Movie Mom

Movie Mom


‘Honey I Wrecked the Kids’ — Parenting Advice from Alyson Schafer

posted by Nell Minow

One of parenthood’s toughest challenges is finding a way to communicate clearly with your children about our expectations and standards while also communicating our unconditional love and support. This is especially difficult when it comes to incentives and discipline. We want to reward without bribing them, punish without breaking their spirits. parents1.gif
Psychotherapist, author, and talk show expert Alyson Schafer has a new book called Honey, I Wrecked the Kids: When Yelling, Screaming, Threats, Bribes, Time-outs, Sticker Charts and Removing Privileges All Don’t Work that has some wise and practical advice for parents looking for ways to set standards without unnecessary conflict, especially those kids who are extra difficult because they are particularly oppositional or manipulative. Schafer describes the impact that our “toxic times” have on children, giving them messages that undermine parental rules.
mother child argument.jpgSchafer says that everyone has four basic needs: the need to feel connected, the need to feel capable, the need to feel counted (a meaningful contributor), and the need to feel courageous. To the extent that parents speak to these needs, they can guide behavior. And they can do this by recognizing the sources of bad behavior.

When I don’t feel connected — I will seek undue attention.

When I don’t feel capable — I will seek power over others.

When I don’t feel I count — I will seek revenge.

When I don’t feel courageous — I will seek to avoid.

Parents often “reward” bad behavior by giving the child more attention. Or they “reward” it by negotiating, giving the child more power. Schafer gives parents very specific guidelines for redirecting a child’s behavior and permitting natural consequences to determine the incentives and results of their good and bad decisions. This book will help tired, overwhelmed parents come up with new tools to improve not just behavior but the home atmosphere as well.
Parents, too, need to feel connected, capable, meaningful, and courageous, after all.
As an added bonus, you will also learn some great techniques for dealing with some of the more challenging adults in your life, friends, colleagues, neighbors, and family.
And don’t forget one of my all-time favorites: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk



Previous Posts

Fading Gigolo
John Turturro wrote, directed, and stars in "Fading Gigolo," a bittersweet meditation on the ways we seek and hide from intimacy, sometimes at the same time. Turturro plays Fioravante, a florist who works part-time for Murray (Woody Allen), the third-generation proprietor of a used and rare books

posted 9:24:32pm Apr. 17, 2014 | read full post »

Transcendence
Think of it as "Her 2: The Revenge of Him." Or Samantha infected by Heartbleed. Just as in last holiday season's Her, "Transcendence" is the story of an artificial intelligence contained in a computer program that becomes or is seen as human consciousness.  Instead of the warm, affectionate voic

posted 6:00:39pm Apr. 17, 2014 | read full post »

Bears
This year's Disney Nature release for Earth Day is "Bears," the story of an Alaskan bear named Sky and her twin cubs, Scout and Amber, their trek from the den where they've hibernated all winter t

posted 6:00:05pm Apr. 17, 2014 | read full post »

Interview: Martha Williamson of "Signed, Sealed, Delivered"
Talking to Martha Williamson is pure positive energy and a real treat. The creator of "Touched by an Angel" has a new series on the Hallmark channel. It's called "Signed, Sealed, Delivered" and it is about a USPS dead letter office where a quirky but very dedicated group of people track down the rec

posted 8:00:57am Apr. 17, 2014 | read full post »

Trailer #2: The Box Trolls
Did I mention how excited I am about this?  Coming in September, from the people who did "Coraline" and "ParaNorman." [youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDr_ZY37RFg[/youtube]

posted 12:12:22pm Apr. 16, 2014 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.