Sometimes you just need to get things off your chest. I’ve done it before, and now I’m doing it again. Don’t hate me, blog readers. Admire me for my transparency:
1. I sleep with a body pillow. If you ask about its purpose, I’ll tell you it help keep my lower back from hurting in the morning. But there’s the possibility that my pillow is cool, and soft, and maybe I just like to hug something when I sleep.
2. When my wife and I installed a new microwave a few years ago, we opened it, admired its gleaming white interior, and committed to each other that we would keep the inside of that microwave pristine. We have been remarkably successful. I never gave a thought to the cleanliness of anyone’s microwaves before that. But now? I will totally judge you if the inside of your microwave is nasty with splatters, bits of food, and muck. Disgusting.
3. I wear my iPod when I work out. You might think I’m listening to cool music to keep that adrenaline going as I sweat. But you’re wrong. I’m probably listening to NPR.
4. I once stole a key blank from a K-Mart in New Mexico while on a fishing trip with my dad. It’s because the key blank was blue! Blue! And so shiny! That theft haunted me for most of my childhood.
5. I know a lot of Hannah Montana songs. A LOT. Not as well as I know the High School Musical songbook, but still…
6. I experience the following types of envy on a regular basis: bestselling book envy; Don Miller envy; I-wish-I-had-thought-of-that-book-concept envy; “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me” panelist envy; massive Twitter following envy; lots of blog comments envy; and ability-to-juggle-bowling-pins envy.
7. Outwardly I’m really proud that my 9 year-old daughter is interested right now in creating signs and other artsy documents using Microsoft Word. She’s becoming a graphic designer! Inwardly, I’m annoyed at her font selection. Comic Sans again?
8. My wife and I have watched every season of Survivor. I always think I’d be a good contestant on the show, because I can be a very convincing liar. I think it might be wrong, however, to take pride in your ability to lie. That’s like two layers of sin all at once. It’s the double cheeseburger of iniquity.
9. I don’t hunt. It doesn’t bother me if you hunt animals for food, but I’m not sympathetic to the idea of killing animals for sport. However, I love to flyfish. On backpacking trips, I eat the fish I catch, but mostly I release them back into the river. I’m really careful not to harm the delicate trout, you see — and I really hope the scientific studies about fish being unable to feel pain are true. But who knows? I might be a major hypocrite for catching and/or pestering fish for sport.
10. Once, as a preteen, I was skinny-dipping with my male cousins in a lake (during daylight) when a canoe-full of Girl Scouts — they were our age — paddled up and began talking to us while we treaded water. I’m pretty sure they didn’t know we were naked, but I’m not absolutely certain.
Confess your own sins or oddities in the comments below. Because confession is good for the soul. And also it’s fun to read.
Other personal confessions you might find interesting: