In astrology, Mars is the planet that rules ambition and the sex drive. It’s also the planet in your birth chart that is most likely to show how you annoy people. Here’s a handy guide to how you probably come across on a bad day… or if you prefer, a guide to how to perfect your Annoyance Style… based on your Mars Sign. Take it either way you want, just don’t get mad at me for it.
Fire (Aries, Leo, Sagittarius): Aaaargh, I’m so angry I could scream! What did you think — oh, never mind. I’m over it now. What’s for lunch? What? TOFU?? Aaaargh, I’m so angry I could scream!
- Aries: …now give me five minutes to throw things around in the kitchen and I’ll get over it.
- Leo: …so hand me that megaphone, the neighborhood needs to hear about this!
- Sagittarius: …or I suppose I could just go get take-out. I’ll be back in six hours.
Earth (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn): There is a hidden order to the Universe — one that propels all things with a firm but hidden hand. You have violated that order, and I’m going to keep jabbing you with this stick until I think you’ve learned your lesson.
- Taurus: …then I’ll eat and/or drink to deal with my frustration. Wait right here: I’ll be back in a bit to blame my subsequent weight gain on you too.
- Virgo: …so here’s the Big Book Of Things You’ve Done Wrong. Please turn to page 147…
- Capricorn: …and that’s why it’s so cold in here. Specifically, because now I’m projecting my Icy Withdrawal Rays at you.
Air (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius): My boss is a jerk, my team lost in the playoffs, the cook mangled my lunch order — but they’re all out of town. So I’m going to scream at you for forgetting to take out the garbage.
- Gemini: …this reminds me of that time you did something similar to me. Let me tell you about that… again.
- Libra: …oh, it’s probably my fault. Yeah, my fault for letting you forget to take out the garbage! What was I thinking?
- Aquarius: …this is totally unacceptable, and — wait, what was I upset by again? Oh, right. Take out the garbage already!
Water (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces): You hurt my feelings! You hurt my feelings! You hurt my feelings! I’m going to keep screaming at you about it until you guess what it is exactly you did, because YOU HURT MY FEELINGS!
- Cancer: (two weeks later) …hey, remember that time YOU HURT MY FEELINGS? I sure do!
- Scorpio: …but hey, let’s not get hung up on that now. I’ll deal with you later. After all, you can’t stay awake forever, can you?
- Pisces: …the world is built on pain! Look at this Facebook post about suffering animals. Look at that news story about sad children. No, wait… you hurt MY feelings!