Oh My Stars

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Shut up, Madame Spasma.

(This is part of the “Ask An Astrologer” series, where I occasionally try to demonstrate how getting a consultation can genuinely help and provide real guidance, using real-life examples. Want to find out for yourself? There’s a link to my e-mail at the bottom of this blog entry. Write me… and don’t be afraid to ask for my best rate, either)

AR writes:

My date of birth is <redacted> . Can you tell me if I’ll win the lottery, and when is the best time to —

Dear AR:

No, stop right there. Now, click here and read this now before I continue. Don’t worry, I’ll wait.


This is easily the most common question people e-mail me about. I send out a link to that blog entry you just clicked on (you DID click on it, didn’t you?), and I rarely hear back from anyone I send it to. Not even a “thanks for answering my e-mail” or “but I really really really want to win the lottery!” or “but Madame Spasma says she can cast a spell that will help me win!”

A couple of important points need to be made here:

One: no casino ever went broke because it paid out too much in winnings. Do you know why that is? Because gambling operates under the Laws Of The Universe. I’m not talking about the cute and cuddly Laws Of The Universe, like “everything happens for a reason” or “as above, so below” or “never eat at a place called ‘Mom’s'” or whatever. I’m talking about the unflinching, steely-eyed Universal Laws like “force equals mass times acceleration” or “Pi is the ratio of a circle’s circumference to its diameter” or “the odds of getting heads on any given coin toss is fifty percent.” You know… The Laws Of The Universe you can actually prove in a laboratory.

A casino can go broke because of competition or regulation or poor management or any one of other many common human failings, but never because the math malfunctions. And lotteries (like any game of chance) have odds that can be calculated, and they have been, because no one in their right mind would start a lottery in the first place if they were going to go broke at it. As money-makers go, running a lottery is (forgive the expression) a sure bet.

Two: speaking as an honest astrologer? Madame Spasma can kiss my asteroids. Can Ritual Magic actually work? Well… that’s a subject area I’m not going to get into here. But the answer is “yes, I believe so… but the more a spell requires hoodwinking the Universe, the less likely it is that the spell will work.” In other words: why hasn’t Madame Spasma won the lottery for herself yet? I’ll bet she has an answer for that, and that it’s pure crap.


Now, having said all that: astrology can give you a bit of an edge when it comes to gambling, but that’s all. And in the case of a lottery, is that edge really enough? I don’t believe so. But if you really, really, really want me to do the calculations as to the exact date and time to buy your lottery tickets, I’ll do it. The calculations are a lot of work, but for the price of a reading I’ll do them for you.

But if you want to pay for a reading, and I’m going to put the work into looking at your chart, wouldn’t you rather get one that covers your future trends, your love life, your career, how you can make your life better, and so on?

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