Oh My Stars

beliefnet astrology matthew currie mars

source: wikipedia

What would we do without all the wonderful, exciting this Mars in our birth chart does for us? There would  be no sex, there would be no ambition, and there would be no deep-frying or chopping things up. That’s why I’ve invited Special Guest Astrologer, Chef Gordon Ramsay (sure, he’s also an astrologer, why not?) to help drive home some points about two very interesting Mars placements: Mars in Gemini and Mars in Cancer. And by “interesting,” what I mean is “oh dear God, put the machete down!”

Okay, seriously: no Mars placement is perfect, but Mars in Gemini and Mars in Cancer both have at least their fair share of issues. Read on as I describe what each of these Mars Signs implies for you if you have that placement in your birth chart, and then Chef Ramsay will yell at you about it.

Mars in Gemini

Mars in Gemini loves directing its aggression and sense of adventure into verbal and intellectual situations, where (most of the time) aggression and a sense of adventure aren’t particularly welcome. You favorite way to resolve a conflict with a loved one is usually with a solid verbal assault, followed by a few sharp verbal stings, and finishing up with mild confusion as to why everyone wants to walk on eggshells to avoid provoking your anger. Much of your anger and aggression seems to start with minor incorrect details or logical inconsistencies, which you secretly can’t stand. People with Mars in Gemini often have better than average mechanical ability, or better than average ability to figure out where that extra park in the do-it-yourself furniture kit is supposed to go, and/or whether or not the thing will stand on its own without it. You have a good sex drive, but it can be a little fickle and unpredictable. Teach your mate to talk dirty and it will help with this.

“Don’t try to talk your way out of this: the filet is damned near raw on one side and burned on the other. Ever heard of a little f–cking thing called ‘consistency of effort’?”

Mars in Cancer

This is perhaps the trickiest placement for Mars; you have just as much drive and aggression as anyone else, but have more difficulty expressing it properly. People with Mars in Cancer are more prone than others to suppressing their anger, and ultimately pointing it inwards; resulting in high blood pressure, ulcers, and sometimes even gagging when sufficiently angry. That’s because you are sufficiently sensitive to the feelings of others around you that you realize that lashing out really does hurt people… and you don’t like that. You’d have more of a reputation as a sex bomb if your considerable drive wasn’t linked to your fluctuating moods, making you look kind of fickle to your partners. Any natural shyness or inhibitions you may have will eventually go away once you are in a genuinely caring, supportive relationship. Once you are past the childhood issues you were handed (and oh yes, you were), you will make an excellent parent.

“The Beef Wellington is undercooked and you tried to hide it with sauce, and you managed to burn your finger doing it. You can’t be a chef if you’re afraid of the f–king grill or hurting the meat’s feelings.”

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