The Sign: Capricorn, the Goat
The Hero: Sarah Connor, the Terminator films
Known For: Transforming herself from a meek waitress into a human killing machine in order to protect her son from inhuman killing machines, because that was the only option left to her… and she nailed it.
Favorite things: Protecting her son (John Connor) so he can grow up to become the rebel leader who saves the world from killer robots by sending an agent back in time who would become John’s father, so John could grow up to become the rebel leader who — um, good thing Sarah’s a Capricorn… she’ll get it sorted out.
Quote: “Watching John with the machine, it was suddenly so clear. The Terminator would never stop. It would never leave him, and it would never hurt him, never shout at him, or get drunk and hit him, or say it was too busy to spend time with him. It would always be there. And it would die to protect him. Of all the would-be fathers who came and went over the years, this thing, this machine, was the only one who measured up. In an insane world, it was the sanest choice.”
Compatible with: Taurus and Virgo
Fatal Flaw? None. Absolutely none. Do not mess with Sarah Connor or her kid, past present or future. Just don’t. Any attack you send against her, she’ll beat it.
The Sign: Sagittarius, the Archer
The Hero: The Doctor, Doctor Who
Known For: Wandering through time and space, never quite showing up where or when he planned to, stumbling into a situation where he could get killed but surviving and beating the bad guy (or: beating the bad guy and getting killed but then changing his form and coming back next week completely unharmed).
Favorite things: Justice. Freedom from confinement, freeing the oppressed, taking companions for a free ride, being free from rules and constraints and fashion sense.
Quote: “I’m not running away. But this is one corner of one country on one continent on one planet that’s a corner of a galaxy that’s a corner of a universe that is forever growing and shrinking and creating and destroying and never remaining the same for a single millisecond, and there is so much, so much, to see. Because it goes so fast. I’m not running away from things, I am running to them, before they flare and fade forever.”
Compatible with: Aries and Leo
Fatal Flaw? Loves traveling but can’t navigate to the right location half the time. Never met a deadly megalomaniac that he didn’t love to overthrow using only his wits and a sonic screwdriver when, really, either staying away or using a gun would seem like the smarter options.
The Sign: Scorpio, the Scorpion
The Hero: Walter White, Breaking Bad
Known For: Creating “Heisenberg Blue,” the purest and most popular crystal meth in the American Southwest (and eventually Europe), as a creative way to finance his medical treatment for lung cancer and/or to care for his wife, son, and unborn child when he’s dead. He got good at it… too much so for his own good, ultimately.
Favorite things: Providing for his family, creating a popular and high-quality product, replacing hard-to-source pseudepehedrine by reductive amination using phenylacetone and methylamine.
Quote: “Do you know what would happen if I suddenly decided to stop going into work? A business big enough that it could be listed on the NASDAQ goes belly up. Disappears! It ceases to exist without me. No, you clearly don’t know who you’re talking to, so let me clue you in. I am not in danger, Skyler. I am the danger. A guy opens his door and gets shot and you think that of me? No. I am the one who knocks!”
Compatible with: Cancer and Pisces
Fatal Flaw? Hey, wait a minute… you’re calling this guy a hero? Yes I am. Sure, Batman would have been the obvious choice for “Scorpio Hero,” but I refuse to be obvious. Scorpio isn’t obvious until it’s too late and it has sneaked up behind you to club you over the head. Besides: Walter White is even better at rationalizing his actions than he is at chemistry, and go ahead… you tell him he’s the bad guy. I dare you.
The Sign: Libra, the Balance
The Hero: Emma Peel, The Avengers (TV series)
Known For: Solving weird and complicated threats to Britain as an intrepid amateur alongside her dapper professional espionage partner John Steed — and yet never, ever coming across as the “inferior” or “subordinate” one. Has mastered karate, fencing, and firearms… all with an incredible fashion sense that was the very embodiment of “Cool Britannia.”
Favorite things: A day filled with some combination of physical combat, perfectly-matched accessories, interviewing a mad scientist, champagne, explosives, evening wear, preventing the overthrow of the government, and some quiet time reading on the couch.
Quote: “Always keep your bowler on in time of stress, and watch out for diabolical masterminds.”
Compatible with: Gemini and Aquarius
Fatal Flaw? She’s only human, so you’d assume so… except that she’s so competent (and and looks so great while being competent) that it’s hard to imagine. So maybe her “fatal flaw” is… ummm… her partner, John Steed? Sure, why not. Libra is all about the partnerships.