“As also in all his epistles, speaking in them of these things; in which are some things hard to be understood, which they that are unlearned and unstable twist, as they do also the other scriptures, unto their own destruction.”
-2 Peter 3:16
“Speak no ill of the dead’ is an ancient piece of advice that many of us try to follow to one extent or another. In that spirit, then, I will now have a look at the birth chart of Fred Phelps, founding pastor of the Westboro Baptist Church, who died Wednesday evening.
Phelps (born November 13, 1929, time unknown, Meridian Mississippi) was a Scorpio with a Moon-Uranus conjunction in Aries. Like most Scorpios, he took things in life pretty seriously — whether it was his love of the Gospel or the delight he took in leading his congregation (about 60 of them, mostly members of his extended family) to protest at funerals of children, veterans, and celebrities, or approving the lyrics to such rousing popular song parodies as “Santa Claus Will Take You To Hell,” “Sweet Judgement Time” (to the tune of “Sweet Caroline”), “Fifty Ways To Eat Your Baby,” and the popular “Makes Us So Happy” (to the tune of “Hava Nagila,” and featuring the stirring lyrics “Je-ru-sa-lem’s the spot /The battle will rage hot/The land will spew you out /With joy we shout!”) There is no word at this time if there will be any dance remixes issued in Fred’s honor.
Like many people with a Moon-Uranus conjunction, he was fond of technology and communicating his ideas, whether through his Church’s many web sites like “Godhatestheworld.com” or its many subsidiaries, such as JewsKilledJesus.com, GodHatesIndia.com, GodHatesFags.com, GodHatesRussia.com, or GodHatesSweden.com.
(Really? Sweden? it must be the lutefisk. I never did trust that stuff.)
He had a Mercury-Pluto trine, which made him fond of making forceful statements such as “Homosexuals and Jews dominated Nazi Germany… just as they now dominate this doomed U.S.A” and “Anybody babbling about ‘multicultural affairs’ and ‘celebrating diversity’ is a propagandist for the militant sodomite agenda” and “Thank God for Tsunami. Thank God for 3,000 dead Americans! Yes! Thank God for Sept. 11 and 3,000 dead sodomite Americans in 2001.”
He had Jupiter in Gemini, yet despite this, he lived into his 80s without a single laugh line on his face. There are pictures of him smiling, but they bear an uncanny resemblance to the “rictus grin,” the smile that appears on the faces of some poisoning victims.
Would anyone else with any or all of these factors in their birth chart be so… so very…
Oh, who am I kidding? I can’t do this any more. Fred Phelps was a terrible person, and the world is a better place without him. Saying that his vileness came from this placement or that aspect would be a grave insult to the many fine people who have those in their birth chart… or for that matter, even to most of the terrible people who might have similar factors in their charts.
I like to believe there’s a God who has welcomed Fred into the peaceful, forgiving light of a Heaven of some sort, somewhere… but if that God has a sense of humor, there are probably signs and protesters that are, at least temporarily, keeping him standing outside the gates for a while.
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