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Oh My Stars

Today is Thanksgiving Day in America, where people gather around with friends and loved ones to celebrate the good life, and to commemorate the first European settlers that came to the continent. For those of you unfamiliar with the story, a brief recap: The Pilgrims, a group of people of unusually strong religious faith, arrived in Massachusetts in the winter of 1620. However, their faith was unable to undo the effects of arriving in Massachusetts in the winter. By the following autumn, half the Pilgrims were dead, but the local Natives were kind enough to show the Pilgrims how to survive in the New World, which culminated in a three-day harvest feast in 1621. In gratitude for all the help and advice, it took the Europeans over six months after that until they started slaughtering Natives.

So, this Thanksgiving I’ve decided to set the sarcasm aside (I doubt that will last for six months) and tell you what, as an astrologer, I am thankful for. I think every astrologer should be thankful for these things.

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I’m thankful for the Sun. It represents the Ego, and if it weren’t for the Ego, no one would want to hear about themselves from an astrologer, or anyone else. Also: those Sun Sign columns every legitimate astrologer likes to sneer at are still the way most people first become aware of astrology.

I’m thankful for the Moon. It’s our moods and our ability to empathize that places us a little higher on the evolutionary chain than the ants. At least, that’s what the Moon feels, and you’d better not disagree, or the Moon will pout about it. All. Day. Long.

I’m thankful for Mercury. Mercury rules communications, and without communications… well, I wouldn’t be writing this and you wouldn’t be reading it. Besides, without Mercury, the Sun and Moon would have no way to complain to others.

I’m thankful for Venus. Hey, you’d better be thankful for Venus too, even if your love life isn’t perfect just yet. There’s always Hope.

I’m thankful for Mars. Without Mars and the drive, ambition, and plain-out gumption Mars provides, the Sun, Moon, Mercury and Venus would just sit around complaining to each other, and nothing would actually get done.

I’m thankful for Jupiter. Jupiter rules mirth and philosophy and over-indulgence. Without those, the previous planets would leave us functional, but there would be no fun to it all.

I’m thankful for Saturn. Yes, Saturn. If you know much about astrology, you know that Saturn is a source of a lot of pain and suffering. Saturn can be a severe taskmaster, but sometimes you need that sort of thing to hold it all together. Besides, if we stopped at Jupiter, life would go on… but imagine the mess if Saturn didn’t clean up and hold it all together.

I’m thankful for Uranus. Uranus rules rebellion and innovation and creative flashes of genius. Without those, life would be an infinite procession of boring lameness.

I’m thankful for Neptune. Where would we be without dreams, delusions, mysticism and glamor? We’d be hard at work all the time, that’s what. I’m thankful that isn’t always the case.

Finally: I’m thankful for Pluto. Without things occasionally blowing up, breaking down, or going off the rails, there would be no opportunities for new growth. So, even the grim Lord Of The Underworld gets a seat at the table today.

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You may have noticed I didn’t invite Chiron to dinner. I certainly respect and appreciate what Chiron represents, but somehow having The Wounded Healer at the party seemed like kind of a drag. Here’s hoping Mars doesn’t cut himself or Neptune doesn’t drink himself into an alcoholic coma…

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