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“Shakespearean Insult Kit” offers tips on how to be sharp-tongued with class

Are you weary of giving voice to the same tired old invectives when boorish rubes intrude upon your serenity?

“Don’t you wish you could inveigh your enemy with a genuinely classic put-down?” asks writer Pete Lewin. “Well, now you can. With this handy-dandy Shakespearean Insult Kit you can have the spleen of The Bard at your disposal!

“The next time someone cuts you off in traffic or a clerk behaves rudely, stun them with your lexicographical command of vituperation.”

Here is the kit.


So, have fun. When you’ve had it with that cashier who ignores you while laughing on her cellphone, smile and say: “Thou tottering, spur-galled varlot! Do thy job!”

And when somebody jumps into the taxi ahead of you, scowl at them, shake your fist as they drive off and utter: “Thou pibbling, knotty-pated malt-worm!”

See, you feel better already, don’t you?

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Suzanne A.

    Simply scrumptious! :)

  • Lisa

    Oh, I *do* feel better already!

    Thou art thanks’d.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Mayra

    This is great! I always wondered how the great writers of literature insulted! But of course, with class and style! Lol!

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment J. Buck

    Attribution is important. I don’t know who “Pete Lewin” is, but this list was originally posted to Usenet decades ago by Jerry Maguire, an English teacher. This took 2 minutes of googling to verify.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment bluebuss

    or, we could go the other way, and use the Bible and hold our tongues.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Carol

    Interesting..But, I think people would still know I’m speaking an explative at them..

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Pamela Mkhaimer

    These are priceless! I love them! Thank you for sharing. So much more fun that the old, stale curse words. Leaves them wondering, eh?

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment autumn stephan

    Thou humored me !!!

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Kim Colgan

    This is GREAT! I’m going to share this with my family, friends & co-workers! So the next time one of us is feeling really frustrated, we can refer to the list, say it out loud and have a wonderful,comic relief moment! Thanks! :-)

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Stephen

    These are silly, some of them do not make sense!

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment james

    Most people would’nt get it- they’re too stupid to get Shakespeare

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Abambagibus

    In the intellective matter of our distant past we moderns may often endeavor to find a veneer so apropos to concealing our noetic flaccidity as to convey the illusion that what most proabably lies beneath it is the natural rigidity of an independently rational substance, in spite of the emotions that convey it. The more we dependently indulge in allowing the artifice of our silicon machinery to do our thinking for us, the less naturally thoughtful we become. Now the only matter concerning us beyond this is the entertainment that should mesmerize us the best.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment JKV RAGHU SETTY -MYSURU-INDIA

    Think other person as ur friend.u will feel happy and ur mind will be peaceful and happy.Dont have to burden ur mind with ‘insult kit’.JKV RAGHU SETTY MYSORU,INDIA.

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