O Me of Little Faith

A person could take this pants thing too far. Really, really far, and then it would get annoying. So this is the last time, I promise.

What if you took a single word in, for instance, one of those really crazy sadistic statements made by Jack Bauer during an episode of “24”? And what if you replaced that word with pants? You would get something like this, and you would love it:

Day 1:

+ Do you know how many people lost their pants today because you were doing your job?!

+ You probably don’t think I could force this towel down your pants, but trust me I can. All the way.

Day 2:

+ That’s the problem with people like you, George. You want results, but you never want to get your pants dirty.

+ I can make you die with more pants than you ever imagined.

Day 3:

+ A few years ago, my wife was killed because of my pants. My daughter has never been the same since.

+ Nina Myers killed my wife, and they let her go. And she would have killed my daughter if I hadn’t gotten pants when I did.

+ You have no idea how far I’m willing to go to acquire your pants.

Day 4:

+ Make a sound and I will blow your pants out all over the windshield.

Day 5:

+ Understand this Bill, I don’t work for you. You want my pants, fine. But I’m doing this my way.

+ The first thing I’m going to do is take out your right eye, and then I’m gonna move over and take out your left, and then I’m going to cut you. I’m gonna keep cutting you until you give me the pants that I need.

+ Trust me, you do not wanna go down this road with pants.

+ Anything less then Bierko’s pants on a plate and the deal is off.

+ No pants, Christopher. I don’t need another reason to put a bullet in your brain.

Day 6:

+ The only reason I fought so hard to stay alive in China was because I didn’t want to die for nothing…today I can die for something. My pants, my choice.

+ You make one sound and I will rip your pants out. Are we clear?

+ Your brother was responsible for dozens of deaths. You’re now responsible for thousands. Trust me, I haven’t even begun to enjoy pants.

+ I’ve been exactly where you are. I know exactly how you feel. But you’re gonna have to trust me on this. You do not wanna live with the pain of taking another person’s pants even if you think they deserve it.

+ I’m not interested in what you think this country owes me. I want my pants back.

Day 7 (so far):

+ The people that I deal with, they don’t care about your pants. All they care about is a result.

+ But please do not sit there with that smug look on your face and expect me to regret the pants I have made. Because, sir, the truth is I don’t.

+ The DOJ is about to file criminal charges against me. I’m not exactly in a position to help you with your pants.

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