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Oh My Stars

matthew currie astrology moon in scorpio(Since The Moon is often associated with the conditions of one’s childhood, here’s Part Eight of a twelve-part series about the Moon in your birth chart — your emotional comfort zone — written from both the perspective of a standard astrological interpretation and a children’s story from the perspective of each Moon Sign. I’ll tuck you in later.)

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MOON IN SCORPIO

Moon in Scorpio has a difficult reputation among a lot of astrologers. People with this placement are often accused of being jealous, controlling, spiteful, and hard to get along with when they are annoyed. That’s unfortunate, because it isn’t your fault that people are so unfaithful, stupid, and disagreeable. It’s just lucky for everyone else that you are here to set them straight, until they either get the point or stop breathing.

People with Moon in Scorpio have deep, intense feelings. If there is anything “surface” about you at all, it’s only for the same reason that the trap-door spider hunts the way it does: it’s more efficient to let your prey come to you and then be surprised. On the positive side, people rarely have to guess how you feel about them. You can be fiercely loyal and unswerving in your opinions. You can also be fiercely unswerving to avoid a collision with someone who is aiming for the same parking spot you had your eye on.

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THE MOON IN SCORPIO STORY

“M-m-my, wh-what b-big eyes y-you have,” The Big Bad Wolf stuttered nervously as the red pinpoint of the laser sight danced on his chest.

“That’s right… “Granny,” Little Red Riding Hood said. “And what are you going to do with them?”
“I — I’m going to… see you with them?” The Wolf hazarded.

“No!” Little Red shouted as she slapped the Wolf across the face. “you’re going to use them to find the kitchen. There, you will cough up Grandma, and you’re going to bake us cookies. Lots of cookies. And you’re going to do it until you get it right!”

The Wolf sobbed. “Isn’t some Woodsman supposed to come in at this point and end my suffering?” The Wolf whimpered.

“Change of plans, Wolfie,” Red said. “He tried to hold me back on the way over here. He won’t be going ANYWHERE for a while…”

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matthew currie astrology amy schumerComedian Amy Schumer released a special on Netflix on March 7th, and the reviews are either pretty good or incredibly bad — dependent, it seems, on whether or not you buy into what the trolls are saying.

As first reported by Splitsider.com, The Leather Special (which debuted on March 7th) accumulated a surprising avalanche of viewer ratings soon after it became first available. Unlike previous efforts by Schumer, the large majority of ratings were negative: as of four days ago, it had received 33 five star reviews and a whopping 710 one star reviews.

It turns out that this is apparently the result of a co-ordinated effort among a small but dedicated group of internet trolls, specifically those found in groups which are often called “Alt-Right.” If you aren’t familiar with the people who describe themselves in these terms — well, it’s too complicated for me to get into here. But if you are a woman or know any or actually like them or perhaps your mother or daughter is/was one, then you should educate yourself about these people.

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Comedians, like comedic tastes, are pretty individualistic. They aren’t the kind of people to readily shut up: after all, talking is the main component of the job. Another part of the job is handling hecklers. Amy Schumer (born June 1, 1981, time unknown, New York, New York) has sold out venues around the world with her comedy and has been known to verbally eviscerate hecklers. Given that she has a very close Mars in Taurus-Uranus in Scorpio opposition in her birth chart, we should perhaps be thankful that it’s only the deserving who have experienced her wrath.

This also raises the question of where “humor” comes from in a birth chart, and again, it’s complicated. Certainly the condition of Mercury and the Third House of the birth chart are factors (unfortunately, without a time of birth, we don’t know which planet rules Amy’s Third House), at least when it comes to communicating a joke.

Jupiter is traditionally associated with humor. In fact, the Ancient Roman alternate name for Jupiter (Jove) is where we get the word “jovial” from. And in his Jokes and Their Relation to the Unconscious, Sigmund Freud theorized that humor is related to what is otherwise being repressed, and thus can be considered a Mars function — a joke is just an observation of something being held back that had to fight its way through to be expressed.

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We can see both from Amy’s actions and her birth chart that she’s more than capable of putting some badly-behaved boys in their place, but astrologically those factors in the birth chart are only part of the story. We also need to ask about the timing involved.

Normally when we’re looking at transits affecting public image and career issues, we need to look at the Midheaven and its ruler, and the transits they are experiencing. In Amy’s case, we are at a disadvantage because we don’t know her time of birth, which determines these things. Nonetheless, there were some distinct transits happening this month for her that could indicate trouble.

First of all, transiting Jupiter is closely conjunct her natal Pluto. A Jupiter transit usually brings growth, expansion, and amplification… and Pluto rules a lot of very deep and explosive things. If this were a mere one-time prank, isolated in scope, we might not see something this big. However, the involvement of Pluto indicates this could be a part of something bigger to come… and this is not the first time the Alt-Right have used their powerful combination of Mad Internet Skillz, Loud Compensation For An Inferiority Complex, and Too Much Spare Time to focus on women in comedy. Consider the case of last year’s female-centric remake of Ghostbusters, which gained notoriety for having the worst-rated trailer of all time on YouTube.

I haven’t seen the new Ghostbusters, but I’ve seen the trailer and there is absolutely no way it’s the worst movie trailer of all time. The reason this film got so heavily downvoted on YouTube was that the haters put their efforts behind a huge online campaign to downvote the trailer. Apparently, your childhood action figures shouldn’t be remade with vaginas. Who knew?

Is this sort of thing likely to happen again? There is an all-female remake of Ocean’s Eleven coming, and Amy Schumer’s next major film role is scheduled to be Barbie, based on the iconic Mattel toy. That film is scheduled to be released in the summer of 2018… when transiting Saturn is square Amy Schumer’s Jupiter-Saturn conjunction, transiting Uranus is square her Nodes. Thus, we can almost certainly expect to hear of Amy getting trolled again. Unless, of course, the trolls suddenly grow up and get a life.

Nah… that ain’t gonna happen.

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matthew currie astrology moon in libra(Since The Moon is often associated with the conditions of one’s childhood, here’s Part Five of a twelve-part series about the Moon in your birth chart — your emotional comfort zone — written from both the perspective of a standard astrological interpretation and a children’s story from the perspective of each Moon Sign. I’ll tuck you in later.)

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MOON IN LIBRA

Moon in Libra is sweet and kind and caring… or possibly a total pushover who can’t stand for themselves. The two are often mistaken for each other, but especially in people with this Moon placement. People tend not to have too many bad things to say about you, but sometimes that’s because you haven’t made that much of an impression one way or another. You’d think that your finer qualities would make you more appreciated by others, and that is often the case. Unfortunately, in a dog-eat-dog world, you are often appreciated in the same way a dog appreciates a slice of bacon.

You have a natural empathy with others, and this can make you indecisive. And you are likely to be accommodating enough to let others make a lot of decisions for you, whether you’re conscious of it or not. You would make a gifted speaker or activist for human rights and equality issues, if you can get over your natural urge to not rock the boat. When Moon in Libra develops control issues, it usually does so because “it’s for your own good.” Moon in Libra is often “in love with love,” which is much easier and safer than actually being in love with an actual person.

THE MOON IN LIBRA STORY

The Prince kneeled down beside the still form of the Princess and placed a single gentle kiss upon her lips. Her eyes fluttered and she awoke. “Oh, that was lovely,” she said. “Do it again.”

The Prince kissed her again. After a moment she reached up to straighten his collar. “It must have been a lot of work getting in here. Your shirt is wrinkled. And are you sure this is a good color for you? Green would have worked better with your eyes. “Do you like what I’ve done with our room? I got the drapes on sale.”

” ‘Our’ room?” The Prince asked. “What do you mean?”

“Well, of course, silly boy, we have to get married now. I want six children. You can name the odd-numbered ones if you like. And we can have the ceremony on either a Thursday or a Saturday, your choice. And of course you’ll have approval over the guest list, and the dinner…. except I really want Beef Wellington.”

“I’m sorry,” The Prince said. “What was your name again…?”

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matthew currie astrology moon in virgo(Since The Moon is often associated with the conditions of one’s childhood, here’s Part Five of a twelve-part series about the Moon in your birth chart — your emotional comfort zone — written from both the perspective of a standard astrological interpretation and a children’s story from the perspective of each Moon Sign. I’ll tuck you in later.)

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MOON IN VIRGO

Like the traditional symbol of The Virgin it is associated with, Moon in Virgo has a reputation for being cautious and modest. These qualities make it easy for others to mistakenly believe you are a cold fish, or a calculating bitch. And — usually — that is a mistake. Your mind has a fairly firm grip on how you express your feelings. Rather than gush over the ones you love, you prefer to express your innermost feelings through dietary tips, sanitary wipes, and gentle nagging. In part, this is because you are overly worried about exposing your sensitivity to others. Others may have to leap a lot of hurdles to get to know you really well, but the effort is usually worth it.

You tend to intellectualize your feelings and to compile mental lists of reason why you shouldn’t do or feel this or that. If having the appearance of self-control were a handicap, you would automatically get your own parking space everywhere you go. People with Moon in Virgo generally don’t think their homes are clean or orderly enough, even though your underwear is probably filed and indexed by age, color, and material. When you put your mind to it, you can be terribly cunning and calculating with your emotions. Fortunately you usually use this for good rather than ill. Usually.

THE MOON IN VIRGO STORY

“So you see,” Goldilocks said as she finished writing the formula out on the white board, “mixing the contents of bowls A, B, and C causes a thermal equilibrium in which all three bowls of porridge come out just right.”

Mama Bear yawned. “Can we kill her yet?” she whispered to Papa Bear.

Goldilocks continued. “Also, while you were out, I had time to review your utility bills and found some interesting patterns in your energy usage. If you will now all please refer to the graph on page twelve of the reports I’ve given you…”

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Questions about your birth chart, or astrology in general? Want to know more about my big discount on readings for new clients? Write me for details!

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