Today instead of reporting as a doctor of Integrative
Medicine, I come today in the form of a mother.
As mentioned in a recent post, I was in beautiful Albuquerque, New
Mexico just last week for an Integrative Medicine conference. There and in many times past , I have had the
great fortune to be in the company of many great thinkers. As you well know, they don’t always have fame
and fortune for easy identification. One
night, I was having one of those thought-changing talks with my brother-in-law
(affectionately called Jijaji).
Outwardly, he is a health-conscious, Harvard educated physicist living a
simple life, doing the things he loves, surrounded by those he loves- an honorable
goal for most. So, what did we talk
about? Don’t worry. I am not about to delve
into a physics model for improving health outcomes as they relate to
gravitational forces in the digestive system.
The topic for today is ‘Raising a Fulfilled Child.’ Jijaji has 2 amazing daughters, each with a
personality that was very apparent from the early years. The first is the ‘free spirit,’ internally
driven to move beyond the boundaries- literally. From a very young age, she would wander away
and not be afraid of what was beyond the comforts of her parents’
security. Was this inherent in her? Did something in her guide her to seek
something beyond the daily routine planned for a typical toddler? Why was she happy 50 feet away from the house
as opposed to the protected boundaries of the gates? Was there something in her that guided her to
those happy places in her mind and then into extraordinary action. Her parents took notice of these things, and
even though her actions challenged the notions they had planned for their
daughter, they respected and supported the force in their daughter that took
her to places they were not planning to go with her. Today, she excels in a field rarely exalted
by the typical professionally successful Indian parents- Creative Writing. She is excelling in her studies (and even
about to publish her work at a very young age).
She talks to her parents daily, seeking their wisdom, likely sometimes
following their advice and likely sometimes graciously not. She is content and complete with her life choice-
the purest, most unselfish wish of any parent.
Born 5 years later, their other daughter follows the sounds
of a completely different rhythm. Isn’t
this the case in many households… polar-opposite children raised by the same parents? She also excels in the field of arts but
feels very committed to prioritize academics as one of her main goals in
childhood- a more “straight and narrow” path of success and happiness. Dance, tennis, violin and a competitive drive
push her to be “the best she can be.” Safe
with society’s and her parent’s approval, she rides this path with ease. The course is seemingly defined and she cruises
along the road remembering to signal appropriately to ensure safety. On a poetic note, she literally was taking
her first safe driving class the weekend we were visiting! As I absorbed her spirit, I was convinced she
was genuinely following her path and not the path defined by her parents. She giggled sweetly when describing her
excitement about driving, but also showed her game face as she strategized the
conquest of “Les Miserables” for her literature class homework.
Inspirational quotes and bumper stickers proclaim choosing
the right path, especially at the crucial ‘forks’ in your life. Could it be that your path is significantly picked
for you at birth- that you have a born desire that craves a certain life
occupation that allows you to bloom to your sweetest potential? Perhaps, you had something pushing you in a
direction all your life, but fear kept you from pursuing it. Conversely, you may have been blessed with a
supportive family, teachers and environment and you were encouraged to pursue
your heart’s desire. How many frustrated
adults dream to have the job that doesn’t feel like work? Wouldn’t we all crave to go to work and feel
effortless joy because you just love doing what you do, day in and day out?
Jijaji made me reconsider my parenting strategy through his
life’s example. He showed me that it
takes far more courage to follow your children’s dreams alongside them than to
tracking your child’s tendencies towards happiness is the way to your child’s
future happiness. Of course, all
children are outcomes of many factors requiring an individualized parenting
strategy. However, Jijaji’s advice is
universal. No matter where a child is in
his life path, help him connect with his
source of happiness. Strive to seek a
long term option that allows frequent tapping of this happiness and your child
will be living the life of true wealth, rich with peace and meaningful
contributions to society.
Read Previous Post