O Me of Little Faith

Yesterday’s post was pretty serious, so let’s lighten it up today with a more frivolous topic and a borderline case of TMI. Bryan — bless his little Yankee heart — challenged me with another edition of How I Roll.

I was conflicted about answering these very personal questions, but decided to bite the bullet and go ahead.

1. Let’s start with showering. How many days per month do you NOT shower?

Zero days a month. I shower every day. There are certain days, like Saturdays and Sundays, where I’m doing stuff at home or dirty work outside and I don’t actually shower until later in the day. But I usually have out-in-public activities in the evenings (church on Saturday night, for instance) that require me to practice basic personal hygiene. So the only days each year I do not shower are those days when I am backpacking. And even then, I end up going for a swim in a mountain lake.

2. Do you shave with an electric razor or a blade? And how often?

Electric razor every other day to clean up my neck. I use an electric beard-trimmer to trim my beard once a week…usually every Saturday. This is so I can keep a Chris Tomlin-esque amount of stubble on my face at all times. This is also because I am lazy.

3. Do you have any product loyalties with dental products?

Not especially. I’ll use just about any regular toothbrush, although the last time I went toothbrush-shopping I picked up one of those straight, flat 99-cent ones at the grocery store and it was like brushing my teeth with a shoehorn covered in carpet. So now I’ll spend the extra dollar or two for an angled one with fancy appendages. But I don’t care too much about brands. As for toothpaste, right now I like the Colgate gel with little flecks of chopped-up breath freshener strips in it. Because it makes my mouth feel all tingly and fresh. But I’m not too picky.

Rarely do I floss. That’s awful, I know. But it’s just so troublesome.

4. Any other product loyalties?

Not really. I use Vive Pro for Men Daily Thickening Shampoo for Thinning Hair. Because I have thinning hair. I’m not sure the shampoo is supposed to help this problem, but I like the idea of the “innovative Regenium XY formula” fortifying my hair from root to end all day long. One time I thought I felt it working, but it turns out a fly had landed on my bald spot. Am I loyal to it? No. Hotel room shampoo pretty much does the same thing.

I use Right Guard Xtreme Ultra Gel Deodorant. Aroma? “Energy.” I’ve always wondered what “energy” smelled like, and as soon as Right Guard made that clear, I just had to put some of that fresh-smelling energy in my armpits. Also I like the fact that it’s “xtreme” — in fact, it’s so extreme it doesn’t even need that first E — and the product’s advertising seems to indicate that I’ll still smell like a fresh alpine meadow (or, rather, “energy”) even while playing basketball or rock-climbing. And that’s important to me. Am I loyal to it? No. Except when rock-climbing.

We use some kind of Lever 2000 soap. But again, I don’t really care. Hotel soap is fine by me. But if given the choice, I will always go with a soap that’s either 1) extreme; or 2) thickens my hair. By the way: I’ve counted, and I still can’t figure out where they’re getting that “all your 2000 body parts” number, unless you count internal organs, and I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to soap those up.

5. The Biggie: Do you Soap or Shampoo first in the shower?

The first thing I reach for in the shower is the soap. Shampoo is for later. I’m not sure why, but it would definitely feel weird to wash my hair first. Xtreme, even.

That’s all.

Bryan: You’re welcome.

OK, now it’s your turn to join in the outright narcissism of answering personal questions that no one cares about. How do you roll when it comes to personal hygiene?

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