My Happy Place

My Happy Place

Have you gone before me?

The universality of this grief is not lost on me.

Yesterday I took a walk through the wooded paths Joe made for me and when I came to his metal chair, I felt my heart crack and the sobbing commenced. I so badly wanted him sitting in that chair…a flesh and blood body that my hands could touch.  I wanted to hear his voice. The absence of him was overwhelming: empty space taunted me. I felt like I would evaporate in the sadness of it all.

And then I thought of you.

A sliver of piercing light started to filter through the cloudy fogginess. I realized that I’m not alone in this grief: that many people have walked this journey before me.  Death is so….well…widespread. We all will experience loss sooner or later and many people, even younger than I, have lost mothers, fathers, siblings, children, spouses or friend. And these ones left behind live on. They feel this pain and yet they don’t float away into nothingness. They stay sturdy and grounded on this earth.

And I can, too.

So I ask this of you: Will you open your heart and say to me…”I understand”?  Will you take a moment to tell me of your loss? Who was the one you loved so much? Who is it you continue to love…only now from a far off distance?  How do you do it? Tell me you survived. That you go on.

It helps.

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posted May 8, 2012 at 11:21 pm

My husband’s spirit left his body on March 31 of this year. I miss him immensely. I am living day by day, with good and bad moments interwoven throughout. My daughter sustains me. Good friends, family, laughter, even the tears and the anger and the fear. It all serves a purpose even though I don’t like the sadness and the negative emotions. I am learning through this journey and even through the pain, I try to remember to be thankful for the years he and I had together, the beautiful times we shared, the special memories we made. Otherwise I would die, sad and miserable. And I don’t want that because I know he doesn’t want that for me. Because I love him, I will make it through.

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linda johnson

posted December 17, 2011 at 2:42 pm

I loss my mother and a brother in the year of 2000, then in 2004 my babysiter died,then another sister died in the same year, she had a 7 yr old daugther. I am now taking care of her child. I don’t have any kids, so it’s just the two of us. I constantly think of all the death been in my family and i get so sad. I pray that i will find happiness again within. I find myself being alone most of the time when she’s not around. Please pray for me. I enjoy reading your stories.

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Elece Hollis

posted November 26, 2011 at 12:42 pm

We have buried Margaret just before the holidays. She was old and she was sick. We knew she was dying yet it hurt and somehow hurts more now. We wonder if we did all we could? We feel guilty, although, of course, we cannot keep anyone alive. Guilt is unreasonable but thriving. The pain of her absence at Thanksgiving was surprising. Though we often tired of including her and we often were frustrated with her problems, helplessness,and eccentricities, still it seemed so painful for her not to be present.

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