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Oh My Stars

Oh My Stars

Weekly Horoscope For Those Still Earthbound, July 21-27, 2014

posted by Matthew Currie

Bad news, everyone: it appears we may all be stuck with this place a little longer than we had hoped. Scientists have announced the first habitable exoplanet discovered, Gliese 581, may not be a planet at all, but simply a misinterpretation of the data. Yes, I am as disappointed as the rest of you, and I too had big plans to relocate somewhere safer and more caring and generally better run.

Oh well. At least we still have Prayer Bear.

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Since we all seem to be stuck with each other for at least a little while longer, let’s have a look at upcoming conditions in the next week.

Uranus stations and goes retrograde on Monday. Good news: a Uranus Station makes your crazy schemes a little more likely to succeed. Bad news: your crazy schemes might just be crazy. Think it through, people.

Your best day of the week overall for human relations may be Thursday. The Sun is conjunct Jupiter, Venus is trine Neptune, and Mercury is trine Saturn. So if you’re looking for a day to eloquently plead for forgiveness or convince someone to cut you some slack, make a note of it.

Mars enters Scorpio on Friday. Frankly, even if Libra was a relatively good placement in your chart, the rest of us of have all gotten sick and tired of Mars in Libra over the last nine months, so deal with it. Mars in Scorpio is not the least bit moved by your tears over this.

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The New Moon in Leo is happening Saturday morning in North America. This is always an excellent time to set down your intentions for the following month. It’s like New Year’s Resolutions broken down into 12 bite-size chunks. This New Moon is a little edgier than most, given that it is square that Mars freshly entered into Scorpio, so any of your resolutions that involve “not taking any crap” or “finally facing that situation down” are more likely to succeed.

Now, here’s your forecast:

Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Clams produce pearls because of little grains of sand that get inside them and cause irritation. The first part of the week might be annoying, but the weekend will have its rewards.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
If people haven’t been noticing just how magnificent you are lately, you might have to remind them. This week, your words and actions will help do that for you.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Your sign is considered to have a lot of “mental energy,” but the truth is that recently you may have just felt “mental.” Later this week you’ll have a chance to rein it in and get some real results for your intellectual efforts.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Yes, people really do like you. Yes, you really are a good person, and others generally recognize that. Now: project that niceness towards others in your environment, and you’ll get better-than-average results.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Prepare yourself for a fabulous week of fabulous fabulousness! By which I mean, “next week.” This week is likely to be more full of minor, petty annoyances than anything else. But really, prepare yourself!
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
You know that quiet but powerful voice in the back of your head? No, not the one you talk to your therapist about, the one that tells you that life is great and will continue to get better. Listen to that voice, because it’s right. The second one, that is.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Make your social connections work for you, in both practical and emotional terms. This weekend could be particularly good for social networking and/or romance. You know you’ve got the charm, now use it!
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
If you’re operating from a secure base, you could probably conquer the world. Work on your base and your grounding and your home life this week, and your plans for global domination will be one step closer to completion.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
For others, “are we having fun yet?” may be a rhetorical question. To you, this week, it could become a Mission Statement. Approach your issues joyfully this week, and this month in general, and you’ll be able to achieve your goals.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Wouldn’t it be great if you could just sort and organize all the people in your life into a neat, efficient filing system? You may have noticed it doesn’t usually work that way, but this week you’ll have reasonably good success putting your human relations into order. Note I said reasonably: they’re still human after all.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
People genuinely like you, cause you’re great person and not just because you spend money on them. Well, this week, they’ll probably like you for both reasons. What I’m trying to say here is: try budgeting your social activities a little more carefully this week, okay?
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
The more time you spend taking care of yourself this week, the better the rest of your month will go. You might be feeling a little drained, so pace yourself. Doing a little extra work will get you great results, so whatever it is you’re working on, don’t be afraid to put in a little overtime.

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Questions about your birth chart, or astrology in general? Want to know more about my big discount on readings for new clients? Want a free month of my NEW Subscription Service? Write me for details!

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The Astrology Of A Customer Service Call

posted by Matthew Currie

Today: a special blog entry that everyone can enjoy, whether they’re into astrology or not. If you are a fan of astrology, read on. If not, skip ahead to the part after the video. Either way, everyone wins!

***

Astrology can predict the general course of a day, but just because you’re having “good transits” on a day doesn’t necessarily mean everything is going to go your way. Case in point: today, when transiting Venus is conjunct my Jupiter, and transiting Jupiter in Leo is trine my Mercury and North Node and opposite my natal Venus.

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Overall, this should be a good day for me. Please keep this in mind as you read on about my attempts to get Internet service at my new apartment — getting the service done on time may have been doomed to failure, but hey, I got a blog entry out of it, right? Keep reading, and do have a look at the bottom of this blog entry for my Specials on both Readings and my new Subscription Service… once I have Internet again, that is.

***

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I was having a good day, my heart all filled with that love ‘n light feeling that I so often get from the pure thrill of being alive. I had just moved to my new apartment, and it’s a nice place for me to be self-employed. Or rather it will be, once the Internet gets hooked up.   There has been a delay with getting my connection. The installer from my (alleged) future Internet company came by yesterday, sat in his truck outside on his phone for at least 25 minutes, and then called and claimed he would have to return tomorrow — “first thing,” he said — to do the work of connecting one of the world’s newest and most awesome (I’m told) fiber optic networks from somewhere on the street level to my apartment.

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I won’t give away the name of the company involved, but if you want to do some research, its name starts with a V (as in “VERY difficult to get things done on time”) and rhymes with “Horizon” (which is a distant point one can see but can never actually reach). This particular company — again, no names! — cut an exclusive deal to provide New York City with a fiber optic network that was supposed to reach everyone by 2014, but thanks to some weasel words in the agreement, only reaches somewhere between half and three-quarters of the city, and mostly the more fashionable and high-end parts of NYC at that.

Here’s a hint as to where I live: if you are picturing the average professional blogger as living in some sort of glass-encased palace like Superman’s Fortress Of Solitude high atop the Manhattan skyline, you need to know more professional bloggers. Ask around at your nearest soup kitchen or dive bar — everyone knows us there.

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Like many of you out there, I am self-employed, and my Internet connection is as vital to me as nets are to a fisherman, cutting implements to a butcher, or plausible deniability to a corporate executive or Member of Congress. So, you can imagine my frustration when yesterday the installer… whose name I didn’t get, so I will simply refer to him as “FGWSIHTOHPANGOFHAH” — that’s short for “Fat Guy Who Stayed In His Truck On His Phone And Never Got Out For Half An Hour” — showed up and left without doing anything. After calling me and directing me to go back and forth from window to window in my third-floor apartment so he could size up the layout without actually risking the stairs, FGWSIHTOHPANGOFHAH left saying that he’d be back tomorrow. “First thing!” FGWSIHTOHPANGOFHAH said.

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By noon today, FGWSIHTOHPANGOFHAH had not shown up, so I called Starts With V Rhymes With Horizon to inquire as to the installer’s whereabouts. Perhaps FGWSIHTOHPANGOFHAH had succubed to the heat, or had contracted some terrible rare illness that only those who work with one of the world’s newest and most awesome (I’m told) fiber optic networks come down with. That may in fact be what happened, because even after a 47 minute call to Customer Service, Starts With V Rhymes With Horizon was completely unable to contact or locate my new friend FGWSIHTOHPANGOFHAH. I was assured though that we would be contacted as soon as Starts With V Rhymes With Horizon knew what was up, and that with luck I would have my Internet service by the end of the day. As of this writing, that seems really unlikely, but hey… I am a Love and Light kinda guy and I still believe in Santa, so maybe things will work out all right.

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However, in the event you ever find yourself in a similar situation, stranded on hold with Customer Service looking for a missing installer, let me leave you with what I said to the Customer Service Rep. Feel free to quote me verbatim (or improvise based on my wording) next time you find yourself in hold looking for your own FGWSIHTOHPANGOFHAH.

“First of all, in case anyone asks, you have done an excellent job. I’ve done your job myself, for a different company. And I want you to know that anyone who calls up and blames you personally for their Internet issues clearly doesn’t get the point of how these things work. “I know that your job is subject to certain metrics, including average call length. But if your job is anything like mine used to be, I know you have a system for exempting call to take a particularly long time like this one has.

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“So let me leave you with a final thought, one that will not do your job any harm, and may in fact give you another thing your company a certain sense of perspective.

“You sound young to me (but I won’t ask, because that’s a personal question). Before the dawn of the Internet age, off the top of my head, I can name a number of countries that the United States invaded and/or bombed into submission. Vietnam, Cambodia, Korea, Japan, Germany, and Italy, in reverse order. Next time you’re on a break and standing around the coffee machine with your coworkers… and I do hope your company is not a bunch of jerks who bill you for every cup of coffee, because even the slaves who built the pyramids were given free beer in order to motivate them to keep working… there is a subject I’d like you to bring up with your friends there.

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“Of the countries I named (with the exception of North Korea because North Korea is an exception to everything) how many of those countries now on average get faster Internet service than the United States?

“Please don’t take my word for this. You can look it up for yourself, based on the assumption that your Internet is connected, of course. And as a follow-up: if you or any of your coworkers have highly placed friends in the White House or the Pentagon, could you please instruct them to invade and bomb New York City as quickly as possible? If they require a rationale for taking this action, please tell them that although New York City may not currently be packed to the brim with Angry Revolutionaries, but at this rate it soon will be.

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“Again: I realize this is not your fault, neither is it your fault that your employer roped New York City into an exclusive fiber optic network deal with your company, which your company is now largely abandoning because 4G service is more profitable, in anticipation of a merger with yet another very large Internet provider — one whose name rhymes with Crime-Scorner. “I’m just saying that Internet infrastructure is now almost as important to the American economy as paved roads and telephone lines once were. For may of us in the modern world, Internet service are part of our means of production.

“To be honest with you, I love capitalism. I am no Marxist. However, even a broken clock is right twice a day, and Karl Marx had certain things to say about people who “control the means of production” that somewhat ring true to me… and these things have certainly been enough to spur a lot of anger and brick-throwing over the years in various places. And if there is one thing history has taught us, it is that (at least in the short term) a mob of angry peasants with torches do not always make the wisest long-term decisions for either themselves or others. Thus, I figure a quick and easy wave of Predator drones directed against the Big Apple could ultimately be good news for everyone, and would likely get me world-class Internet sooner.

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True Story: There’s an Internet company that can get you a 40 mb/second connection in Baghdad!

“So: I urge you to discuss these matters, calmly and rationally, with your coworkers and/or The White House and/or The Pentagon. Because I’m guessing that the system you have in place right now works just fine for your CEO… who, by the way, made over $36 million in 2012… but for the rest of us? Not so much. “In conclusion: I do hope they aren’t billing you for your coffee. Thank you for your time… now, you get back to work. Pharaoh’s Pyramid ain’t gonna build itself!”

Want a free e-book? Sure you do! Click HERE!

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Questions about your birth chart, or astrology in general? Want to know more about my big discount on readings for new clients? Want a free month of my NEW Subscription Service? Write me for details!

CLICK HERE to join the Oh My Stars Facebook Fan Page, and get exclusive content, an additional discount on a reading, more material on blog entries, AND ANOTHER free e-book!

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Fun And Fabulous Prizes With Jupiter In Leo!

posted by Matthew Currie

Astrologers tend to get terribly excited when Jupiter changes Sign, particularly when it’s entering one with a reputation for being “fun” like Leo does. When that happens, it’s time for the astrologers to break out all the keywords like “expansive” and “growth” and “wow, I had such a great time – wait, where are my pants?”

Let’s be honest here: after dealing with the potential rage the comes with Mars, the cold and crusty indifference of Saturn, the freaky unpredictability of Uranus, and the death-stare of Pluto, astrologers are thrilled to write about Jupiter.

Jupiter is generally considered to be the ruler of good cheer and good times. Yes, a Jupiter transit can be every bit as thrilling and fortunate as appearing on a game show… but: let’s not forget what happens to the majority of contestants on game shows eventually…

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But seriously, folks: Jupiter changing Signs usually represents a year of changing fortunes, and often for the better, in one of the departments of your life. It does represent new opportunities and new horizons.

Rather than take the usual approach and break these things down by Sign (although I will admit that, yes, Cancer and Cancer Rising people do in fact stand a good chance of making a lot more money in the next year), let me lay out the potential effects of Jupiter in Leo at various periods for the rest of its trip through Leo.

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July 26th-August 15th: Whoa there, settle down big fella! Mars enters Scorpio, and is square Jupiter. You (and everyone else) will likely be on overdrive, and with the relative inaction you may have experienced during Mars in Libra, the temptation may be to just bulldoze your way through any opposition.

Mid-September: Jupiter square Saturn and trine Uranus. You have brilliant solutions to all of your problems, and if only the Entire Material Universe weren’t getting in the way, you’d be running the place by now. Keep calm, carry on, AND wear a helmet just to be safe.

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October 8th: A Lunar Eclipse is closely sextile and trine Jupiter. If you have any major placements around 15-17 degrees of the Fire or Air Signs, you may find Fate suddenly intervening in your life… and it’s on your side for once.

November: Jupiter square Saturn sees many of the same obstacles that mid-September presented, except without so much help from Uranus.

December 8th: Jupiter turns retrograde at 22 Leo. This could be an especially beneficial time if you have a major placement around 18-24 degrees of the Fire or Air Signs, and could be a huge nuisance if you have a major placement around 18-24 degrees of Taurus or Scorpio, or for those Houses in your chart.

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January 1st 2015: Happy New Year, and Happy Exact Mars-Jupiter Opposition! A better-than average opportunity for drunken brawls, unwise romantic encounters, and blistering hangovers. You’ve been warned!

Mid February-End Of March: Jupiter trine Uranus, except this time without Saturn messing things up so much. Let your brilliant ideas fly (provided you aren’t violating the Laws of Physics. In the event of a conflict between “your brilliant ideas” and “the laws of Physics,” Physics still wins).

April 9th: Jupiter goes direct again. Expect happy results for your major placements near 10-14 of the Fire or Air Signs, and loan your tranquilizers out to your friends with major placements in the same degrees of Taurus or Scorpio.

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June-mid July, 2015: Jupiter trine Uranus again. By now, your Taurus and Scorpio friends have you on speed dial, they’ve hopefully gotten their own prescriptions, and you’ve learned some patience.

Mid July-Early August: Saturn sneaks back far enough into Scorpio to square Jupiter as it leaves Leo. Your Taurus and Scorpio placements are overcoming their challenges and becoming transcendentally aware of the nature of Existence Itself… or have perhaps checked themselves in for a long stay at a recovery center in the countryside.

August 12, 2015: As is so often the case with a planetary transit through Leo, the party is over, and now it’s Virgo’s time to clean up the mess.

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Want a free e-book? Sure you do! Click HERE!

Questions about your birth chart, or astrology in general? Want to know more about my big discount on readings for new clients? Want a free month of my NEW Subscription Service? Write me for details!

CLICK HERE to join the Oh My Stars Facebook Fan Page, and get exclusive content, an additional discount on a reading, more material on blog entries, AND ANOTHER free e-book!

PS: Daft Punk, people!

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Let’s All Enjoy Robin Thicke’s Pluto Square!

posted by Matthew Currie

(WARNING: Your Humble Astrologer is still in the final throes of transiting Mars square his natal Mars, and is thus still a bit prone to crankiness. You’ve been warned.)

When transiting Pluto is square where it was in your birth chart, it can represent a monumental challenge to the very core of your being. It is a long and slow transit, and it’s often hard to point at the day and say “this is the day when my Pluto Square caught up with me.” It often builds slowly and imperceptibly, until its results are suddenly impossible to ignore… a bit like a glacier sneaking up on you while you’re not looking, even though in hindsight it should have been obvious.

The Pluto Square, regardless of your age, is kind of “midlife crisis.” It can shake you to your foundations, and sometimes represents the biggest challenge you’ll ever face. People born between October 1975-March 1976 or August 1976-October 1978 are experiencing it now, and you can learn more about that transit by clicking here.

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Sometimes, though, there is good to be had from it. Usually the things that are being disrupted in your life needed to be challenged anyway. Often, what you rebuild for yourself afterwards is stronger and more true.

Every once in a while, though, there is the special case where the Pluto Square… someone else’s Pluto Square, that is… can actually be a good and enjoyable thing.

Yes, folks, I’m talking about my favorite German word: schadenfreude. “Schadenfreude” is the little thrill one gets when you see something bad happen to someone who deserves it: the  guilty pleasure one gets when one sees the villain in a movie get his comeuppance, or when that jerk who was always annoying you at work get fired. As earthly delights go, schadenfreude is not one we should take pride in. But is it an undeniable part of the human experience.

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For those of you who like to keep their astrology all “love and light,” please stop reading now and come back for the next blog entry. Or if you want just the astrology, skip to the part below the video.

For the rest of us, though? Let’s have a Moment Of Snark about Robin Thicke!

***

No one would ever mistake an intimate knowledge of the lyrics of Top 40 hits for a degree in Women’s Studies. But even by the less than perfectly enlightened standards popular music presents, “Blurred Lines” is an epic masterpiece of objectification: an ode to the delights of a woman experiencing… ahem… diminished consent.

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Furthermore, it’s just a terrible song. Being a big hit in the nightclubs does not require Shakespearean levels of wit in the lyrics, or a Mozart-like grasp of musicality. Even so, by most standards, “Blurred Lines” is a really horrid song, and it’s all the more inexplicable to me that Billboard named it “Song of the Summer” last year. Some “Songs of the summer” linger on as classics, and some drift into obscurity. Personally, I had already started to forget “Blurred Lines” 45 seconds into the first time I heard it.

That’s enough about my personal musical tastes — wait, no it’s not! Billboard, what were you thinking? You had Carly Rae Jepson, Katy Perry, and Daft Punk to choose from when it came to “Song of the Summer 2013.” Daft Punk, people!

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Honestly? I’ve yet to make it all the way through “Blurred Lines” once, despite my insistence on doing thorough research for you, Dear Reader. The thing is not only immediately musically forgettable and the lyrics are terrible (when they aren’t just being offensive). So rather than subject your sensibilities to that, here instead is an infinitely more respectful, musically satisfying, artistically accomplished ode to the love between a man and woman: Robin’s dad, Alan Thicke, singing “Sweaty And Hot” at The 1988 Crystal Light National Aerobic Championship.

Frankly, it’s terrible. But it’s still better and more sincere than “Blurred Lines.”

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You’re welcome.

***

And now, the astrology.

Robin Thicke was born March 10, 1977, time unknown, Los Angeles California. As a Pisces with Moon in Scorpio (we think), he can be expected to take his emotional attachments fairly seriously. The most prominent emotional attachment in his life has been that with his wife Paula Patton, born December 5, 1975, time unknown, also in Los Angeles.

The two met when he was 14 years old and had been a steady couple more or less ever since. Robin inherited his father’s musical talents and released his first album, A Beautiful World, in 2003. His first major hit with “Lost Without You” on his next album in 2006. In both cases all the songs on the album were obsessively about Paula.

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Musically, Robin’s style has always been that sort of mid-tempo R&B ballad that is radio friendly without breaking any significant ground… the sort of thing that appears as the fourth or fifth song on the soundtrack of a romantic comedy. Still, everything Robin wrote seemed to be about and/or dedicated to Paula.

As Pluto entered Capricorn in 2009 there was a subtle but important shift in Robin’s work. Slightly edgier, but still dedicated to his wife. There were some hints of difficulty, but overall he still seemed pretty attached to the Missus.

Then, in 2013, Robin had his biggest hit, and the marriage promptly fell apart.

“Blurred Lines” was a gigantic hit and drew the ire of not just feminists, but in fact regular decent people everywhere. Robin’s general tone about Paula didn’t change in public though. He said she was just fine with the naked women in the video. He claimed she was perfectly okay with the idea of an “open marriage.” He said she got over it when pictures leaked of him with his hands all over some blonde socialite.

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And as Robin’s Pluto Square approached the exact degree, Paula dumped him.

***

So this year, Robin came out with an album that once more was completely dedicated to Paula. In fact, the title of the album is “Paula.” The entire thing is dedicated to getting her back.

“Paula,” by most people standards, had a disastrous debut. It’s a little less than 530 copies its first week in the United Kingdom. It fewer than 54 copies in Australia, where it was beaten by (among other things) a Blondie compilation and a duet from Australia’s “The Voice” doing a cover of “Smells Like Teen Spirit.” Since then, it has recovered a little, but the creepy and stalker-ish collection of songs on the album is still considered a major flop.

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Also, critics agree:  it’s pretty lousy, featuring such timeless lyrics as…

I gotta get her go, get her go, get her go, get her back/I gotta get her go, get her go, get her go, get her back/I gotta treat her right, I gotta cherish her for life/I gotta get her go, get her go, get her go, get her tonight

‘Cause all I wanna do/Is keep her love/Keep her love/Keep her satisfied/All I wanna do/Is make it right’Make it right/Is make you smile tonight/All I wanna do/Is give you that thing, play you that song, you and your girlfriend sing/All I wanna do/Is get you back tonight

I gotta get her go, get her go, get her go, get her back/I gotta get her go, get her go, get her go, get her back/I gotta treat her right, I gotta cherish her for life/I gotta get her go, get her go, get her go, get her tonight

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Or, my favorite:

And she couldn’t be with someone like her dad/And I just rewarded her with my drunken rants

Better update the pass code on your security alarm, Paula.

Or: perhaps I’m just being too hard on the guy. Perhaps Robin has learned something from his Pluto Square.

Nah. I doubt it.

Robin Thicke’s Pluto Square has at least another year to go. Good luck, Robin. You’ll need it.

Want a free e-book? Sure you do! Click HERE!

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Questions about your birth chart, or astrology in general? Want to know more about my big discount on readings for new clients? Want a free month of my NEW Subscription Service? Write me for details!

CLICK HERE to join the Oh My Stars Facebook Fan Page, and get exclusive content, an additional discount on a reading, more material on blog entries, AND ANOTHER free e-book!

PS: Daft Punk, people!

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