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Oh My Stars

Dear Aquarius: As you may have noticed, I’ve been doing a series on how the Signs perform in their relationships with other signs. People seem to like this sort of thing, and admittedly relationship issues are the one thing I come across most often in the course of my work. I have to admit, though:…

I generally really like Capricorns. I do! But even I have to admit that one of the driving forces for a Capricorn is to get and maintain a sense of control. That’s not necessarily a bad thing — none of us like too much chaos in our lives for too long. I was about to…

Sagittariuses are always being accused of treating their love lives as if they were a sporting event, rather than like love lives. And why not? There’s anticipation, competition, and… more often than not… someone loses. So in that spirit, here’s the handy Sagittarius race card for who’s in the running, with odds of a win.…

There’s a mystery to be uncovered here. A blow to the heart… an intense, passionate experience causing shortness of breath, rapid irregular heartbeat, and a flood of endorphins throughout the nervous system, clouding judgement. Although it’s enticing, you can sense the ever-present specter of danger… and that only increases your curiosity. Congratulations! You’re a Scorpio…

INITIAL CONDITIONS: Humans are driven by biosocial factors to engage in pair-bonding. Further, the efficiency of each bond (“compatibility”) is variable with each individual involved, in part due to personality-based initial conditions (“Sun Sign”). Virgo attempts to place this within a rational context and draw accurate conclusions. HYPOTHESIS: Virgo can find true love within the…

Welcome to the twelve-screen multiplex of Love! Today we’re going to see if we can successfully hook our friend Leo up with the man/woman/movie of his/her/its dreams. And if you’re a true movie fan, you know that the right review from the right critic can improve your chance of being really entertained… despite the sticky…

Welcome back to the exciting final round of “Should I Stay, Or Should I Go?” Today’s contestant, Gemini, is on the verge of walking away with the Grand Prize… true love! Now Gemini, all you have to do is answer one question correctly. The cash value of the question reflects the degree of difficulty involved.…

As much as a cliche as it might be, I still find that when an Aries approaches me about their love life, the question may be “Is so-and-so my soul mate?” or “Should I continue to pursue whatshisface?”… but the real question is “how much of a fight am I going to have to put…

Here’s the most important astrological forecast of the month. Really? Yes! Why? Knowing when the Moon Void of Course is happening is probably the handiest of all the common astrological techniques. Learn it, make it work for you, and save yourself tons of unnecessary aggravation! Seriously: you want to see what REAL astrology can REALLY…

A typical horoscope lays out what you can expect for yourself in the next week or month based on your Sun Sign. That sort of thing is great, sure… especially if you happen to be the only person on your planet. Astrology, like life in general, is a lot more complicated than “there are twelve…
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