingers of doom. This one is particularly a big deal — the longest one of the 21st century. We won’t see one this long again until 2132. I personally can’t wait until that one arrives. Neither can Dick Cheney.

Worth noting:

Hindu mythology is suspicious of solar eclipses. If by “suspicious” you mean it is believed that eclipses occur when the demons Rahu and Ketu swallow the sun. This is bad news. Not only does it plunge the world into demonic darkness, but it turns food inedible and water undrinkable. Also, those are some really huge demons. Shudder.

Hindu mythology also suggests pregnant women stay indoors during an eclipse, to keep their babies from developing eclipsey birth defects.

Another good idea during a solar eclipse? Fasting and ritual bathing. Thousands of Hindus took a dip in the river Ganges today, just to be safe.

Only it’s not safe when that ritual bath turns into a 2,500-person stampede like the one at Varanasi, on one of the river’s banks. A 65-year-old woman was killed and several others injured.

In other not-safe news, Mumbai astrologer Raj Kumar Sharma predicted a violent attack on Indian soil as a result of the eclipse, along with the possibility of a devastating natural disaster in Southeast Asia. But Raj Kumar Sharma has always been something of a gloombucket.

That is the first time in my life I have ever used the word “gloombucket,” which I made up just now. I love that word, though. I am going to start using it a lot, and I encourage you to join me.

According to my neighbor, Skip, an eclipse is something God does to the sky when he tests out a giant new hole punch. Skip is clinically insane, though, so I don’t believe him.

Chinese tradition explains an eclipse with stories about a heavenly dog eating the sun. From CNN: “As the story goes, people would make noise to scare off the dog and rescue the sun, said Bill Yeung, president of the Hong Kong Astronomical Society.” This might explain why Skip was shouting and waving around maracas today in his backyard.

The Shanghai zoo put up special lights today to keep zoo animals from being too freaked out by the sudden darkness. My question is why didn’t they do this yesterday, before the giant dog ate the sun?

Enjoy this eclipse day, even though nothing happens at all here on the western side of the earth. Either way, tonight I’m going to turn on the lights, turn up my stereo, watch out for stampedes, and take a dip in the holy Prairie Dog Town Fork of the Red River, just to be extra cautious. Me and Skip.

I implore all you gloombuckets to join us.



Advertisement
Comments read comments(4)
post a comment
Sheila

posted July 22, 2009 at 3:58 pm


Just wanted to let you know thata) the eclipse was last night (about 8:50 pm EST)b) many people wont like the fact that you spoke about Dick Cheney in this way…LOL



report abuse
 

Jason Boyett

posted July 22, 2009 at 4:02 pm


a) Last night, sure, but still July 22 on that side of the world. So it happened today, by technicality.b) Especially Dick Cheney, who has always been sort of a gloombucket in his feelings about this blog.



report abuse
 

Serenity

posted July 23, 2009 at 3:01 pm


I do indeed love the word gloombucket. I can think of so many times this is going to come in handy. It reminds me of bucket dipper, which my son called me once because I had told him no about something, thereby dipping into his bucket of happiness, which he had learned about from a children's book that week in school.



report abuse
 

Ann

posted July 24, 2009 at 4:21 pm


darn I totally missed it, now I feel like a total gloombucket. And I might add I like skip's theory



report abuse
 

Post a Comment

By submitting these comments, I agree to the beliefnet.com terms of service, rules of conduct and privacy policy (the "agreements"). I understand and agree that any content I post is licensed to beliefnet.com and may be used by beliefnet.com in accordance with the agreements.



Previous Posts

More blogs to enjoy!!!
Thank you for visiting O Me Of Little Faith. This blog is no longer being updated. Please enjoy the archives. Here are some other blogs you may also enjoy: Red Letters with Tom Davis Recent prayer post on Prayables Most Recent Inspiration blog post Happy Reading!

posted 2:25:22pm Aug. 27, 2012 | read full post »

Farewell, O Me of Little Faith
You said you had a big announcement coming today. What is it? The announcement is this: Right now you are reading the final post on this blog. Ever. Ever? Ever. So you're shutting this blog down? Well, I'm going to stop writing any new posts for it. But the blog will still be here. Th

posted 6:11:49am Jun. 01, 2011 | read full post »

My Introvert Interview
On Monday, author Adam McHugh delivered a guest post about the "snarling 8-headed monster" of the writing process. Today I return the favor -- sort of -- via an interview at his blog, Introverted Church. We talk about how my introverted personality has impacted my faith and doubt, and how the extrov

posted 3:05:36pm May. 25, 2011 | read full post »

Harold Camping: "Invisible Judgment Day"
When the rapture didn't occur as predicted on May 21, 2011, Harold Camping had a few options. Here is how he could have responded to the failed prediction, in descending levels of crazy: 1. He could announce that he was wrong. This is the most reasonable option and was therefore unexpected. I wou

posted 9:06:24am May. 24, 2011 | read full post »

The Phases of Writing (Adam McHugh)
If you've ever felt out of place among all the exciting, expressive, emotional enthusiasm of a contemporary church service...or an evangelist's demands that you need to constantly be sharing your faith boldly to strangers...if it simply wipes you out to be surrounded by people all the time,  then y

posted 7:46:00am May. 23, 2011 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.