Oh My Stars

AG writes:

Are some people ‘meant to be single’?

I was going to write you back and ask for your date, time, and place of birth so I can answer this, but then I realized two very important things. First of all, I previously answered a very similar question for someone else. If you’d like to see how we look at an individual birth chart for these things, click here. Secondly: I realize your question is broad enough that it is best answered in general rather than regard to your specific chart. In the spirit of Jupiter in Libra, it’s an answer for both you and everyone.

The short answer to your question is: maybe, sort of. The longer and much more useful answer is going to take some work.

Also: this blog entry is going to be long on philosophy and short on astrology. If all you want is astrology, come back next time. In the meantime, here’s a picture of a cat for you.

beliefnet astrology matthew currie mars conjunct Mercury

I didn’t sign a model release, you know.

First of all: it’s a cliché that there is someone for everyone. Just because it’s a cliché doesn’t necessarily mean that it has to be untrue. If someone passed a law that in the next 60 days that everyone on Earth had to be partnered up with someone, there are enough people in the world that you and I and everyone else would have approximately 2 billion potential partners to choose from. Mathematically that argument holds water, but in practical terms it doesn’t seem very likely, does it?

Secondly: not everyone who is looking to pair up is looking to pair up right now. Some are spoken for but won’t be later, some are taking a break, and some are just a little too damaged from their last relationship to get up on that horse again just yet.

Is physical appearance an issue? Probably not as much as you (and many other people) might think. Yes, our culture tends to wave certain physical standards in front of us that exist only among the very few… and many of those few are largely a product of Photoshop. However, you may have noticed that people tend to find a partner anyway when they’re looking for one, and individual tastes vary widely.

Finally: it’s another cliché that you create your own reality, and thus if you want a romantic partner all you have to do is sit around and visualize it hard enough. I suppose that approach can’t hurt, but there are some obvious flaws with this theory. For example, despite decades of visualization, I am neither a superhero nor a starship captain. So much for The Secret!

Having said all that: I believe that the vast majority of human beings can find a romantic partner if they are open to the idea, are actively searching, and don’t get too hung up on the exact details of what they are looking for in a partner. This isn’t me telling you to lower your standards. I’m just saying that a fair number of people tend to dismiss potential partners based on one factor or another that might prove to be trivial compared to the positives once you get to know that potential partner better. A lot of people who have had bad experiences previously with, say, a left-handed accountant will automatically dismiss the next left-handed accountant who expresses an interest. Remember that the next time you shoot down a date just because he/she has the same Sun Sign as someone else who once turned out to be a jerk, okay?


I suppose what you may be asking here is for my specific perspective as an astrologer. A lot of people avoid astrology because they get the impression it’s fatalistic. I can understand that. People want to be told that they are bright and shiny and wonderful things — and they are, really! — and the world will be theirs if they just do the right things at the right time. There’s a certain amount of truth to that: timing is everything, and understanding the astrology of things can make your efforts much more successful.

On the other hand, your birth chart is your birth chart, and the transits to it are the transits. All the visualizations in the world can’t move the planets to more convenient locations.

I often use the analogy that your birth chart is like the hand you’re dealt in a game of poker. There’s really not much you can do to change it, but if you understand the game and play with skill you can greatly improve your odds of winning. If you decide to rely on luck and don’t really put any thought into what you’re doing, you’re more likely to lose… even if you have a fairly good hand. And ultimately, short of cheating, there’s no way to turn a bad hand into five Aces.

I think astrology is most useful when it helps you understand the hand you’ve been dealt, and where when and how to play it. Despite their sometimes being a lack of evidence, I do tend to believe in Free Will, and I’ve written more about it here.

There you go. Was that a clear-cut and easy to follow answer to your question? Probably not. Sorry about that. Life is complex isn’t it?

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