O Me of Little Faith

The apocalypse is near, and it might be starting in Stephenville, Texas. According to a surprising variety of reports — including eyewitness accounts from a local law officer and a pilot — a large, silent, hovering metallic flying object has been sighted in recent days above this small Texas town, located southwest of the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex. It was flying “low and fast,” according to the AP story, and had bright lights that kept changing configuration. (Probably LEDs.)

Money quote: “People wonder what in the world it is because this is the Bible Belt, and everyone is afraid it’s the end of times,” said Steve Allen, a freight company owner and pilot who said the object he saw last week was a mile long and half a mile wide. “It was positively, absolutely nothing from these parts.”

That’s a pretty big mother ship.

Just for kicks, I get separate Google Alerts for news stories that contain “Bible” and for stories containing apocalypse-related language. This story tripped both alerts, thanks to Mr. Allen’s theory that alien ships in the Bible Belt may be harbingers of the End of the World. There’s nothing specifically about spacecraft in the book of Revelation, but you could probably tweak several of the more bizarre metaphors — the deadly locusts with human faces, lion teeth, horse bodies, womanly hair and scorpion-like stingers could easily refer to UFOs, right? — in order to project an Independence Day scenario into the biblical account of the Apocalypse.

And didn’t Ezekiel see some flying saucers, too?

One important detail I forgot to mention: According to the AP story, at one point, the UFO may have even had fighter jets chasing it. The ship has been sighted several times, by several people. Officials think it was probably just a commercial jet. Because the sun can play tricks on you — the kind of tricks where a Southwest Airlines jet suddenly looks like a mile-long, saucer-shaped, color-changing metallic disc being chased by military aircraft. You know how the sun can be: all glare-y and super-tricky.

If sightings of Will Smith in military fatigues begin to pop-up in Stephenville? I’m totally going there.

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