O Me of Little Faith

Just in case any of you are aspiring to the life of freelance writing because you think it’s a totally glam occupation full of interesting projects, here’s a list of some of the topics I’ve gotten paid to write about lately.

Childhood Obesity (Did you know more than 25 percent of Texas children are obese? Put that Wii down, kids, and go play some real tennis.)

Nutrition for Old People (Tell your grandparents that experts recommend a low-fat, low-cholesterol diet that contains plenty of antioxidants, vitamins C, E, and B-12, and omega-3 fatty acids. Just so you’ll know.)

Things You Should NOT Blog About (This was for a singles magazine. Thing #1: Don’t give out too much personal information. Brilliant!)

How to Buy a Used Car (FYI: Acura, Honda, Lexus, Toyota, and Subaru are known for having better-than-average reliability.)

A Mulching Tractor That Cuts Down Unwanted Scrub Brush on Ranchland (This was more exciting than it sounds because it was the voiceover for a video script, and because that tractor thing could turn a tree-sized shrub into mulch in about ten seconds.)

Sometimes my wife looks at me funny when I make random statements about the environmental impact of salt cedars on a Texas ranch’s watershed, or about the virtues of eating fish three times a week when you hit 60. She thinks I’m just a font of useless information. But she’s wrong.

I’m just a freelance writer. I get paid to write knowledgeably about all kinds of miscellaneous stuff.

So I learn about it. I write about it. Once I’m finished, those facts stay in my head about three days, during which I take advantage of every opportunity to warn my children about the increasing risk of diabetes among inactive kids in Texas. Then I forget everything I learned and move on to the next project.

I’m a freelancer. That’s how I roll.

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