Since Valentine’s Day this year is also a Full Moon… and not an especially romantic one either, fraught with all the emotional perils of a Full Moon loaded with Mercury Retrograde (your big chance to say the wrong thing or for your reservations to get lost), Mars in Libra (why talk about your relationship when we can just fight and throw things?), and Jupiter opposite Pluto just to amplify everything, why not spare yourself the hassle of an over-commercialized mandatory fun-fest and agree on something we all love without condition or reservation: candy and dressing up?
I hereby declare this February 14th to be “Valoween”… a hybrid of Valentine’s and Halloween. That way, people can get all the chocolate and all the deception out of the way all at once. Example:
“Honey, I’ve never regretted a single day with you. You’re every bit as sexy as when we first met. And look, I’m a pirate! Yahrrr!”
In future years (once I’ve found a big corporate sponsor, because that’s how everything gets done now), Valoween activities will include:
-Bobbing for phone numbers!
-TPing a loved one’s house with hundred of photocopies of that photo of them with their ex that they refuse to get rid of!
-Door-to-Door Six Minute Dating:
“Trick or date!
Ignore my weight
Hope you’ve got a good job
Because I need a mate!”
(Or, alternately, “Ask me my name and then let’s mate,” depending on your mood.)
I think this has enormous marketing potential, and I am taking on investors.
Regardless of the state of your love life, on February 15th the Full Moon will have moved on and you will have a chance to pick up the pieces and assemble the love life you want… just like every other year.