Metaphor Monday :: Drinking Saltwater

Pema Chödrön said, “Since impermanence defies our
attempts to hold onto anything, outer pleasures can never bring lasting joy.
Even when we manage to get short-term gratification, it doesn’t heal our
longing for happiness; it only enhances our shenpa (getting hooked). As
my teacher Dzigar Kongtrul once said, “Trying to find lasting happiness from
relationships or possessions is like drinking salt water to quench your
thirst.”

This quote embodies two metaphors — getting hooked and drinking saltwater. Today I’ll focus on the saltwater. What’s wrong with trying to find lasting happiness from relationships or possessions? This is a point of the Buddha’s teachings that is often misunderstood as being against pleasure. It’s really all about our relationship to pleasure and our expectations around it.

The operative term here is lasting. The problem is that nothing lasts. Things are constantly changing. Our moods, appetites, and perceptions are constantly changing. Phenomena are constantly changing. The earth revolves around the sun, the weather, and countless events change in every moment. We breathe change in every moment. Life is a process not an outcome. It’s a ceaseless dance.

And if we relate to it as an outcome rather than a process we are bound to be frustrated.

The Young Rascals explored this issue in their hit “How can I be sure?”

How can I be sure
In a world that’s constantly changin’?
How can I be sure
Where I stand with you?

Whenever I
Whenever I am away from you
I wanna die
’cause you know I wanna stay with you

How do I know?
Maybe you’re trying to use me
Flying too high can confuse me
Touch me but don’t take me down

Whenever I
Whenever I am away from you
My alibi is tellin’ people I don’t care for you
Maybe I’m just hanging around
With my head up, upside down
It’s a pity
I can’t seem to find someone
Who’s as pretty ‘n’ lovely as you

How can I be sure
I really, really, really, wanna kno-o-ow
I really, really, really, wanna kno-o-ow

How’s the weather?
Weather or not, we’re together
Together we’ll see it much better
I love you, I love you forever
You know where I can be found

How can I be sure
In a world that’s constantly changing?
How can I be sure?

I’ll be sure with you.

This song embodies the pangs of attachment. It concludes with a glimpse of the dharma, and I take the liberty to paraphrase:

“How can I be sure in a world that’s constantly changing? How can I be sure?” “Well I can’t; I can’t make the impermanent permanent. But what I can do is to find that surety within myself. To connect to the thread of this moment playing through my breath. I can find peace in the process of loving with all its vicissitudes and challenges.”

In this moment, the suffering lover becomes wise, he finds love in being rather than possessing. This wisdom desalinates the water making it drinkable, quenching a deep thirst.

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