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O Me of Little Faith

People like lists. I’m a blogger of the people. So here you go…

25 Ways to Tell If You’re a Dork

1. You find yourself silently inserting the phrase “…weeeeeeth a herring!” at the end of any command beginning with the words “You must…”

2. You could tell me not only what movie the above phrase came from, but you could also quote the command that proceeded it.

3. You have a profoundly negative opinion of Scrappy-Doo.

4. You know the actual words behind the acronyms TIFF, EPS, HTML, and JPEG. And this makes you feel superior to the ignorant people who don’t.

5. You just found yourself wondering about the fantasy baseball implications of Max Scherzer’s recent call-up and addition to the Diamondbacks rotation.

6. In your mind, if not aloud, you like to refer to Anglican theologian N.T. Wright as “The Bish.”

7. You have boasted, in a public forum, about your ability to perform tricks on a trampoline.

8. You have inadvertently used the word “frak” as a pseudo curse word, because you watch way too much Battlestar Galactica.

9. You often find yourself suggesting to your kids that they get out their Legos, because you personally enjoy making stuff out of Legos than doing just about anything else.

10. You know most of the words to all of the songs on both High School Musical soundtracks.

11. …and some of the dance moves, too.

12. You have a blog. You often check how many people are reading your blog. And this is important to you.

13. You were using a Mac on a daily basis in 1994, before anyone thought it was cool. And this is important to you.

14. You find yourself randomly quoting dialogue from shows like “30 Rock” or “Arrested Development” or even “Friends,” and feeling a profound sense of shared experience when people get it, and an empowering sense of cultural superiority when they don’t.

15. It annoys you when people don’t use the word “blog” properly. Like when they say, “I wrote four blogs last week” when they should have said “I wrote four blog posts last week” or “I posted four times on my blog last week.” Because seriously, don’t they know?

16. You have almost resorted to physical violence over grammatical miscues like their/there and its/it’s and your/you’re.

17. You have been annoyed at another person’s inability to perform efficient, accurate Google searches.

18. You have encountered another person riding a bike while on your own bike, and they were going a little slower than you, and you were going to pass them anyway but you started pedaling a lot harder right before you passed him or her as if to say, “Check out my impressive rate of speed!”

19. You jog the half-mile from your house to the gym and then pass judgment on the people slaving away on the treadmills who probably drove their SUVs to the gym, because had they jogged like you they could have saved a) time on the treadmill; b) gas; and c) the planet. And then you feel bad about being so judgmental and full of yourself.

20. You alluded to the “Book of Kells” at lunch today at Whataburger for pretty much no other reason than to stun your lunch companion with some random nugget of Church history.

21. …and then you mentioned it on your blog for the same reason.

22. You can hear the phrase “#16 Prince Bead-Head Nymph” and know exactly what that means and what it looks like.

23. You can remember the Chicago Cubs 1988 opening day lineup, but can’t remember to do something your wife asked you to do this morning.

24. You can name all eight members of the Fat Albert gang. And you have a favorite.

25. You write a list like this and every single entry applies to you.

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