A Touch of Encouragement

A Touch of Encouragement


Walking Along a Very Dark Hallway

posted by Brandi Harkonen

Hope and encouragement in the midst of burden.
Martha Williamson shares a story about childhood abuse and encourages you to heal — no matter what burden your heart may be carrying.



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Vern

posted February 27, 2009 at 8:01 am


Dear Martha,
I can’t speak to you about what has happened to you in your past, I can only hope that your walk along your dark hallway brightens as time passes. I am not a victim of sexual molestation or abuse. I was raised by my widower father and can only feel your anguish and the anguish of the many victims of this and other crimes that rob the youth of thier innocence. It is apparent that you have moved onto happier healthy times that are so fulfilling to the rest of us. I can only pray that all of simular situation can become at rest with the past, move to a place of healing and make the world a better place, as you have. I pray for you, I pray my words are of comfort for someone.
For certainly your videos raise me up and create a positive vibration in the world. Hoping that this kind of mentality works it’s way into a mob mentality for the good of the world.
Bless you and your sweet spirit for all that you have done for us all.



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carol wacholz

posted February 27, 2009 at 8:24 am


Martha,
I just had to send this message. I thank God for finding your web site.
You have made me laugh and cry. You have so blessed me. Thank you so much.
God bless you.
Sincerely,
Carol Wacholz



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Pat

posted February 27, 2009 at 8:29 am


I am a victim of sexual molestation. I dealt with it many years ago; but it is coming out right now in my life because of other circumstances happening to me. I am in therapy right now and am dealing with all other kinds of problems. This happened to me a long time ago. I have a lot to be proud of and it is not my fault. For all of you who have experienced this, I cling to the passage “all things are possible with God”. “I can do all things through “Christ who strengthens me”. “You are a new creation”. There are many, many more passages that help me. I wish I could convey to those who have been hurt in any way that God loves you. I also wanted to tell you Martha that I saw “Touched By an Angel” yesterday on the Hallmark channel. It was an answer to prayer that I could watch this particular episode because it dealt with a mother who had to give her child away because of her husband’s abuse and she had to protect her child. I would like to order the whole series of “Touched By an Angel”. If someone could let me know, I would appreciate it. I am out of work right now and really don’t have sufficient funds to purchase it.
Thank you Martha for your site! I look forward to it every Tuesday and Friday.
God Bless you!



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TS

posted February 27, 2009 at 8:36 am


Dear Martha,
Thank-you for sharing your story, I know it took an incredible amount of courage, faith and trust. I was physically abused all of my childhood, until at 15, my step-father decided to try to rape me, I was able to stop him and move out, and for most of my life I thought it was my fault, that there was something wrong with me. Thanks for reaffirming that it wasn’t my fault, and that I have nothing to be ashamed of, I’ve been working on believing that for the last couple of years, but it’s hard, especially when I did compartmentalize everything, did what I had to to survive and escape.
You are a real blessing to me, and I want you to know that you’re in my prayers. To be so open, honest and transparent to those you don’t even know, in order to help them, is a real gift, and I’m glad you choose to share it with us.



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flowernthesnow

posted February 27, 2009 at 9:42 am


I worked in child protection for 4 years of my social work career and then in probation and saw this issue from every angle and no angle is pleasant. Martha what a strong, uplifting, encouraging woman you are. I know this was not an easy topic for you but your heart is so beautiful the way you desire to reach out and help others even when you take risk in sharing of yourself in a deep personal way to do it. I am so happy you were blessed with a loving relationship as your beautiful heart needed the very best of care. I never miss a video and have been touched on a personal level many times. YOU are a “LIGHT in the Hallway.”



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Ann

posted February 27, 2009 at 10:46 am


Thank you for the story, My daughter just went through the same thing, A neighbor a good friend of ours did that to her. We just finished the court process. I have been down the dark hallway. I feel like things are going better now that he has been sentenced. My daughter is 16 and has many things planned for her future and I hope that she will move on through this. But it is hard she goes through counseling and is on an antidepressant. Thank you Martha your stories are great



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Beth J Gordon

posted February 27, 2009 at 11:05 am


Hi Martha,
I so very much look forward to your messages in my inbox. God smiles on you for bringing such peace to our lives. I was molested as a very young child by my foster brother. At the time, I really didn’t understand what was going on, I only remember the feelings of disgust. I never confronted him as an adult–I always figured he knew what he did and would deal with it someday, as well. He spent most of his life as a police officer helping youth, so I think he tried to pay his penance. I never felt it was my fault; I only felt worthless–something to be used. As a child I would talk to Jesus at night and I know he healed me because I never went through the trauma I have seen others experience from past abuse. I pray for all those out there who are dealing with very bad memories and hope your words heal them. Thank you for all you do.



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Kimberley Blue Ridge, Georgia

posted February 27, 2009 at 12:29 pm


Martha,
You are such an inspiration to me. My desire is to become a speaker/writer whom reaches deep to encourage women in their journey to healing. This video touched a part of me which I have not dealt with fully and am on the path to letting it come to the surface so that I can allow healing. You are so right when you say that the pain is still there, but I have found that it serves as a reminder to us to keep reaching out and use that pain to lead others toward His healing grace.
God Bless You for giving of yourself,
Kimberley



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Gil G.

posted February 27, 2009 at 12:34 pm


I truly look forward to Marthas videos each week.It is so inspiring.Thank you Martha.



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Cliff B.

posted February 27, 2009 at 3:33 pm


Dear Martha, You’re heaven sent! Thank you for the inspiration videos that you post on your web site. May God Bless You! And to those that receive inspiration from your videos I pray God give them peace in their situations!!! God Bless



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tabitha

posted February 27, 2009 at 4:08 pm


God Bless you all who shared your stories with yous Thanks Martha



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Elaine in New York

posted February 28, 2009 at 11:43 am


Martha, I’m sorry the conspicuously bad experience of sexual molestation happened to you ((HUG)). For many of us that is a cross in our life, but the bible says that although Jesus hated the cross, He endured it for the joy of the prize that was on the other side of it. A pedophile has flagrant, emotionally sick behavior and a child is used by them to try to mop up their problem. We know what it is to stand on this side of the aisle, as it were. To further stand more strongly – information is power – study the mind of a pedophile. Intellectually, that will give you a more balance to the equation. Definitely, as you told your viewers, efffective therapy is called for. I might add, it is important to have objectives when going into therapy, so you can see/feel progress. And, choose wisely the therapy you entrust your time to. Without objectives, therapist and patient are merely logging time and talking; and therapist cashes in the co-payment off the insurance. It is hard, attentive for both sides. The therapist ought to be the handmaiden for God in guiding you down the dark hallway. We will never be more than a conqueror if we don’t have a revelation of how much we are loved by God. For all the viewers suffering today – you have given words to start their own clarity. Now, it’s up to them and God. Satan mocks with, “well, you must have done something wrong…” or “it’s your fault.” Satan is an idiot and powerless against God. God was showing others, through you in your video message, what is needed to get elevated out of the mire. Satan uses pedophiles – who swirl in their weak, splattered world of sickness – to attempt to cut us off from the love of God, so that we never find the way back to God’s grace in order to live as his rightgeous daughters. ….. When the sideways tangles of the experience rear up and lap at your present life. Just state the name, “JESUS!” out loud and Satan will recoil and you can continue on in the strength you’ve built with Christ through it all. His name is all the prayer we need! It says it all. ….Now, Martha, you are in the position to guide and tell. Let me guide and tell you — you put your head up, stand tall, be you and enjoy the life God walked you to. Satan hates it – OH, Hallelujah! that nasty rat hates that song of praise we give to and allegiance for our Lord,Our God Almighty! And, when you feel the tug back down in the mire in the silence of the quiet hours or you see the affects of the experience tapping on your day, state the name, fervently. It works! …. and this is all she wrote.



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tonyboy56

posted March 1, 2009 at 12:26 pm


I thank God for your videos and your website. My partner was abused in 12 different foster homes and then after he was adopted by the father. He is in great pain and is recieving therapy. I try to learn as much as I can in order to help him any way I can.I want to cry everytime I see him suffering and I can tell in different things like his inability to express feelings. It is hard. But thank you.



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Christina

posted March 3, 2009 at 2:14 am


I just want to say I love you Martha, you are a blessing to me and everyone else who’s lives you touch, thank you so very much for all you do and share..this video touched my heart, I, too, am a survivor…and thanks for affirming that I’ve had, (have) nothing to be ashamed of.



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Diane

posted March 3, 2009 at 2:18 am


Martha, I just wanted to thank you for your boldness to share with everyone. There is so much healing in just that. I was sexually abused by my Father at 18 months old. From that happening, it opened the door for other sexual abuses in my life as well as sexual sins. That brought so much fear, anger, hurt, depression, always apologizing to people saying I’m sorry and feeling guilty all the time and really for anything. Things you shouldn’t. It wasn’t until I was in my mid-thirties that God began to heal me from all the abuse. I am 53 years old and have been in the ministry as a lisenced, ordained preacher for over 20 years. I have ministered to many women of all ages. It is such a unspoken area discussed in our churches today. There are so many hurting that need to be set free from the prison they have lived in from being sexually abused. The cry in my heart is to do many healing gatherings for women who have been sexually abused, either by male or female.
God is a healing God. When God healed me, He gave me a supernatural love for my Father. In March of 2006, after praying for my Father for over 30 years, I was able to lead him to a relationship with Jesus Christ. What an honor and amazing story of the epitome of God’s love for us. The full story will in my book that I writing at this moment, which hopefully will be out this summer or early fall. Anyway, Martha, thank you again for reaching out beyond your immediate surroundings and reaching out to many who are hurting. I will pray for God to use you mightily and open doors that no man can shut. Be so very blessed and may you get ready to see a great manifestation of God’s healing power released through your life. Diane



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BABY

posted March 3, 2009 at 4:24 am


I want to do the things that is suppose to be naturally expressed without having
difficulty to express it but since for some reasons that i never intend to display
such an act of misbehaviors,that even my own self cannot believe that it is happening
not to mention the fact that i have in my life someone who have the heart to love me
inspite and despite of my abnormalities.I never ever want to be in the place where i am
right now,it’s a place full of regrets,no ending shock,etc.i should be in the place
where my life is in my hands sharing and drinking its fullest.The things i learned today
may bring me somehow change because i badly needed a holiday…before its too late.



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Tracy McAlpin

posted March 3, 2009 at 5:16 am


My daughter was molested by my best friend . I totally trusted this person. I blame myself all the time for what happened to her, not protecting her, being stupid enough to believe he would never do anything to her. I was at a very bad time in my life where I needed him.
I was always so afraid of men. This person got me to trust him. I trusted him with my life. We deal with this abuse almost daily. It has affected her, and my other daughter.
We are healing. I wish I knew how to forgive myself for not realizing I should have never trusted him alone with my daughter. He didn’t look like an abuser. Looking back, i can see the signs now. But then I needed his protection from an abusive husband. I didn’t see any signs from her. She didn’t tell me until 5 years later.
I wanted to kill him. He is still free. She is the one who will spend a lifetime dealing with this.
Thank you for sharing your story. I will show it to her. She knows it wasn’t her fault. To him she was just an easy target because he knew I wouldn’t be there to protect her.



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Joanie

posted March 3, 2009 at 5:39 am


Hi, I happend to listen to the video. I am working through my childhood molestation done to me by my father his drunken friends and by one of my older brother. I was severly abused and brainwashed to do things to hurt one of my younger brother’s. I struggle with self injury and suicidal ideation.I have been working through my recovery for a long time but I deal with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder because of the sever trauma that I experienced as a child. I listened to the video and I thank you for telling me that I don’t need to be ashamed.I am only alive by the grace of God to be able to share what I am. I made numerous serious suicide attempts one most recently. And it’s a miracle that even I survived the horrendous abuse. I need to be God dependant to be able to continue to work through my recovery process. My therapist needs prayers too in order to help me. I have a social work degree and I do not make the best consumer of mental health services because of what I know professionally which often times can be a hinderance in me getting the help I need.I often times become so tired of working through the darkness of what I must work through. My soul is scarred and I have to work through what I must so those scars will be healed and it is only by a loving God that those scars will be healed. I didn’t think I would be posting this today. Thanks again for sharing the video Martha.



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mary

posted March 3, 2009 at 7:09 am


thank u so much for your inspirations,i am also a victim of abuse and my life is a fer of the unknown.i have made a wreck out of my life,and i dont know how to live and ecept what i have done to my children and the pin i cause them dailey,by watching me drink my hell to death.i need som kind of relief to let go go and let god back in i feel i have met my bottom and now dont know where to turn to,i am so alone living in this hell world i c no end but death for relief please help me.mary



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Wendy

posted March 3, 2009 at 7:16 am


Dear Martha, I too was abused. What a shameful dirty feeling. I didn’t think it could effect so many areas of my life. I am getting the help I need now but I know it’s going to take some time.Thank you Martha your video really helped as did the readers comments. God Bless you all!



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laurie

posted March 3, 2009 at 7:47 am


Hello Martha:
Thank you so much for such an amazing video. I hope to start a specialized group within my church for women who have been abused in some way. I too have been molested as a child and then was raped as a teen. Like you I have an amazing therapist, who is also a Christian. I LOVE your emphasis on not your fault, and the validating of the things people had to do to keep going. If the group that I hope to start does get going (I needed and I know that many others need to be able to talk about it within the context of their faith) I will be showing this video at least once.
May God continue to bless you, your work and your family
Laurie



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Kimberly

posted March 3, 2009 at 8:00 am


Dear Martha, Thank you for the video. I wasn’t molested but on April 1st of 1994 I was raped and beaten with brass knuckles. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of it. I see the scare on my face everyday. I still have nightmares and I am afraid of the dark but over time I have begun to hear a little. Every April 1st that goes around I relive that horrible night. God bless you……..



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Cindy McKerrigan

posted March 3, 2009 at 8:16 am


Dear Martha: Thank you so much for sharing your testimony with us. I to was a victim of abuse as a child. I have over the years experienced the shame and humilation of this abuse. It affected every aspect of my life, relationships, thoughts, memories. I was so crippled by this and did not even realize what was causing it because I too had hid the memories so deeply in my mind that I could not bare to deal with it. I found myself in destructive relationships more than I care to mention, It was almost like I wanted to be abused, I felt like I deserved nothing better. I found myself apologizing for even waking up alive. And I am sorry was a very common phrase that came out of my mouth. Little did I know the damage I was doing not only to myself but to my children. God forgive me. It wasn’t until a few years ago that someone introduced me to Jesus thru a Beth Moore Bible Study, (The fruits of the Spirit) and the healing began. I came to know Jesus thru this study and an understanding of my purpose in life became very clear to me as I study his precious word. But it wasn’t until I listened to the CD that came with the study that I came to full understanding of my purpose in life. She made a statement that said, we often ask why there is so much pain, and suffering in our lives,we think God is allowing this to happen to us, BUT HE IS NOT,It is what we do with it that matters, If we allow good to come of this then we this we are prepared for the ministry god created us for. And the healing began, the ability to forgive myself and others began. Oh how precious our Lord Jesus is. He is the light in times of darkness, he is the Great I AM. God has given me a ministry of encouragement, I can not tell you how many times God has awoken me and told me what Beth Moore bible study to chose and go and take to someone, (sometimes I do not even know this person). I own an antique business and sometimes the person just walks in off the street into my shop and the Holy Sprit says I have brought this person to you give what God has instructed you to do. I am not saying that I wouldn’t argue at first with the Holy Spirit, about doing his prompting. But something I have realized is that if God tells you to do something then the person you are to bless with this word, God will open the doors to recieving it. I can not tell you the number of times that the person would say how did you know I needed this. I would simply say God said to give this to you. Over the years friendships have developed thru the ministing of the Holy Sprit. Testimony have been shared and healing has begun in gardens that only grew weeds. But the most important thing is the healing that has taken place in my life and those of my children. Praise God and Praise God! I am free and out of the darkness came sunlight! Please everyone remember to walk in the spirit, do a daily act of random kindness. God will bless you! Love one another, love even the unloveable, share your testimony for you know not whom you bless. Tell people what God has done for you and others in your life. Be used of God it is the best therapy in the world. Your sister in Chirst Cindy



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mef

posted March 3, 2009 at 8:28 am


Dear Martha,
This video is perfect timing, God’s timing. In a few days, maybe, just maybe, my daughter’s abuser may finally be put away. This man has abused many, many children over the course of 40 years. Finally, criminal charges are being brought against him; he molested two five year old girls recently. Not a day goes by that I don’t blame myself for not protecting my girls and not having the strength to get away. It’s very hard when you have no support, maybe now, with the Grace of God, he will be put somewhere where he can hurt no more children. MEF



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Ronnie Daugherty

posted March 3, 2009 at 8:45 am


my poem is how to survive abuse if you give me your email i will give you permission to put it on here.i am in the poerty book and won a title in it
roxanne123@embarqmail.com it will tell you everything in my poem how to survive abuse from my father who raped me brother who molested me and mother who knew and let it happen



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Bonnie

posted March 3, 2009 at 9:55 am


I too dealt with sexual abuse. It started with my father, he was an alcholic. After many years I told my oldest sister and she made it so that my father didn’t have as easy an access to me. He had abused her too. She had told our mother and she didn’t belive her. So, I never told Mom. He was also physically and verbally abusive. Through the years there were other older men. The man that owned the country store that my parents owed money to. The man that managed the farm where we worked. My brother-in-law and the list goes on. Eventualy I left home and enlisted in the miltary. Even then in one way or another it effected me. It effected me to the point that when the man I married proposed to me I said yes and then I added to the yes, “Please understand there are two things I will not tolerate.” “I won’t put up with a drunk and if you ever touch one of our children inappropriately, I WILL KILL YOU.” He did become somewhat physically abusive to me. But, with time he tried to become physically abusive to our son. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I went in swinging. The next thing I remember was being in the nursery floor on my knees with my fingers bent backwards. but I had our son safe. I called the security police. The officer that came to our house was a friend of ours. He was a big black man well over six feet tall. He asked what happened, I told him. He put one arm around my shoulders and the other hand clenched on my husband’s shoulder. He then told my husband that if he ever laid a hand on me or our son he would answer to him. This type of abuse stopped. Then one night he got drunk at his boss’s house came homeand said something to me that I didn’t set well with me. I tried to put him to bed and he said some other things. I flipped out, went to our son’s nursery got his our son’s bat (thank GOD it was plastic). And I proceeded to beat the you know what out of him. The next morning I got up to feed our son and he came limping in. He couldn’t remember what had happened, so I told him. He didn’t believe me, so I showed him the bat and told him, “The next time it won’t be plastic.” To say the least he never tried it again. So, I buried it. It was as though nothing had ever happened to me that was bad. I literally shut the door on the past. One thing that continued for many years was that I hated my father. Several years passed and we received notice that my father was near death. At the time we were living in South Dakota and my family was living in Arkansas. We packed up and headed to Arkansas. I remember the morning of the surgery, I felt so out of place, like something was wrong, something was missing. They had told mus that my father had less than a fifty percent chance to make it through the surgery. Then it hit me. I knew that I could not live with myself if my father died, knowing that I hated him. So I stepped forward, hugged him and told him that I loved him. It was like a weight came off of my shoulders. Dad lived another ten years. It ws like a miracle. Many years later I received a phone call from our daughter’s son’s day care. The day care people lead me to believe that he had misbehaved and that he had to leave. As we left, the person in charge handed me a piece of paper and told me it was an incident report. I took it and went to the car. Just as I was going to talk to our Grandson, something told me to read the report. So I did. The report basically said that he and three other boys has been inappropriatly touched. I almost flipped out. We were told that he needed to go to counceling. My daughter asked me to go with her. I of course said yes. Our Grandson had to go into a room with a male counselor so that they could get everything on video. Our daughter and I went in with a female counselor and she explained the process of my Granson’s future treatments to us and then looked at our daughter and asked if she had any questions. My daughter said no. Then she looked at me and asked me if I had any questions. I looked at her and out of the clear blue sky I asked her, “Where in the hell were you fifty years ago?” She looked at my daughter and told her to leave. I talked to her a for awhile, she offered free counseling. I left. Over the next few weeks memories that I had suppressed over the years started coming back. Sometimes they were so real that it was asthough it was happening again. I did not go back for counseling. I should have and I widh I had as one of the memories to haunts me. One of the strange things is that my husband and I are still married. We will soon be celebrating our 40th anniversary. I still don’t put up with the mess and he has learned not to push me too far. THANK YOU FOR SHARING!



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Patty

posted March 3, 2009 at 10:05 am


It has been awhile since I have seen anything on childhood sexual abuse. I too was abused as a child. While my was very horrible I have always walked by God and felt his arms around me. I feel lucky to have had that throughout my life and still today. Thank you for sharing this. God Bless all of us.



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Goldie

posted March 3, 2009 at 10:06 am


Hi Martha, I wanted to thank you for your video,you are right the most important thing being we have survived,I myself was molested by a family friend wound up in an abusive relationship, physically abused, and then he went from me to my girls. I have survived by the grace of god. But I also want to let everyone know that now part of my healing is also being involved in a group that helps children who are abused, we are a 501c3 organazation B.A.C.A. Bikers Against CHild Abuse we are nationwide and also international. There is help and support out there for these children who are going through this and are afraid, we visit the children and we go to court with them, empower them to tell and put away their abusers………I just wanted to let your listners know, you can find out if there is a chapter in your area by visiting bacausa.com call the hotline number listed for your state and they will help you from there, again this for children that have been abused, and if you want to volunteer and become a member you can do that as well by contacting that number. I can’t take away what happend to me or my children but I can fight this war against child abuse and help the children of our future heal and go on with their lives. I know that god is with me and all my brothers and sisters in this fight. Respectfully, Goldeilocks East Mo. B.A.C.A. Bikers Against Child Abuse



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kathryn

posted March 3, 2009 at 10:29 am


This message brought tears to my eyes, opening a flood gate. I’m married, 35 yrs, and pregnant with my first baby. i, too, suffered years of childhood abuse – which i am unable to get anywhere near. now that i am pregnant though, it has caused so much of it to come back. the whole “shame” issue – i’m not sure i’ll ever be free of that. i dont understand how to let that go, as it is such a deep rooted feeling. i do not have any memories before the abuse – and feel like that is when my life began. i am trying to find my way back to the Lord, as i believe in my heart that is the way to healing for me. Church was intertwined within the abuse and used as a reason for doing such horrific things, so have struggled with separating religion/spirituality from something that represents such a dark space in my past. i realize i am rambling and i apologize for that. just wanted to say that hearing people speak who have walked this path and have made it further along on this journey – and they are able to find some peace within… gives me such great hope. thank you – to everyone who shared their stories here. i have tears running down my face as i type this. the realization of the depth of abuse around the world makes me ache for mankind.



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rich

posted March 3, 2009 at 10:35 am


Dear Martha, I was an abused and covertly incested as a boy. I, like many abused kids turned to alcohol + drugs. I’m now 22 yrs sober. When abuse happens-we either think we are useless trash–or we get grandiose and narcissistic (just like the perpetrator who incested us) I went grandiose and became a PHYSICIAN and became the medical director at a treatment center were abuse was always an issue. I thought if I was above reprouch, everyone would think I was ok–while I was dying inside.After 22yrs sober–my passion had always been sculpture. I only do my passion now. I hope this is not looked at as self serving,,,but I did a piece on the recovery from child abuse. Please read the description also,,,as I think it gives hope that it is never to late to recover.
Martha you may use this image anyway you want to promote recovery from abuse. Thank you, rich ragle
http://www.flickr.com/photos/medart/3199931890/in/photostream/



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Carol

posted March 3, 2009 at 10:37 am


Hi Martha,
I just want to thank you so very much for this TODAY.
It really lifted me so very much because as You said You really don’t just get over it. It is always with you no matter what I have been told so many times to just get over it and forget it ever happened but I will always say you can’t forget it you just put aside and keep it in the back but every once in a while it just rises back up especially when I hear another child has been raped. The anger just comes back up because I have been there and done that and I feel so badly there is another girl or boy that is going through the HELL I had to go through.
I call rape as FIRST DEGREE MURDER because that person killed the real person you were to become and that is the way it is no matter what.
When I finally talked the first reaction was not good and mind you it was years and years after I said a word because of the fear factor. The sister that brought this man into my world told me that I messed up her life and the other sister told me I was a liar. It was just awful and that is a fact. It drove such a wedge between us we barely or ever speak to one another I couldn’t imagine what they would have been like if I had told them when it was happening.
The reason why I never spoke was because he told me that if I spoke about what he was doing to me he would kill my famiiy starting with my mother and make me watch. So he got away with it for nine (9) years four (4) days a week in his own marriage bed. The only reason he stopped I got married and moved out of town but even today I still have that little fear in my head I try to remove it but the more I do that the more it stays so just put to the side.
I just want to thank you again for being so sweet to all of us!!!
Thank you,
Carol



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God's Wink

posted March 3, 2009 at 12:04 pm


Dear Martha,
Your video is the inspiration God wants for all his children that were hurt at the hands of abuse. My husband experienced what I would and so many others would consider the most horrific…at the hands of parents and siblings…it is but for the Grace of God Father he is alive and I have embraced this angel…child abuse sexual/physical/mental is traumatic. After years of finding therapist the most credible and incredible treatment has been EMDR. There are specific psychologists that have this certification and in our case my husband’s therapist is a Christian which is an additional asset. EMDR psychologists deal with Post Traumatic Stress disorder and it has been able to offer a new life for my husband.
Blessings to all and please consider researching EMDR therapy…



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Dee

posted March 3, 2009 at 12:08 pm


Dear Martha,
What happened to me in my past was from a family member, my Dad. I was a victim of sexual molestation and abuse from him, along with my older sister. I didn’t deal with it until after I was married. I stopped it from happening to me by telling my Mom. I still to this day do not know if my sister’s stopped also because of what I did or not. She refuses to talk about it, but I do know it happened to her more than once. Thankfully, I only had the one time. I still at times have to deal with bad feelings or anger of the situation, but I try to do for others to help me concentrate on the good in my life and not the bad past. I continue to seek God for answers for my problems and he seems to always point me in the right direction. I am not ashamed and do speak about it to others because I realized from the beginning of remembering what happened, it was not my fault. I had to deal with blaming my sister for not telling before it happened to me, but also came to figure out she had to use me to tell because she was weak and I was strong. I no longer blame her and pray that she somehow deals with ths in her life. She has never dealt with this with family members either. I confronted my father directly and that helped me alot in my healing process. I continue to heal, day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute and second by second. Thank you for sharing with us, so many of us!!! DS



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Dianne

posted March 3, 2009 at 12:23 pm


Dear Martha,
How true your words are. I too was abused by my brother for years. I told no one, until it was time to save his daughter from his abuse. Unfortunately, it didn’t help. My family chose not to believe me. I lost all contact with them, which turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. They are dead to me. I have no regrets. I have 2 grown children, whom I protected thru out there growing years. They are my life. What happened to me made me who I am today. A very strong, loving, caring, understanding person. I love life and take each day at a time. It’s not our fault ad I want everyone to believe that. Also you may never get answer’s to all those why questions. Forgive and move on.



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Maria

posted March 3, 2009 at 12:41 pm


This message is very timely because my husband just left to return to his home state after a marriage that became abusive for both of us.
I am slowly starting to realize that the molestation I suffered from as a child is not something that I should have ever ignored or pushed under the rug.
Being determined not to let it bother me, I fell into one wrong relationship after another, using sex as a means of false emotional connection and power. I continued to ignore it even as I found myself agreeing to marry someone that I barely knew. Just months after we were married the signs of abuse that were there even in the beginning started to grow more and more problematic, with bigger blowups. Finally it got to the point where he had to go or someone would be sent to jail. I have started to take responsibility for my role in it and the more I think about what I need to work on, the farther back I go – all the way back to my upbringing and the molestation.
Mind you, I am a person who had 2 years of therapy and I always fell back on that. I realize now that after that 2 years of therapy was just scratching the surface. I never discussed a major part of why I was probably there in the first place – the molestation. I even lied about whether or not I had a history of molestation because I couldn’t bring myself to say it out loud.
Martha, your video today made me realize that there is someone out there who is not afraid to say that they were abused. I have been afraid to say it all these years because I didn’t want my family to suffer the guilt that they could’ve done something about it – and I didn’t want to have to confront the issues surrounding it for myself. But today is a new day – and I’m happy to say that I’m starting therapy again (my first session was last week). I know there’s a long road ahead and I’m scared. But I’ve also resolved to make sure that one person’s actions long ago don’t hold negative power over me and affect my life in the way that they have up till now.
I’m thankful that I watched your video (I almost didn’t using the same excuse I’ve used in the past: That doesn’t have anything to do with me so I’ll avoid it.) I’m meeting it head on now – or at least getting up the courage to meet it head on. And I thank you and God for that.



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debbie

posted March 3, 2009 at 12:50 pm


bless you foryorvideoitowasthevictimofabusebymyfatherandstepfatherforyearsifelfdirtyandblamedmyselfihadnohelpitriedtellingpeopleandnoonebelievedme.itwentonforyearsandunbenonsttomeitwasalsohappeningtomyyoungersisterbythesamepeople.bothherandigrewupwithmanyissuesmentally.bothsufferingfromptsd,severedeppressionandborderlingpersonalities.beingputonmedicationsthatmadeusfatandprettymuchstupid.sheisdeadnow.andmeimstilllivingthenightmare.imnotdealingwiththeabuseanymore,butilivethenightmareeverynight.icantkeeparelationship,mymarraige,wentdownthetubes.ididhavethreechildrenthatiprotectwithmylife.imintherepy.butthenightmarescontinue,ihavebeenhospitalizedicantevencounthowmanytimesanymore.butiamtryingandiwillsayitisgettingeasiertodealwith.soforthosewhoarejuststartingoutonthisjourney,dontgiveupitdoesgetbetter,andlifedoesgeteasier.justprayandgiveittime,itwasntyourfaultandyouarenottoblame.



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sharon malone

posted March 3, 2009 at 12:55 pm


DEAR MARTHA,I AM SO SORRY TO HEAR THAT YOU WERE SEXUALLY ABUSED.I AM A SURVIVOR.I WAS ABUSED BY MY FATHER FOR YEARS,IT TOOK 53 YEARS,BEFORE I WAS HEALED FROM THAT.OUR CHURCH HAD A SPIRTUAL BREAKTHROUGH RETREAT,WHICH THE LORD USE TO HEAL ME.NOW I,M NOT ANGRY ANYMORE.I WAS ABLE TO FORGIVE MY FATHER AND MY EXHUSBAND FOR ABUSING ME.PLEASE PRAY FOR MY DAUGHTERINLAW WHO WAS RAPED BY 3 MEN.SHE NEVER RECEIVED ANY HELP.SHE WAS 15 AT THE TIME.SHE IS 25.SHE WANTS A DIVORCE FROMMY SON BRIAN.THANKS FOR SHARING.YOU ARE A BLESSING.GOD BLESS YOU SHARON



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Anne

posted March 3, 2009 at 1:18 pm


Dear Martha, my father commited suicide 52 years ago this week, when i was 14 years old. i have worked so hard in my adult life to come to terms with his death and my family’s response to his death. 3 months after his death, we moved to another state and his name was never mentioned again. Everyone acted as if he had never existed.
it was not until my early 40’s that i was able to begin dealing with my dad’s suicide. This year, following my retirement from FT employment, the suicide and the lack of communication that has existed in my family as a result has come crashing down on me again and i can’t seem to “let go”. I know I need to turn this over to my Higher Power but I am unable to trust. the issue of trust was further compounded when my husband of 25 years wanted a divorce because he could not longer keep his homosexuality hidden. he was and still is a minister so i have so much trouble feeling that anyone in “the church” can be trusted to help me with this issue.



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Trenda

posted March 3, 2009 at 2:06 pm


Thank you so much for sharing your story. I was molested by a family member against a backdrop of a “good” Christian home. I think because the two were linked in my mind, I couldn’t connect with God. I wanted to, but there was a wall that wouldn’t let His love through.
I started seeing a counselor following a second failed marriage, and she has slowly and gently helped me face the abuse of the past. I’m beginning to understand that I’ve turned my anger toward God and myself, rather than where it belongs. Last week, after a painful realization that my mom was not only aware but passively assisted the abuser, I just felt like I couldn’t take it. It was too raw, too painful — and I turned it over to God. I had lots of questions and doubts and insecurities, but I put all that aside and asked Him to take the burden from me. I turned my life over to Him, and He heard. I started crying, weeping really, because I realized God doesn’t hate me. He hasn’t been condemning me, I’ve been condemning myself and building my own prison wall.
I feel so much lighter, like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I don’t hate the young girl I was, or the woman I am now; may not sound like much, but it’s a huge step. I am so excited to see what God has in store for my family. If you’re in pain, I know it sounds cliched, but give it to God; he’s bigger than the abuse. I am blown away.
And Marilyn, it meant so much to hear you say that it wasn’t our fault, that we shoudln’t be ashamed. Intellectually, I know that’s the truth, but I needed to hear you say those words out lout. And yep, the tears came again; I’m a fountain this week, but they’re healing tears — so thank you.



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jenna

posted March 3, 2009 at 2:41 pm


martha,
your story has been inperational to many i’m sure. i was not sexually abused but i was very bably physicaly abused for 9 years. if u have any insight, quotes, or prayers that may help me stay strong and move on. i could defenatly use some advise, cause i’m trying to move on with my life and i’m so used to my past i’m not sure how. thank u for your insperation.



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Paula Kent

posted March 3, 2009 at 2:57 pm


Hello Mrs Martha for some reason I took my time to listen to this video and now I see why.There is a dark hallway in my life also that comes to haunt me too and yes it was hard to let go of my first daughter,who is now 25 years.I had to finnally let go of her when she broke away at the age of 24 and got her own apt.She really didnt tel me her incident she had with someone who trided to make her yeild to his selfish desires but it help me to know God was with her cause he was not able to go all the way with her,surly God’s favor was with her.I then felt a since of relief that what I experience more than twice and had made me feel like I was doing something wrong and in the wrong place at the wrong time just wasn’t so.I have to bite the bullet and say it happened and I mad it out alive and God was with me too ! I’m blessed and it all works together for my good cause if I dont know anything else I know I DO LOVE THE LORD!!! and that helps me to know it’s working together for my good and I can see HE is blessing me through my daughter.I have a ten year old I watch now but i’m encouraged to know she want even have to face the situation even once IN JESUS NAME it just gets better.God will totally heal me in His timing and bless me with that someone who can love me,in HIS way,in HIS timing I love you for the encouraging word you give us trusting us with your valuable dark times we all love you Mrs Martha THANKS!!! and be blessed



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kathryn

posted March 3, 2009 at 3:47 pm


Watching this segment opened a door for me, flooded with tears. i’m in awe of people who have been able to move past the shame. Still struggling with that, silences me. I’m 35 yrs old, married, and expecting my first child. I’m sure the hormones assisted with the shedding of tears!! I thought the way to healing was closing the door and moving forward, yet every corner i turn – there *it* is again. my husband is aware that *it* happened, but does not know the extent. those words will never leave my mouth. which i believe is because of the guilt and deep sense of shame, that was spoken about in this message. i have always believed that spirituality would be the path towards healing – as the person(s) who hurt me used religion as their “reason” for doing it, as directed by God. It was not until i was in my 20’s that i realized those were all lies. Still struggling with this bag that i drag behind me everywhere, praying no one will see it when they look at me. But, thankful, to hear messages like this – to *know* and feel that others have made it further along in this journey, and that true healing is possible. thank you, everyone, for sharing parts of your life here. i haven’t cried in years… and yet, today, i am overcome with sadness at the thought of such widespread pain – and all those who have walked this path in the past AND who continue to experience such dreadful experiences. bless you, all. and may God protect those that are still in pain, today.



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Faye

posted March 3, 2009 at 3:56 pm


Dear Martha,
This video came to me in perfect timing. I too had to walk that long dark hall to get healing for childhood sexual abuse. I was abused by someone who should have been taking care of me. I have a beautiful teen daughter, and I hoped against all hope that she would never have to face the things I had to face. My hope was dashed when I learned that my daughter had been raped. My own daughter was raped by a stranger outdoors in broad daylight. No one came to her rescue, no one responded to her screams. She was all alone with someone who wanted to hurt her. She managed to escape with her life. She saved herself. I am proud of her fighting to defend herself. Sadly,I did not believe her at first, she had embellished the story to sound like she took precise actions to protect herself, then she admitted that she was so ashamed for this happening that she didn’t want to appear like she wasn’t smart. It all seemed so surreal. As time goes by, I have come to understand that it is not unusual behavior for a person who has been traumatized.
Somedays,I am overwhelmed with grief and shame myself. I think of all the things I might have done to protect my daughter…maybe self defense classes…help her practice more awareness so she can sense danger way before it is too late… Though thinking about preventive measures can be somewhat comforting, the most comfort comes from knowing that God is with her, that God is for her and that God will comfort, heal and set her straight on the path that was ordained for her even before she was born.
Thank you for the reminder…”don’t buy into the shame..”



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Deb

posted March 3, 2009 at 5:29 pm


As a child I was abused in many ways.And married for the 2 time. Was abused in many ways again. I have got help for years now. I get the flash backs. I have a 30year old son that knows that it was a man my mom married. The hard part is my mom says she doesn’t feel bad about it. It happened to my sister and myself. I am a survier of about any form there is. My mom, grandmother, a man that said he was my father, and now a ex husband. Thank you.



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Dee

posted March 3, 2009 at 7:55 pm


Hello! I’ve been through this as a child,from the ages of 5 years old upto 17 years old when I was legal to move out and go live somewhere else!!!!!!! And yes, you have nothing to be a shamed of, you did not do anything wrong!!!!!!!!! You just like I was a victim to what has happened to you just like I was!!!!!!!!!!! Never feel that it was your fault, cause it never was your fault!!!!!!!!!!!!! And don’t feel a shame of whatever you had to do to survive what you had to go through….. You must give this to GOD in order to Survive and over come this crime that you had to go through….. And it truly does help to talk with someone, that is a professonial in this area!!!!!!!!!!! And for those that blame what they had to go through as a child or an adult and then they continue to do it onto someone else, is NOT RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know from experience of being sexually abused as a child, that if you TRULLY HAD THIS DONE TO YOU, THAT THERE IS NO WAY THAT YOU WOULD EVER PUT ANYONE ELSE THROUGH THIS PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!! There is alot more help out there, then when I went through all of this sexual abuse!!!!!!!!! And yes, it was from 2 uncles of mine & my sister!!!!!!!!!!!! So believe me when I say that you can become a good person after all of this, I have in more ways then one!!!!!!!!!!! And I have made a promise to myself that if there is anyway that I can prevent anyone else from going through what I had to go through, then I would do whatever it takes to help STOP THIS FROM HAPPENING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO CHILD OR ANYONE DESERVERS THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Except the one’s that are the people whom do this to any of us!!!!!!!!!! They should be hung!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You all hang in there and get professional help like I have to over come this!!!!!!!! And most of all remember that it’s not YOUR FAULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Take care & get help!!!!!!!!!!! And may GOD BLESS YOU ALL AND GUIDE YOU ALL AS GOD HAS DONE FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have FAITH, GOD DOESN’T WANT ANY OF THIS FOR ANY US!!!!!!!!!!!!
GOD BLESS YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



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Cheryl

posted March 3, 2009 at 8:30 pm


March 3, 2009:6:29p.m.
Martha, I was first raped, right out of High School, at the young age of 17, and was a committed Christian, was my whole life. I was an example to my friends and peers from Kindergarten= high school to All who knew me! I myself, went looking for my friends who all my life I went to church with and school, couldn’t find them. Then I started hearing where they were. Trying to find a bigger excitement in their life. Mistake number one: two, I went looking for them at bars, parties, and so on. OH, Yes, I found them one by one. I turned my first corner to something I didn’t want because I had an alcoholic father and should have known this was nothing but trouble, from the get go. But, the bands were great and there were alot of my friends, some I would have Never figured would be there: elders sons, daughters, and cousins, they all were there. It puzzled me. Well, I got with a few of my friends older sisters and started hanging out, bigger mistake, they already had a couple years on me and already experienced some things, I would never do. At first, I drank cokes and danced, and maybe out to eat. Then it was the first beer, then first party, after the bars. I was okay until one of their friends, guys ask me if I wanted a ride home. Young and very neive I said yes, I wanted no more partying for the night or another beer, which it was only a few at first. Well, two young men told my girlfriend they didn’t mind. I sorta had a crush on one of them, another mistake. I sat with him in the back seat just kissing and hugging, which turned out to be the fight of my life, when he force me down and pinned me, began stripping me of just my bottoms, and I was screaming “HELP” to his friend, he said she’s saying no, but it didn’t matter, he kept driving and I kept screaming, “But, I am a virgin, I have never had sex, please don’t, stop, I will be ruined”, didn’t reply, but, “I will get pregnant, I don’t want that tears flooding my face. Got to my home, and they said good night, see you again. I sat on my front door step sobbing, hoping mom and dad didn’t hear me. This was in the 60’s, I was ashamed, wanted to die before I would tell. So, I went in the house, straight to the bathroom. I was in the shower so long then, in the tub, with almost scalding water, trying to wash the flith OFF ME!! My mother came in and I just told her I was hot and sweatie from dancing and needed a bath, she asked me why my eyes were so RED, I said I got shampoo in them, she said well hurry up it’s late honey. My mother was such a good Christian Woman, I couldn’t hurt her and my dad would have got the shot gun and made me tell him and he would have found him and killed him. So, I said nothing, this was in August of 67. By, Sept. I noticed changes in my little then breast, I knew immediately, they started hurting, and they only did that once a month, you know? I told the my best friend at the time, who was so sorry, for letting me go alone with them, and we went out of town to a doctor, the whole bit, fake everything. Well, he knew, and told me that my hymem hadn’t been all the way broke, I asked what that was? He explained, and said he had to go ahead and finish the job, Not in that way, so I thought, then I won’t get pregnant???? Well, he explained again, I’m sure you are, and I started screaming and crying, and my friend just busted thro the doors. We didn’t tell anyone for the longest, until her mother noticed how much weight I had gained, and I finally broke and told her, but making her promise NOT to tell my mother no matter what. She never did, until afterwards. Well, it was over my life. I was a ruined Christian Little Girl, without a future. I tried everythig, to talk to the guy, didn’t help. So, my life of distruction started, I didn’t care where or who. I went to a Christian Home in Coral Gables Florida, and stayed, writing letters to everyone telling them I was a secretary for a construction co. It worked, until I had the baby and they accidentally let me see her. See, I was suppose to give her up, but she was so beautiful, and to me she was alittle angel from God. I couldn’t let her go then. I had to call a member of the family, I did, I ten year older sister, oh boy, she was out of her mind with “OH NO’s”, how’s, why’s. I just said, I need you to come down here, she lived in middle of Fla. I said, “don’t tell mama or daddy, I’ll do that when I get home. I called my boyfriend to see if he still wanted to marry me, he said yes. He had to come at once, was on next plane out. My sister, him and I, sat and talked it all out. She said you should give her up your too young, your life will be over, as far as a future in Missions or anything else. But, No, No, and more No’s, she is of God and she is MINE. There is so much more to that story. But, my life went ruff, as described, especially when she turned two, and my mother died. I went absolutely crazy and wild, nothing in the world anymore mattered to me. And so a wild woman emerged for the next 20 yrs, shame, grief, hate, I tried to love but I couldn’t not really, not even God at times. I was mad at him for taking my mother. In 2002, by this time already had been marreid and devored three times. Last time in 1979. Well, I was waiting on my friend at her house, and a friend I thought of hers came by to see her. He waited quite awhile, and when he figured noone was coming he forced me into unbelieveable acts of sex and rape again, I was engaged at the time. It was a couple of hours of agaony, and finally after he was through, he got up and left, before he told me not to tell anyone, or he would kill me. Again totally in withdraws of so much, I died inside, never to marry or want a man again not even could I keep the relationship I had. Drinking, drugs, and whatever, did’t care. Then a wreck, hurt alittle, shamed alot when I went to jail, that’s when I said after yrs of wasting my life, God, Please come back into my life, had many many trips to the alter, alot of family to prove myself to and regain their respect, but, it finally happened, I’ve almost , well almost try and NOT remember the bad, but a verse: “I CAN DO ALL THINGS, THROUGH HIM WHO STRENGTENS ME”. I am now 60 and still have flash backs at times, but you know what I do, I shake my head very hard and say Satan I rebuke you, you sorry thing, I AM GOD’S AND YOU CAN’T HURT ME OR COME INTO MY LIFE, and it works. I say to any mother, don’t yell, mine didn’t she was hurt I didn’t tell her so she could hold me, hug me, and help get thro it together, she was so full of LOVE. Young girls, don’t turn away from Christ He was my “EVERYTHING, MY LIFE’, BUT, BECAUSE OF HIS UNDYING LOVE FOR ME, HAS ALWAYS TAKEN ME BACK, YOU KNOW WHY=====HE NEVER LEFT ME===I LEFT HIM. From a loving mother and now a grandmother of three lovely granddaughters, and what a beautiful daughter and she is a wonderful mother so full of Love and I would have died along time ago if it hadn’t been for her. Thanks Martha, for so much of your page, but I had God using my fingers, and he said tell other young Christian girls your story and their mothers. God Bless You For this sight, Love In Christ, Your sister Cheryl. Oh yes, when I was 40, I went four years to Johnson Bible College, in Knoxville, Tn. Thanks be to God, he answered that dream. ‘DON’T EVER GIVE UP, GOD DOESN’T, just one lost sheep he went out and found me and brought me back.



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Lynne

posted March 3, 2009 at 9:56 pm


Dear Martha,
I read beliefnet everday and when you have a new video I watch, read and save it. They have been my lifeline. I was also sexually abused by my grandfather. My father’s dad. I never told any family member, especially my dad because I know he would never believe me. My mother died when I was four years old and my sister was three years younger. My dad and his sister adored their father and would never accept the fact that their father would do such a terrible thing. I remember being babysat by my grandfather and grandmother while my dad worked and that’s when it happened. My grandmoter would do shopping or visiting the next door neighbor and that’s when he started. I was six years old when it began but I didn’t know what it was or why he was doing what he did to me. My sister and I were raised in a Catholic orphanage from the time I was six to about thirteen. I didn’t really put two and two together until I was about 11 years old or so and stayed away from him as much as I could when my dad would take us every other weekend. I am a christian woman (not Catholic) and have been most of my life. I’m 63 years old now but I can still vividly remember everything. I’ve been to therapy several times and it helps somewhat. I’ve had a lot of stress in my life, and severe problems with two of our five children, but God has always been there for me.
I thank God for you and Beliefnet. Please keep up the wonderful video’s, they and you are a definete blessing.
Thank you for listening and God Bless you and your family always.



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Carol

posted March 3, 2009 at 10:09 pm


This is very difficult for me..reading these comments have lead me to realize I am not alone. Being 38 years old and have a 6 year old daughter, the fear is overhelming. My abuse started when I was 6 or 7 by my grandfather and everything stopped finally when he past away. The family was torn, because this happen years ago, the family was ashamed of me and made me feal that I was looking for it. Now, I realize that they just didn’t know how to deal with it (so I tell myself). The fears I have now is that I may be OVER protective of my daughter and I don’t want to scare her but I do want her to trust me enough to tell me if anybody is doing wrong by her. I want her to be cautious and always keep her eyes, ears, and her mind open that it can happen and how she may be able to prevent it…Losing 3 children (miscarages) I am blessed to have her, eventhough part of me wanted a boy for the simple reason that this fear may not be as big. Now that I do have her I am enjoying every minute. The family still can’t talk about it, but I do to my daughter and my step-son, so that they know it happens and they to always TALK…GOD BLESS…the more we communicate the better we will all be!



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Janell

posted March 3, 2009 at 11:21 pm


Dear Martha,
Well, my Psycologist–Dr. Carol Visser asked me to watch this video…Walking Along a Very Dark Hallway. Your exhortation to speak out, “I have nothing to be ashamed of” was the first time I have ever said those words. Although I know that in my head, to hear myself speak the truth is a powerful. Stand Tall was your second encouragement…Tomorrow I will try. I am currently realizing the impact of the first abuse I endured. Horrific. Terrifying. Altogether paralyzing. Thank you for your courage to speak about your experience so others, like myself, can experience God’s freedom. My favorite verse is Hebrews 13:5 “Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.”
May God’s face shine upon you today, friend.



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Pam (please don't list my full name)

posted March 4, 2009 at 12:09 am


Dear Martha,
I really want all people who were abused as very young children to know this… My father started raping me when I was 4yrs old. I don’t remember much of it because I completely forgot the experience until my mom made me remember it. I’m now 52, at age 47 my mom wanted me to forgive my dad before he died of Alsheimers so she got very drunk one night & refreshed my memory. All the sudden my whole life added up, for the first time in my life, I had a clue. My dad raped my little 4yr old body so violently it warped my spine & my knees started dislocating when I was 14 because of my warped spine. Dad also gave me a STD… Our family Dr must’ve threatend my dad because he stopped raping me before I started Kidnergarden. I plan to go to a Psychologist to remember everything so I can so I can either forgive or sue my mom For Unlawfull Carnal Knowkedge. There is no statute of limitations under the US law for rape. I kinda feel sorry for my mom but she stayed with my dad for the money so I’m not sure what to do because she didn’t seam to care what happened to me. By the ways of my knees going out, I could never keep a job ‘good’ because I always ended up on crutches & I couldn’t get government help because I can walk. I Have Nothing to retire on because I never could keep a job.



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richard

posted March 4, 2009 at 12:25 am


Dear Martha, I’m not sure why,but I’ve noticed that all the comment’s were left woman. My pray’s and admeration go out to everyone of them. But it make’s me very sad to see that their are no men here,”why” Do we live in a society that look’s down on male’s who have sufferd at the hand’s of these vicious thief’s of innocense,do they feel if they say anything they will be persocuted by society as much as they were by there attacker’s.I guess so,as I have been living with the guilt for over 40 year’s.One thing I noticed about all the comment’s sent by those who are mother’s,that they are all very protective of there kid’s.Surely you all realize there the greatest blessing in the world, I on the other hand wasn’t. please don’t get me wrong,”I loved my mom and I know she loved me”.I never told her about the preist who malested me before she died,or asked about the thing’s she had done to me,when I was young. Maybe this is a comment to all the mother’s and father’s that visit your site dailey. Don’t give up hope on your kid’s,always show and tell them you love them,that no matter what,your there for them no matter what they put you thru. That the truth is the most important thing in our life. I didn’t get that as a child growing up,and now have many unresolved issue’s I battle with everyday.My mother and father had 5 other kid’s and I guess one of us had to be the scapegoat for eveyone else,that was me,so it felt.Abuse comes in many form’s and way’s.And mine started at the age of 5, and now 52,it’s still happening in one way or another. But I havn’t given up,all though my M.D.is shocked . So just trust in the lord jesus and his father and one day all the weight of our troubles will be lifted off our shoulder’s and wiped away by his hand’s. May the good lord bless you and all those you love



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Ms. Rebecca Sorensen

posted March 4, 2009 at 12:05 pm


Hello “Dear” Martha
I am not necessarily wanting to post a comment as
I am just coming here to thank YOU so much for your
time and beauty in what you do.
I send to you mucho love and thanks for simply being You !
Your vidios make my days!
Lady Rebecca



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wil k

posted March 4, 2009 at 1:11 pm


Dear Martha,
I found your site about 3 months ago. I watch every video and I read every comment. I cried so many times today reading the comments and listening to your testimony. My heart goes out to Christina, Kimberly, Jenna, Tracy, and every other child of God who has suffered from the evil men in our society. I also cry , but with tears of happiness at every “Touched by an Angel” episode. You are a remarkable woman and an inspiration to so many people, Martha. I see God in your eyes. I just wish I could hug everyone of these people who wrote into to you. I can’t, but I can tell them that God is hugging them this very moment. He knows everything. He loves His children so very much. He will bring us all together soon to live with Him in eternity. God bless you.



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Bridget

posted March 4, 2009 at 3:04 pm


Dear Martha,
I was molested since I was 5yrs old on up. I grew up afraid of falling asleep knowing that someone was going to touch me in my sleep. I couldn’t even lock the door because they would break the lock and the door down.
I was a product of rape. My mother was raped and beaten when she was 16yrs old. She then became pregnant with me. My dad is a rapist. Im still coming to terms with that. If I came from something so evil, so hateful…what does that make me?
Jump years ahead. My stepfather raped me soon after I was raped by a complete stranger who broke into a friends house while i was sleeping on her couch. We reported him immediately and they dropped the charges saying it was a racist charge because they asked me to describe him and i told them that he was black because he was. I felt cheated by our judicial system. When I told my mother, she blamed me saying that I asked for it. she was raped by 4 guys when i was ten yrs old. I thought she would understand. I tried to tell her all the times that my stepdad would touch me, and i would catch him watching me take a shower or change because he would pick the lock. i wore baggy clothes all the time because of the way he would look at me. I am still uncomfortable with certain scenes on tv shows and movies that seem sexual because of the way my stepfather was. Even when i was pregnant with my girls and i was married. my husband was deployed and i was still looking for a place for me and my husband and i had to stay w/my mom. He would look at porn sites that showed pregnant women and mention how sexy i would look naked right now. i tried to tell my mom ever since it started years before she wouldn’t believe me. she would always believe him. I finally had the strength to press charges. They told me i already passed the statute of limitations for rape. she finally believed me and still did not want me to put him in jail because she needed the money from him to support her and her kids. Jump years later. I still have a hard time getting through life. she would get drunk and yell at me and say that I —- her husband.
Martha, I wish I could take everybodys pain and guilt and find a way to get rid of it all for good. I know what I went through and it breaks my heart knowing that there are a lot of other people who are going through similar circumstances. Ive seen many therapists and they said they are shocked that im not either a drug addict, a prostitute, or dead. They say I am strong, but I feel weak. They say I am the rock of the family, but I feel like im about to crumble. The only thing that keeps me going is my kids. my two beautiful girls are what keep me alive and going. Now I am getting married and I am afraid of what hes going into. He knows what has happened. We are very open about our lives. yet, there is still a certain fragility about me that I can’t explain to him. He has been supportive but sometimes when i feel like crying for no reason, or the days when it almost hurts to smile or laugh and the pain shoots through me like daggers through my heart and through my body. I wish he understood more.



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chrissy payer

posted March 4, 2009 at 11:04 pm


Dear Martha, I was molested by my father from the age of 2 yrs to 14 yrs old. He would put a hole in the bathroom door with a screwdriver, so he could watch me shower. I would wake up in the middle of the night and he would be on top of me. I remember thinking one time when I was about 5 yrs old, if I cry he will kill me. In March 1999, my father was sentenced to 11 years in prision, not for me but for 22 other counts of rape of younger girls, three of them were my cousins. He is due to get out Febuary of next year and I am terrified. I have 2 boys and a precious baby girl, I am married to a wonderful man but I still wake up with the nightmares. Some movie, or something I see will remind me and take me back all those years ago. I have lived in my own silent hell in some ways because I’m still at the point where I am trying to fight the demons and not be ashamed and let it all out, finally!! I am 28 yrs old and I just started therapy 3 weeks ago. I don’t want my children wondering why mommy crys or why mommy gets really sad sometimes, even for days at a time. I am trying to not let him win, and control my world, my dreams, my emotions. It hurts so so bad and I wonder when does the pain go away? Or does it never?



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mon sherrie for Poppie

posted March 5, 2009 at 5:35 am


It was comforting to read your story and listen to your video,I am waiting for a court date 3/20 09 as my daughter faced abuse from my spouse of over 13 years. I was abused myself from 8 to 11 by a step cousin. I was in a situation where my mother was mentally ill and my biological father worked a lot. The on thing I will stress to parents is keep no secrets between yourselves. I had no idea of what was going on as my daughter was too ashamed and afraid to tell me. My mother now a new woman through her faith told her to tell me. My wounds are still red swollen and deep. I tried to protect my daughter always holding her hand tight in grocery stores but never thought my own husband. I lost my spouse to jail 2/1 of tis year as this all came out 1/30. The hardest thing was being faced to decide love gone or my daughters security. I don’t know when the tears will stop between the years as I also have to pay bills witout his income but one thin I do know is my 11 year old is blossoming into a beautiful young lady. She told our pastor she;s not a virgin anymore. He told her you still have precious goods that you will have a choice to willingly give to a deserving soldier of God.
Be blessed all. Love your self,love your children believe in the prayer of footprints someone dear told me. You will be held up when you have a hard time waling in the sand…



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Gigi G.

posted March 5, 2009 at 8:33 am


Been a long time comming since I faced the reality of what happened when we were told to stay put with our grandmas boyfiend and made to call him Mr. Richard. He’d foundal us and no one seemed to notice. Thanks Martha



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Grezony Caraballo

posted March 5, 2009 at 1:04 pm


Dear Martha,
Thank you, for your words of encouragement! I was sexually molested as a child as well. But at the time children were not supposed to tell of such things. I kept everything inside, making my relationships hard and painful. Here I am, not 100 percent sane but not insane. I had come to terms with my abuse and my abuser many years back.
As I, saw him lose his mind and health, one day at a time. He is dead now, many years. I can not forget the pain he endured, to atone for his SINS! I had forgiven him many years ago, for what he stole from me. I am hear to say, I still have baggage and scars, but forgiveness. God, helped me get through a lot of things, some not so great, others Blessings that only He can give.
I am here to state, for whatever the reason? I have survived!! My relationships, are still not 100 percent, but they are better. There is an inner Peace one gets, when one forgives, our abusers. I don’t have to say, it much harder to forgive a family member than a stranger! I did. My grandfather, died a horrible and painful death. He lost his mind, his purpose, and his body. I and brothers and sister, witnessed all of this. There as I watched him, wither away. I came to terms, with what he did and forgave him!
No support from anyone, I toughed it out myself, all those years. I have always known, there was a Higher Being, watching over me. This experience in forgiveness, has allowed me, the opportunity, to encourage others to Forgive!! No matter how bad things seem? There is always, Forgiveness. Life is challenge after the other. You are always, tested!
Once again, thank you, and continue your purpose. It is most inspiring to read and see that one is not alone. God is is with us always!!



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Jennifer

posted March 5, 2009 at 4:05 pm


Martha,
This is a little hard for me to talk about, but as a child I was molested
by my grandparents next door neighbor , Francisco at the age of 5.
The sad thing is when it first happened and I told my grandmother, she did not believe me.
He later then started exposing himself and saying Inappropriate things to me.
” Im saving this for you baby” and other things that are just not even worth repeating.
To this day, it still haunts me.
I am a foster parent and one little girl who was staying with me, was sexually molested too.
It has been many years now that Francisco has been gone, but seeing what this little girl
had been though brought back so many painful memories for me.
To anyone else out there who has been a victim, just remember, it is not your fault.
I carried around so much guilt and felt like it was my fault, but noone should ever
blame themselves for something horrible someone has done to them.
God Bless you Martha,
Jennifer



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Laurie

posted March 6, 2009 at 2:41 am


Martha,
I’m so sorry for your abuse. You have battled evil & won. Abba is with you.
Our family is ripped apart right now because my oldest has falsely accused her step father of molestation. My husband & I have gone thru faith based counseling. We have wept many tears. But he swears he did not do it. This daughter was the apple of her bio-dad’s eye.(or so she thought & so did I) And was severely hurt when he deserted us. (she has a younger sister too). She always hoped “daddy” would come back home. Well it was not to be. And she was devasted. We all were.
This story has torn us apart. (she is now 38)I love her very much. I told she is free to go to the police if she sticks to her story, which again, she says she has blanked from her memory so can’t give details. She just says, it happended. She refuses to discuss any of it. She Visits us with her son once a year & is “polite” w/step-father (my husband) but there is a distance between she & I that breaks my heart. It is based on the fact that I stayed w/him and did not divorce him.
Martha, I know she wanted her Daddy back at age 12. I know she thought this was a way to get him back. But her Daddy left because of another woman and did not want us anymore. Her little girl dream was crushed. And she took out her pain on her step-dad. He’s not perfect but he has taken care of us and continues to go to our church for counseling. It hurts him so much to be accused of such a horrendouse sin. I remind him that Jesus was accused of things he did not do. That God will find a way to get the truth out. But Martha sometimes I can hardly get out of bed for the distance that has come between my daughters and me. Her younger sister (now age 34) takes her side & believes her. She said it would betray her to do otherwise. So ultimately I am the Mom who did not help her own daughters. By the way, I was not told of the “act”. It came out when she wrote a letter to a pop star asking him to come kidnap her because she was “now experienced”. My husband found the letter in her room. It made me sick to see such awful things written by my daughter to a complete stranger. And when confronted, she ranted & raved about her privacy being broken.
Please continue to encourage young women to not be afraid to stand up for themselves when this happens. But also pray that Satan does not use this type of warfare to cause families to split. Lies destroy lives. My husband and I continue to love them and pray Abba will help us in our dark hallways too.
God Bless you Martha



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pammy1

posted March 6, 2009 at 8:54 pm


My daughter too has just been molested. I’ve always explained to my daughter how she needs to be careful every where she goes. I just couldn’t believe a close family member could do this to her. My daughter has asked me if I believe her which I do because I first confronted him before I called the cops. A child would never lie about something like this and make up a story. This has shaken the whole family about how a person so loving and trusted can this such a henious crime. I don’t hate him I just hate for what he did to my daughter and don’t know if I could ever forgive………



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Audrey

posted March 8, 2009 at 5:54 pm


Dearest Martha,
I am happy for your ability to release the pain. I know that your story will help others to finally speak…and release their own pain.As it has been said, the memory never leaves us, and so the burden to carry.Faith does help there.
I am a 52 year old woman. I suffered abuse in many facets throughout my life.I am as well adjusted as most.I too have had many of the troubles I’ve read here.I was molested at a very early age by a family member, and date raped, and pushed to have sex by men my whole life.
I know sexual abuse is a terrible thing…but I have found that most men abuse woman. It seems to start as a tool of love, but always progresses into control, and then is accompanied by manipulation. I somehow made my latest marriage last for 13 years. I went through pur hell. He contoled me from day 1. Only I was in love and nieve. He once told me that men believe that it’s ok to lie about who and what you are..to get the girl. And once you’ve got her…oh well. He tricked me to marry him, then to have kids, but then told me I wasn’t to work. And I was stuck. In east bum, no job, no car, no friends, no family, and 3 kids. He walked out 2.3 years ago (to get a haircut).I later found out he’d moved in w/the same girl he’d had an affair with.He’d hidden ALL of our $ and left his daughters and I with nothing.And the courts were a joke.My legal Aide lawyer was getting married, and I got the raw deal.Men in general are HORRIBLE creatures.ACCEPT IT.



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Audrey

posted March 14, 2009 at 2:09 pm


I was molested by several psople. Each of those molestations were one time, but it is just as damaging. My cousin mosested me, my mother molested me, a stranger who I needed help from when I ran away because of her alcoholism, a teenage boy molested me while he was in the hospital when I ran because of my mom’s alcoholism, and a family friend because I ran away from my mother’s alcoholism. I shared it with my mom and she blamed me for being molested. I carried the guilt around for years. I shared with my girl cousin that my boy cousin molested me. She told my grandmother. Later, I told her I lied so that I would not tell anyone. My uncle whipped me with a belt. So I sat alone. I thought that God would not be there for me either. I had no one.
I was not addicted to drugs or alcohol, but I gave into compulsive overeating and I protect myself by not wearing revealing clothing, wearing pants almost all of the time, and dressing more masculine
I have been in therapy for several years. I am now working to deal with my sexual abuse, especially my sexual abuse by my mother. I have more mother issues other than the sexual abuse.
I listened to a man who was sexually abused (I read his book)on NPR. He mentioned that Forgiveness is ti let go of all hope for the past to be different. He decided to forgive himself, because of the guilt of being abused. I even heard that forgiveness is not for the other person. It is that I do not carry it around anymore. It is simply for my benifit. I t is selfish, but I deserve it. If I do not give myself that gift, no one else will, and I will continue to hurt myself like I have over years with resentments.



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Lupe

posted March 17, 2009 at 1:55 am


I am currently married to a man who was sexually abused by several male relatives as a young boy and young teenager. He became addicted to drugs many years ago and began remembering memories he had repressed. From that point forward he became a different person and to make a long story short, after 22 years of marriage, we are heading towards divorce. I tried to help but I was accused of butting in. He hates me now and has tried turning our children against me. He says he is attracted to men and does not feel anything for me any longer.
I had the perfect marriage in the aspect that he was a very loving and gentle husband. He loved me for who I was, so he said, and we had tremendous love for each other.
I am so lost and confused right now. I have lost my soul mate. How does a spouse deal with this issue? I have tried counseling but the advice is always the same. “Move on” they tell me. How? How do I move on without my reason for existing in this world?
I have never in my entire 41 years of life considered not living a long and fulfilling life. Honestly, if the Lord allows me to just finish raising my 15 year old, I would not mind if he took me home. I don’t want to live alone without him. He is not the man I married. I don’t even like this person.
I have faith that my Lord will make things right in his own time but I am so scared that I am going to loose my mind before then. It has been 8 months and I still cry at least 3 times a week.
Does anyone out there have any advice for me? I would welcome any comments or your stories, if you’d like to share them with me.
Thank you for listening to a broken spirit with no heart.
Lupe



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nini

posted March 25, 2009 at 5:30 am


Thank you, I know now I am not alone.
God bless.



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Beth

posted April 10, 2009 at 11:12 am


Dear Martha,
I am struck by how our bodies remember what our minds have suppressed. So many of the women who wrote to you are sharing that they are pregnant and the memories have come out. For me, the process took until menopause. Even though I knew my mother and her sisters had been molested by my grandfather, it never occurred to me that I was at the age of four as well.
For years, I lived with fibromyalgia and heart palpitations. Now I realize that for over 50 years I was experiencing post traumatic stress disorder. So often, I’d awaken in the night with my heart racing or I’d watch something on TV and suddenly feel panicked.
For years, I’d push my loving husband away both emotionally and physically not really understanding why. Now, I am working with therapists to release what was suppressed for so long. One has done traditional cognitive work and another is working with me to help me listen to and work with my body so that the pain is released forever. She believes that this kind of trauma can not be simply talked out and I agree. Our cells remember trauma even when we have emotionally walled them off from our memory.
Surprisingly, I had a vision during meditation where I saw my grandfather gazing at me with love. In that moment, I was able to forgive him for his own brokenness. I will never know what took place in his own life that caused him to inflict this pain on others. My struggle is with the family who knew about his sexual violence with other family members but remained silent. Rationally, I understand that back in the 50’s women were shamed who told, yet the reality is that in not telling he was free to continue to hurt other young girls. My own mother is on that list of people I am working to forgive.
Thank you for providing a place where others can speak their truth. I believe that God is healing me, even though the process is difficult and painful both physically and emotionally. My Scripture is “Behold, I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29: 11 I believe that God will use this past experience for good. I am a proud survivor!



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Denzil Minyard

posted May 5, 2009 at 5:01 pm


I am a retired elementary school principal. Twenty years ago I had a wonderful young lady on my staff. She worked in my special education unit for severe and profoundly handicapped children. She love those kids, and in their own way they loved her as well. Her parents were in the same Bible class we attended every Sunday morning. The father and I served together as deacons in this large congregation. My wife and I visited with them quite often. We thought we knew the father who appeared to be very devout, kind, and good man.
One Sunday morning an elder in our congregation made an announcement about a young lady who was suffering from anorexia. If she didn’t get the help she needed, she had only a few weeks to live. A special contribution raised $9,600.00 of the $10,000.00 needed for one month of treatment. The young lady’s name was not mentioned.
Little did I know the young lady I hired to work in the severe/profound classroom was the young lady for whom the money was raised for treatment. She confided in me quite often about her anorexia and the cause. The aforementioned deacon, her father, had molested her and her older sister for several years–from the time they were small children on through their teenage years. I listened as she spewed her bitter feelings toward her father. I was fortunate to have several teachers who took her under their wings and encouraged her and made sure she ate lunch every day. Every day was a struggle for her because her self loathing was so great that she did not care whether she lived or died.
I strongly encouraged her to get begin therapy again. She was seen by a wonderful Christian therapist who helped her in beginning to see herself as a good, worthy person again. Because my wife and I knew her parents, she felt free to talk to me. She told me how much she hated her father and felt no love for him or her mother. The mother stuck with her husband and did not support her daughters. She also had some hard feelings toward her mother. She asked me if her feelings made her a bad person. I told her, “absolutely not.” She had a good reason for those feelings. She had done nothing wrong. She got through that school year and did an excellent job.
The next year I was transferred to another school in our system. I was allowed to take some staff members with me. I took her to my new assigment in a similar severe/profound program. She grew by leaps and bounds and began to feel better about herself and was eating well again. We continued to watch her because she still had the tendency not to eat if she was stressed. The teacher in that classroom is a wonderful, precious lady who became a mother figure for her.
To make a long story short–that same year she met an outstanding Christian young man. They were married that summer and moved to another state. I have lost touch with her, but for four or five years after she left, she would send me cards and letters to let me know the happenings in her life. I saw a zest for life in those cards and letters. It was more than apparent that she was happily married and had found a young man who took care of her and was good to her. She deserved that.
I haven’t heard from her in ten years or so. I still think about her and pray she is doing well. When I had the last contact with her, she had not reconciled with her parents. I don’t know if that has happened or will happen at some point in time.
I took my role as a school principal very seriously. Christian teachers and administrators can have an enormous influence on children and coworkers. America’s public schools desperately need educators who love God. I really feel good about the small part I had in her life. Several of us pulled together to help her. I was so very proud of those teachers who went the extra mile to help someone who needed loving care.
This girl deserves the best.



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Rudy George

posted May 5, 2009 at 5:44 pm


Dear Martha,You say that You are not a Counselor,well I feel that You do not have to be One to make a comment or a Reply to some of these Letters regarding Rape as a Child of 4 or 5 Years Old,to make things worse,most Rapes were by a Relative,A Father,Grandfather,and a Mom,all Sickos, it is absolutely disgusting, I am so sorry for these Victims, Someone should give them some sort of advice in Your Column, I am at a loss for Words, these poor People need someone to Talk to, maybe They should go to a Christian Church Pastor, (not a Catholic Church) for Counseling, there are some Bad Christian Pastors, but, most are good, I wish I knew what to tell Them that have been abused,all I can say is try and serve God,and he will give them Peace and forgiveness, God Bless all of them, there are probably many many more untold Stories of incest Rape,without a doubt.



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Mary

posted May 13, 2009 at 8:53 am


Dear Martha
My story is somewhat different. I have been living in a loveless marriage for a very long time, and I met a man online. With his pretty words, phrases and manipulation, I was stupid to fall in love with him. Now, he says that he’s met someone else, and he’s in love with her. His response to me was that if I slept with him, I must of slept with tons of other men that I met online. I haven’t. How do I heal myself from this? Taking a leap of faith on someone…trusting them…believing in them…only to discover that everything was all a lie? My husband wants us to try again…How can I when my head and heart is somewhere else? I look forward to your reply. Oh, and I just love your inspirational videos.
Warmest regards,
Mary.



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Shirley Denise Griffiths

posted May 25, 2009 at 8:21 am


Martha, I have A quesion,and I know this is for comment page,but I was wondering if you might help me with this quesion, My quesion is: Why do some people think that if “A mother”such as my self thank that just because my children was taken from me when they were little by the State that I shouldn’t have been at my oldest sister’s Mother’s Day dinner for which she invited me to? The bad thing was the “Sister” who envided was The same sister was the one(1) who made that statement.Please e-mail me back if you will and help me understand why she fills this way.



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christy satterfield

posted June 24, 2009 at 2:03 pm


Martha, I was sexually molested for over 7 years by my father. i held everything inside for over 25 years and began to dissociate. I committed some crimes and are currently on probation for those crimes. i had no memory of what I had done. I have been in counseling for over a year now and now i have been charged with another offense and may be facing jail time. I do not feel guilty about what my father done to me finally, but I do feel tremendous guilt over the suffering I have put my family through. My 11 year old cries every day wondering if her mom will be here after July 1st, my sentencing date. Because of what he did to me I suffer from major depression, anxiety and panic disorders, agoraphobia, ptsd, and dissociative disorder. Where I live it does not matter to the courts what happened to me or the fact that all of these crimes happened within the same time period as the others in 2007. I know I have to pay for what I did, but why does my family have to also. My husband is dying and I am so scared my girl will end up in foster care if he dies and I get jail time. I have found the courage to charge my father for what he done to me, but right now that doesn’t even seem to matter. I have so much guilt. I feel like if I wasn’t here anymore my family would be better off. I am so distraught. Please help!



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Julie

posted July 20, 2009 at 10:54 pm


I unfortunately am not at a computer right now that I can hear the video. But I do appreciate the input from others who have been through similar experiences as me. With that I just want to life everyone of us up to God right now in prayer. Help us all deal with the conflicting strong emotions that emerges as a result of being abused, and help us to help ourselves to live a more stable life.
Also, those of use who are abused (myself included) most likely need help just accepting ourselves as who we are. We cannot control what happened to us nor can we change the past. I myself Lord struggle with that the most and I ask you to help make some good come out of this entire situation. Thank you Lord, in Christ’s name Amen.



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I know that this video is a little older than the others, and I wasnt going to comment on anything..I dont even know if anyone will read this but I guess it doesnt matter. Personal experince, makes advice or opinions or just whatever you have to say more true than a counselor ever could.unless of course they sadly..experinced the same thing. and because you know how it feel’s to seperate yourself in that moment of the horriable things happening, and the understanding and compassion is more clear to the one’s who are looking for a light in the window. I dont really know how I even feel about what happened. It doesnt make me scared, or angry or even ashamed.. It’s always just been there in my head and really I just let it sit there. I dont dwell, but now when I think about it, It makes me want to curl into a ball in the corner of my room and cry. So I try not to think. But sometimes, it just pop’s in my head. I mean that was my childhood. I found therapy, but I didnt want it. I thought I had found my healing. I thought that maybe this hole inside me would just fill up. I talk about it all the time sometimes and I even write about it. Im not ashamed, I dont feel guilty. I didnt do it. but I sometimes think, maybe Im cared a little less for.. and my purpose for surviving is just wasting away.. because I cant let it go. No matter how hard I try, I’ll remember how many times I stared at the wall’s counting the lines going into the pattern on the wall paper. I even remember how the celing would have patterns and I’d pick out little faces like I was outside watching the clouds. I know that I will never really forget any of it, and that there will be times where I have to remember.. I’ll remember what you said, and remember that I’m not alone. Thanks for reminding me.



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I also know that anger makes me sicker and separates me from God, and I am finally moving on from that. I am learning that by continuing to heal from my awful experiences, I am able to help others to heal by letting them know there is help, and by sharing my experience, strength, and hope. God is the ultimate healer, and I am so grateful for that.
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I was abused as a child. It was by a family member. It was a woman. A woman who should have loved me, taken care of me and cherished every moment with me. But instead of loving me as God’s child and the precious gift that I was, she chose to abuse me both emotionally and physically. But the words hurt most of all. This woman was someone most people would call Mom.
Growing up without a loving mother in my life was hard. Growing up with a mother who would rather drink and do drugs than spend time with me was heartbreaking, but God got me through it.
I used to lay awake at night as a child and have many midnight talks with God. I still have them till this day. But back then, I would ask Him things like, “What was wrong with me? Why doesn’t she love me? What did I do wrong?” Each time I would get the same answer. “Nothing. There is nothing wrong with you.” Even though somewhere deep down I knew those words were true, I couldn’t believe them at the time.
It took me years afterwards to slowly begin to realize that what my mother put me through was not my fault. Despite this, my mother had destroyed something in me that I’m still trying to get back. And that’s my trust in people-especially people close to me.
But now, thanks to God working through you, I know He will be with me when I take that first step of healing and enter that dark place I’ve feared for so long. And even now as I try to forgive my mother for everything she did, I know at least in my situation, we will never have the relationship we should have because she doesn’t think she has to change. And as I go to bed every night, I pray to God and ask Him, not to help my mother to love me, but to help me forgive her. And to bring someone into her life that could show her an example of His love.
I want to thank you for listening to my story and taking the time to read it not only with your eyes, but with your heart as well.
Again, I just want to say thank you for what you did for me.
I hope you have a wonderfully blessed week



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Dear Marianne,
Thank you so much for sharing this message. I am also a survivor of sexual abuse and your message of not feeling shame is so important for all of us. It is NOT our fault that were chosen to be abused. I also agree with you that it has been important in my life to receive counseling to help with the healing process.
At this stage of my life, I am looking to help other survivors by publishing a book of survivor stories of hope and healing. I could not find anything of this type when I was searching for books that would give me an idea of how others had coped and built successful lives after abuse.
Like you I believe we are all successful for having done what we needed to do to survive. I wrote the following poem last weekend to encourage all fellow sister and brother survivors:
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Previous Posts

More Blogs To Enjoy!!!
Thank you for visiting Martha Williamson. This blog is no longer being updated. Please enjoy the archives. Here are some other blogs you may also enjoy: Red Letters with Tom Davis Recent prayer post on Prayables Most Recent Inspiration blog post Happy Reading!  

posted 11:30:46am Aug. 16, 2012 | read full post »

New Videos Are Available on atouchofencouragement.com
Martha Williamson's "A Touch of Encouragement" videos can now be seen at atouchofencouragement.com.

posted 10:31:18am Sep. 17, 2010 | read full post »

New Videos Are Available on atouchofencouragement.com
Martha Williamson's "A Touch of Encouragement" videos can now be seen at atouchofencouragement.com. We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused.

posted 3:09:00pm Jul. 27, 2010 | read full post »

Asking for Help
When we find ourselves too emotionally and physically exhausted to ask for help, Martha Williamson believes if we just stand still and call out to God with faith, confidence and patience He will be there to answer our prayer.

posted 5:54:24am Jun. 22, 2010 | read full post »

When Father's Day is Tough
Martha Williamson realizes that for some Father's Day isn't always a day to celebrate, but she reminds us that there is One Father who will always be there for us. Watch Martha's tribute to her father in "The Hero on the Dresser."

posted 6:10:00am Jun. 18, 2010 | read full post »




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