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Oh My Stars

Joan Rivers, Can We Talk About Your Birth Chart? (Updated)

posted by Matthew Currie
beliefnet astrology matthew currie joan rivers

A nip here, a tuck there, this birth chart will look good as new!

Dear Joan: I am sorry to hear about the recent incident that happened during surgery, where you went into cardiac arrest. Your daughter says you are “resting comfortably” now, which usually means “this was bad but she’s gonna be okay.” These things can happen at the best of times to any of us, but I’ll admit that I’m a little surprised that the surgery in question wasn’t cosmetic – oh Joan, you can take it. You know what I’m saying. I’ve seen 1956 Buicks that have more original parts than you do by this point. (Ba dum-bah!) I am particularly concerned though that the surgery you had was on your vocal chords. After all, being able to speak is important to anyone, but a Gemini? It’s a cliché but it’s true: you’ve got something to say. And a Gemini with Moon in Sagittarius isn’t exactly known for its quiet reserve either. I don’t think that it is any accident that you called your biography “Enter Talking.” I’m sure that at Passover dinners when you were a kid, your parents probably opened the door for the return of Elijah, and probably hoped he’d take you with him after he left.

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I tease because I love, Joan. But let’s talk about that birth chart of yours now. Can we talk? Your Sun, Mercury, and Venus are all in Gemini in the Third House. Astrologically speaking, if that’s not a recipe for “Born To Talk,” I don’t know what it is. The strange thing is though: what has really driven the talking in your life has been Mars and Jupiter, and those are the same planets that led to your sudden heart attack and respiratory arrest during surgery a few days ago. Either that or it was the shock when you realized that when the surgeon cut into you, he’d be able to count your rings and tell how old you really are. (Ba dum-bah!) You see, Joan: the emotional pressures that can be caused by the Sun-Moon opposition are fueled in your case by having Mars and Jupiter conjunct in Virgo, in a very close Square to your Sun and Moon. I admit that many people would label this combination as “abrasive.” I’m sure a few people you’ve told jokes about have thought of you that way too. But that’s okay, because at least you’ve produce some entertainment with it. This Mars-Jupiter conjunction in your birth chart was being prominently aspected when you had that surgery that went wrong. I wish you had spoken to your astrologer before you scheduled this procedure, because there are a couple of very distinct warning signs there for you here. The Sixth House of the birth chart is the general ruler of health matters, and that is where your Mars Jupiter conjunction lies. Anytime you do anything medical, Joan, you’ve got to be aware of the transits to 14–15° Virgo. One aspect but is often associated with health matters is the quincunx: a weird little aspect that can crop up and cause all sorts of unexpected problems. And sure enough, there was Uranus at 15° Aries, making the quincunx to your Mars-Jupiter conjunction. So Joan – can we talk? Seriously, listen: the next couple of years are not going to be good at all for surgery, cosmetic or otherwise. And yes, we’ve noticed you had more than your fair share of nips and tucks over the last decade. But Uranus is a slow planet, and the quincunx is a very touchy aspect, so for your own sake… let us just love you the way you are, okay? At least what’s left of you behind the silicone injections. (Ba dum-bah!) Seriously Joan. We love you, so sit down, shut up and get better… and back away from the scalpel for the next couple of years, won’t you? Thanks, Joan. You’ve been a great audience. The buffet’s open ’til 10, make sure you tip your waitress. Good night!

UPDATE: At 1:17 PM Thursday, as the transiting Moon-Pluto conjunction squared the Moon in the chart for the surgery. Joan Rivers passed away. As her daughter said in a statement:  “My mother’s greatest joy in life was to make people laugh. Although that is difficult to do right now, I know her final wish would be that we return to laughing soon.” Thanks Joan. You were great. Good night.

Want a free e-book? Sure you do! Click HERE!

Questions about your birth chart, or astrology in general? Want to know more about my big discount on readings for new clients? Want a free month of my NEW Subscription Service? Write me for details!

CLICK HERE to join the Oh My Stars Facebook Fan Page, and get exclusive content, an additional discount on a reading, more material on blog entries, AND ANOTHER free e-book!

Neptune And The Food Babe: A Venti Latte Full Of Delusion

posted by Matthew Currie

beliefnet astrology matthew currie pumpkinspicetoxins (Dear Reader: this blog entry was written as a shamanic channeling of the nature of Neptune, which rules altered states of consciousness. I began writing this article with a full tank of caffeine, and every time throughout the article when you see 

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…that means I have consumed another full cup of coffee.)

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I’m wise to your tricks, Neptune. I see you up there, hovering around in the low degrees of Pisces, the Sign you rule. You’re so slow and so quiet that sometimes it’s easy to forget you’re there. It’s especially easy now, since you aren’t involved in any major outer planet aspects like the Saturn-Uranus quincunx or the Uranus-Pluto square. Your next major outer planet transit is a square from Saturn, and that doesn’t kick in until the end of the year, so you’re easy to forget. But you’re still out there working your magic and weaving your illusions and occasionally feeding into people’s delusions. Neptune rules a lot of things, like fuzzy thinking, fears of contamination, and celebrity. Case in point: noted “food blogger” Vani Hari a.k.a. “The Food Babe.”

Hari (Born March 22, 1980, time unknown, Charlotte North Carolina) is, as you might expect from an Aries with moon in Gemini, a passionate communicator. And I’m certainly in favor of information, and I don’t doubt that a lot of the food that modern living provides us with is frankly terrible. But at the same time, The Food Babe has made a cottage industry out of spreading misinformation, and has apparently made a decent buck at it.

Case in point: The “deadly” Starbucks pumpkin spice latte. The Food Babe is responsible for disseminating a tall and delicious cup of disinformation about this product.

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If you spent much time on Facebook, you’ve noticed how real information and research can be easily replaced by a catchy infographic. I’ve fallen into that trap to at times because, let’s be honest, infographics are pretty cool, as humans we sometimes fall short when it comes to fact checking if we find something flashy that we agree with. But like a lame corporate PowerPoint presentation, they can be long on impact and short on actual usefulness or factual basis. We love these things though, and we all fall for them at times. Remember that picture of Obama taking everyone’s guns and putting them in the FEMA concentration camp (Or was it Mitt Romney squeezing the blood out of a puppy for cash? I forget) that you just loved a couple of years ago? Have you noticed that none of that stuff never really happened? And although Neptune doesn’t really rule “wealth,” you can make a decent buck feeding into someone’s preconceptions if they put their mind to it. Which brings us to The Food Babe and her fear of the Starbucks Pumpkin Latte.

Let me cut to the chase about the infographic pictured above

-Caramel Color IV, a carcinogen? Not that anyone reputable seems to have noticed. Also: “made with ammonia”? Ooh, that’s a scary sounding chemical. Never mind that just one of your kidneys alone produces far more ammonia per day than you’ll ever find in a latte.

-No real pumpkin in the ingredients? Seriously: have you ever examined the contents of a pumpkin? How are you supposed to drink that stringy goo anyway?

-Do GMOs cause cancer and inflammation? Well, darned if I’m going to brawl over GMOs here (that’s what Facebook is for!), but so far the scientific consensus seems to be “no” and “yes if you’re prone to that sort of thing, except when they actually make it better.”

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There’s a bunch of other stuff wrong with this thing, but just take my word for it.

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The Food Babe has been warning us about the hazards in some foods for years now, but it’s only in the last couple of years – since Neptune has been conjunction Mercury – that her research has gotten particularly sloppy. She went after a chemical called azodicarbonamide, now better known as “the yoga mat material,” that is used in a lot of bread products. It’s generally considered safe and is only ever used in small amounts, but Subway have voluntarily removed it based on the probably-unnecessary panic Vani Hari caused over it.

Then she pressured America’s two biggest breweries to released their complete ingredients of their beers, despite the fact that these are generally considered “trade secrets.” And – surprise! – It turns out there was nothing scary and your beer. But hey, knowledge is power and so is publicity, right?

But then there is her ridiculousness about microwave ovens. She claims that microwaves destroy nutrients, whereas in fact there are only tiny differences between the nutritional content of food microwaved and food cooked conventionally, and microwaving can actually help your food retain more nutrients than conventional cooking. Oh, she also likes to point out that microwave ovens were used by German soldiers in World War II. This is the equivalent to the argument that “if Hitler was a vegetarian, then being a vegetarian is wrong” So there! THERE!

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And no, microwaves aren’t really “radiation,” at least in the scary radioactive sense. Look it up!

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My heart feels like it’s pounding hard enough to pump maple syrup through a straw, but I’M REALLY GETTING WORK DONE TODAY YEAH!! Starbucks Starbucks Starbucks!!

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The Internet has made it faster and easier to spread disinformation than any other time in human history. Like, remember a while ago when everyone was in a panic about cyanide in their apple juice? Now it is true that apples produce cyanide naturally. But do you know how much cyanide? Here’s how you kill someone with the cyanide in apples:

1) carefully select and dry 20 pounds of apples seeds.

2) place the 20 pounds of apple seeds in a pillowcase and tie it tightly shut.

3) repeatedly smash someone in the head with the pillowcase until they are dead.

4) garnish the shattered cranium with a sprig of organic mint… which contains menthol. Menthol can be lethal to humans in doses as small as 2 g.

THAT’S how much cyanide there is in apple juice.

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Again: I appreciate the work that some do to watch out for the potential problems in our foods. But please, Vani… heed your astrologer’s warning and spend the next couple of years doing extra research before you start spreading opinions about how deadly something may be. Neptune is going to be on your Mercury for a long time, and there could be bigger embarrassments coming for you yet. YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL MAKING PUBLIC PRONOUNCEMENTS UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF NEPTUNE.

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YYYYEEEAAAAAHHHH!!!!

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Want a free e-book? Sure you do! Click HERE!

Questions about your birth chart, or astrology in general? Want to know more about my big discount on readings for new clients? Want a free month of my NEW Subscription Service? Write me for details!

CLICK HERE to join the Oh My Stars Facebook Fan Page, and get exclusive content, an additional discount on a reading, more material on blog entries, AND ANOTHER free e-book!

Your Moon Astrology Forecast For September 2014

posted by Matthew Currie
Finally... clear-cut directions from an astrologer!

Finally… clear-cut directions from an astrologer!

(Finally — a practical astrology forecast that EVERYONE can use, regardless of their Sign! Make sure you bookmark this page and come back — it could be the most useful thing I’ve written all month!)

What, it’s September already? Jeez, where did August go? Oh right… it got eaten by the Mars-Saturn conjunction. Things are bound to lighten up for a lot of us in September: the Saturn-Uranus quincunx is losing its grip, Neptune isn’t doing anything too crazy, and the Uranus-Pluto square is relatively calm. Jupiter trine Uranus brings some innovative hope, and much of the scary stuff you could fret over is still there but not so obvious (CLICK HERE for details).

Below is a listing for Void Of Course (VOC) Moon times and dates for the month of September  (if you’re unfamiliar with how useful the VOC Moon concept is, click here for more information).

During the times listed, it is best to avoid starting or finishing any major projects or making important decisions. Click here for more info on what you can do during a Void of Course Moon to maximize your results.

Make sure you print this off and keep a copy. Once you’ve had a chance to see for yourself how powerful and useful a concept the VOC Moon really is, you’ll understand the true power of applied astrology. Just imagine: everyone else at work will be in a rush to get month-end started and you’ll be sitting there surfing astrology blogs, and everyone will be all “dude, Month End is due!” and you’ll be all “not now, Moon’s Void” and they’ll think you’re going to get yourself fired. But then you start and finish Month End at the right time and they’ll all suck, and you’ll get promoted and then you can rearrange their desks any way you want — especially Mandy’s because you just know she’s the one who’s always finishing the coffee without starting a new pot. And there you’ll be, lording it over them all and watching Mandy quietly sob in the corner with her view blocked by the pillar, right under that stain in the ceiling where it leaks every November.

Chew on THAT, Mandy.

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Note: Times are for time zone 5 hours West. DST is observed. Painfully long VOC Moons are marked with **
Sep 1, 2014 11:40 AM Moon sextile Mercury V/C
Sep 1, 2014 1:17 PM Moon enters Sagittarius

(Sept.2 – Mercury enters Libra)

Sep 3, 2014 2:06 PM Moon trine Venus V/C
Sep 3, 2014 6:15 PM Moon enters Capricorn
Sep 5, 2014 11:08 AM Moon sextile Mars V/C **

(Venus enters Virgo)

Sep 5, 2014 7:59 PM Moon enters Aquarius
Sep 7, 2014 1:19 PM Moon square Mars V/C
Sep 7, 2014 7:47 PM Moon enters Pisces

(September 8: Full Moon in Pisces, also known as “The Harvest Moon.” it’s conjunct Neptune, so what you might end up harvesting is a bumper crop of The Weird.)

Sep 9, 2014 3:09 PM Moon trine Mars V/C
Sep 9, 2014 7:33 PM Moon enters Aries
Sep 10, 2014 8:58 PM Moon conjunct Uranus V/C **
Sep 11, 2014 9:17 PM Moon enters Taurus
Sep 13, 2014 9:31 AM Sun trine Moon V/C **
Sep 14, 2014 2:26 AM Moon enters Gemini
Sep 15, 2014 10:05 PM Sun square Moon V/C
Sep 16, 2014 11:24 AM Moon enters Cancer
Sep 18, 2014 2:38 PM Sun sextile Moon V/C
Sep 18, 2014 11:10 PM Moon enters Leo
Sep 21, 2014 12:33 AM Moon sextile Mercury V/C
Sep 21, 2014 11:54 AM Moon enters Virgo

(Sept. 22: Sun enters Libra, Pluto goes direct. Is this a relationship or a hostage-taking?)

Sep 23, 2014 8:15 AM Moon conjunct Venus V/C **
Sep 23, 2014 11:59 PM Moon enters Libra

(Sept. 24: New Moon in Libra, square Pluto. Okay, so maybe it IS a hostage-taking.)

(September 25: Jupiter trine Uranus: Be brilliant, be your own hostage negotiator, sign a lucrative book deal about it afterwards!)

Sep 26, 2014 8:39 AM Moon conjunct Mercury V/C
Sep 26, 2014 10:29 AM Moon enters Scorpio

(September 27: Mercury enters Scorpio.)

Sep 28, 2014 4:30 PM Moon sextile Venus V/C

Sep 28, 2014 6:50 PM Moon enters Sagittarius

Sep 29, 2014 11:29 PM Moon trine Jupiter V/C

(Venus enters Libra and suddenly everything is 1000% better LOL j/k)

Oct 1, 2014 12:41 AM Moon enters Capricorn

Want a free e-book? Sure you do! Click HERE!

Questions about your birth chart, or astrology in general? Want to know more about my big discount on readings for new clients? Want a free month of my NEW Subscription Service? Write me for details!

CLICK HERE to join the Oh My Stars Facebook Fan Page, and get exclusive content, an additional discount on a reading, more material on blog entries, AND ANOTHER free e-book!

Your Soulmate Situation Sucks II: Soulmates Are For Suckers!

posted by Matthew Currie

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(CLICK HERE for Part One, “The Astrology Of Why Your Soulmate Situation Sucks”)

Dear JM:

I would like to thank you for your comments on Facebook about my recent blog entry concerning soulmates. I know it may seem odd to some that I am thanking you, because you began with “This was horrible. It should read: Why does your soulmate situation suck? Because you should be working on yourself and not looking for some imaginary partner to come and liberate you from your loneliness or your fears. But I guess that wouldn’t sell astrology consultations or books.”

Oh. Ouch.

I admit, that stung. But rather than give in to the usual impulses one encounters on the Internet, I gave some thought to what you were saying and I have some degree of agreement with your comments. I think you and I have been on the Internet long enough to realize that it is a surprisingly rare thing: coming to some agreement with the person who disagrees with you or your work. So — much like the occasional success in the search for The Elusive Soulmate — I honor that.

I think you made an excellent point when you say that many of us are unwilling to work on ourselves to become better people, and somehow magically assume that finding a “soulmate” will automatically fill in all our blanks.

Let me try to define a little what I mean by “soulmate.” You will find lots of books and blogs out there that will tell you who or what this magical person is, and I can’t say I fully agree with any one of those answers that I have read, all the time. “Soulmate” is a little like “art” or “pornography”: it’s inherently hard to define, but I know it when I see it.

I think that a “soulmate” is the ideal you’re aiming for in a relationship. That’s incredibly tricky when you consider that we are talking about relationships with human beings, and not ideals. Human beings have an unfortunate tendency to look better in the picture on the packaging, but once you open up the box and get the actual product… like a child playing with a present the day after Christmas, one is can be more enamored with the box than the gift that was in it.

So yes: I believe that to a certain extent, over-hyping the whole “soulmate” concept can lead to some form of disappointment. However I would suggest this is not perhaps not an entirely bad thing. Life on earth, by its very nature, is bound to have some disappointments. But… and I will be the first to admit that I might be biased because I’m a Sagittarius and we are prone to relentless optimism at times… I see no harm in aiming for the stars and only making it to the Moon, because let’s be honest: making it to the Moon is a pretty awesome achievement.

One of the main reasons I became an astrologer is that, better than any other science or philosophy I have found, it helps to explain in real and practical ways how relationships can go right and how they can go wrong, and what to do about it. I feel that astrology, applied properly, can do at least as much good as any form of counseling I’ve seen, if not more so.

You are right when you say that astrology covers a lot of ground: financial strategy and medical astrology and astrological weather prediction all come to mind. But still, relationships are a major driver for the business. I don’t believe writing about these things as often as I do is aiming for “the lowest common denominator for my target market.” It’s just something that naturally comes up a lot in my line of work.

This brings me to another point you raised: the disparity between the numbers of men and women when it comes to people who actually follow astrology. Just like anyone else who writes for a living to promote their services, yes: when I am writing I am writing for my target market. Although the majority of that “target market” is women, I can’t honestly say that I usually have that demographic fact specifically in mind.

Why does that gender disparity exist? Beats me. I’ve asked other astrologers about this before and never got an answer I completely believe. As you point out, it does seem that culturally women are more “relationship oriented” than men appear to be. We can argue all you want about whether that is biological, cultural, or some combination of the two, or something else entirely… but that does often appear to be the case. And I do mean appear. One conclusion I’ve come to over the years is that I genuinely don’t believe that overall men are really less “relationship oriented” as they let on. They will often express it differently than women, or perhaps not express it as clearly as women do, but at the end of the day I think the impulses men and women feel are much more alike than dissimilar.

And finally: I’m well aware that many women have no interest in finding a soulmate. Many men do not either. I am pleased to be of service to those people too. Much of my work involves career counseling and financial planning and medical astrology, among other things. We are all different despite our similarities, and no two people (or birth charts) are ever exactly alike.

And although part of the reason I write is to promote my services, that isn’t my only motivator. I’ve had a lot of jobs in my time, and frankly most of them paid better than being an astrologer or a writer. If all I was interested in was making money off of readings by selling someone (largely women as you point out) some lies about love, you’d see me writing a lot more articles like “Can Astrology Make Your Thighs Thinner In 30 Days? The Answer Will Shock You!” or “Why Do Matchmakers Hate This Astrologer?” or “Is He Cheating On You? Only Matthew Currie Knows For Sure!”

Ick.

But you’ve got to admit that for at least as long as recorded history tells us, relationships have been a major concern of humans. Personally, I am encouraged by this. We could all stand to be kinder and more gentle towards each other, and the love between two people can be a beginning step towards making the entire world a better place for all of us.

McDonald’s makes a fortune selling lousy food to people, but that doesn’t mean hunger itself is an invention of modern capitalism. Likewise, the Call Of The Soulmate wasn’t invented by the Marketing-Internet Complex.

Besides: when you get right down to it, despite all the pain and suffering and stupidity and crap we humans inflict on each other in our relationships, some of us continue to follow the mysterious, compelling sound of that song…

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…and sometimes, in a few rare and special and precious cases, we find it.

Questions about your birth chart, or astrology in general? Want to know more about my big discount on readings for new clients? Want a free month of my NEW Subscription Service? Write me for details!

CLICK HERE to join the Oh My Stars Facebook Fan Page, and get exclusive content, an additional discount on a reading, more material on blog entries, AND ANOTHER free e-book!

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