Just in case any of you are aspiring to the life of freelance writing because you think it’s a totally glam occupation full of interesting projects, here’s a list of some of the topics I’ve gotten paid to write about lately.
• Childhood Obesity (Did you know more than 25 percent of Texas children are obese? Put that Wii down, kids, and go play some real tennis.)
• Nutrition for Old People (Tell your grandparents that experts recommend a low-fat, low-cholesterol diet that contains plenty of antioxidants, vitamins C, E, and B-12, and omega-3 fatty acids. Just so you’ll know.)
• Things You Should NOT Blog About (This was for a singles magazine. Thing #1: Don’t give out too much personal information. Brilliant!)
• How to Buy a Used Car (FYI: Acura, Honda, Lexus, Toyota, and Subaru are known for having better-than-average reliability.)
• A Mulching Tractor That Cuts Down Unwanted Scrub Brush on Ranchland (This was more exciting than it sounds because it was the voiceover for a video script, and because that tractor thing could turn a tree-sized shrub into mulch in about ten seconds.)
Sometimes my wife looks at me funny when I make random statements about the environmental impact of salt cedars on a Texas ranch’s watershed, or about the virtues of eating fish three times a week when you hit 60. She thinks I’m just a font of useless information. But she’s wrong.
I’m just a freelance writer. I get paid to write knowledgeably about all kinds of miscellaneous stuff.
So I learn about it. I write about it. Once I’m finished, those facts stay in my head about three days, during which I take advantage of every opportunity to warn my children about the increasing risk of diabetes among inactive kids in Texas. Then I forget everything I learned and move on to the next project.
I’m a freelancer. That’s how I roll.