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Oh My Stars

As an astrologer, it’s my primary duty to look at a client’s transits and then provide him or her with my forecast. What my clients do with that information is entirely up to them. No blame, no judgement, just the facts.

However every once in a while when I have a client who is heavily besieged by some truly major issues, my job sometimes becomes more like that of a cosmic defense attorney. If things look bad for you now, let’s see what the prosecution has on you, let’s see what you can potentially do about it, and if you want I will help you figure out whether to go to trial or plead to a reduced crime… so to speak.

Case in point: a recent imaginary telephone conversation I had with my theoretical client, Bill Cosby (sorry I was only able to record my end of it).

***

Hi Bill! We haven’t spoken in some time.

(…)

Yes I know you’ve been busy. And like everyone else on the planet I know what you been busy with. So I decided to look at your transit and —

(!!!)

Yes Bill I know. It’s my job to advise you, not to condemn you. I’m sure you’re absolutely right. I’m sure there’s a perfectly good reason so many women are coming forward and saying that you —

(!!!)

Okay, okay, Jeez. That’s not even what I was going to say, but: I’m sure there’s a perfectly good reason why these women are coming forward and accusing you of things when all you did was have perfectly consensual physical relations with them while they were under the influence of tranquilizers you had administered to them.

(???)

No, I’m not forgetting all the good you’ve done the world and —

(???!!!)

Yes I remember how everyone loved your show in the Eighties. Although in hindsight, that one episode with the aphrodisiac barbecue sauce you served everyone is a little suspect. Anyway —

(…)

Bill, I’m not accusing you of anything. There’s already plenty of other people doing that. But I’ve had a look at your transit and I have some very serious professional advice for you. As you may know, the big news astrological you in the last couple of years has bean the Uranus Pluto square. That’s particularly significant in your case because for the last two or three years it has been doing some very serious and difficult things to your Midheaven. And as you recall, the Midheaven rule things like your career… and your public image.

(…)

Yes. I heard about that new series of yours that won’t be developed. and I heard about the universities dropping you. But what’s maybe more important for you to consider at this point in your life is that the Midheaven is how you make your mark in life. It’s what you’ll be remembered for.

(!!!)

Just listen Bill. Here’s the story with what’s happening to you astrologically. Uranus has been square your Midheaven and Pluto has been conjunct it for the last 2 years. Furthermore Uranus has been square your Sun in Cancer and Pluto has been opposite that for about the same length of time. Your ego has been steamrolled and your career is blown.

Neptune has been doing a real number on you too. For the last couple of years it’s been square your Venus and approaching the opposition to your Moon. That alone has to add up to a huge emotional crisis for you. And that opposition to your Moon is just going to get closer in the next two years.

(…)

But here’s the really bad news: you are not anywhere near of the woods yet. In fact the transit will be getting worse over the next few months. I often tell my clients that it is not my job to tell them what to do. And then I go ahead and say “if it was my job this is what I would do…”

(…)

Yes. I know. That is a shameless trick of mine. But I think it’s better than actually telling people what to do. Now let me tell you what I think you should do about all this.

Be mindful of this one thing: it is better to be honest and cling to the hope of being forgiven then to know you will die not being forgiven. This is true whether you are a misunderstood saint or an undiagnosed demon or anything in between. Because if you aren’t honest and open about it, the best you can hope for is to die forgotten, rather than forgiven.

Is that really what you want for yourself?

Bill… you still there? Bill…?

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