A Touch of Encouragement

A Touch of Encouragement


The Grief that Doesn’t Go Away, Part 1

posted by Brandi Harkonen

Do we ever stop grieving?



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Christine Unsworth

posted November 11, 2008 at 6:53 am


Hi. I lost my husband one week ago. He started new medication 5 days earlier and had not been feeling well. Monday morning I got up for work and found him blue, gurgling, and not breathing. He passed away on the way to the hospital. I am devastated. I feel I can’t go on anymore without him. My home is cold and very quiet. His things are just the way he left them before going to bed. I have done research online about this medication and found out 1 out of 3 die from it. It is a very inexpensive pain pill but I found out it is also to help people get off heroin.The medical examiner told me sometimes this drug doesn’t metabolize in the body correctly. I keep wishing God would take me so I can be with him. Each day seems to get worse instead of better. Can somebody help me?
Sincerely,
Christine



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LENORE Grubman

posted November 11, 2008 at 7:44 am


HI,I LOST MY DAD 18 YRS AGO.AT THE TIME, I WAS SO MAD AT GOD , FOR TAKING MY DAD, AND AT MY DAD DOR DYING.
I WAS MSERABLE MOST OF THE TIME, INALLY WENT TO COUNCELING AND EVENTUALLY HEALED,A LITTLE. THERE IS NOT A DAY THAT PASSES THAT I DON`T MISS DADDY. NOW I PRAY TO HIM AND FOR THE REPOSE OF HIS SOUL. THIS IS A MUCH BETTER LACE TO BE.
I ALSO JUST LOST MY OLDEST BEST FRIEND, PAT. SHE WAS 91. SHE WAS SO SMART. SHE WENT THROUGH A LOT IN LIFE AND PASSED THAT KNOWLEDGE ON IN BIG AND SMALL WAYS TO ME. I MISS HER TERRIBLY AND PRAY TO HER AS WELL. I REALLY FEEL THAT , BOTH SHE AND MY DAD, ARE WITH ME ESPECIALLY ON THOSE TRYING DAYS.
NOW I AM COMFORTED INSTEAD OF SAD. I DO HAVE THE HOPE, AND FAITH, THAT ONE DAY WE WILL AL BE TOGETHER IN A BETTER PLACE.
LENORE



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Jan

posted November 11, 2008 at 7:49 am


I lost my youngest son Terry, 4 years ago. My mother passed away 6 weeks before that. This was more than I could fathom. I think of them everyday and sometims wish I could call my mom when I am feeling bad.
They are in our hearts forever and ever.



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karen

posted November 11, 2008 at 7:52 am


Dear Christine,
I am sorry for your loss. Please know that your husband is now in the presence of God and all of his loved ones who passed before him. We do not die. Our body dies, but our souls go on forever. Our life changes from one form of energy to another but we are still alive. God puts everyone on Earth to serve a purpose. Your husband’s purpose was fulfilled and now he’s going to fulfill another person with a new life. Your job is to remember your love and all your wonderful experiences together. Your life purpose still needs to be fulfilled. You must go deep within yourself to find out what that is. God will let you know when you are ready. You must get ready by accepting that the Lord is in charge of all our lives. He has our plans already mapped out. Everything happens for a reason and happens just as it’s supposed to. In His time, not our own. Please be assurred that your husband is now at peace and is happier than we can imagine. You will be together with him again. Live your life. Be happy for the sunshine, breathe the air, smile at the innocense of children, wonder at the wisdom of the elderly. Live.



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Mary Weber

posted November 11, 2008 at 7:54 am


This message is for Christine. I am so soory for your loss. I know that it does not seem like it now, but you will find the strength to go on. Be comforted in knowing that your housband id with the Lord. He is also still with you. In your heart, you will always keep a piece of him with you. Please take the time to seek out a support group that will put you in contact with others who are grieving like you. There is truth in the saying that there is hope in groups. Also, consider planting a tree in his memory. This will give you a quiet place to go and reflect on the memory of your husband.



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George S.

posted November 11, 2008 at 7:54 am


No the grieving probably never goes away but, in time, the loss seems more distant. The pain lessens and ,hopefully, we can get on with life a little stronger, a little sadder, a little brighter for having known the person we ‘lost”. But all this hinges on acceptance. I must accept the reality that we never “own” anyone or anything. We merely share space with them while we are here. One day, we too will be absent from those who have grown to love us.
My father died when I was 13. Very suddenly my world changed. And instead of coping, I tried to substitute pleasure for pain and numbness for feeling. I began a life of living without a dad and with a bottle. That lasted for forty some years until I finally was beaten up enough to want to stop the self torture. I realized at last that alcohol would not bring my father back and that I was but a shell of a person, more dead than alive, and incapable of being a lovable person. I was un-buried……..not quite dead but definitely not alive.
I came to an understanding of God in my life and with that came acceptance and peace. Now at age 68 and with a lot of hard times behind me, I am a sober, caring individual who still grieves for things and people but without devastation. I am no longer incapacitated by grief. I have accepted loss as a part of the human experience and rejoice in each new day as it comes with all it’s joys and sorrows.
Martha, thank you for your messages and particularly this one. It touched me and allowed me to reflect on how lost I was and how grounded and serene it is possible to become in the face of overwhelming loss.
George S.



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Emilie

posted November 11, 2008 at 7:56 am


My mother passed away one year ago in September. She fought against brest cancer for 20 years and in the end, the cancer had spread all over her body. The last year or two of her life, my mother was very mean to me. I tried very hard not to let it bother me, but it did. I have a older brother and a younger sister who both live out of town and are in the military. when ever they would come to visit, my Mom & Dad would stop everything and just spend time with them. I understand you want to make the most of spending time with them while they are here. when my brother or sister would arrive my parents would hug them and tell them how good it was to see them. I live next door, I was never hugged or was told how good it was to see me.
Now that mom has passed on, my dad comes to my house everyday to eat supper with me & my family. I work about 50 hours a week at my job. I write the checks to pay his bills. I go with him to his doctor appointments. I clean his house while trying to keep my own house clean. I am tired and feel guilty for feeling some resentment. I miss my mom, but then I don’t. I have prayed for God to send someone into my live that I could talk to.
Sincerely,
Emilie



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Josephine

posted November 11, 2008 at 8:59 am


I hope the grieving process does get easier with time. The guilt for going on with life. That is the worse part. Having to live through the loss of someone. My daughter passed away July 3, 2008. She drowned at a local beach on the day of her birthday. What I intended to be a happy day, turned out to be a tragic one. We were only there 1 hour when the tide changed and she got caught in an undertow. The memories of that day haunt me day and night. The minute I open my eyes I remember the moments. My husband running into the water to help her and her friend who could not swim. She held her friend on her back to keep him from going under, meanwhile she was swallowing water cause he was keeping her down. She was 14 and he was 8. The images of when the coast guard finally arriving to pull all 3 of them out of the water, I heard over the radio, “someone needs CPR” never imagining it was my daughter. I was ready to deal with maybe the loss of my husband, or to comfort a friend for the loss of her son, but never my daughter. When I saw her lifeless body coming out of the water, I fell to my knee in disbelief. Her lips purple, acid bubbles from her lips and nose coming out of her stomach, the ambulance team sticking a needle in her chest to get a heart beat. She only survived a few days after that in a coma. We had to pull the machines because her brain swelled to max and was considered brain dead. I couldn’t do anything to help her because I do not know how to swim. I feel I should have died just trying to save her. Maybe then I wouldn’t be grieving now. I would just be with her. And would be happy playing with her in heaven. How do you enjoy holidays without feeling guilty? She’s not here to open gifts so why should I? Please tell me the pain will heal. The guilt will go away.



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Christina

posted November 11, 2008 at 9:25 am


Does Grief ever go away, in my heart I say the answer is Yes in time it does, But in my mind it says no way.I lost my (best friend) my grandma about 6 years ago and there is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of her and want her back with me.
In the end of her life she didn’t know much as she had several medical conditions and one of them being a brain tumor that couldn’t be operated on. My mom took her in to care for her because my grandpa couldn’t and I spent most of my days over there to help where I could. She finially went into a coma 2 nights before she died and I remember sitting there on the bed in her room and just watching her, trying to recall the way she used to look, the things she loved to do, the things she said ands did most of her life.
However in the end what I did find was so many years I felt I had missed out with her while growing up. I missed the person who had so much faith in God whither away to this skeleton that everyone was calling my Grandma.
To this day I know she is in a better place, but I find I’m being greedy I want her back here with me. I want to relive our old memories but make new ones. DOes the grief go away maybe for some they do but I found in my case it is always there around me, in a picture, in a memory, in a television program, in a dream,and in my music. Yes I am still grieveing for what has and could have happened. I find myself talking and praying to God that she can hear me and that she will comfort me when I am at my lowest point in my life which I admit is almost an every day thing now.
Please don’t let other people tell you how to feel or when to grieve and then when to let go, give yourself time to figure out what is best for you. It is never wrong to grieve but if you hold it all inside that isn’t going to help you and you will never find the peace that you need. I may still grieve for my grandma at the age of 35 but to me that is a part of life to love and live and grieve when you lost somebody close just know you are not alone God is with you, and it’s ok to greive for however long you need to so close your eyes and just grieve let those tears fall if that is what needs to happen and even if you grieve the rest of your life no worries God never said there would be no tears or pain and he sure didn’t say it is a sin to feel these emotions. Thank You Christina



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Lori K

posted November 11, 2008 at 9:46 am


Good Morning Sweet Lady….
Good question. As I’ve shared with you before, I am in recovery from drugs & alcohol. And at almost 10 years of sobriety (emotional, physical, mental & spiritual) I have learned how to “feel” again, over the years.
One of the challenges of “feeling”, when I did get sober, was for me to grieve the loss of my dad, as I had never done. I was in the height of my addiction when he passed on; and although I was a functioning alcoholic & addict at the time, my lifetime relationship with him was so distorted & so detached for so many years. He too was an addict of sorts & was never emotionally available for me.
I cried terribly when he died, but I was drunk & I didn’t know why I was crying. We had just started having some sort of a relationship at that time. My son was 18 months old & that was what brought us together; my son, his grandson. We (he & I) would share quiet times together (for the first time ever) just watching Jessye play & coo & we would share some intimate conversations about this beautiful child. I was 34 at the time. When I got sober at almost 41, I had alot of relearning & reliving & regrieving to do.
Today I know that my dad did the absolute best that he knew and that he loved me in his own way. His emotional detachment was not a personal vendetta & I have grieved his loss, over the years. I have made my amends (for my addiction & the grief I may have caused in those younger years) by letter & I love my dad from afar. He is a part of my heart & soul. I do not have many memories of what my childhood was like with him, and that is sad. But today, at 50 years old, I have stopped searching the past for some recognition and I live in peace with the knowledge that my dad was in my life for 34 years & we both did the best that we can, for what we had & how we were brought up. He is in heaven, always looking down at me with gleaming eyes. I know he is proud of the woman I have become & continue to transform into. I think that I am living his dream as well as my own, because I am back in school earning my Associates degree, soon to be moving on to earn my Bachelor’s in Social work.
God is my father & always has been, although I didn’t know that until 2000 when I invited Him into my life. God is always here for me emotionally, mentally & spiritually, as my dad was unable to be. For that I am grateful.
Thank you Martha, for your love & service to us. For you, I am grateful.
Smiles, smooches & lotts of huggs, Lori K.



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Patricia Kent

posted November 11, 2008 at 11:33 am


My Mother passed away this past Monday. I seem to be thinking of her all the time. Why is it when someone dies some of us reflect on the love and goodness of that person and others think of the hard or bad times. And why does death bring about greed in so many of the remaining members of the family. I want to forgive these people and let go but am finding it hard to do. It seems I give it over to God and then feel I have to take it back. I know I am only hurting myself but seem doomed to cary that load. Perhaps in time with much prayer I can finally let go and let God but for now it is like my grief something I am helpless to feel. My father passed in 1992 and Mom has wanted to go be with him since then. I am happy for her she is finally with him in a better place. But all of a sudden I feel like an orphan even though I still have family. I can’t tell you how much I needed your message today and I am looking forward to the rest of it. Thank you so much for sharing your gifts of insite and wisdom with us. May the good Lord bless and keep you.
With much gratitude,
Patricia Kent



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Elethia

posted November 11, 2008 at 12:56 pm


I don’t think you ever stop grieving the death of a loved one, it just gets easier to bear and you don’t think about them as often after some time has passed. I lost a 17 yr.-old first cousin when I was 7 and I lost my maternial Grandmother on Dec. 11, 1986, just 6 days before her 88th birthday. I still greive for them and have monderful menories, I just don’t greive the way or as often as I did right after their deaths. I lost my materal grandfather when I was 21 months old so I don’t remember him. I’ve also lost a favorite and and my paternal grandfather. My paternal grandmother lives with us and is an active 92-year old.



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Darla Lemons

posted November 11, 2008 at 1:42 pm


I just got through reading all the comments and listening to your story Martha and found that they all bring back meomories of all the loved ones that I have lost through out my life. I lost a son in 1975, a daughter in 1984, my mother in 1998,my dad in the same year as my mom only a few months apart, my sister in 2007 and my brother in Aug. of this year plus my other daughter who has 2 little boys was diagnosed with all 3 types of Lupus about 3 years ago. And the only way that I have been able to cope with all of it is the reality that one day I will see them again when Jesus comes back or when I go to be with them. Grief I don’t think ever really goes away, it just kinda slows down through the years and is less painful. I think about Jesus’s promise that whosoever believeth in Me shall not die but have everlasting life and that we should laugh at death and cry at birth but that is really hard to do. So I am thankful that Jesus is so forgiving towards me that I laughed when my kids were born and that I cried when they died. I also hope that I do not offend anyone by what I am saying and if I do I am truly sorry but this is how I feel. May God bless everyone.



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Joye Atkinson

posted November 11, 2008 at 2:56 pm


My father died in November 1987 just 4 days after my 30th birthday. He was buried the day before Thanksgiving. I used to look forward to my birthday and Thanksgiving but I have to say since 1987 I struggle every year at this time. It is a very lonely time for me also because my immediate family lives in South Carolina and I live in Tennessee. I am already grieving my mom even though her heart is still beating and she is breathing she is in the last stages of Alzheimers. Not only am I grieving my father but also my mother. My brothers are so busy with their own lives they don’t think about me. I know I would not make it if God did not give me the strength. Like another reader’s message my relationship with my father was odd. I know he loved me but he never told me. On the other hand my mom told me all the time how much she loved me. But I know God loves me whether my family shows it or not. I can’t make it through this time without God and the prayers of people I don’t know but I do know care enough to pray.
Joye Atkinson



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Leona Eanes

posted November 11, 2008 at 3:02 pm


Hi Miss Martha,
You will never know how much today’s video meant to me. I lost my father 2 months ago to advanced renal cell cancer. It is a visicious cancer that took so much of him too quickly. God was mericiful by letting Daddy just go to sleep– with me and my Mom by his side. He died peacefully holding on to my left pinky finger. We was at peace & was no longer suffering which was a blessing. We have made it thru the funeral service & burial and seemed to be doing well, until this week. Our hearts are filled with so much sadness and grief. But with God’s help we will get through each moment of every day. Do we ever stop grieving? I would have to say no. But I do believe with time & with God’s loving grace that we can get through one day at a time. To Christine and my other brothers and sisters—my Daddy’s chemotherapy was suppose to work but it didn’t. It weakened his remaining kidney, his heart, and his liver. God called him home because it was his time and God’s will. I believe that my Mom and I are both still here because God has amazing work for us to do. Just like he does for each of you that were left behind. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and that I grieve with you. Always remember that God will lift your heart and spirit up if you just reach out to him. In Christian Love Always, Leona



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Cherlyn Kelly

posted November 11, 2008 at 4:52 pm


Dear Martha – thank you so much for this message – my son was murdered in January, 2005 and prior to that I had lost both my ex-mother-in-law and father-in-law – both of whom had been like parents to me my entire grown-up life as my mother had committed suicide when I was 19 and my dad passed away in 1990.
But going on since my son was murdered – it has been so hard – I know he has to be with the Lord – but it is so hard especially around the holidays.
He was 29 and has 2 children – and they look so much like him. It’s hard walking down the streets or going to gatherings where people are with their sons and daughters-in-laws and their children – and I want my son to be there with his.
I also am still trying to get over hurt feelings from people who belong to churches but who blamed my son’s death on my negative thinking, my “wrong prayers for his safety”; telling me it was my karma coming back to haunt me (you see when my children were younger I was a drug and alcohol addict – but thank God Jesus delivered me in 1996) – so they said this was my payback – but why would a loving God make my son pay for what I did.
Then they said my nervous breakdown after this happened was God’s way of punishing me for all the things I thought and said over my life and now I’m in psychotherapy and praying and holding down to the Lord everyday and asking the Lord to make me whole again and help me to bring good out of this situation.
There are so many young people being cut down in their youth – and so many parents and other family members hurting – we must pray for them.
God Bless you.



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Audrey Little

posted November 11, 2008 at 7:21 pm


I read everyone’s posts. When I read someone saying that someone who lost a loved one is God’s will or a punishment from God, it makes me sad.
Enough of my soapbox. I will share my experience of grief and loss. I did not lose anyone in my immediate family to death. However, I lost my childhood. My mother was an alcoholic, and my father and both parts of my family were uninvolved unless it is something that benifits them. I was brought up in the child welfare system. I never got into drugs or alcohol, and I never got into trouble unlike other family members who were not products of the child welfare system. However, I was diagnosed with a severe mental illness just like my mother.
After several challenges in my life, I got myself together. I have a relationship with my mother. We’re not close or anything, but we treat each other with dignity and respect. She stopped drinking. If she hadn’t we would not be talking. I have a relationship with my father. I am still not close to him. However, we like to talk about sports. I have always loved watching sports, and we had it in common.
I still contact my brother. We share what is going on with him. He is going through some challenges in my life, and I am willing to listen.
As far as my sister is concerned, she is developmentally disabled. I do not know how to communicate with her. I seem to say the wrong things.
My friends for me is my family. I did not get close to anyone until I met my best friend five years ago. He had a problem with alcohol and drugs. He was clean for three-and-a-half years until he started drinking again. I was devastated. Now, he is either drinking or isolating. He rarely calls back. I am losing him also. I feel like I am losing my best friend.
The good part is that I have other friends now who are there for me when I needed them.
My parents have been there for me to the best of their ability. My parents did the best they could at the time. I choose to be okay with it. I can forgive them for it. They are not evil people. They just had their problems and it had nothing to do with me, even though it affected me so deeply.
I was so ashamed of my family for a long time. Now, knowing that my parents did the best they could at the time, I am okay with it.



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Leona Eanes

posted November 11, 2008 at 7:37 pm


To Cherylyn- I can’t begin to imagine how hard it must be losing your son. Someone very close to me was deliberately run off the road & was killed many years ago, and it took me quite a while to come to terms with it. I finally realized that only God knew why this horrible thing happened and if I just trusted him—he would help me get through it somehow, & he did. I don’t believe horrible things happen to our loved ones because they deserve it, or because of the mistakes we’ve made in our past. I believe that we have a loving God who gives his children free will–& who grieves with us when his children hurt each other. Please know that I’ll be praying for you and your family and please keep the faith that God can heal your heartache. He loves you very very much. In Christian Love, Leona



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Robin Newberry

posted November 11, 2008 at 7:54 pm


Martha,
Your message is very healing…my husband nad I have lost so many of our family to cancers and with little time to adjust to the real ordeal of losing a loved one.
After they pass there is a period of dreaming about them, and sorting through their life’s affairs, and then supposedly there is closure. But I think we both have chosen not to have their memories gone from our everyday lives. If something reminds us of them we talk about them…what they would have laughed at, or ordered at a restaurant. Remember the time that Nana or Papa did this or that.
It’s easier to carry them in our hearts and minds and remember them with humor and love. Remembering their birthdays and when we lost them.
We are looking forward to reading your Pt. 2.
Will you please write a book with stories…I’ve looked on the internet but have found none.
With love in Christ, peace be with you and everyone.



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Capriccioso of Port Orchard WA

posted November 11, 2008 at 8:46 pm


To Christine,
On Dec. 26, 1998, my mom passed on a little after 7pm. My brother and I were coming back from dinner to the convalescent home. I had been with my mom for 3 days before she died from her most serious stroke complications, developing within 3 yrs. Even those days, though I knew the odds were against recovery, I prayed for a miracle she could still be in her grandson’s life. I cried alot many nights afterward. That helped me go through the grief process. I did go through the ‘what ifs’ wanting the result of my mom’s death to be different, wanting our disagreements to have gone away. The time of grieving and a grief support group also led me to my mother did the best she could in her moments with what she had.
Needless to say, my 12-yr-old son, his father and I did little celebrating that Christmas. But we did have a Christmas because I knew my mom would have wanted us to have it. The Christmases after ’98 were so difficult to get through, especially when my son would bring up a memory of being with the only grandparent he had been able to get to know the most. The tears, thoughts and lonely feelings can still come, but the more time from her death, the more secure I’m in the knowledge we will see her again the next life and her presence is still around us as we celebrate Christ’s love for us. As more time separates her death, I can see the faith gift she gave me, grow within me, and my son. After the grieving I can now see I can talk with her–in my dreams or my prayers–through God’s love.
Grieve and look for the ‘gifts’ you husband gave… to help you figure out what you need to do…



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Kathie

posted November 11, 2008 at 11:01 pm


Christine, I hope you get to read this. I know exactly how you feel. I lost my husband 3 1/2 yrs ago. I thought my life was over. He had a heart problem, and took a sinus pill before leaving for work that morning. He shouldn’t have taken it with the medication he was on for his heart. He left for work and died from a massive stroke that morning. I didn’t know until later that morning that he had taken 1/2 a pill until I found the open box on the bathroom vanity. God has given me the strength to go on and raise my young daughter, and to realize that life goes on. I pray that god will give you the strength to go on, and that you will find peace the way I have. I still miss him every day and I look at photos and remember the good times and I also try to keep his memory alive for our daughter. Healing takes time and I will be praying for you. Kathie



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Vern

posted November 11, 2008 at 11:44 pm


Dear Martha,
Thank you so much for your inspiration. This is directed to Christine. Please don’t stop trying. I have lost several loved ones over the years, like that is nothing new. I lost my wife and kids 17 years ago. My brother committed suicide in 1981. My mother died when I was 9 years old and my dad raised my little brother (he was 2 years 8 months old) and I. I found out that I am dieing of heart failure. I have less than 10% of my heart left. I have no family that care enough for me. Due to the fact of my loner status (agoraphobia) I go nowhere and do nothing. My highlight of my week is to go to the grocery store in the middle of the night. Well anyway I could keep going on but won’t.
I have high hopes that I get the courage to make a difference in someone’s life. I get up every morning and pray that things change for the better. Sometimes I am able to make it and other days not so but I keep trying. After losing my wife and kids, I thought my world was over. I attempted suicide and realized that my brother did that and all he did was hurt his family and I. So I keep trying. I know the pain is great but it will ease as time goes by. I believe the bible when it says It came to pass, It didn’t come to stay. Sorry a weak attempt at humor.
I pray for you that it will get better. Please hang in there.
Vern



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Beverly

posted November 12, 2008 at 7:56 am


I just wanted to say that we losted a angel around chirstmas time in 2003. Ashley was a big part of our famliy she was my sons girlfriend. and we already made her our daugther because she made my son a better person I will never forget that day when I had my son out shopping for her and all the lanes were backed up on the road I said to him I hope that Ashley is ok and he looks at his watch and say oh mom she is at the mall by now. so we go shopping for her and when we get done we go to her car to see if she was done and her car was still there so I took my son home with me to wait for her to pick him up well he left her a note saying how much he loved her and missed her and that she can pick him up at my house. well little to say she never came only her dad to say that we had lost her that nite. I can still see the pain in my sons eyes from that night. we all miss her but thank her for being a part of our life and we no that one day we will all be together again …RIP Ashley



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Debbie

posted November 12, 2008 at 1:04 pm


Does grief ever go away? I pray everyday that it does but for me it hasn’t. My husband was killed 5 years ago, my mother passed a year later, my dad less then a year after her & my brother a year after him. I fought my way out of that black hole a year & a half ago, up till then I fought against sucide almost everyday. Only reason I never did was 1) I didn’t want to put my kids & grandkids thru so much more added grief 2) I don’t want to have to come back & do this life all over again! and 3) I was afraid I’d screw it up.
One friend told me don’t make any decisions the 1st year(I gave everything away,moved far away etc…everything you’re not supposed to do) I regret all that now, I wish others would have said something to me then, maybe I would have thought things thru!? I also wish someone would have told me that I wouldn’t “think clearly”! for the longest time I thought I was going crazy & sometimes still do. I no longer cry everyday,all day, now it’s maybe a few times a week. I really try being positive (I was always a neg person) I pray everyday for strength & courage to go on.I try & surround myself with happy people, happy things. I read anything I get my hands on to help me in any way possible. reading this you’re probably thinking I have a long way to go yet but, if you knew me you’d know I have come a very long way already.like I said I no longer think of sucide so that’s a big plus right there. I tell myself everything happens for a reason & that once I learn whatever it is I came here to learn then I can finally “go home” too. problem is, I have no idea what I came here to do/learn? and I don’t know how to figure that one out.



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Dewey

posted November 13, 2008 at 1:14 am


Does grief ever go away? Grief is transforms itself into memories, anticipation, hope and eventually for me to love. After loosing my father, my best friend, I had a choice. I could either remember the things that were not so pleasant and be consumed with anger or I could forgive again and release the inclination to remember the unpleasant moments of our relationship or I could focus on all that was good. Once I re-accepted him as he was, I was able to realize that he was not first in everything that was bad nor last in everything that was good. Only then was I able to choose memories that were healthy and rightous. It is now with anticipation of being reunited one day with him in a higher place of peace, coupled with the hope and understanding that God only presents that which we are ready to handle, that I was able to get back to the love space permanently.



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Nita Wright

posted November 13, 2008 at 1:49 am


I am grieving now for my Mother and she is here with me physically. She has been diagnoised with alzhiemers now for four years, and it seems I lose a little of her each day. I grieve!



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Deb

posted November 13, 2008 at 1:53 am


To Debbie of 12 November, 1:04 P.M.
I’ve been nearly where you were: my dad died in February, 2000; my sister in July, 2000, and my grandmother in March, 2001. We as a family were unable to recover from one person passing before we had another go. It was a shocking and stressful year. I don’t think I ever felt suicidal, but I did feel like giving up; in fact, I didn’t open any of my mail (except for personal mail), pay any bills, or clean my house for around six months (between the first two deaths). I started taking antidepressants because I started having panic attacks and felt like screaming all the time (which I never actually did). My heart goes out to you. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about “my people,” but I don’t cry all the time or sit in shock anymore. I do have strange little impulses and will turn on the radio, and hear a song that reminds me of one of them, or have dreams in which we have conversations, and I discuss how I feel with them gone. It gets bearable, better I guess, but I think of them daily. My mother after 8 years is still depressed and hasn’t sought medical help for that; the only thing that makes her happy is her menagerie of needy little dogs. My sister & I are more cognizant of time passing and try to spend as much time together as we can. I hope you can find solace in friends, family, or other special things in life. —Another Debbie



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J C

posted November 13, 2008 at 1:55 am


My mother died when I was 3 years old. I think this is a loss that is forever. I am retired now but still wonder about my Mother. Back in those days, people did not talked about those who died like we do today…consequently I did not know much about my Mother.
My Aunt said I laid on the couch for 3 weeks after she died..nowdays they probably would consider counseling.
Thank you
JC



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Valerie

posted November 13, 2008 at 1:56 am


Christine~I lost my oldest brother this past summer, so I know how you are feeling..in so far as the lonliness and the ‘cold’. I cannot imagine the grief if I had lost my husband, but I know the grief of losing a loved one too well. I lost my father in 2004, but it seems not that long ago. I took care of them both, at their homes prior to them passing, so I was fortunate to have that time with them! I thank God for that gift everyday. But, I can tell you that I sympathize with you for the seemingly ‘needless’ passing, because I also believe my brother’s passing may have been prevented, if only the medications and/or surgical procedures had been more researched(?) See, I am still in that ‘blaming’ stage,I hope to get to the acceptance stage soon..But, I really just wanted to say that time may not heal all wounds, but the passing of time can help with the feelings of lonliness and despair that you feel now. I only hope that you can find the strength to continue to reach out to your family, friends, clergy, co-workers and/or strangers like me! Afterall, we strangers are just friends you haven’t met yet! =] Please don’t give up! I KNOW there is someone who needs you and may not handle their grief if they lost you! God Bless. Val



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Dori from Hawaii

posted November 13, 2008 at 2:02 am


Hello. I don’t think I’ve even had time to grieve over my 88 year old mother’s death. She died on Oct.1 after sitting in a room at the ER for 4 HOURS with chest pains without anyone coming to help her. I kept running in and out of the room only to have aloof replies of “we’re watching her carefully. We can see her heart on the monitor” from the nurse. By the time the doctor came in to see mom 4 hours later, she went into cardiac distress. They put me out of the room with my 14 year old daughter and an hour later she died! I felt so helpless! I was mad! The ER staff’s negligence caused my mom to be taken abruptly from our lives. Days after I had to clean out her apartment, make funeral arrangements, pay her bills (she had no money or funeral plan) and my husband worked really hard to get the money so that we could pay for her cremation because we couldn’t afford a regular funeral. Now, my younger brother’s wife informs me that they can no longer afford to pay for food for her oceanside memorial service because of pressing bills. “I” have my own bills that are piling up sky high. My brother won’t even talk to “me” himself to discuss anything for mom’s affairs or memorial. I have to talk to his wife. So now “I” am coordinating and organizing this event and will have to come up with the money myself. He wanted to postpone mom’s memorial service until next year! Not me! I need closure so that I can stop and sit down and cry and grieve and mourn for mom all day or all week straight if I want to. I decided to keep mom’s urn here at home because I’m not ready to scatter her ashes. I know in my heart that mom is with the Lord, but I miss her greatly and can’t imagine her not being here to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with us.
Christine…..I am SO sorry to read about your husband’s passing. I wish I were there right now so we can give each other hugs and be a comfort for one another. My heart is hurting for you as well as those here. I stopped to lift you up in prayer before God and I will pray that God’s peace and comfort flood you over and that you’re enveloped with overwhelming love and support from those around you to help you get through this painful time. Love to you all.



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Leia

posted November 13, 2008 at 2:08 am


Thank you for your inspirational words. I will be driving to my father’s grave today. In rememberance of him, it has been 10 years now. I still miss his voice and his encouraging words when I was down. I also miss those big shoves he used to give me when I needed them. I miss his gentle hands and his loving spirit for the world and animals around us. I did not ever get to say Good Bye in this lifetime, he passed unexpectedly and alone. That haunted me for several years..I have since had some treatment and view things in a more positive image. Forever in my heart….Daddy’s little girl



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Teri Walker

posted November 13, 2008 at 2:13 am


Hi everyone,
I want to first say Christine I am so sorry about your loss of your husband a week ago. I lost my husband W.T. on March 27th 2002 to diabetic complications. I also had lost my brother Jeff Greene on October 28th 2001. They told me that they would be surprised if W.T. lasted 24 hours. He lived 33 hrs. and finally let go after I told him it was okay to go, and I would be okay. Before that I had lost my father in 96. I lost my mother January 6 2006. My favorite aunt died 2 months after my husband. Christine if you are a Christian you don’t have long to wait to be home. The Lord told my pastor that the dispensation of the gentiles is drawing to a close. Christine you and I don’t have long before we will be with our husbands. I also have 2 daughters that I miscarried,my grandparents,my parents and others waiting for me there.Christine you can find me on the myspace of Ark of Mercy church. I have 2 sights one is an old one. It has lighthouses on it. The other one is my current one. Get in touch with me because I was in a support group for people who lost their spouses and I might be able to help you.
Sincerely,
Teri



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bing martin

posted November 13, 2008 at 2:21 am


I just lost my father, 2 months ago last september 23, it was so sudden i was not prepared, sometimes i avoid thinking of him for it will just make me cry, but when his face comes to my mind, i cry and life then seems to be so bleak that i don’t want to go on, he had lots of problems when he left and i feel guilty that i have not called him in his last days and maybe if i did, i alleviated his pain and worries and maybe, he should have not died….i miss him so much…



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mary ramey

posted November 13, 2008 at 2:21 am


We found out my husband had colon/rectal cancer on April Fool’s Day, 2003. He fought so bravely and we had almost two more years together before he passed away. During those two years we shared happy times with family, painful times with surgery and treatment, and sad times knowing that he was losing the battle, but it all feels like a dream as I think about it now. I think that I was in denial and in a dream state of mind during that time. I suppose it was from the stress and worry.
It will soon be four years and I am still grieving. It isn’t as overwhelming as it was in the beginning, but it still comes over me like a wave, and I feel crippled by the loneliness of missing him. He was a wonderful husband and during our marriage he wrote me a love letter each day and laid it on my nightstand so I could read it upon waking. I have boxes of them and treasure each one. It makes me very emotional to read the letters, but I thank him for leaving me such a wonderful connection with the special love that we had. I was blessed with his love and his faith in God, and know that he will meet me with a big kiss when I see him again.
Yes, I am still grieving, but its not all bad….I do have our children and my letters.



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Pamina

posted November 13, 2008 at 2:24 am


My mother commited suicide 28 years ago, and I still think of her all the time. It’s been very hard. Some people acted very strange towards me, like something must really be wrong with my family. Like it was a disease they could catch. I married my first husband because his wife had died and I could cry and he would stay and hold me. Not many of my friends had experinced the death of a loved one, not at 21. My husband turned out to be an alcoholic, but I stayed with him longer than I should have. I felt I had to be loyal to the person who had stood by me through hell. Maybe I deserved all that was my life.
I don’t feel that way now, but I really think suicide is something that can’t be shoved under the rug. Or, kept a family secret. The guilt thats involved effects everyone.



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mandi

posted November 13, 2008 at 2:24 am


Hey everyone. I know exactly what it feels like to lose the most important person to you in the world. Both my parents are still alive and so are my siblings. I have four healthy beautiful children. They are my whole life. My fifth child was born early and we found a rare heart defect at that same time. My beautiful little angel only had up to 24 hours to live. She lived for 12 1/2 hours ten of that on no life support. I thank god for that time he gave me with my baby. That was a miragle!! There is not a single day that goes by that I don’t think about her and miss her and wish that I could hold her and kiss her and just once see her beautiful eyes that never opened before she went to be with our saviour. Dealing with it can be quite difficult at times! The only three things that get me through are ,very first our saviour, my baby is in heavin with my god! Then there are four most amazing children ever and they are my life!! Then ther is how I talk about her and the lots of people she had a life. She was here I am the mother of five beautiful babys four of them are living!!



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John Quinn

posted November 13, 2008 at 2:25 am


I lost my companion of 15 yrs on June 29th.She was diagnosed with lung and brain cancer in Feb.My Minnie was given 6 months to live(with treatments)but only lasted 4.I tried my best to take care of her as she had taken such wonderfull care of me as I am physicaly disabled.The last 5 weeks were at a residental hospice.They took wonderfull care of her and truly showed love for her.I am enternily gratfull to them.My personal beliefs made me know she went “home”and that she was finally pain free and happy but that didn’t help me at all.While she is now in spirit form..I am still human.I miss her teribly and love her so much my heart just breaks.I talk to her on and off throughout the day and I tell her I love her just as often as I did when she was alive.I feel so empty and I am just going through lifes motions.I’ve lost 44 lbs and smoke more now that she’s not around to scold me.I light candles for her every day on the little shrine I made for her.It’s really beautifull..she would love it.Actually..I have spoken to a medium..I only told her I had recently lost someone close and she took it from there.God has certainly given this remarkable young woman a wonderfull gift.My Minnie was right there just wating for the medium to begin contact.I know it’s the real mc coy because it was done on the phone..with no other information..and only my Minnie would have known things she told me.To be honest..it brought me great peace to know My Minnie was really alright and happy and had proof our soul lives on.But I still at times cry a little(I have yet to break down and cry)and I feel so helplessly lost without her.My heart is broken and doubt it can be fixed untill I am allowed to die and go “home”to her and GOD.I hope it is soon but have been told I still had a few more years to wait.I love my Minnie so much..I just wish I was able to die now.



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Amy

posted November 13, 2008 at 2:29 am


Martha,
Thank-you so much for sharing this message……and I want to say publicly Thank-you to God….as you see I was just lying in bed crying—unable to fall asleep just now thinking of my dearest Mother who just passed away this past Sept. 22, 2008….and having cried for almost 3 hours on and off with no sleep and continued praying I felt God led me to come to check my email messages as I had written earlier today to a dear friend about my grief and loss….Well, she hasn’t likely even read my email yet or if so she hasn’t either had a chance to respond or yet perhaps she is unsure how to respond because she hasn’t lost a very close relative ( and I have lost my closest relative and “my rock”–my Mother)———-anyway, here was a Beliefnet message on grief right here in my emails—so needless to say I opened it and here you were speaking of the loss and grief of your own dear Mother…….and I had just been lying in bed crying and thinking of how much I missed my Mother’s voice on the phone—-as we talked everyday and sometimes twice a day by phone as we lived about 6 hours apart the last 10 years and, of course, visited in person still approximately every month because we were soooo very close…………Anyway, my prayer was for a sign or a message to be reassured that I would indeed see my Mother again, yet I must admit I felt guilty as a strong Christian asking for yet “another sign”….but once again God is so great and powerful and loving and forgiving that I know that He gave me this message….and thank-you for being an instrument for Him……….Also, I read the other posts and thanks to all for sharing and to the person who posted about losing their Mother when they were 3 years old, I wanted to share that my own Mother (who died herself at age 89 yrs. old)— lost her own Biological Mother at age 2 yrs. old—-and she always told me over the years that when it was time for her to die to know she’d get to see and be with her own Mother in Heaven and to know this and be comforted by it…….well, when my Mother lay dying only a few weeks ago she was clear and dying from an inoperable tumor and was in the hospital and we’d all just been informed and we began to all cry (except for Mother)— and she told me and my father to not worry but to take it one day at a time -as we were crying—-then she told us of seeing Angels in the room and then she smiled and looked upward and said “Mother!” with delight and lastly she said “There is Jesus…can I just go to him?!”….and turned to look at me and I filled with tears and barely able to talk and with my Dad sobbing with me—I said “yes, Mother,it is o.k….go to Jesus….Daddy and I don’t want you to suffer and we will be alright now”….she sighed with a slight smile and went into a “deeper sleep” and never spoke or responded to us again and died within a few hours…….Anyway, my Dad and I who both witnessed this together feel very certain that she saw her Mother and the Angels and Jesus—-so there will be a great reunion with all of our loved ones someday………..Thank-you for helping me today–as I have 3 sons and a husband and a father — that need me and I need them, but the reassurance God gave me this morning through your message is another real Blessing and assurance of His Kingdom and faithfulness to all of us always….Sincerely, Amy



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Delia M Valverde

posted November 13, 2008 at 2:38 am


I was involved in a car accident 10 years ago in which I lost my mother, she was only 51 years old. I am now 36 years old and still struggling. I have my good days and bad days. I am also still recovering from the injuries that I sustained in the accident. I’ve gone through 56 surgeries and still need 2 more. I can’t say that it gets easier with time but, I will say that if you have God in your life, He will get you through it.
He has blessed my life tremendously. All that I have gone through and what I am still going through, God has blessed me with the amazing people that He has placed in my life. Losing my mom was like losing half of me, I didn’t think that I could survive without her, all my hope was gone, she was my best friend, my everything. I miss my mom everyday and I cry for her very often. But what gets me through it is that I know one day I will see her again. Today I am even still going through counseling and am willing to talk to anybody that wants to talk.
I’ve learned that talking about your loved one that you’ve lost not only keeps their memory alive but it helps you deal with the lose that you feel. By being able to express what you are feeling or going through. Remember, it may not get easier with time but, God will get you through it.
Delia



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MJ

posted November 13, 2008 at 2:43 am


Christine,
Time doesn’t heal all wounds, Jesus does. The solace that one has is that there is life everlasting and we will see that significant loss once again on the other side. And as that one song says, we get homesick for Heaven and our loved ones who have gone to basque in His Glory! Hallelujah!
I have lost my mother, my father and almost lost my son to cancer, which he survived but we lost in a different kind of way. I have been divorced after 15 yrs of marriage and experienced the pain of re-entering life at 33 as a single woman, he was all I knew, my entire adult life.
Loss is painful. Pain is weakness leaving the body. Weakness is an impurity, a rotting sesspool keeping us from the true gift of seeing Jesus and what He has done for us. Pray to Jesus to save you. Pretty simple prayer, just say Jesus save me, over and over again, until you feel His Love fill that painful and endless void in the darkness you feel right now. You are not alone, He is with you, you may not feel His Presence but He is there…comforting you, counting your tears, holding you, perfecting you in your sorrow. At some point, you will feel Him, His love, His Presence, His Guidance, and His Embrace holding you tight, keeping you from the total depths of despair. Grief doesn’t go away, it just feels different as time goes by, and like that emotional life cycle, you will be pierced by it at the most bizarre times and when you do, lift your hands and just say…Jesus Save Me, and He will.
I will keep you in my prayers and add you to my prayer warrior list, and many who prayed for the healing of my son from cancer (4 yrs in remission, 10 mos off treatment! hallelujah!) will pray for you and God is not a respector of persons, so He will listen to our prayer requests for your comfort in God’s love while you grieve the passing of your husband. By faith, we will pray, and by faith it is done! Amen!



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janna

posted November 13, 2008 at 2:44 am


Grief is with you in some form or another forever. It forms you. time heals so much, but I know you have to face it sooner or later in order to recover. It doesn’t leave you where it finds you, but in a healthy life, unless it was a violent death, most people put death into perspective as part of life. Land returns to seed. The problem most of us have is grieving a relationship that dies because someone has rejected. Most accept our parents’ death…unless it was premature. The loss of a child is a grief that I cannot imagine. I have a dear friend who lost her daughter at the tender age of 10 (she was the same as my child) to a brain tumor. That child would be 19 this winter, and I will tell you Loretta has not stopped grieving, even for a day. She is a Christian, she writes about this child, she’s been published in “Chicken Soup” series and in a number of magazines, but is she through grieving…no, it just goes into new and different phases. I grieve the loss of 5 homes, an excellent business and my husband’s mental health. I grieve the loss of my children’s childhood as a result of all of these losses. I grieve the “good old days” when we planned trips, laughed, had friends over, and didn’t worry where we were going to live. I grieve the loss of my best friend, her mother, her father and her son, all killed at once in a airplane crash, and my own mother, 4 days later. I grieve the loss of time with my children as I work, work, work, keeping the bills paid. How we handle grief is what defines us, builds our character, and grows us. Grief is simply the loss of what was, and the pain we feel as we miss those things that were. But with Christ, all things are new, and while we grieve, we can celebrate that which is new.



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Avery Leinova

posted November 13, 2008 at 2:53 am


As always, I am thankful for your earthy wisdom. I have been grieving for my feline companion, who was with me for 17 years. And in the midst of this, comes grief for my grandmother, and a dear friend who died too young from metastatic breast cancer. I know that grief comes in waves, even as life goes on, even as memory holds our loved ones close. I don’t think that grief becomes any less over time; but rather, that we learn to live with it, learn to understand it as part of the complexity of life.



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Susan Hernandez

posted November 13, 2008 at 2:55 am


I Have Lost Both of my Parents, a Good while back.
But I Still Think about the fun times, we shared together.
Let me share something with ALL of you.
I Know you have heard this, at least, a million times, But it works.
Each, & Every Year, as time goes by, it get;s a little easier,
of missing them, so much. I Often find myself, crying, for them.
My Dad, Passed away, in April 1995, & My Mother passed away, in June 2000.
I Was always Daddy;s ittle girl. Well, when He Passed away, I Thought, How am I going
to live, without him? Then God came to me, & said, You still have your mother.
So I was hoping, that Mom, & I, would become closer.
It Did;nt work out. So a few day;s, after my Mother, has passed on, I found
her white Pocketbook, she had been asking about, for a long time.
So I told my Daughter, that I was going to call mom, & tell her, that I Had found,
Her white purse, she had been asking about.
So I go inside, & I call her, & Her phone just rang, & Rang, & Rang.
I was going crazy, trying to get intouch, with my Mother.
My Daughter came in the house, & I Told her, I had tryed to call my mom, But she;s not answering the Phone. Then she sat down beside me, & hugged me, & said, Mom,
Grandmother, is in Heaven, With Jesus!
I Cryed, for day;s.I Finally had to go get Mental, & Physical Help.
So It help;s, to open up, & talk about you;re loved ones, that you have lost.
It even helps, to Cry, about them, too. No Matter, How long, they have been gone, you will never get over, the loss, & Missing them. Always Try, to talk about them.
I Hope I have Helped someone, or Made someone;s Day.
Good luck! Always follow your Heart.
Most of all, Pray, about them, every day.
Lot;s of Luck,
Posted By: Susan Hernandez/November 13th, 2008, at 2:51am



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Paul Tapp

posted November 13, 2008 at 2:58 am


Was very touched by what you said today. Thank You. I lost my mother about 8 1/2yrs ago. The first 1-3 yrs were very difficult but i finally made it through the horrible pain i felt. Lately, i have been missing her thinking to myself when all is quiet at home, i wonder when mom’s going to call. So, I think youre right the loss of a mother or for that matter any loss of a close loved one never really goes away. Thank you and May God Bless You, Paul



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Ginger Golden

posted November 13, 2008 at 3:19 am


My husband of sixteen years commited suicide Jan.29,2009. I am just beginning to move out of the room of’shock’ and ‘numbness ‘ entering into the room of ‘pain’ and ‘acceptance’.I continue to want to pick up the phone and call his office to ask where a certain tool is or what he feels like having for dinner.All of the things he used to take care of ie: car maintence,trimming limbs from our trees,repairs around the house I now must stop and think”Who can do this for me now”? Our Sunday afternoon drives with all four of our animals will never be again.I think dealing with the business of life so soon afterward has been the most difficult.Losing the business he had and dealing with people who are only doing their job but it feels so cruel to you at the time.
Suicide does have a different energy to it. I have worked with hospice. I have lost my Dad in a long process of death. And I have lost a brother in a work accident. There are different components to suicide.People are afraid to say the word.So I say it for them.Do we ever get over grief? I don’t think so. I beleive,in time,it is woven into the tapestry of our lives and becomes a part of us but does not, must not keep us from growing while we have life.
As scripture says”Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death”. Through tells me I won’t stay there and…shadow tells me there is light, because it is impossible to have a shadow where there is no light.
Blessings and Comfort to you all,
Ginger Golden



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Sandy Burger

posted November 13, 2008 at 3:20 am


Hi everyone. I sincerely don’t believe that the grief every goes away or that you ever forget the pain of losing a loved one. We just somehow manage to get up in the morning and put one foot in front of the other. We lost our precious little angel Tayla a year ago when she was just 2 and 1/2. She drowned in a swimming pool. We have 2 other sons and have to go on and through life if not for us then at least for them. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t feel the physical pain of losing her. but I do believe that she is an angel and is there. I too keep praying for signs, sometimes I get them and sometimes I don’t. Even anger is a natural part of grieving, We have and still do go through that but with God’s help and the help of the angels we will get through life and I belive even one day celebrate her life. Even though that is hard toeven think about or contemplate getting to that point.
For a long time I felt like dying, just not getting out of bed and letting myself drift away. I even had 2 major car accidents due to not caring, which somehow my boys and I walked out of without a scratch. That woke me up and made me realize that there is still a lot to live for and I need to rejoice that fact.
God Bless all of you and may God and his angels give you strenghth.
With love
Sandy



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Sandy

posted November 13, 2008 at 3:23 am


Dear Christine
Please get in touch with me if you need to. I am a South AFrican living in the UAE. My daughter passed away a year ago at the age of 2 and 1/2. Iknow about pain and about wanting to die and praying to God to take me. Please contact me and maybe somehow I can be there for you and help you through your pain.
God Bless
Sandy
(eng_group@masaood.com – if you wuold like to get in touch.)



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Tina

posted November 13, 2008 at 3:26 am


I am greatful for your subject today as earlier this year I lost my Father, yet just a couple days ago my Husband’s cousin, Jennie unexpectedly passed away. A young vibrant 40 year old lady, that loved to take care of EVERYONE; from animals to people. She dedicated her life to severly handicapped children,saved stray animals only to give them a loving life, yet somewhere along the way, maybe she forgot to take care of herself. As your words comfort us at this most devastating time, we know that Jennie has found peace. The timing of your article is most appreciated, and yes how wonderful that My Father & Jennie are with our Maker. God Bless!



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Andre Dotseth

posted November 13, 2008 at 3:28 am


People use to say to me.. if I could only have a 5 minute conversation with so and so. I never wanted one. I think I’m in a healthy place though now. My moms been dead for 10 years. she survived a fatal car crash and the first cards that came in were sympathy cards because the first two brain wave test came back negative. They found activity on the third one.
Several years later she died of a brain tumor, and I think most of us felt like we had already grieved and the mother we knew was already gone even though she had several more years of life it was never quite the same.
I’ve been thru so much in my short life. No children of my own, My father has begun to support me again. My SSI is so little and the credit cards and the carpayment. My friends exaust me. I seldom think of mom and Dad. He kind of does his own thing. Has a new girlfriend involved with the grandchildren and her family. I don’t even go home for xmas. Its half way across the country. I lost a good friend last week and I cried a little.
she was very alcohol. They want to evicted me because her roomate isn’t on my lease and the family thru her out. We went to the memorial and I chose not to speak. It was a mistake. I wasn’t going to be vindictive or anything I just didn’t want to face my uncomfortable feelings. I should have faced them and shared some of my experiences with her.



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brenda

posted November 13, 2008 at 3:45 am


cant wait to hear your next part.



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Teresa Tupholme

posted November 13, 2008 at 4:52 am


Thank you once again for your touching words…I lost my dad last December to Cancer and in many ways am still grieving his absence. So many times I wish I could just call him and ask him how he is doing. I may not be able to call him, but I believe he communicates with me in many ways and continues to guide me in all of my actions. I am a Health Psychologist working at the Pain Clinic at the Portuguese Oncology Institute in Lisbon and when my father passed away, I thought I could not return to the same place where he passed away. Something happened on the day I returned, to start with,I have no doubt that God was beside me as I walked into the main entrance and took a deep breath…but I felt another presence…call it what you may want to, but for me, it was dad, smiling and looking proudly over me…As I looked around and headed toward the entrance, I suddenly felt an inner strength, an inner voice saying to me, go inside, it´s allright I am right beside you and I am never leaving you and will always be there by your side…Well its almost a year since his passing, and I have managed to complete my Masters degree and am still helping many suffering patients through this disease…I know my dad would have been proud of me but I also know that he continues to be my pillar of strength! I am very fortunate to be helping these patients because I believe they have givem me so much more than I have given them; they have taught me how to live life differently and to appreciate every single moment more…



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Tanya

posted November 13, 2008 at 6:35 am


I opened your e-mail this morin.Today was my best friends birthday.Shes been gone now for 3 monsths.I did not think i could make it thou the day.But after reading the notes i feel a little lighter. I miss her so much it hurts.She was young way to young to die.Somedays are better than others. I think you so much for your words. I am not alone anymore.I know shes with me.So i am greatful for your email. I dont know if my Nina sent it or God but thank you to all.whos words i read.Ill make thou another day. lov pookie



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Surekha

posted November 13, 2008 at 6:45 am


I lost my mother in Oct.2007. She was 100 years old. I chose not to marry and I was her main and at times, the only caregiver she had. She was an amazing woman. Her first visit to hospital in 100 years was her last. People tell me I was lucky to have her with me for so many years. Yes, of course, I was truly blessed. I am 63 years old myself and I have spent all my life with her and my Dad who died in 1990. I miss both my parents so much. Not a day goes by when I don’t think about them.
I am still working but when I come home, there is no one to gently say: “Have a nice hot cup of tea and come and sit with me. How was your day?” I will never stop thinking of Mom and all those wonderful years together. They are now my reason for somehow carrying on. I grieve. I pray. I go through my home/work/home routine. I tell God to keep her with Him and to make me strong. I know she will always be with me. Mummy, you are my life and my inspiration. I shall overcome. But I will always, always, miss you.
Surekha, Mumbai, India November 13, 2008



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annie

posted November 13, 2008 at 7:01 am


On November 24th it will be 22 years that we lost our 34year old son to cancer Not a day goes by that I dont think about him I try very hard to remember only the happy times and not his suffering but sometimes It just doesnt work I know hes safe with our Lord but we miss him so much.



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Nancy

posted November 13, 2008 at 7:23 am


Hi. I lost my mother July 30, 2008 at the age of 83. She had been battling breast and ovarian cancer for twenty-three years. She had a rough time with lots of chemo and radiation. I was with her through it all. I miss her so much. I don’t think this grief will ever go away. I’m almost afraid for it to go away, afraid her memory will fade too. I lost my father in October 1990 and it was devastating but not near as much as losing my mother. Sometimes I think I just can’t go on and want to die and be with her. The only thing that keeps me from that is that I have a husband, two daughters, a grandson, and a granddaughter about to be born. I have to be here for them and I know that.



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Lora

posted November 13, 2008 at 7:34 am


I lost my husband last year the day after Christmas. All my friends keep telling me that I should move on. It’s not easy to just move on after spending 16 years with a man that you love. I go to church all the time and am trying to make myself move on but it is hard. I am still grieving. My step children took most of his stuff as soon as he passed away so I didn’t even really have time to think about what of his I might want to keep. Sometimes I feel like he is with me in my home but sometimes I still expect to see him walking in the door. I hope this grieving gets easier it hasn’t so far.



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Julie Gibson

posted November 13, 2008 at 7:57 am


My daughter who just turned sixteen remain’s was found in the wood’s.She had been missing for 10 day’s in March 2003.I cant seem to find much reason to be happy anymore.She was my youngest daughter.My head know’s she’s with God,but my heart cant let go.The holiday’s are here again the tread has set in.



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Emily

posted November 13, 2008 at 7:59 am


I know and believe in God, but your email is just what I needed we lost our beloved sister in law a year ago on November 10th and I miss her alot but your e mail reasures me that we can go on and keep Kathy in our hearts thank you for your message. May God go with you.



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Maria Firestone

posted November 13, 2008 at 8:00 am


My best friend past away on thursday , November 6. She had brain cancer. We all knew she was going to die, but still when it really happened it broke my heart . I no she is dancing with the angels and giving her hearty laugh like she always had evev almost up until the end. She was only 50 years old. I miss her so much . The pain will never go away and I will never forget what a wonderful person she was and how she made me a better person.Deb would always have a heart to listen to anyones problem even when she had her own .There is no one in this world that gave me such wisdom and passion for life . She was such a blessing to me.



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Patti

posted November 13, 2008 at 8:04 am


I lost my husband coming up on five years and I still I find myself grieving. I will always miss him. It is hard to take 20 years of marriage and forget in what seems so short of a time. I know he is in a place of comfort and love now. But still it doesn’t make it easier at times. I have moved forward but still there are times I just cry and wonder why. Life even now is a big adjustment. I carry this feeling of emptiness everyday. It is hard not to. Each day that comes and goes still is a day that I at times can’t adjust to completely.
patti



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Glenda

posted November 13, 2008 at 8:11 am


Christine,
I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling at this moment. We do not understand why our loved ones are taken but if we know they are Christians and with God that in itself will be a comfort to us. On Sunday the 9th of November just a few days ago, I celebrated the one year anniversary of my daughters death. Becca had just graduated from college and working on a second degree at the age of 35 when her husband stabbed her to death. Never does a parent expect to loose a child but I knew in my heart that God was protecting her and saving her from possibly a worse life ahead. That is what I hold on to knowing that she is at peace with God. I don’t hate, I don’t question, I just accept and I have from the moment I got the call.
You see my daughter is the one who brought me back to Christ and the last place I physically saw her was at church. GOd had been all around us. She had surprisingly enough wanted to work with children and adults who were victims of Domestic Violence so now I do that in her place. As a spokes person to stop the cycle and educate women and children about the signs maybe I can help one person who now want be a victim as Becca was.
God is a merciful God and as I prepare to go through the trial my prayer is that when a verdict is handed down that I can face Jimmy and let me know that we have a forgiving God who protects Becca now and forgave me for many things in my past and that through God I forgive him (Jimmy) for taking the love of my daughter from both of us. My other daughter Lisa and my husband have been my support and strength when I have needed them. So as many have said we must go on with our lives but never forget and if tears come let them flow whether they are for happiness of the memories or sadness for the pain that may remain.
God BLess you and look over you each day.
Glenda from Nashville



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ANGELA P.

posted November 13, 2008 at 8:12 am


HELLO….I LOST MY WONDERFUL MOM THIS PAST SEPTEMBER 23RD. SHE WAS ONLY 66 YEARS OLD AND THE DAY BEFORE SHE PASSED, IT WAS HER 66TH BIRTHDAY!!!!! I FELT SOOOOO ALONE WHEN I GOT THAT PHONE CALL FROM THE HOSPITAL SAYING THAT SHE PASSED AWAY!!!!! IT WAS LIKE STABBING ME IN THE HEART!!!!! YOU SEE, SHE WAS DIAGNOSED AS HAVING MALIGNANT MELANOMA, BUT I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS LOCALIZED TILL I FOUND OUT THAT IT HAD SPREAD THROUGHOUT HER BODY AND ON TOP OF THAT, SHE JUST HAD BACK SURGERY AND WENT INTO KIDNEY FAILURE AND HAD SEPSIS!!! I HAS BEEN KINDA HARD FOR ME KNOWING THAT I DON’T HAVE A MOM AND MY KIDS DON’T HAVE A GRANDMA ANYMORE!!!! BUT I LEARN TO LIVE WITH THAT EACH DAY AND TELL MSELF THAT SHE ISN’T SICK ANYMORE BUT THAT SHE IS IN HEAVEN WITH HER DAD, MOM, ETC……BUT STILL, WHEN I SEE HOME VIEODS AND PICTURES OF HER, IT REMINDS ME THAT I STILL HAVE THE MEMORIES OF HER AND US SHARING THEM!!!!! I ASK GOD TO HELP ME EACH DAY AND HE DOES, BUT I HAVE THE JOY OF KNOWING I WILL SEE HER AGAIN SOMEDAY IN HEAVEN!!!!!! SHE WILL ALWAYS LIVE IN MY AND MY KIDS HEARTS TO REMEMBER!!!!!!!



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Laurie Gunderson

posted November 13, 2008 at 8:17 am


I lost my mother Darlene 21 years ago, a week before my wedding. It was extremely hard and I miss her deeply. I lost my father Glenn 9 years later and it was just as hard. I still miss both of them very much. I lost my one and only sibling Keith 4 years ago and I still miss him. We truely never stop missing our loved ones. I have recently lost two of my beloved cats and am still grieving them, along with other cats I have put down over the years. Some of my grief is stronger with some of my losses vs other losses. So I still cry over some of their deaths, but not on others. Each person is different in regards to how they grieve. So nobody should feel sorry for how they feel.
Laurie



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Amy B

posted November 13, 2008 at 8:20 am


It was nice to receive this email as my husband and I were just talking this morning about “all we’ve been through this year.” We lost our 17 year old daughter in June, so this is the first year of holidays without her, and we are having a very difficult time grasping not just that she won’t be with us this year, but for all of our years left on this earth, we will no longer have her with us for the holidays (or any day). We know she is with us in spirit, but we are fearful of the emotions that this first year of holidays will bring. Still, we have so much for which to be thankful (3 other perfect children, each other, and a whole slew of wonderful family and friends), and we are going to try to make that – rather than our great loss – the focus this year.
As for Christine Unsworth who lost her husband and asks for help, please know that it has been such a very short time, and in time, you will need to come to terms with the loss of your husband so that you can go on living as he would want you to do. I’m so very sorry for your devastating lost, dear Christine. We cannot honestly say that even after 5 months, our pain has gotten ‘better.’ We don’t miss our daughter less, and we hurt just the same today and have really just accepted that this is a part of who we are now. I expect you will feel the same. Still, while it doesn’t get easier, it does get less hard. You learn to manage better, but it may require some grief counseling and sharing of your feeling with those who have been through something similar. God bless you, dear. Know that your husband is in God’s care, but also know that both he and God want you to live your life well.
Happy Holidays



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cathy gallagher

posted November 13, 2008 at 8:21 am


Three months ago my three month old granddaughter passed away from sudden infant death syndrome.Our family’s grief has been overwhelming in spite of the love and support we have received from so many. My grief seems to be even greater because I have lost my granddaughter but also I witness the sadness of my son and his wife. I also feel that I have been cheated out of the joy and expectation that I should feel because my daughter will give birth to her first child soon. One quote that I received during this time said”Your grief is the eternal sign that you have loved.” How true. Because I love so many and I am the receipient of others love this I understand is the price I will have to pay. As I have told so many, we are sad, but fortuately we are not alone. Cathy



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Diane Rosignolo

posted November 13, 2008 at 8:23 am


Thank you for this. I have been grieving my husband going on 3 years now. We were married for 32 years. What I hate is that people accept that someone is grieving for only that one year period. Than they expect the person to go on as if the one never was. I felt the same way after my parents died. Why do we want to forget that someone ever existed. We get rid of their clothes and belonging as if they never were around. I find it heart sickening what we do after someone die.



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Dawn Nelson

posted November 13, 2008 at 8:45 am


My very best friend of 40 years died at age 51 of breast cancer, in 2004. I actively ached and mourned for her for more than 2+ years, and now I can remember the good times more than the devastation of losing her. She saved my life in high school, and taught me how to laugh. This woman was larger than life, and was the funniest, most generous person on earth.
Compounding her loss was the behavior of her husband afterward. She and he were married for 30 years, and had two adult children. After her death he mourned for about 5 months, did the requisite “grief counseling” and declared himself ready to move on….and chastised all the rest of us who didn’t. He took up with another woman (whom I introduced him to!) and married her secretly only 8 months after my friend’s death. He sold the house (that my friend–the breadwinner of the family–had purchased) and all the furniture, possessions, her jewelry, and pocketed the proceeds, to spend on his new wife and new life. He didn’t and wouldn’t help his adult sons. One declared bankruptcy; the other was a “lost child.” Again, he felt very entitled to do so, and was angry at any of the rest of us who protested his behavior.
These actions compounded our grief in ways too difficult and complicated to describe. There has been estrangement on the part of most of her friends and all of her family toward him. The sons don’t stay in touch, and have been very conflicted.
Life is precious, and at times, difficult to understand. I force myself to put him and his actions aside, and to think only about my dear friend, a bright shining light, full of love. (And on the practical side—I have changed my will, and have had many conversations with my husband–to make sure my son shares equally in the proceeds of my money and possessions. My husband promises he would never act like my friend’s widower.)



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Karen Ervin

posted November 13, 2008 at 8:46 am


Dear Martha,
It has been a year and a half since a fatal car accident claimed the life of young Alex Ervin, age 15, and permanenty cripled my two teenage sons physically and emotionally. In the months following the accident, his father and family grieved silently. Honoring their son, they started The Alex Ervin Foundation and began speaking around the Carolina’s talking to teenagers and their parents about driving safety awareness. Last year they spoke to over 6000 students. We hope to raise funds to double that number this year.
In October of 2007,I met Alex’s dad for the first time. You see, my son, Jeremy,was the driver. He lost both of his legs and suffered permanent spinal damage. In the following months we met and talked about how the accident had changed our lives. There was forgiveness,understanding and grace. Ourlove began to grow and this past June we were married in the Bahamas.
Our grief is never far from our hearts, but it has fueled our mission to save the lives of teenage drivers. Our families are slowly healing as laughter and precious memories begin to replace the mourning and loss we’ve all experienced.
Thank you.



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Rhonda

posted November 13, 2008 at 8:57 am


My Mother went to be with theLord 13 years ago last week. She passed away less than 3 months after i got married for the first time and moved out of the house at 35 years of age.She had lots and lots of health problems and i took responsibility for her meds and care even tho my Dad and 2 younger sisters still lived at home. Talk about guilt! AND i was soooooo mad at God for a while.So,every year i know exactly how long she has been gone as it is the same as my wedding anniv. I took 3 months off work as couldnt deal with the phone work i had to do. I had dreams of her constantly for months and she was the first thought in my head every morning when i work up and i’d cry every day. My sister inlaw absolutely could not understand why i didnt go back to work-after all, we must move on. She still had BOTH her Mom and Dad and had never lost anyone close. Eventually my life returned to doing all the normal things but time was divided into “before Mom died” and “after Mom died”.I now know she was afraid alot and is safe now the Lord and feels no physical or mental pain. Still, after 13 years, i sometimes wake up and for a fraction of a second forget she is gone and think i need to call her about some trivial thing that has happened.Still, when i speak to friends about my Mom i get teary.I know grief never goes away–it just gets easier to endure.



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Brenda

posted November 13, 2008 at 9:00 am


Hello and how is your day today. I wanted to thank you. My husband lost his Mom one month ago (10-11-08) and on the 11th day of this month, only one month later I had to go get him from work. He began to grieve. I lost both of my parents at an early age and the rest of my family also. I suppose in a weird way I am like a veteran of death.. I have suffered through all of my family members dying suddenly with out any sort of warning.
As I was driving down the road, going far faster than the speed limit, I yelled out to God, “Please Help me to figure out how I am going to help him feel better.”
The truth is, there is nothing any one can say or do to take the pain away. Even clouding our minds with positve thoughts works for only a moment.
This morning, when I opened my email, I did my usual and got rid of all the junk mail first and then opened each requested email by interest of my day. Your email was the first. I watched this video and I feel like this was my answer from God. This was his way of helping me to help my husband…I knew that he would help me, I just didnt know what it was going to be . So today, You are my Angel From Our Father, and thank you. Thank You. thank You
Sincerely,
Brenda



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Traci Marra

posted November 13, 2008 at 9:02 am


Hi Martha
First off…I just want to say I am a big fan of yours and enjoy all of your work. Like you…its my Mother I grieve for. She died 8 years ago from a blood clot following knee surgery. I used to think the reason I still grieved so strongly was that she dies so suddenly. But I am convinced at this point that I will grieve eternally for her. While I have recovered from the brutal effects of the first couple years of grief, the pain of missing her is still so very real in my life. She loved the holidays and each year as the holiday season approaches I find myself suffering as though it just happened. Mom was such an amazing woman, she loved everyone and everyone loved her. She was especially fond of any holiday and made them wonderful for us. I so looked forward to spending time with her at Christmas time. The only thing that brings me through the hard times…is knowing I will see her again some day.
Thank you for your words of inspiration. I look forward to part two of your story.
God Bless



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Victoria

posted November 13, 2008 at 9:18 am


God morning Martha….
I have started my grieving process of my mother. She passed 8/24/2008….
two day befor my birth day and 10 years after my father 8/4/1998. I am lost in confusion, have a hard time thinking,concentration. etc…. I have good faith in my god and that he will not let me go nor forsake me. all I know is the holiday will be here soon, and scared of this process of greiving… than you for this video and looking forward to more. god bless, victoria



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Ann A.

posted November 13, 2008 at 9:19 am


I lost my brother, who just turned 40 – from pancreatic cancer. He was diagnosed with a back injury from work, as he was in construction for the past year and had fallen. However, it was cancer all the long and none of us knew it. He was diagnosed on a Friday and he died the next Friday. So, we had to lump a lifetime into hours. Needless to say, I miss him more than life itself. I try to get through each day without hurting but it can attack at the most inconvenient times. I am in therapy but that only helps at the time. Will the grief ever go away? I think not. I have learned that grief is painful but it is a declaration of love for the one who passed on. I know he is with Jesus but I want him here. I dread the holidays. Nothing is easy.



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Linda Straubhaar-Foose

posted November 13, 2008 at 9:22 am


I lost my first husband in an automobile accident in 1991. I grieved for a long time, and believe me it was a lot longer then a year. We were childhood sweethearts and my only boyfriend. We were together about 17 years. I know to a lot of widows that is not very long, but I felt I was robbed of my future. Our son was 12 years old at the time and believe me he has never recovered. I have very strong faith, that is what kept me going. I would get up everyday and just breathe in and out and do what I had to do for my son and myself. I would pray everyday for God to help me through another day. There is still times in my life that I think about him and I just feel devastated all over again. I just know I will see him again one day and that keeps me going.
Grief hit me again in 1999, when my mom died–OH GOD. She was my best friend, my rock, everything to me. I am an only child so she filled in all the gaps of my life. She made me the person I am today, with her faith and prayers and all she taught me. I took care of her the last six years of her life and I would do it all over again. The grief for her is still there. I miss her everyday, every waking moment. But again my faith is what keeps me going and through her teachings of Jesus Christ, I know I will see her again. But I always look at her empty chair and wish to God she was here. Does it get easier–yes. But it never ever goes away. I can be standing in the greeting cards at the store on Mother’s day and just break down.
I go to the Cemetary to put flowers on my mother and my late husband, very often. When it was just my husband there I would go everyday, but after my mother went there also, I could no longer go everyday, it is just to hard.
I miss them and I know the hurt of loss. But you do go on somehow. But to say a year makes it better, I don’t believe that. Just trust in God and you will make it through, even if it never goes away.



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Sharon Richko

posted November 13, 2008 at 9:36 am


Hi
My mom recently passed away, on Oct 19 of this year. She was 90 years old.
She was in a nursing home for the last 8 months, because she was told that she had dementia. Every single night after work I would go see her and help her get ready for bed. I never missed a night. A week before she died the was taken to the hospital, because she was having problems breathing, you see, she was also a cancer patient, and it had spread through out her body. I was there every day along with my sister, we would spend the nights in the hospital with her, and my husband would come and relieve me at 6:00 in the morning. She was sleeping most of the time from the morphine they gave her to make her comfortable. I hope that she knew that we were there, I didn’t want her to die alone. Anyways, on the 19th, my husband came to relieve me and I went home to get some rest, 4 hours later he called me from the hospital to tell me that she died. He said that she opened her eyes, looked at him and died. Do you think that she knew I was there all the time, and didn’t want to die with me there? I just don’t know.
It’s just about a month since she’s gone, I’ve been to the cemetary every sunday since she died, and I can’t believe I’m not gonna see her again. People say, oh, she lived a really long life at 90 years old, (her birthday was a week before she died), and that I shouldn’t be sad, I don’t care how old she was, she ‘s my mother, and I miss her so much!!I’m not looking forward to the holidays this year.



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Kathyann E Corl

posted November 13, 2008 at 9:41 am


As i write this the tears are welling up again…I lost my Mom back on Valentines Day 1996 through that loss I thought I understood how ongoing grief is and how it will color your world. Nothing however could I have prepared me b\for the loss of my youngest daughter Kristen this year in a car accident. Kristen was 28 and was avibrant and energetic spirit of boundless love for all…Things are hard now. I find myself living in a world that is gray, and barely find the energy to make it through the work I do in human services. I am home today because my birthday was 11/11 and Kristen’s birthday is Thanksgiving and I am feeling ver disconnected fromm my inner strength. I know that this hole in my heart will always be there but I need to be able to be reconnected with my own life in the process. I can’t wait to see the next video



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Viola Rendon

posted November 13, 2008 at 9:48 am


Christine…My husband went to be with the Lord on May 20,08,,It has not been easy,I also felt the same way,I ask the Lord to take me so I can be with him,and also felt each day was worse but there is peace.. his love is so deep,I miss him so much, but I have found some peace with the help of my Lord by reading the Bible,Praying,My friendsFamily,Sons,Wives,Grandkids all boys ages 21-10,Thru support groups..I never taught I would ever have Peace..I have everything that was his ..he was cremated so he is constantly with me,make your house a relaxing place for you to Pray ,cry ,call a friend and go out for coffee or a movie make your self strong you can get sick I did and I would see the hurt in my Grandkids eyes they did not want to loose me ..Have a Happy Day..
Viola



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Raj Ajinkya

posted November 13, 2008 at 9:57 am


Its going to be 23 years this December.We lost our our son Amol to a car accident.As I was driving him home from school that fateful afternoon,my car was hit by a truck.Amol was dead right there, but I was in coma for 13 days.I came out of it only to find out that my son was gone.I haven’t stopped grieving since that day.We come from a culture that tells you to grieve for a limited period but then you stop it by throwing away every thing that belonged to that deceased person.I don’t believe in lot of things that my culture taught me.So I have kept most of his stuff.Every year on our family vacations I carry a little bag with his clothes in it.
Both of my parents as well as my husband’s parents flew down to be with us at that time.If it wasn’t for my dad I would have been on the wheelchair till today.But he was my pillar of strength then and always.I lost my dad to various medical complications three years ago.Now I miss him too.He was my best friend.I was glad that I was with him at that last moment.I was holding his hand and telling him to get better because I needed him.But I guess my son needed him more than me.Daddy had to go be with him.
Just this past summer our daughter Julie got married and I missed the most important people in my life.I carried their pictures with me to the wedding but it wasn’t the same.
Our son would have turned 32 and daddy 87.My birthday falls on Dec 4 and my dad’s was Dec 5.My son died on Dec 2.What a sad month for me!



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Salvatore Campisi

posted November 13, 2008 at 10:02 am


Dear Martha,
I never knew my Mother. She was an alcoholic, I was raised by Her and my Father for the first five years of my life until my Father divorced my Mother in 1957. I still lived with her for a short time until I was removed from her care by the Chicago police and place in juvinile care. The following day my Father, Step-Mother and an Aunt came to get me from juv.. for the next nine years I would in a living hell with a Step-Mother but as far as my Mother is concerned, I don’t think I ever forgot about her even though I don’t have any memories of her. After nine years the marriage to my Step-Mother came an end with my being her until I had run away for the last and final time. The next I ended up in Ca. with my Father and Grandparents. About a year of my father making return trips to Chicago to try get back with my Step-Mother. I wrote to him asking that if he wasn’t able, if could find my Mother. Because he wasn’t much for writing I had began to wonder. I had a longing and a hope within me that was soon dashed. when Father did return, he sat me down at the kitchen table and place before me some records and the first one that I read was the death of my Mother. I could not believe want I was reading, it was as if my heart had torn from my chest and hoover dam had burst because I could not contain me feels. When I was removed from her care she taken to mental hospital and some years later she pass away. I know that my mother loved me because Aunts who visited her would tell me. The day will come I know when there will be that grand reunion between my Mother and I.
Sincerely,
Salvatore Campisi



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liz

posted November 13, 2008 at 10:08 am


I just found out that I have asbergers syndrome and i am 50, I am high functioning, but I always had problems forming healthy relationships , People seem to never connect with me no matter how hard i try, now i realize that it is me not connecting to them, everything seems backwards, to to this backwards confussion i have lost alot of relationships my dad and mom and my first marriage and some of my kids, i look vnd seem very high functioning so the dont understand me . i had depression for 10 years but i am out of that now for 9 years, i take one day at a time and try to communicate better with the people now in my life that love me i have 2 or 3 .



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PAMELA SIMON

posted November 13, 2008 at 10:08 am


MY MOTHER PASSED AWAY ON AUGUST, 27TH, 2007. I MISS MY MOTHER SOOOO MUCH. I STILL LOOK AROUND THINKING MAYBE SHE’LL APPEAR TO LET ME KNOW SHE’S IN HEAVEN AND IS OKAY. I KNOW MY MOM WENT TO HEAVEN I JUST WANT TO SEE HER. SHE DIED ABOUT AN HOUR AFTER I LEFT. I DON’T IF SHE WAITED FOR ME TO LEAVE CAUSE SHE KNEW I COULDN’T HAVE HANDLED THAT. MY OTHER THREE SISTERS WERE THERE AND I HAVE BEEN BEATING MY SELF UP OVER THAT EVERY SINCE. IT STILL HURT’S AS THOUGH IT WERE YESTERDAY. I’M NOT SURE THE PAIN WILL EVER GO AWAY. I WASN’S DOING THAT GREAT IN MY LIFE THEN AND I’M STILL NOT BUT WANT TO SO BAD BUT DON’T KNOW WHERE TO TURN. I WANT TO SEE MY MOTHER AGAIN. WHERE EVER YOU ARE MOM I LOVE YOU, PAMMY



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Carol R Hill

posted November 13, 2008 at 10:24 am


This really helped me I am still grieving not out loud but inside. I was so close to her and we had so much together that can never be replaced.
When I go to the grocery store I remember us going together and buying things that my other sister wouldn’t buy for her and we always had fun.
When I get my hair cut I remember her because we would get that done together and she would call her hair “feathers” because it was so thin.
When I get my nails done the same thing because we would do that together and we always had fun.
She had a special drug store that she would go to because the things she used were very old fashioned and that “special drug store” carried all what she needed and that was always fun.
She was a very strong lady and always well dressed no matter where we’d go.We didn’t really become “real friends” until really later in life but she was always Mom the best person in my entire life. When I am really down and out I still miss her because she always knew what to say to me to make all my worries go aways some how.
You I never say the word died because that is way to final.
I heard this a long time ago just after she left. The best way to say it and it doesn’t sound so final. “SHE WENT TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CURTAIN” that way all you have to do is lift the curtain and see her and speak to her that really helped me then and now.
I hope that someone is helped by that today.
MAY GOD BLESS ALL OF THE PEOPLE THAT HAVE LOST THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN THEIR LIVES NOW AND FOREVER AS I AM SURE HE WILL!!!



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Renee Maggette

posted November 13, 2008 at 10:26 am


Hi I lost my 7 year old daughter who passed on January 12, 2005 from an anuryzm. She was the baby of 3 children. I don’t think grieving every goes away, you just get alittle better with dealing with it. I am in the field of helping people with their mental illness. I think that I was put into this field for a reason, to help people deal with traumas in their lives that sometimes create a mental block. I was placed on medication after my daughter passed away for depression because I felt I could not deal with the fact that I would never see her again you know, I would not see her get her first boyfriend, graduation from H.S. or College or even see her getting married. It was very hard for me to reach out to my other children. I loved my daughter so much. See I am in recovery and have been for the last 9 years. I got clean when my daughter was born. So I am clear that she was given to me to save my life. Even though she was 7 years old she helped through my most struggling days. I am grateful to have had the priviledge to be her mom for 7 years but it does not excuse the fact that I miss her so much. I know that her spirit is always with me and watches over me. I said that her passing happened so suddenly that I never got a chance to tell her how much I loved her. But the day after her birthday which was March 28th. I was walking to work, thinking of her of course. I noticed a shiney piece in the street close to the sidewalk. I glanced at it but did not really pay it any mind. A lady who was walking behind me, said to me here it is Miss, she must have thought that I dropped it. She picked it up and asked me did I drop it. I told her no, she said well keep it anyway. It was a piece from a chain, not broken like if it fell off of someones chain. It said “I love you mom”. I just looked up and said thank you Neyal. I knew that it came from up above. Like it was just dropped from the skies to tell me that how much she loved me. I began to cry and knew that it was sent from heaven just for me. I believe that Angels bring messages from those loved ones that have passed on. I have been dealing with my 16 year old daughter whom Neyal passed out in her arms. She is having such a hard time dealing with the fact that her little sister is no longer here and is not coming back. She has recently been put on medication because of her depression of dealing with the passing of my daughter (her little sister). I have been taken off of the medication now coming up on a year and now my daughter who has been acting out in school, cutting herself and fighting alot has been placed on medication. Because she is releasing the pain in other ways. I also have my daughter in therapy. She feels that she could have done something to help her sister. I explain to her that an anyrzm is something that just happens. I know that she will be alright because she has me to hold on to. I have to help my other baby so I don’t lose her. Everyone have a good day and just know that our loved ones are always with us. They are just not in the human form but they are always around us, protecting us, watching over us and keeping us from any harm. I believe that! Have a great day!



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Carmen A. Marquez

posted November 13, 2008 at 10:28 am


I received your video and here I am, crying. I lost my mother in 1989 and my dad in 1992 and every time I read, see, or think of anything that makes me remember that they are no longer with me I get tears in my eyes. I know and am convinced that they are both with the Lord and that someday I will be reunited with them, but it’s hard, even after all the years that have gone by…. There are so many things not said.. I miss them a lot.. I’ll be waiting for your next video. God bless you…. Carmen



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Ramona Cotto

posted November 13, 2008 at 10:38 am


5 years ago I lost my Mom to Alzheimer’s disease. I took care of my Mom for approximately 6 years, I saw my mother’s health, mind & body deteoriate before my eyes and felt hopeless trying to help ease her pain. My Mom was a very strong independent woman and became a fragile helpless woman. This tore my heart, finally on April 13, 2003 my Mom lost the battle with this awful disease. I, too, have much faith in GOD and it’s my faith in GOD that has helped me thru my journey in life after my Mom’s passing. He put her in my hands to care for her the last days of her life and that made me bond more with my Mom, you see I was too busy & involved with my life, work and other things that I somethings neglected my Mom. I thank GOD everyday for putting her in my care & giving me the privilege to spend time with her before she left this world. I sometimes feel this is the reason why it’s so hard for me to let go, I visit my Mom at her grave as much as possible, but for some reason I feel it’s not getting easier. I still break down when holidays are here or when I remember one of her funny remarks. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop grieving, it’s something that will stay with me until we meet again.



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Mary

posted November 13, 2008 at 10:42 am


I STARTED NOT TO OPEN THIS E-MAIL,BUT YOU SEE I LOST MY MOTHER 4 MONTHS AGO.AS I TYPE THIS
COMMENT TEARS FILL MY EYES.I THINK OF MY MOTHER ALL THE TIME.SHE WAS DOING FINE BEFORE SHE PASS,THEN ON DAY SHE WENT TO THE DOCTOR AND THEY PUT HER IN THE HOSPITAL.SHE WAITED UNTIL WE LEFT TO GO HOME AND WHEN WE RETURN A MIN. BEFORE VISITING HOUR.SHE WENT HOME TO BE WITH THE LORD WITH A TEAR IN HER EYE. I CAN NOT GET OVER SEEING THAT TEAR IN HER EYE.I KNOW THAT SHE IS IN A BETTER PLACE BUT WE ALL MISS HER SO MUCH.THANKS FOR LETTING ME SAY THIS.



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Bernie

posted November 13, 2008 at 10:49 am


Both of my parents died in 1984 – my father 24 years ago to this date.
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in “On Death and Dying” cites the emotions of loss: denial, anger, bargaining,depression and acceptance. The emotions of grieving have never completely left me. Rarely do any of us reach total acceptance.



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Dolores

posted November 13, 2008 at 11:04 am


Hello. I lost my mom the day after thanksgiving in 2007 and my dad in February 2008 and my xhusband January 2008. All while battleing breast cancer operations. It has been extremely hard. Some days you mope around all day and night for you feel them close to you and other days you hang in there and become stronger as you go. I don’t think that it is something that you totally forget or put aside but as each day passes you get stronger and learn to accept the things that you can not change.



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Louise Adair

posted November 13, 2008 at 11:22 am


Hi my name is Louise and my husband and I lost our only child, our son Jason to suicide on October 4, 2007!! He was 21 years old and in his last year of college. His huge loss in weight the last time he came to visit made me very concerned and my husband and I removed him for a semester to try to get a diagnosis for his rapid weight loss. Itended up that Jason had stomach ulcers due to his stress and not eating properly. The sad thing is we didn’t realize how very depressed he was, until i got the call from my husband that morning at my job that Jason had hung himself in our basement!! Your words are so very true, and your right you never ever stop grieving, and my husband and I will never be the same!! Even after a year the pain is still so fresh and so very painful, but my husband and i have a loving family and many great friends, so we are going on, but we will never forget our son, and wish everyday that he didn’t do this!! I look forward to part 2 of this video on grief!!! God Bless You, Sincerely, Louise



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Rose

posted November 13, 2008 at 11:30 am


My father died in early 2008 and my husband died several months ago, also in 2008. My father was elderly and I thought I was prepared, but it was still difficult. My husband was only 41 and died completely unexpectedly and that has undermined everything I thought I believed in. It has been so difficult and at times I don’t think I can go on with the weight of my grief and the lack of hope in the future. I am now deployed to Iraq. Friends, family, my work responsibilities, and occasional glimmers of hope have kept me going. It has been useful to read various books on grief to know of other people’s suffering and that they eventually worked through their grief even if they never forgot. I often think I just want my life to be normal again and then I realize it never will be normal as I knew it. I will have to accept that it will be different, with many unknowns.



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Barbara

posted November 13, 2008 at 12:34 pm


Good Morning to all my fellow mourners. I am facing my 2nd year of holidays alone and not dealing well with it. Thought I was doing so well in my grief journey until all the reminders of the upcoming holiday season started appearing everywhere and find I am not nearly done grieving for the husband I lost 08-09-07. I have been taking a Grief Share program and highly recommend it to anyone struggling with your emotions this time of year.



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Melinda

posted November 13, 2008 at 12:47 pm


I lost my mother to Ovarian cancer in July 2007, and I still cannot belive she’s gone. I was very close to my Mother, especially after my Dad died 13 years before her, she lived 1 block from me, we did everything together. I was her primary caregiver for the six years she fought this awful disease,(I have two brothers) and was convinced that she had beaten it, then it returned with a vengeance and she was gone withing six months.
I stayed with her around the clock that last two weeks of her life. The first day hospice came, I left to go to work for a little while because they assured me it would be days, if not weeks, before she died. I received a phone call 3 hours later that she had died. I truly believe she died while I was not there, because she didn’t want me to live with that, however, my guilt at not being there when she left, is driving me crazy. I thought I was prepared for the inevitable, but I obviously wasn’t. I am a 52 year old woman, and last night I got her blouse out, trying to smell her. I suffer in private and in silence, because I don’t want anybody else to know that I’m not accepting this any better than I am. She was my Mom, but also my best friend. I feel so alone now. One month after she died, my only child left for college, so I had two kinds of grief at one time to deal with. If my husband suspects that I’m upset about it, he tells me to grow up and get over it.
I’m not sure I ever will reach the acceptance stage of grief. As I write this, I am sobbing like it just happened. I am a strong believer in God, and am active in my church, but this is an emptiness that I am having a hard time getting used to.



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terri

posted November 13, 2008 at 12:49 pm


grief wow what a simple word for such a deep filling i lost my alan almost 2yrs now 8mths before that i lost the guy i called dad and before that i lost my best friend grief is that what im filling or sorry for my self all these people truely love me my alan and i was going to get married that yr his birthday just came up i thought i had moved on even if its only be almost two yrs but his bday hit me hard im seeing some one now and i like him but is it fair to him that i miss alan so much i cry all the time not even half as much but i do even more lately since the 11th its been almost none stop if i don’t keep busy and thats hard i fill like i have or am betraying alan and devin hes my new friend and he is great person , man all the above my heart hurts i just came out of hiding and right now i want to go back in my bed and not get up i do and i have for about 6mth now he will be gone now for 2yrs on 1-9 next yr will i ever let him go and stop hurting i thought i was doing better and my friend is so great i fill again when im with him happy alive i want to live again but alans bday came up and i fill like crying and i miss him so much my friend i can talk to him a little about it but i don’t want him to run away i like him is there something i could do or is this normal like everything else im so mad at him for leavening me he promised me he wouldn’t leave and im scared this one leave if i get to close but maybe if i don’t hell leave please tell me i fine and i just let god back in i fill so mess up i don’t except anyone to read this or respond i just need to talk cause i miss so much and hurt i just hope this is normal well anyway thanks terri



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Rosemarie

posted November 13, 2008 at 12:51 pm


Greetings,
I believe grief comes and goes at least for me it does. I lost my husband 21 years ago, I had a 10 month old daughter and was pregnant with our second daughter. I still to this day think about it at least every other day. My dad passed a yr. later. My son passed on oct 23, 2005 from a drug overdose. He was 30 at the time. I still wake up in the middle of the night and miss him everyday I shed a tear. I am currently my moms caregiver. She is 89 and has alzheimer’s. They call it the long goodbye…. It is very devastating to see your mom go through all these changes and not be able to do a thing about it. So on top of everything else I am going through hell here on earth. It’s ok though because god will not put more on us than we can bear I owe my life to him I live for him.
to god be the glory…Help us all lord……Amen



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phyllis

posted November 13, 2008 at 1:02 pm


hi i am so sorry for everyone here and all the very sad stories i almost think mine is nothing but i am truly sad so here it goes it’s all really been a rollar coaster ride i have 11 brothers and sisters to start my dad died and my little brother who was only nine months old dies agter a hole in his heart then a couple of years ago my brother who had a massieve heart attack went into coma for eleven months sitting at his side praying to GOD to let him live after the doctors were so sure he was dead to let him go i said no he went thre so much plucking pricking 33 bags of blood he is now home but not as before i am so sad to watch his life be over as he had a life were he was going on a daily now he just sleeps then my brother comitted suicide last year my heart is broken 47 years old a correction officer with bipolar who knew oh GOD how i wish i knew what he was going threw i myself is bipolar but i never understood it either it might have just been everything my older brother just had a heart attack is ok but his daughter 21 years old got killed in an auto accident a couple of months ago i am sick to my stomach i am sick also thyroid i am scared to hear whats going on so i don’t take tests i miss my brother then i met a guy at the same time this was happening to me his mom and dad went into the hospital to die six months apart from each other geez i seen it all so two people with serious sadness and grief and the most is the hurt and pain well everyone enough of my book GOD BLESS EVERYONE



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LCC

posted November 13, 2008 at 1:03 pm


I lost my brother in December 28, 2007 from a car accident he was 25 yrs old. He was riding his bicycle when van strucked him.
The way I found out was through the work of God.
It was Sat December 29th and my husband and I were heading to a friends house.
We were right outside my house when i realize i left my phone in the house.
I thought to myself “well i dont want to go back to get my phone, if anyone needs to call me they can call my husband cell”. That was the First odd thing…I never leave home without my cell.
The second odd thing was that we stayed at our friends house till 1:30am and it is not like us to stay so late at her house since she just had a baby.
When we left and got in the car i noticed my husband left his cell phone in the car (another odd thing because he NEVER leaves his cell in the car).
I noticed he had 38 missed calls from my sister. I called her and she said to go come to her house. I clearly remmeber seeing all my siblings (all seven of them) sitting in the living room. My oldest sister told me “Frank was in an accident and he is no longer with us”. I felt like my world was crumbling. Now that i look back I realize leaving my cell, staying late at a friends house, my husband leaving his cell in the car was the work of God. Had i had my phone i would have receive the call at 9:00pm not 1:30am the next day.
And i would have witness all my other siblings hearing the news. I dont think i would have been able to deal with that. And that is why i know God wanted me to be one of the last of my family to find out.
My brother was my best friend, i loved my brother with all my heart.
What has kept me moving forward is knowing that my lil brother would want me to be happy. At times it is difficult to think that way, but im trying. I am going to therapy and it has helped me. At first i was hesitant to go because i felt that “they” would not know how i was really feeling unless they have been through it. But it has helped.
Another thing is having faith in God. God is wonderful and he has helped me through this difficult times.
As the holidays are near i pray that i dont get depress, i always think, “what would my brother tell me if he was alive?” would he want me sad?
Dont get me wrong i miss him dearly but i know i am still living and i have to make the best of it.
The lord does not give us things that we cant handle.
My advice is…cry if you need to Let it out. Dont hold your emotions in. Time will heal some of our wounds. Life is wonderful and should be lived as if it was the last.
That is what my brother Francisco M. Rios taught me.



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Janet

posted November 13, 2008 at 1:10 pm


I am so glad I came to this site today in my e-mails. My sister lost her only grandchild, Candice at 17 years of age. She died in her sleep and her mother found her. We celebrated her 17th birthday the Saturday before. She had so many dreams and plans for a 17 year old young lady. Our lives have not been the same. We had just begun to live again after my mother’s long illness and death almost 3 years before Candice’s death. My niece, her mother, Sherry is a devout Christian and continues to go on. She herself was left by her husband because she developed breast cancer and he left her with Candice at age 11. Candice loved everyone. Sometimes still, I personally just want to jump off of a bridge from the pain of her loss. I just wish you all could pray for her mother, Sherry. The holidays are awful now because we have such a small family and she was our sunshine. She still is to me. I pray for each and everyone of you who have lost a child. I had my mother for 50+ years, but Candice’s loss has just about put me under. I have a 21 year old son and they were like brother and sister. The Lord promises never to leave us or forsake us and I believe that from the bottom of my heart or I would not be here to write this. Today I am not feeling strong emotionally and have medical problems, so forgive me for my weakness. I just pray you all know Jesus hears us and he is with us, even when we can’t feel his presence.
God bless you all.
Janet



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Sue Yearian

posted November 13, 2008 at 1:30 pm


Oh Martha you couldn’t be anymore right.I lost My Mom 10 years ago and I still can’t seem to get over it.My brothers and sister has gone on.I can’t.My Mom had lung cancer and I took a leave from work to bring her to my house to take care of her.Maybe that is why It’s harder for me. i know she is in Heaven with my Dad and happy.So I guess that is how I try and accept it a little.Maybe I am just being selfish.Sue Yearian



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tinyblueplanet

posted November 13, 2008 at 2:08 pm


I lost two of my uncles in 2001. One, the day after Father’s Day, and the other, in November. They both had larger-than-life personalities, and I miss them both very much, but my heart quite literally aches over not having uncle Johnny around. Strangely, that heartache has intensified over the past several months.
“JB” was a young 64 when he left us, fallen by pancreatic cancer. He was successful in everything he did, including building and racing cars in the ’60s, then getting into the movie industry in the ’70s where he eventually ended up working for a major, current A-list actor (not going to name names to protect the privacy of my aunt who also works for this particular actor).
Anyway, JB was larger than life, and we always enjoyed his visits during the holidays, and during his stops between trips back and forth to California for his next movie project. JB loved old cars, and passed that love of cars on to me (he found and bought my first car out of high school, a beautiful 1955 Buick Special).
I just bought and moved into my first house in March of this year, and it is decorated in themes and styles of The Greatest Generation, including cars of the ’30s, ’40s and ’50s, all decades that JB loved. I miss him so much. He never got to see my house, and see that I finally grew up and turned out ok… I have pictures of him and several of his favorite cars in the house. I think about him all the time.
I love you and miss you JB! We all do…
DB



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Luann

posted November 13, 2008 at 2:15 pm


I lost my beautiful little girl in January 1991 from leukemia. The pain never goes away.
I just put it on the shelf when I need to function in a regular way, but when I am
thinking of her, the pain is still there. I just learned somehow to live with it. And
it is a hard road to travel. Her name was Amy, which means Beloved, and it is the truth – I still love her more than words can tell. Til I see you again, Baby!



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Lisa

posted November 13, 2008 at 3:15 pm


My husband passed away on November 16, 2001. It was a devastating experience for me and after 7 years, I still miss him and feel the pain. It isn’t as raw as it was in the beginning, but nevertheless, it is still present. My Mom passed away in June of this year. I miss her and feel that pain too. I truly feel that you do not “get over” grief, you just learn to live with it as a part of life.



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Kathleen

posted November 13, 2008 at 3:38 pm


I lost my husband 6 months ago. He went for a bike ride came home had a heart attack and died. I have been lost. Trying to keep busy is helping, but I still feel empty inside. I see a therapist and feel it is helping. Have taken up writing more seriously and that is also helping. Our 25th anniversary was on Nov. 4 and we had his birthday on the 11th and mine on the 23rd. I hate this season now, it isn’t any fun.



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Angela

posted November 13, 2008 at 3:59 pm


Hello I to have lost my mother and granddady whom raised me and my uncel & frist cousin.With than 2years apart and it hurts, God grace carry’s me so much. I know the hurt and the pain, But when your lost one come to mind think of the good things and hold on tho that and start praying and reading your word. go to PS.91 and IS.61 it will give you streght. That pain get’s lighter but is controlable by the Spirit of God.



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Denise

posted November 13, 2008 at 4:07 pm


I lost my mother to cervical cancer 2 days before christmas last year. It has been the hardest thing I have ever had to live with, My father died when I was 6, and I don’t really remember him, but I was 33 when mom died. I miss her so much. I can’t believe that it has almost been a year, it seems like yesterday. My Mom never learned to drive, so I took her anywhere she needed to go, to the store or doctor appointments. I tried to help her anyway I could. She took chemo twice. THe first time she had cancer in her cervix and had surgergy and did pretty good for a few years and then got it in her liver. I remember taking her to get her wig because she lost all her hair. I was with her at the salon and they shaved the rest off, and I had to go in the bathroom to cry.The last time she took. chemo it made her so sick that she just quit taking it and cancer took over pretty quick.I had to call the ambulance to take her to the hospital and then they sent her to a health care home and said she would probably go home in a couple of weeks. Things just got worse. She started swelling up everywhere and couldn’t swallow. My Mom belived in God very much. One day my aunt and uncle went to see her and she had a birdhouse outside her window. My uncle asked her if she had seen any birds. She said “no” and 2 white doves flew up to the window. She said “see, God knows where I am”, ” he sends his love on the wings of a dove” My Mom wasn’t afraid to die, in fact she was ready to go see Jesus, she just didn’t want to leave her children. There are 8 of us kids, and everyone of us was with her.The day she died I stopped and bought her some roses when I got to her room she was barely awake and complaning she was hot and I was putting cool rags on her forehead and the last thing she said was(she held her right hand out) “Jesus take my hand” and then she just was breating and kept getting slower and slower. I held her hand until she was gone with my five brothers and two sisters standing over me. I am so thankful that we were all with her, and I asked God to take her, because I couldn’t stand to see her suffer. I know she is with God and she is happy, but I think of her everyday. I miss talking to her and seeing her. My life is so empty without her, she was my best friend. My kids are what keep me going because I know that they need me and I just try to think that one day I will see her again.



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Merry

posted November 13, 2008 at 4:23 pm


37 years ago I lost a baby son at birth – Justin. 8 mos ago I lost both my first husband (the father of my children) and my beloved third husband – on Mar 6, 2008. I had only been married 7 1/2 mos at the time. He had by-pass surgery, never woke up, and was in a coma for ten days before we had to take him off life support. It was a nightmare, but it is over. I used to visit his grave every day. The cemetary is close to my home.
You never stop grieving, it just gets easier to live with, and you go on. I tried the grief support groups, but they seemed to be keeping the grief so raw and the center of attention for each person. I want to heal, and I want to stop being in pain so much and so often. I lost the greatest love I have ever known on this earth, and turning it from screaming at God for taking him – into Thanking God for giving me the 21 months we had together and all I learned during that time – was very hard and took work.
I still cry, and I have not been able to move on romanticly at all. I tried a date, with a widower, and it was kind of a bad idea for both of us. Too soon I think.
I believe that each of us has a time that is ours to go, and that we are all part of a plan that God has for not only the world but each of us as well. His will is that we do what He has in the plan for us.
I believe that Mar. 6, 2008 was the day Shawn was supposed to die. If he had me holding his hand, children there with him, or not – that was his day. If he had experienced the two happiest years of his life and achieved more than he ever dreamed – or not.
He is at peace for the first time since Viet Nam, and I know he is healed and healthy and in heaven. My tears are for me, not him. I miss my best friend, lover, playmate, and partner in life. I was so blessed by his sharing my life – even for only a short time.
I can, and will, go on. We have 7 children, 14 grandchildren, and a great-grandson. I have a lot to live for, and plan to enjoy every single day I am given. Making at least one happy memory every single day – I will never get back except in memories someday.
I will love, and miss, both Justin and Shawn every single day of my life. I will not let it ruin the happiness, love, and joy that God brings into my life. They would never want that. What better way to honor such a love than to want another one – someday?
God bless all of you who mourn, and help give you the strength to see the sunshine.



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don't want to feel this way anymore

posted November 13, 2008 at 4:37 pm


I have lost all my grandparents, my dad, an uncle and recently i have lost my first cousin who was only 6 years older then me and what a shock. It’s very hard to deal with death no matter what but you have to go on. I have noticed such a change in me with depression that it is effecting everyone in my house and it’s not good. So just pray that God will help you live your life and grieve some but don’t make it a hobby! I deal with my dads death every year at thanksgiving it’s sad but he passed away then and i really can feel the toll it takes and life can be to short, i learned that when my cousin passed he was 43 years old and wasn’t sick just went to bed and never woke up. So find a way to get passed it.



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LP

posted November 13, 2008 at 4:47 pm


Hello,
I losted several family members!!! My grandfather 1982 when I was only 6 and my grandmother in 1983 just a year and a half later!! 5 uncles in the past 20yrs 3 of them in months of each of other!!!! and one uncle that died in 1960 of crib death!! I didn’t know him but it feels like I knew him!!! I losted two sisters in the same month 13 years apart!!! My first sister Tee-Tee died of crib death 15 yrs today and my sister Bri died on Nov.19,2006 at the age of 17 of Sickle Cell!!!
I miss them all so much but I’am most worried about my mother,brother and my two kids!! I try to protect them but it seems like the protect my feels more!!! My birthday is Nov.18 and I lost both of my sisters 5 days before and 1 day after It’s hard,but I believe in GOD!!! Tee-Tee’s birthday is in Sept and Bri’s is also in Nov. The birthdays and the day of death is hard!!! I thank of them everyday and every night!! I know that they are with GOD and they all are together!! That gives me some peace of mind!!
Ps I didn’t know how this website came to my email but I need it! I will be praying for all!!!



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Tanya Sorrell

posted November 13, 2008 at 5:47 pm


I also have lost too many family members. My favorite aunt and godmother to lung cancer about four years ago, also all my grandparents and numerous anuts and uncles and cousins, but the hardest of all was my daddy in 1976 from heart failure, I was 12. It hurts to this day and I cry when I think about him and all my growing up he was not there for and the children I have his grandchildren and great grandchildrenthat will never know the wonderful man he was!



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fran kitcko

posted November 13, 2008 at 5:51 pm


Hi, I lost my husband,niece ,sister and two young son’s with in 13 months of each other.
my one son was 46,the next son 13 months i was care giver for my 53 year son battling lung cancer. stayed with him for 2 weeks straigt at the hospital hospice untill I watched him take his last breath, his arm held up as if some one was taking him by the hand i am sure it was the angels. I miss my family so much,cannot believe they are not here, it has been 5 and 6 years ago, and i grieve alone so no one can say move on to me. No one knows how painfull it is to lose your children.that isnt the law of order. visits to the cemetery are painfull/crying all the time I a there. no one does not get over it,just learn to live with it one day at a time. god bless all who have lost a loved one. my prayers are with all.
sincerley
Posted by:Fran Kitcko (November 14,2008 2.50 PM



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Dora Almazan

posted November 13, 2008 at 5:52 pm


Dear Christine, God Bless and give you strength. I lost my Mom 1yr and 5 months ago. It was hard and painful, there’s no getting around that. I prayed hard, everyday, 24/7, and still she passed away. The first year, I was lost, I wanted to die and begged God every night that I would not wake up in this life but with her. Well, I am still here. I have learned that we do not choose when or how or where our last breath in this life will end. I think of my Mother now in good times and all the funny laughs we shared.Instead of wasting away bitter and sad, I talk with her, in spirit. I make sure she has the most beautiful flowers at her gravesite.People that see them often tell me that my mother is smiling down at me with pride. That is so comforting. Think of your husband, often. Talk about him and how great he was! He is with you always. Ask him to come to you even if in your dreams, just to help you through the rough times. He will not leave you until he knows you are ready to let him go and he is sure you will be ok. Remember him with love. Love never dies. If you love him, let him go in peace and one day you will see him again. He will always love you. Pray to our God, he will not forsake you. Pray the 23 Psalm.



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sandy barnes

posted November 13, 2008 at 7:07 pm


Good afternoon, May God bring comfort and strength to all who have posted here today. I lost my son Chad who was 24 years old on 9/14/2003 he was murdered. Three months later on 12/9/2003 I lost my 22 year old daughter Amber to pneumonia & a drug interaction. She died in her sleep. I don’t believe that grief ever goes all the way away because the love for our loved ones always stays in our hearts. I had a nephew say to me that grief is like the oceans waves.. sometimes the waves of grief will come gently and just wash over us softly, other times they will come and knock us off our feet. What ever way they come I know that God is holding me so I dont get swept away. I miss the kids everyday and this time of the year is when they went to be with Jesus. The holidays are always difficult. Lots of memories good & bad. Lets hold on tight to the good ones & hold on tight to Jesus & we will make it through. Thank to everyone for sharing. It helps to share the burden of our losses.
God Bless, Sandy



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Pat

posted November 13, 2008 at 7:10 pm


Hello.
I must say, its funny I should be reading something like this. I just got home from a visit to my sister’s house in Maine….She’s a LCSW and she’s always telling me to go see someone…Im depressed….but I guess I cant…and I was weepy while I was there…Maybe its because the holidays are coming….
Im sure as WE all know , grief NEVER ends. WE learn that after a while, folks just cant handle it , not that they ever could. SO , it becomes a ‘private’ mourning…and for many we go from living, to just existing, going through the motions…..its irrevocable…and there aint a dam thing we can do about it…or anyone else for that matter.
I lost my first born first, it’ll be 6 yrs in January. In the following 15 months, my Mom and the second of two men I ever loved, would also be lost.
I ve learned that many are clueless about lost , especially what to say…
IF there is any message I would like to get to those trying to comfort, it would be that all WE want are silent hugs….because there really is NOTHING you can say to make it better or change the inevidable. And mosts attempts with words fail miserably….because most say the wrong things….innocently but after a while it gets old….
Thanks for listening….its been a rough week….
That my hug around you and know I feel you and I weep for all who grieve…
Pat



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Ruth

posted November 13, 2008 at 7:13 pm


I lost my precious husband and soulmate just a couple of weeks ago. We had 31 years together, 26 of them coping with his difficult illness. I know he is at peace now, no more pain, and with the Light. As happy as I am for him, for me the grief is raw and real. I am convinced that nothing can prepare a person for this, and I do hope that time really does heal.



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Cheri

posted November 13, 2008 at 8:00 pm


This has been the worst year of my life. I lost my mother last November when she died from an infection she got after surgery to repair a broken hip. I had been her primary caregiver and as her oldest child and only daughter I have lived in the same house for 51 years. Now not only having lost my mother I am losing my home and having to move. My mother had hoped I could continue to live here but unfortunately she died before things could be arranged. I have MS as well and my relationship with several of my siblings has deteriorated. One of my friends has been very helpful and all I have to do is e-mail and she will call me. Another one is now deployed to Iraq as a chaplain in Mosul and I worry about him every day and his wife and 5 kids. They have also been my family this year. To make matters worse I lost my father in November of my senior year of high school. My friend tells me I have have suffered a lot of loss which is true. I do not think my grief ever will end. I have no children or spouse and feel very alone at times. Somedays I just wish that I really had someone of my own but I have never been able to find that person. I told my friend that somedays I feel like I am in an undending tunnel. I have lost all my grandparents, my aunts and uncles except for 2 on my mom’s side and all of them on my dad’s side and they both came from large families. I try to turn it over to God but somedays I feel like even he/she is ignoring me.



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Lydia

posted November 13, 2008 at 11:01 pm


Since 1991 I have lost 8 brothers and sisters, and a few nieces and nefews in between. In 2006 I lost 2 sisters 6 weeks apart. I was with all of them except 3 when they died, and the ones i wasen’t with I call 2 and 3 times a day to check on them. I am the youngest of 12, and I never thought it would be so hard to move on. Some times I go to call one of them and have to remind myself that they are gone. Some times I can still hear my oldest sister asking me why I call them so much. I told her that I wanted them to know that they are loved. Some times when are loved ones are sick for a long time we forget to tell them they are loved. I did not want any of them to feel like they were a burden because they were sick. Not since the death of my father have I felt so lost. I wonder if I will ever get over the lost, I feel so alone. I know fine myself limiting my comunication with the siblings I have left. Sometime I wonder if one can love to much, and if so how much is to much?



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Mary White

posted November 14, 2008 at 2:43 am


Hello, I feel a little ashamed after reading all the grief and heartbreak you all have went through. I guess I thought I was the only one that felt such grief. First I want to say that I pray our dear Lord bless and keep you safe. That He comforts you with His peace and that the Holy Spirit rests upon your hearts. In 1991 my brother Von came to visit me in Pasadena, CA (he lived in San Diego.) I had had his 6 year old daughter for two months to help him out since he was ill. His wife left him two years prior to his death. She left him with 4 children, the two youngest with cerebral palsy and mentally challenged. He had a bad heart and was waiting to be put on a transplant list. On Sunday, August 25,1991, my beautiful brother passed away in my home. He was 39 years old. I thought I would never get over it. I took his four children. In 1995, my baby brother and my second oldest brother were driving very early in the morning. An car accident took the life of my baby brother and left my other brother with a broken neck. Again, I thought I would never get over it. I mourned for such a long time. My brother passed 5 days before my birthday. 7 months later, December 13,1995, my beloved dad passed away. The manager of his apartment called me and told me my dad had went into full cardiac arrest. I rushed to the hospital. It was pouring down rain. I was able to go into the room with my dad before they pronounced him dead. When I was returning home, the most beautiful rainbow I had ever saw was in the sky. My dad had cancer and spent many hours and days with him in chemo. His last Halloween was spent in the hospital and I took my children and grandchildren all dressed in costume to be with him. He was so proud and happy. Once more, I thought my life would end. On Feb. 5, 2000, two police and another man came to my door about 3:00 in the morning. I was up cooking for a big bar-b-que we were having on the 6th, my baby girls birthday. The police asked me if Ricardo Jones lived here and I told him yes but that he was not home (for some reason I thought he was in trouble.) I told the 3 men that I was going to put on my slippers, then I heard the man in the suit say he was the Medical Examiner, I turned around and asked him to please tell me my brother was not hurt (I could not bring myself to say “dead”) he said he was sorry but my brother had been killed in a trolly accident. Once more, my heart was broken. In 2006, my beautiful mother became ill. It didn’t worry my one surviving brother and two sisters (also myself) too much because my mother had been through so many illnesses but was an amazing woman and would always spring back. Many times the doctors would tell us that my mom was gravely ill and the next week she would be in her own home, living independantly, taking care of her sick 19 year old grandson. But my wonderful mother became very, very ill. She began eating less until she just wouldn’t eat any longer. She lost so much weight and began to become confused. Some days were better than others. In August of 2006, I brought my mom home with me. She was in hospice at my home. My brother and sisters would visit often. I took total care of my mother. My husband and I would get her up in her wheelchair and we would sit and talk for hours. Then she wasn’t able to get out of bed anymore. One day my mother was not responding to me at all. She would not eat or drink anything. I called my sister and asked her to come to my home. We sat for hours while my mother slept. About 10:15p.m. I asked my sister to come and help me get my mother ready for the night. We took her blood sugar and it read 27. I became frantic and ran and got sugar and put it in water. My sister tried to get it in her mouth. We were both screemin “mom” over and over. My husband and son ran in the room, both of them in total fear. Soon after we heard the defibrillator implanted in my mothers chest go off. We all turned to the T.V., I don’t know why but we all did. The t.v. was off. Then we looked at my mom. She was gone. It was August 10, 2006. I mourn her passing every day. But God in His infinate mercy has given me comfort. I have a “dancing lights” frangrance holder in front of my mothers picture and every morning I turn it on and tell her goodmorning. Every night I kiss her picture and tell her goodnight and turn the light off. For some reason one night I was outside and looked up to the sky. I saw the most large bright star I have ever seen. I knew immediately that it was my mother watching over me. Every night that star is out there. It sits almost directly over my house. My brother came to San Diego to visit and I told him to come outside with me. I said “there’s mom Ray,” he looked all over the sky trying to give some explanation to the star. He said, “it isn’t the North Star” wrong direction. I said no, it’s mom. I had the most wonderful dream about my mother where the doctors told me she was alive. I told them it was impossible because she had been embalmed. The doctor insisted that my mom was alive. The dream was so vivid that I told my sister-in-Christ about it. I already had made up in my mind what God was trying to tell me and she confirmed it. She told me that God was letting me know that my mother was with Him. My dear friends, all of you, I don’t know any of you but I know your pain. I pray our dear Father will give you peace. That He will comfort you and that He will show you that His plans will always be done. Trust in God, ask Jesus to heal your broken hearts and live with the comfort that we will be joined with our loved ones one day. God Bless you all.



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Merrily Pence

posted November 14, 2008 at 3:35 am


Dear Martha, and all those suffering loss,
Whether you are a 60 year old orphan, a parent who has lost a precious child, a person who has dealt with the pain of loss of loved ones, or anyone of countless situations from rape to being robbed of your health or valuables…I ask you to remember that ALL emotions that you go through in the following years are normal. If, at times, you think you are losing your mind, that’s ok…it’s allowed in the grieving process. Forgetfulness, repeating yourself,finding it hard to focus, distractedness, being waspish at times, find yourself staring into space,etc., etc., etd.,…….just know that all these conditions are normal in the grief process. One does not get over grief, they go through it. And, yes, there is a light at the end of this tunnel. Sometimes the light comes in the form of skylights, because you don’t get to get out of the tunnel for one reason or another, but it’s there. I have dealth in grief counseling since 1975 and work as a chaplain at my local hospital. Everyone is different with their very own sets of emotional pain that they must address. I encourage each of you to remember that life is in cycles that comprise a big circle. Birth to death with all the ups and downs and cycles in between. Living through all these cycles should never be trivialized, but recognized for what they are and given the attention they need. Our Old Testament puts it so beautifully in Ecclesiates:There is a time for everything; and season for every activity under heaven:a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weap and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, Yes. There will be a time for you to dance again, and sometimes, when you do, it’s ok to cry at the same time. For we carry all of our joys and sorrows with us all the time …..and, as time goes on, the sorrows have a sweeter memory.
Love, Merrily



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Patience Mzeya Ncube

posted November 14, 2008 at 4:07 am


I was born in a family of 3 girls and one 1 brother.
My brother tragically died when he was 25. I felt the most painful
experience of losing a sibling. I cried everyday and wished
he had not died. My mother was divastated. In 2006 my youngest
sister got ill in April. When i visited her after two weeks of
her illness she had lost so much weight, but I had hope that she
would pull through because i loved her so much. We were very
close that she was not a sister to me, but a dear friend whom we
would spend hours on hours on the telephone each day chatting/laughing
and sharing our marriage lives. She was a strong person during her
illness but in a bad state. Because I loved her unconditionally,
I never imagined her dying. I visited her and even took time off,
but a three weeks before she died, she was hospitalized. He was
not talking much, her tummy swelling, and I could read that she wanted
to say something to me but did not have the strength. I spent all
the time next to her bed, praying, and asking the Lord to perform
a miracle on her and I believed so.
One day I was in hospital and she asked me to accompany her to the
bathroom that was about 5 metres from her bed. All this I think she
did to show me and her husband that she would pull through. Halfway
through, I felt her heavy body lumping and jerking on me. She
collapsed on me and I could not even hold her standing. I screamed
asking her husband to get help while trying to drag her to sit on
on the toilet seat. He eyes had rolled, all white and could not lift
her neck. The nurses rushed to the bathroom, and we all tried to move
her from the bathroom to a wheel chair. I was so disturbed, i was
screaming not knowing what to do. She was resusitated after about
30 minutes she recovered. By then i had telephoned my other sister
and her children to come immmediately and we were all praying
asking the Lord to have mercy on her. The first words that came from
her mouth were “Lord even the bones of Ezekiel were put back to life,
why not me”. Further medical treatment was given with no much improvement.
We bought every medication required and suggested. After about two weeks
she was discharged from the hospital for home. When i visited her
the last weekend before she passed on, I bathed her, shared a bed with
her, praying as a family for her to get better. Her last words to me
were that she was not feeling any pain but just feeling. I organized
a physiotherapist to come to her to help her exercise and gain
strength. Little did I know that this was the last time I would talk
to her and she passed on the following day.
I was so divasted, i could not believe it. I even thought they assumed
she that died when in actual fact she was in a deep sleep.
I am failing to accept her death. The gap she left in my life cannot be
replaced. I have not mourned her death as I have to be strong to her
children who look up so much to more. I always wish to have time to myself
so I could cry and talk to her. I am so confused I dont even know what
to do.



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William Usher

posted November 14, 2008 at 7:12 am


Goodmorning and God Bless,
As I sit and read these comments, tears are running rampid in my eyes. I have lost nearly every part of my family, and don’t know how much more I can take. I lost my father when I was 5 years old, and have never gotten over it. I still see him sitting in the garage working on his tackle box. People say I shouldn’t be able to remember that much since it was 37 years ago, but I remember every detail about him. I have lost a sister and two brothers to a very debilitating disease called Huntington’s Korea. That was a hard thing to go through since we are a big family (7 kids) and I was the baby. They were the only male role models I had in my life. 6-7 years ago, I had to see my mother go into a nursing home, since she lived in Crockett,tx and I lived in Houston, I didn’t get to see her as much as I wanted. My job kept me from it. Then, My sister and I were going up to surprise her on her birthday,(a Saturday) and as we were almost there, we had called my aunt (who lived just down the hill) because we couldn’t get any answer in her room. She told us not to go to the nursing home, but to go to the hospital. My heart dropped! We got there and she wasn’t doing too good, but when we left that afternoon, we thought she would get better, and her spirits were up a bit. We drove back to houston, and that Monday morning I got a call. They said “come right away”. I took my wife and sister, we got there, and the next day I held her hand as she took her last breath. It was very devestating for me. She had been my everything for so long. And what made it worse was that the other family members were told at the same time to come quickly, but they were resentful of her and were slow to come. I was proud to know I was there for her. Six months later my mother-in-law died from cancer as my mom did. That was hard. I had just lost my mother, and now I was trying to help my wife greive too? How much more can I take?? It’s been 5 years, and we just lost her father to ALS 2 months ago. My wife took care of him in our home the last two months of his life. My wife found out recently that she has brain cancer, but she doesn’t want any chemo, or surgery. How can I get over grief, if things keep happening to keep me in grief?..The only way I know how to deal with death is to lock it away in my brain and NOT deal with it. Then I get angry, cause I forget about the ones I loved and wonder how I could do such a thing. The only thing that has helped me through all this, is GOD.. May God be with you all as He has with me. Someday I’ll be Grief free.



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Cheryl Porter

posted November 14, 2008 at 8:04 am


Hi. I lost my soul mate,my best friend, my sweet,sweet husband 11mths. ago to complcations from an overdose to radiation treatment for a rare form of throat cancer.He fought and suffered for 7 long yrs.I was his only care giver ( I liked it that way so did he )We walked a new path it seemed like ervryday. I was 16yrs old he was 22yrs. old when we got married ,that would be 35yrs. this Feb.8. We have our son Travis, he is so much like his father.I know he is as lost as I am,I see it in his eyes.The 3 of us were (are) a very close nit family. We truly lived for the 3 of us to be a close family and we were (are). But now there is this empty and lonleness that I can’t explain,it is so overwhelming that it scares me. Our son and I was with him when he crossed over and he (Darrell)showed us what IS on the other side and was as couragious crossing over as he was in life. And it is BEAUTIFUL! (Darrell told us). Knowing that does help but I still miss him and cry everyday. I can’t wait for the day that we are DANCING in EACH OTHERS ARMS again.The tears come all the time ,I did’nt know I had so many, but they just flow,most of the time.They tell me it will get better…………Well i’m waiting and I just seem to be here (nowhere) just lost, lonely and longing for my sweet love’s touch or just his smile and that twinkel in his eyes.All the wonderful memories of 34yrs. together and our son ( our 2 beautiful grand-daughters) is the only thing that keeps me going and it is’nt easy ,but having them is like looking at Darrell,they all look like him and that is nice.Well I could go on forever . I hope it gets better,people tell me it will so i,m keeping the faith and holding ALL my memories close to my heart FOREVER, ALWAYS and ETERNITY !!!
Sincerely
Cheryl (Mrs. Darrell W. Porter (FOREVER) )



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Dana

posted November 14, 2008 at 9:04 am


I’m so amazed this morning at God leading me to this web site. I lost my brother in March
2007. He was an acholic for 27 years and he was only 42 when he shot himself. He lived
with my parents. I was always taking him to drs. and hospitals when he would get so sick.
No one knows unless they have lived with a person like this just how sick they get. For 145 days he stopped drinking and that was the longest he had ever quit before. He was saved during that time and attended church every time the door opened. He had two grown boys whom it didn’t spend much time at all with. We went many many years without seeing them at all. My mother was in the hospital and my Dad was staying with her. I had to go over and get her some clothes we all knew at this point my brother was drinking again. Oh yeah one thing he younger son had started coming around and staying with me and my boys and my brother and him begain having a father son relationship. I went in the house and
saw my dad’s handgun laying on the flooring beside the recliner. Which I didn’t think anything about it. I figure he had gotten scared and got the gun out. Which if God had not
of been with me that day I really have no idea were I would be. I put the gun up and cont. to gather my Mom’s clothes. My niece had came in to clean up before Mom came home.
She went to the back of the house and came back and told me to get my brother up he had
really messed up the bathroom. I was really mad at him, I really didn’t look at the mess I just went and open his door and told him to get up. Mom is coming home today and you
need to get up and get cleaned up. Mom’s two dogs were on the bed with him. They would normal run and jump on me and they would not move I had to pick them up off the bed. I pulled the covers and I realized what had happened. He was not dead he lived another 5 days and 18 hours before he pasted away. During that time I had to be strong. My Mom was not really better, my Dad was very upset, my nephew was right there all the time and his
older brother finally came to hospital and forgave his Dad for all he had put them through. I have two sister who would visit maybe 2 or 3 times. It was so hard when I left the hosptial to come home and rest and change clothes and would go back. They told us on the 5th day he was not going to pull through and we had to sign papers to take him off all the life support. He lived 18 hours after that. We had many people from our church sitting with us and caring for us. But, when my brother took his last breath all that was
in the room was my Mom, Dad, Husband and Me. Which my husband was bestfriends with my brother. He did not have any brothers or sister so him and my brother were very close. My husband had taken care of my brother when the rest of us could not help him. He would go in the middle of the night many many times and pick my brother up in really bad places. I have to this day not really been able to mourn my brother. I’ve been strong for all these people. I have a wonderful relationship with his sons. They are like my own children now and I feel so blessed and wish my sisters could have the same relationship with them because they have so much of my brother in them. I’ve took care of my parents and they are still not handling things. I worry all the time they are not going to make it. Their health is bad. They have tried to remove everything of my brothers saying it’s to hard to
see every day. Which breaks my heart. Because I want to go in that house and know he lived there but, everything that was his is gone. I was the one who gone his clothes together for the funeral. I was the one who talked to the preacher and told him what my brothers bible verse that he loved so much and the songs, I got together pictures. I did not really know my brother growning up he party and I did so we did not hang out. But, those last days he was with me all the time. We have a lake house he would stay the weekends with me there and we had so much time and I learned so much about him. I don’t understand why he had to die I feel I did have enough good times with him. I’m thankful I had those days and feel blessed but, I don’ understand and I went through a time that I was really mad at God. Which hurt me because God is my peace and I felt like I could not even talk to him. My mom told me the other day that she missed him so bad she wished she
could just touch him one more time. I fear I will lose them soon and I don’t know what I’ll do. I never kept my brother from my 4 children I wanted them to know how he was even when he drank. I wanted them to know that they could end up that way. The rest of the family would not be around him when he was drinking. He was always a good hearted person and would help you out any way he could. He would come in my house wash dishes fold clothes even cook if I was sick or busy. But, I really did get close to him until the end. He never judge people. No matter what I did he still loved me. No matter how many times I yelled at him for drinking and begged him to stop. He never said a harmful word to me and I said so many to him. God, has put on my heart to tell my story. I feel God wants me to help others. But I am very shy and I just don’t know how. I feel if I don’t my brothers life and struggle with drinking was useless. I just don’t know were to start. I also feel it will help me go on. I have been in a stop position for almost two years. I go through the motions of day to day but, I still feel like it’s that day and he just left us. I’ve lost Grandparents and friends but, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever been through and some days I just don’t think I’ll make it and then I have to get going and take care of my kids and parents. I worry about myself and wonder when am I going to just break. I feel my heart full of pain all the time. I worry about everyone and I worry about things I should not even be thinking about. I know God will take care of me and he never puts more on me than I can handle. I just keep on going. But, I just wished there was some way I could feel better on the inside. I think I should of been checking on my brother while my Mom was in hospital he may not have felt so alone and shot himself. I see so many mistakes I myself made during that time and wish I could change them but, I know there is no going back. So I try to live each day with no regrats. I try to complete everything for everyone. This has been the hardest thing in my life. I had a man tell me
that my brother did not kill himself. He said he tried but, he didn’t die when that gun went off or when they pulled the plugs that he die when God called him home. But, that doesn’t even comfort me. I’m a smart person but, I just don’t understand. Some people say you need to go to the Drs. and get on depression meds. But, I feel God wants me to go through this and he will help me. I don’t need meds. to live. All I need is God. But, I’m thankful this morning I found this site. It has helped me this day to realize that I’m not alone with my pain. My God bless you all today and I pray that he helps each of us to find some joy in this day.



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PAT D

posted November 14, 2008 at 9:38 am


5/14/55 – 11/14/2003
KAREN ANN FRANCIS BRADICICH
FIVE YEARS AGO WE LOST YOU
OUR BUBBLY GOLDEN GIRL
YOUR LIGHT HAS GONE OUT AND WE WALK IN DARKNESS
THE PAIN AND AGONY DOES NOT SUBSIDE
THAT YOU WERE RIPPED AWAY FROM US,
IN THE PRIME OF YOUR LIFE,
BY DEPRAVED TOBACCO MURDERERS IS OBSCENE
BILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN PROFITS **
OUR GREEDY GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS DO NOTHING
THE DEATHS OF MILLIONS ARE NOT AS IMPORTANT
AS THE PROFIT REEPED IN THE SALE OF THIS POISEN
WHAT IS IT GOING TO TAKE TO END THIS CARNAGE?
WE MISS YOU SO MY DARLING DAUGHTER
WE THINK OF YOU AND TRY TO BE COMFORTED
BY OUR FONDEST MEMORIES OF YOU
LOVING YOU SO VERY MUCH
MOM, KATHY, DOLORES, BILLY, AJ AND KYLIE
**Based on analysis, it is estimated that the tobacco core sectors in the US economy generated $44.7 billion of the US Gross National Product (GPN)
fujipub.com [Found on Google]



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Joanne

posted November 14, 2008 at 10:32 am


My dad as been gone since for 14 years now. I lost my mother on February 16th 2008 suddenly. My brother in law found her on the floor next to her bed. My sister had been calling all morning, as she did every morning, and there was no answer. My sister knew something was wrong but could not bear to find her so her husband went to my mom’s house on the morning of February 16, 2008. My mom was 87 years young when she left us. She lived on her own. My mom was bright and fun to be with until the end. Every weekend my Finance’ and I would visit her and stop at the Farm Market and Food Store on the way to pick up things she needed. Whipped yogurts, baby carrots, banana’s and other things.
She loved her sweets and I would slip in some Halava bars too. Mom believed in good nutrition in fact the last conversation we ever had was about my giving up red meat and my mom, who grew up on meat and potatoes believed it was wise to give up meat. Mom was not locked in the past. She was open to change. In her later years my mom suffered from macula degeneration and so only had her periferal vision left yet she compensated. We brought our dog Strutt to visit my mom every weekend when we visited. My mother loved dogs and she was particularly attached to Strutt and Strutt to her. Strutt would lay at her feet the whole visit. Let me enphasize we really enjoyed visiting my mother. It was not just some duty, it was the best part of the week. Our dog Strutt had to be put down in August 2008, the day I found out I had breast cancer. Reading the other posts, I occurs to me that people go through periods of testing. This was one of those years for me. On March fifteenth 2008 my ex husband who I was married to for 25 years died at the age 55 of a heart attack in his sleep. He was/is the father of my two sons. This death devasted me more than I could have imagined his dealth would have. My mother and my exhusband, Michael were the people closest to me in my life, Michael for 25 years and my mother for the whole of my life, 52 years. I find myself looking back alot. Now with the holidays approaching, a time my dear sweet wonderful mother made so great for me. I remember coming home from school as a kid and her cleaning the huge mirror that hung over the couch, the air smelled of amonia, Christmas music playing Jingle Bell Rock and Mitch Miller and all of the boxes of decorations in the livingroom, colored glass balls, tinsel, a plastic santa claus, the gold angel still in the original box with the price sticker from Two Guys on it, a manger, a cardboard fireplace with logs that had a bright light bulb in back of them and a tin wheel that spun around from the heat of the light bulb, christmas stockings, the cookie press and I knew that Christmas really was coming soon. Lillian you were a fun mom! My dad, Mickey loved to decorate the front of the house, calling us all out when the house was finished to stand in the cold and watch all of the lights, spot light and carolers be lit. He did such a good job on it as he did in taking care of his wife and three daughters. Thanks giving and Christmas found all the the relatives at our house, huge turkeys baking, my mom with her holiday apron on. Now the holidays are upon us again. My sister’s and I are wondering what to do this year. Should we all get together at Karen’s house as our tradition has been for many years. Or would it be too much to bear, our mother not being there sitting at her familiar place on the couch, saying where’s my bag to my sister Joyce. The bag with the gifts that she could not wait to give out. And we all think how do we get through this? But then we remember our mother losing her mother, our grandmother and how close they were, always on the phone to each other and going to visit my grandparents every weekend as a kid until my grandpa died and grandma moved in with us. And yet when grandma died mom went on to celebrate birthdays and Christmas’s and she went on many vacations. She welcomed grandchildren. She lost per life’s partner, my father, and still she went on. She was a fortunate woman my mother, because then there was a whole new crop of great grandchildren. When my mother was laid out a women who played with my oldest sister at our house 60 years ago showed up. Although my sister has not been in contact with her for almost 6 decades she came bacause she read the death notice in the newspaper and remembered loving to come over an play at my mother’s house. My mother was so kind and so much fun and she baked a choclate pudding pie with home made whipped cream that she loved. (I loved it too! ) Two of the great grandchildren recently made her a character on their new game Wii. My nephew’s wife says it kind of looks like her. My sister and I believe our father is near when the wind blows the leaves of a tree in a certain way (by the way we both came up with this on our own) I cannot believe my parents are really both gone now. And sometimes it feels like they are still very near. Are they really there or does their shawdow resonate on our brain that strongly? It is a profound thing to lose ones parents. You learn you are never to old to be an orphan. You lose the people who have held paramount roles in your life of course but you also lose a very important link to your past and who you are. Your reality shifts when you become the oldest generation in your family. I began to look at my mortality in a way I never have prior to this year. And so we will all get through this christmas and thanksgiving of 2008 and we will hopefully give thanks that we still have each other and that we were so honored with such a wonderful set of parents, grand parents, husbands, wives, nieces, nephews, sisters, brothers brother in laws,sister inlaws, ex husbands, fiance’s, sons, daughters, grandchildren, friends, and the adorable new puppy who is at this very moment vying for attention. For the sake of all those here with us today as well as our own selves we will all get together at Karen’s house this year for Christmas Eve. No doubt there will be tears, but I bet there will be laughter too. Something my brother in law Rick said after the passing of my father comes to mind. He said, like a caterpiller with a leg broken off, we will all contine to walk, but never quite the same.



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Chon

posted November 14, 2008 at 11:36 am


I lost my husband of 27 years four years ago. During the last four years, my life obviously changed, but more to the point, I can’t seem to get it together. I feel I don’t have a reason to be here, yet I have four sons. We had one son together, but he took on the other three. My husband was diagnosed with lung cancer, and the innovative treatment he was given reduced the size of the tumor to the point it was almost gone. We were very optimistic. In fact, I spoke with him earlier in the day, and he asked me what did I want to eat because he was going to the store to get the ingredients and cook. It was the side effects of the chemo that caused the clot to travel and kill him. I came home and found him, and I still believe if I had left work when I got the feeling something was wrong, I might have been able to help him, or at least not let him die by himself. I have had counseling, have talked to everybody, and I still cannot keep these feelings of despair away. I now have more time to think about it because I lost my job, and have not been able to find another job. Still, I keep praying that God will help me in all that I do. Thanks for letting me vent.



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Mary

posted November 14, 2008 at 11:43 am


Stay, Christine. Hold on. I know the feeling of not wanting to be left behind, of the loneliness that feels as if it can never be filled. I’ve lost too many people and precious things in my life to even mention them here. I just know that I grieve, and so often it feels as if it will never end, only I can end to stop the hurt. But then I remind myself that I’m still here to keep loving and remembering the ones who have been taken away, to share their story with others, to fill lives that are empty with the love we all carry for those we’ve lost. Hold tight to the time you had with him, hold tight to the love you shared, hold tight to the life you have left and what you are being called to do with that life. The terrible pain you feel now is a measure of how much you loved him, still love him, ache because you can’t feed your love into him. That pain is your gift. Don’t run away from it. Slowly you will begin to find light returning to your life, and when the time is right and you have healed, there will be someone in need of the love that now causes you so much pain. My thoughts and prayers are with you. You’ll never get over this, but you will get through it. One day at a time. One foot in front of the other. A heart broken and ready to be given to many once you’ve made peace with your grief. This is one of the toughest challenges you’ll ever face, and face it you will. Know that a small piece of my own broken heart goes out to you and hopes to give you comfort. Hold on. Hold on.
Mary



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Angela

posted November 14, 2008 at 12:36 pm


Hello, Dear Ones. My sweet husband’s mother died last year, in September. While just beginning to deal with his grief, his father died this October. He was warned that he may find his transfer to this deep southern facility difficult because of ‘the way things are’ down here. He didn’t pay any attention, because of his ability to get along with everyone, but… yesterday (11/13/2008) he was fire because of his inability to ‘play nice’ with the ‘pointy white hats’ who secretly met to ruin him. That’s all I’ll say about that… except that it is like a 3rd death, all within 13 months, of the 16 months we’ve been here. My in-laws were like MY PARENTS. I have known them, loved them, been like a daughter to them, since 1969. How can we even THINK to know how to put this house up for sale (making no profit except the couple thousand already paid on it) to move… find another career (my husband is 60) AND try to pick up the pieces of what’s left. Hmmm… this is too hard… but I’m hanging on by a string… our (late in life) 15 year old daughter needs us… I will hang on… Annie



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Renee

posted November 14, 2008 at 1:39 pm


For some reason I went into some place to read more of me eamils. When I can across this one I decided to listen to the video. As tears ran down my face I know the hurt of someone saying something about your Mother and the little second of the hope and love that was felt. This Dec. 12 my Mother will have been gone for 6 years and 28 days later my Father also passed away. I have a Sister and a Brother that somehow lost the mind when our parents died. I have tried to make everyone happy both physically and finanically and finally came to a point that I could no longer do either. At this point I have no relationship with them. My whole world seemed to end with 6 months. I put the land I purchased from them up against a purchase to open a small daycare. At this point my own finances are really bad and I am trying to hold on so that I will have a place to live. God gave me a Grandson 19 months ago and he is my light. Some days he is the only joy I have. In Sunday school we are doing “The Love Dare” from the movie Fireproof but so far my husband of 28 years and I are having a hard time getting started. Wel also work together and thing can get rough! For everyone reading this please pray for us and remember that God is the answer for it ALL! We will have trying times that will make us stronger but stay true to God and his work and when everyone else is gone he still on the Cross for each of us.



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Yolonda Saager

posted November 14, 2008 at 2:36 pm


LOSING A CHILD……….
This is the eighth year of my 2 year old being gone. She was murdered by our babysitter. Not a day goes by do I not think about her or happen to mention her. Yesterday, someone at work was joking about having alot of kids and asked me how many I had. I said three, but one passed away. I don’t want to deny her existence. Granted the monster that murdered her was finally convicted of Capital Murder, but it doesn’t take away the pain, the guilt of taking her to the babysitter….People have told me, it was not your fault, you didn’t know. What gets me is the pain my precious baby went thru. I try not to think about that, but it does come into my mind. I miss her so bad. I can’t help but cry for her now as I am writing. I will never understand why…..I think I know the Creator has a plan for me. I am so involved in community activities now, whereas before her death, I probably would have been too timid. But, I still mourn for her. The pain of losing a child never goes away. I know I tuck away the pain and when reading this email, which I knew would open the flood gate of tears, I knew I needed the open opportunity to cry. See I am still a mom to two other children, a wife and a supervisor but, I portray myself as being strong, but yet I know, I am not inside. I am still suffering from her death. Now the holidays are coming, she died January 4, 2000. I hate the Holidays.



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Cher

posted November 14, 2008 at 2:39 pm


On January 22nd my Uncle turned 40, my daugher turned 17, On January 23rd I turned 40, and on the 27th my Uncle’s daughter turned 8. We were 21 HOURS apart, more than Uncle and niece, we were like twins and on January 25th he will killed when his semi trailer crushed him. This has been the hardest death I have ever had to deal with, and I keep hearing from everyone that it gets easier as time goes on. Truth is, for me, it is not getting any easier. I trust in God that my uncle was taken as part of God’s plan, and I do trust that one day we will meet again. However, none of these things make me stop missing him and wanting him to talk to. He was my rock and I am struggling so hard with this. Any advice is welcomed.



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Jody Wells

posted November 14, 2008 at 3:06 pm


Such a Blessing to me that I received this email today! I am in a very bad state of mind today, as today 11-14; is my Granddaughter Jaliyah Imani’s birthday. She was born on this day at 12:21 p.m. I was there, the one who touched her first, as she was entering into this beautiful world! Jaliyah was born to my middle daughter Keireah. She was to absolute joy of our lives, you see Keireah was still living at home with me and her brother. Jaliyah added Harmony to our very loving home! She was a good baby! Right off the bat, at 2 weeks of age, she was sleeping thru the night! She would go to sleep at 8 and wake at 3:30 am, to eat, and play….this was “our” time together. On April 13th of this year, her and I, we got up together, she ate, burped, wet, got changed, and we played until 5 am, I took her to her crib and lay her down, as she had fallen asleep.
Then HORROR struck! Keireah came running and screaming down the hall, at 6:45 am, Jaliyah
is not breathing!!!! I ran to her! Immediately started calling her name, rubbing her little chest, lay her on the dining room table, and started CPR! 911 was on the way! They
worked on her for an hour; yet nothing could be done! Our precious Jaliyah was “pronounced”! This is still like a nightmare to me! I dream about her every nite; I can still hear her cries, I can still hear her laugh! I just stopped having the nightmares
of me trying to revive her! I know it takes time!, but the pain and saddness of missing
her overwhelms me almost everyday! I can be at work, and think about her and I just cry!
Again I know it takes time…time is all I have, and I KNOW she is in good hands! Creator takes care of us all! Thank you for being here for me today!!!



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Joanne Bourke Stillwaggon

posted November 14, 2008 at 4:25 pm


Bless Yoy for acknowledging we always miss our loved one’s. I know my father is with the Father because he was a wonderful, loving ,caring happy man. But I still miss him, I am actually crying right now, after watching your video because I still miss him. My father passed away 34 years ago this month and I not only lost my best friend but the only one who ever truly loved me, till I found my current Husband( whom my father would have loved also). My husband and I have been together 20 years and until I found him I had no one. My other sibling’s and mother really do not let me in . I was daddy’s girl and they were Mom’s favorite’s. say la vie.
I will grieve till I meet him in heaven with the Lord.
Thank you for the good cry
Still missing Him



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Suzanne

posted November 14, 2008 at 5:21 pm


My husband died 4 months ago. He was my best friend. I have never lived alone. I do not mind so much the house being empty but the loneliness is now taking it’s toll. I guess I have been in the denial/non-reality state until the past few weeks, now the nightmares have begun. Things have to get better …they just have to.



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Merriel

posted November 14, 2008 at 6:06 pm


Hey Everyone who has responded to Martha’s latest offering. Grieving doesn’t always have to be about someone who passes away. I have been grieving the loss of a living family member for the past 12 years. This may sound strange, grieving someone who is alive, but believe me, it is just as hard. During the Christmas holidays in 1995, my youngest son, Jim, left to go to Alaska. He was in the Army and was going to be stationed at Ft. Wainwright, AK. We kept close contact from then until 1997 when he got out of the Army. He had 15 days left and planned to stay in AK. He said that when he found an apartment and had a telephone, he would call me and tell me his address and phone number. No one, that we know of, has ever seen him or heard his voice since. I have never given up on finding him, spending hundreds of dollars on People Searches on the internet. I have called or written to every lead that I have received. I have called my congressmen,state representatives, everyone but the President. No one could help me. On January 25, 2007, I called an Army recruiter and pleaded for help. He found him and I immediately called the phone number that he gave me. The number belonged the National Guard Armory where my son serves out of. He was not there, because he had been deployed to Iraq and wouldn’t be home until October of 2008. He is home now and I still have not heard from him. I grieve his loss every day. I can’t have any closure as all of you can.



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Sheree Evans

posted November 14, 2008 at 6:16 pm


Hi! Martha,First of all I want to say how much I enjoy Touch by an Angel.I can watch the same one time and again,really touches my Heart,My husband love the show ,too.We would sit on the couch cuddle together,and tears would roll down both our cheeks,WE both start singing,Sentimental ole you how I love you just the way you are,sentimental ole you how I need you,then we would laugh!I truly cherish those loving memories.My husband of almost 17 years crossed over March 31st,2003.I gave him a Great Big Celebration of His Life,he suffered so much with so many different cancers,caused from Agent Orange,sprayed in Vietnam ,He truly is and always will be the Love of My Life,but,I knew he was a loaner from our Loving God,we all are,and He sent me someone to Love me,he was only 51.He is my Hero,My Soul-mate,My Best Friend.We truly are Blessed with such a compassionate,and soft spoken angel as yourself,Thank-You! for making my Life Better! May God Bless! Proud Widow of U.S. Marine Corps E.T.Evans,Sheree p.s. Have A Great Day!



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Karen

posted November 14, 2008 at 11:56 pm


November 28th 2006 will be a day I will never forget.. That’s the day my beloved Ron went to be home with the Lord..Complications from a heart catherzation just 8 days before..That’s the day my children’s life and my life changed forever. The pain of hearing .. Cold blue.. still echeos in my mind.. I went numb.. nothing was “real” around me.. I lost the love of my life.. I grieve over his death every single day.. The pain has become less..with God’s love and mercy I am making it.. Some days better than others.. But I stand on God’s word ..He said He will never leave us or forsake us.. I ask the Holy Spirit for comfort and ask God for a peace that surpasses all understanding..
Ron was not only my husband but my best friend… My heart aches so much right now.. But I know that I have a comforter that will help me make it through..His name is Jesus.. As much as I want to stop right this minute and “go home” .. I know I have to go on.. There is hope for tomorrow.. To all of you that are grieving.. my heart and hugs go out to you..I don’t have to know you or your name..Just know that I share in your pain and
there is someone who loves you more than anyone could.. He is Abba Father “daddy” rest in his arms.. Let Him wipe away all your tears.. God Bless you..



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Jena Nylec

posted November 15, 2008 at 12:12 am


Jody Wells, Today at 12:20pm on this day in 2004, my beautiful 9 year old daughter Emily died in a single engine plane crash with her paternal grandparents. She joined, at that moment, her triplet sisters who died of prematurity in 1998, my mother who died due to lung cancer in 1999 and then 15 months after that moment on this date, my daughter’s father joined them all. I am left without my children or their father to reminisce with. Or my mother to comfort me. I am 40 years old and basically starting my life over.
I have never lived alone until my daughter died but I can say that having to move several times and changing jobs several times since she died helped me adjust to this new life. Not that it was easy, just distracting. And yes, many times I did want to be with her. I am not in “our” world anymore so I don’t see things very often that remind me of her not being here. This has allowed me to develop a special communication with her from the other side. I can look at pictures but not have to see her empty room. Life has kept me too busy fighting to survive financially and having to move homes so much that I think that is why, part of the reason, that I am doing so well on this 4th anniversary of her Angel Day. I did not lose her. I know exactly where she is and this is the other reason I can go on, sometimes via baby steps.
Of course when my dear aunt died a week or so ago, I lost it. But it’s an ebb and flow. Don’t fight the ebb and let yourself go with the flow.
Peace. Somehow.



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Erica Escobar

posted November 15, 2008 at 1:27 am


I believe that sometimes we are meant to be in a certain place, at a certain time. I was meant to read this e-mail tonight. I lost my grandma in 2004 and I thought my life was forever “damaged”. Then, I realized that NOTHING in this world compares to the loss of a mother. 1 1/2 years ago, I had to say goodbye to the one person who loved me with no conditions, my mom. I was 26 when she died and my brother was 14, and my sister was 17. I felt as if my entire life came crashing down around my ankles. I know that a part of me died with her. I miss her so much it makes me insane. I cannot go near her old job without feeling nausea or crying. I cannot eat certain things without my eyes filling with tears. I am the legal guardian of my siblings and we all have suffered the pain of losing her. I was so angry at God for taking her from us. With time I pray that I will heal. I feel so bad for my siblings. At least my mom saw me graduate from high school,go to prom, get married, etc. But they will never have that. I often find a memory bringing me to tears or eve a song she liked. Sometimes I am scared to live because the grieving pain gets a bit too much to bear. I miss her so much and I never realized how important she was to me and my daily life. I can only pray that the pain gets better. I don’t want to loose the pain. It keeps me on my toes and reminds me that apparently i still have a purpose because I can’t be with her right now. I just hope This pain gets better. I ask everyone who reads this to pray for me and my family. My mom was only 45 years old! She died of a sudden neuro anuerysm. That still bothers me. I guess you are never the same person. I just want to kiss her again, hug her and talk to her on the phone, something. I hurt so much sometimes I cant breathe.



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virginia

posted November 15, 2008 at 2:13 am


Hi I lost my mother dec. 8 2007. I miss her so bad. I have read some of your stories and that I would list mine. My mother was a wonderful mother and daughter she left behind 9 brothers and 3 sisters and 4 children and 9 grandchildren and 1 grate grand child. she was only 54 years old. she had breast, brain, lung and bone cancer doctor told her she would only last 3 months and if she would have been alive today she would of made it 2 yrs apast what the doctor said. I miss her day in and day out. I left ohio last july to come to florida for a job and sence then my mother has died and i was hurt on the job and lost my job. I was so hurt i feel that this was all for nothing if i would of just stayed in ohio maybe she still would be alive. there was some days I thought about her last few months about not being able to eat and when I ate sometimes i would think about her not being able to eat and i just would push my plate away and not eat. sometimes i thought if i only had one more day with her. i know shes in a better place but it doesnt stop the hurt. i thought of times wanting to go see her. but i have to stay here and carrie out the life that i know she would be proud of. even tho at times i think im not doing that job. but im still here and so is the hurt but that is the cold hard facts about living and dying. as sad and as unfair as it is that is life. and god has a time and place for everyone. thank you for your time.



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Rose

posted November 15, 2008 at 2:53 am


I really needed all of these comments today. Sometimes we don’t even realize the full capacity of what we’re struggling with until we read others letters of grief, and our own grief in turn opens up and finds places of refuge, outreach, and open exposure within the letters. I needed all of your letters and I hope that my letter can help all of you in turn back:).
Where to even start, how about with the freshest. I lost a dear friend who I fell in love with this past summer. The problem is it wasn’t physical death but it might as well have been. He had a brain surgery years ago, and eventually couldn’t financially afford to be on his 9 pills of meds after that towards the end of the summer so he went down to 3,….and down went everything else. He became more and more extreme and unstable and emotionally and mentally abusive. Soon he seemed to have no capacity for remorse, and did not hold dear or seem to remember any of our good memories together. Everyone has told me how I need to stay as far away as possible, and don’t have any contact with him anymore. He kept getting worse even making up complete lies and saying that I told him to “give up on life, deny the Christ, and join the legions of hell.” I would never say any of that to anybody and it hurt so badly. He eventually admitted that I didn’t say those things, but he is very unbalanced and I’ve had to cutt off all contact, and some of my friends who he was harrassing to get to me….It’s been a lonely road because my friends and family don’t want to ever hear anything good about him, or it strains their relationship with me, and if I share pain this way people are tired of it as well. They don’t want me to give any more “wasted energy” to this drama. I can see where they’re comming from, and I just wish that I could be where they see best for me to be…As it stands I still have my days remembering early to mid summer laughing so hard with him that I cried on almost a daily basis, being able to talk about anything at any time, him calling me the best friend he’s ever had in his whole life and meaning it, our many hugs, walks, talks, and spontaneous adventures riding the buses together,singing to my grandmother ,doing service projects, and even in the midst of our arguing, having him tell me how absolutely beautiful I look with the light on my hair right then….It’s been a lonely road because I’m the only one with these memories now, and there’s no hope for them to ever come back. And yet he lives a few minutes away. Most days I’m just fine. It’s these once in a whiles when I read these letters for example, and the triggers come. My very best friend, my grandma, passed away about a week and a half ago. It was very odd touching her hands and forhead and chest/neck in the casket. I had dealt with death plenty of times as a cna and with other friends and family in the past, but when I touched her, she just felt like very heavy pressed cold clay. I miss her terribly but I know she is without pain now in heaven. To the lady who lost her daughter who drowned. I feel impressed to share this with you. I know that when our time comes to die, or we’re being informed that it’s not yet when we think it is, there comes a peace that is wrapped around us.We are not alone, none of us. I too was caught in a title wave. I was 9 years old out in the atlantic ocean. I had been on swim team briefly and so I kept venturing out further and further into the water. I was with my sister who was almost 13 and much taller and bigger boned than myself. I wanted to prove that I could fair as equally out there overall. We were too far out to hear the siren warning calls to come to the shore due to the undercurrent being to strong. I remember hearing this big “Rush” sound and turning around to see a huge wave. My sister and I barely had time to grab hands and we dove into the wave, but it was too strong and I couldn’t hold on to her. Soon I found myself spinning. I remembered from swim team the importance of trying to not get dizzy so I tried to hold myself firm and still. I knew there was strong undercurrent with the rocks etc as well. Then I tried to figure out which way was up and down. I figured the colder it became that meant I was going deeper, but I found out it wasn’t necesarily the case. I tried to reach up and around as well, but the undercurrent rocks etc were strong, and I felt a strong feeling to keep my hands close. Then out of nowhere I had this really peaceful feeling come over my whole body. I could feel the words to just allow myself to relax and float. I felt such comfort and I didn’t feel any need to breath or anything right then. So I coasted along, and eventually found myself in shallow water. I stuck my hand through the water into the air, and believe it or not, my sister grabbed it and pulled me up. We were pretty far from where our hands had broken. I asked how she knew where to go, and she explained that she had a feeling to head over in that direction. Then I felt all the shock, etc and was shaken up, and stayed by the beach and coastline the rest of the day. It was very clear to me that it wasn’t my time to go, that I was not “called to die yet.” Many times I have been saved in situations where I should have died or at least been seriously harmed. I know that there are timings for things even when the timing seems the most thrown off and wrong times. My sister lost her fiance and most of his family in a car wreck 2 days before Christmas. It was very hard to have any closure with the situation.She only allowed herself to be happy for him at first, thinking that he would be sad if she was sad, etc…In not allowing the whole grieving process, she plummetted, drinking, DUIs, anorexia, failed grades, etc.But as the Lord who is our ultimate Potter who works very patiently with the clay within, He did not ever give up on her, and step by step, day by day, year by year, she allowed herself to be more vulnerable and learn to give and serve with her whole self, with all the pain and grief included. She learned that was her “best self.” And it gave others like myself more permission to be my whole self more, etc. Interestingly enough, she got in 4 big car accidents over a year even driving and rolling off a canyon up a mountain….and came out with just scratches. She knew her fiance was protecting her because it was “not her call to die yet.” We all have missions in life day to day year to year that we are hear to accomplish, and we are guided to those purposes as our hearts are molded one step at a time, day by day, sometimes minute by minute. Thank you. I really needed this tonight. I did not realize the capacity of how much these letters affected me until I started writing myself. There should be a book called “Grief Letters” and we could make these stories available to others so that more can be served. Thank you all for serving me so much tonight:),
Sincerely,
Rose



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Barb

posted November 15, 2008 at 5:56 am


Living life is hard. Death is a part of life and it is so hard to accept it when our loved ones leave us. It is something that we can`t understand sometimes. Being alone is especially difficult. I lost my mother in June of 1974. I lost mu husband and son due to a non-physical death in Dec. 1974. Since then, in the past 2 years, Feb. 2006, Dec. 2007, I lost 2 dear friend and finally and most recently, I lost my big brother in August 2008.
Over something so trivial and unintentioal, my son is angry with me and has “written me off” so I am mourning that loss as well.
My brothers wife is having a hard time coping after being with my brother for 22 years, for better or worse. So to all out there that are suffering losses, it is a difficult and painful process that we must go through. There are so many steps to grieving. Denial, anger, acceptance, anger, lonliness and it goes on and on. Don`t let anyone tell you how you should feel. You have a right to your feelings. The only thing that we can do is hold the Hand of Jesus and ask Him to comfort us. He said He would never leave us and that He would CARRY us when we couldn`t make it. I`m so sorry for all your losses as I am my own. My brother was the only one out of 4 of us that I was closest too. He never judged, gossiped, repeated what was said to him whether it was in confidence or not. He was one of my very best friends and my sister in law calls me at minimum, 4 times a week. She knew the closeness me and my brother shared even though we were 12 years apart and I have a sister that he grew up with, 2 years younger than he was. She always got mad and held grudges. She was jealous of me because I went last year and spent 3 wonderful week with my brother. She could have done it too, but she didn`t and the resentmen for me grows.She tries to hide it but I know it`s there. She wasn`t around when my mother passed either and resents me for that too, because I was. We all make choices in life and we must have to learn to accept the repercussions from the choices we make.
I CHOOSE to live my life knowing that there is an afterlife that will come. I want to be the best that I can be so I can see those I love again. I CHOOSE to hold no resentment in my heart, not towards God that said their time was up, not for anyone of my family that choose to blame me for their choices. We are responsible for our own happiness or sadness. We are responsible for our anger. Pain is a part of life. It helps us to appreciate the joy, the time spent with those we love. To cherish those despite of the feeling they hold. Hold onto the Lord with all your heart and all your might. Know that He is there everyday and look forward to the homecoming that you too, will one day experience. God bless us all!



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Cynthia Dunn

posted November 15, 2008 at 7:03 am


Hello Everyone,
I wanted to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart, for those who are going through right now I say to you, find your comfort in HIM! Our father went home to join our Lord on father June 11, 2008 to lung cancer. Our Mother died just a few years prior from breast cancer. This has been a very difficult journey. I can’t begin to explain how devastated we are by the loss of our father and mother. There is an ache that exists in my heart that will not go away. The only person who I know truly understands the pain that I feel is my Savior. I have really been grieving the loss of my Daddy, He is the first man that I have ever loved, and he loved and cared for his Baby Girls. But even in the midst of this pain, I recognize and understand that the Lord loves him more. The moment the undertakers remove daddy’s body from my house will remain the worst moment of my life. I can’t begin to tell you how much pain I felt in that one moment. Yet, I watched him suffer for weeks. I know that the way he lived his final 2 weeks of life is not the way he wanted to live. He was a very proud man and I think it pained him more to see himself in this state, than it was to have his actual illness. I know everyone thought that he was able-bodied man, but he was not. (That’s what he wanted everyone to think) it took me some time to fully process just how ill he truly was. When I was finally able to see him after his death, I saw a peace upon him that I have never seen before. I take comfort in that. If death works any way as I hope, I imagine that his mother welcomed him into the spiritual realm. I imagine that he is in a place where he will never again feel pain and I look forward to the day when I see him again. I am trying very hard to find peace right now, although the ache in my heart is preventing that right now. I take comfort in the fact I had the opportunity to share a real relationship with my father. So many children can’t say that. As you may be able to imagine, my father was a very strong man yet quite and gentle, a man of his word, he did not talk much but on the other hand he was funny, always trying to make you laugh, he was a very domineering man, with a touch of class and style that was out of this world. I have had a long road with my daddy and I have some crazy but yet very fond memories of him, the fishing ponds, the trips to Louisiana to visit his sister, the scratch off tickets, the coons, the Coors light beer, the backyard where he spent most of his last days, him calling his Baby Girls His “Baby Girls”, that I will miss the most. I will not lie. It hurts. I keep hoping that I can blink or turn my head and he will be there, saying “Hello Baby Girl.” I keep expecting to see him and each moment that I realize I will not, begins the pain all over again. I do not like this. I do not want this. Yet, I trust God with this. I don’t know why our Creator saw fit to take my father and our mother at this time, but I know that His will is good, perfect and acceptable. Thank you all for touching our hearts, I know that at this time we are only standing on the prayers of others. Life will impact our lives with difficulties and you don’t always have the answer, it’s good to know that we have family and friends like you to bring us through. I am touched beyond measure and I know my father would be so honored to know the impact he has left upon the world.
May God Bless,
Cynthia L. Dunn



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teddy harris

posted November 15, 2008 at 9:36 am


I know your pain, but we need to look beyond this,thank god that we have them in our lives.WHEN i think of never knowing the person I cant breath.So I AM THANKFULL FOR KNOWING MY MOM FATHER AUNT AND 5 SISTER AND ONE BROTHER!!!!!!!! and with this I have all of them in my life.I felt like dyeing to be with all of them, but still here,Ino its hard but we have to let go, Its not their faults they died,let go so they can go to heaven,They dont want to see you suffer like this, as you would not like to see them suffer if it was you.They are so much better off,there is peace in their lives. And we should be happy, death is a celabration,but we have to get threw our pain,to see this, please dont make them suffer it was their time .with this I ask you all to pray for strenghth,one day at a time. Embraise your life and let go, never forget,but except it,GOd gave you that person to love to learn somthiNG from them he never said it was forever, so grab those memories,and hold on and thank him for what he gave you,no matter how LONG they were to staY in your life.GODBLESS ALL OF US,



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debra t

posted November 15, 2008 at 10:25 am


my saddness is that 23 years ago i gave birth to a beautiful baby boy and i gave him up.at the time i had many reasons why i had to give him up and it seemed to be the right thing to do. i gave another family a true blessing of life ,that they otherwise couldnt have.my saddness is that i dont know him, and he never came looking for me. my husband now, not the baby daddy says to let it go and know that he was with a good family,but how do i know? maybe he hates me,there isn’t a day that goes by that i don’t think about all these things i greive every day like he is dead because of the unknown. god does things for a reason i know this and some day i will know the reason that was my lifes path, but for now im sad and full of questions



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Nancy

posted November 15, 2008 at 10:57 am


I have had a life of events that compounded about 6 months ago and I attempted suicide. To make a short list, I was molested by my uncle repeatedly from age 10 to 13, I was married to the love of my life and our union was blessed by a beautiful daughter. When she was 10 months old, my husband wrapped his new motorcycle around the back of a pickup truck and was left mentally 4 years old. We didn’t pull plugs back then. After a year and a half of hospitalization, he came home, wouldn’t take his meds, became increasingly violent and one day my father arrived at our home. When he saw my black eyes, he packed him up and took him to his parents. I had seven long years and one new beautiful child (another girl) but the struggle has been unbelievable. I was not blessed with a silver spoon so I had to work very hard. In 1977, I got the news that my father at 49 years of age, came home from work and dropped dead of a massive CVA. He was my best friend in the world. Two years later in 1979, my second daughter was killed in a “freak accident”. I remarried in 1980 (too soon). I married an alcoholic (didn’t know until too late). He attempted to molest my eldest child which I never knew until we had been married 22 years and we had two girls which are miracle children. You see I had cervical cancer and had a tubal reversal (another long story). In 1987 I was diagnosed with ovarian and uterine cancer and had a complete hysterectomy. Over the 2nd marriage we moved from one place to another because my alcoholic husband could not hold a job. I struggled to get a college degree and worked very hard. In fact, I have worked all my life so I missed so much of my children’s lives and they are bitter about this. I divorced the alcoholic in 2001. I have since remarried, but our relationship could be better. We both have a lot of excess baggage. Last year, my mental faculties just hit a climax. I have been a care giver, a nurturer and a career woman. I am now on disability and everything I fought so hard to get is dwindling – just like my life. Grief is accompanied by guilt in many cases and it is the guilt that makes most of us give up. I am working through therapy on grief, guilt and how I might spend the rest of my life. At 55, I have several chronic illnesses that usually accompany career hungry mortals. My life expectancy is limited but I believe I can survive. My goal is to write a book to let others know that life is possible after loss. That you don’t have to turn to drugs or alcohol and that life has losses – many we cannot understand but we live never-the-less. I love your 1st edition on grief. I would love to hear that my Dad or daughter called. My heart would leap for joy. Thank you!



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Alexandra

posted November 15, 2008 at 1:13 pm


I have struggled with this idea for a while now. September 19, 2006,My dad committed suicide two years (when I was 19 years old). After losing him, I started to abuse alcohol, and ended up this past may (2008), in rehab for grief, trauma, and alcohol abuse. When I got out of treatment, I started a grief group and it didnt really work out for me. I think it is hard to realize that it is okay that you dont really move on from grief but you learn how to control it..



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amber

posted November 15, 2008 at 2:18 pm


I was 19 when my husband and i found out i was going to have our first child, i was scared and excited at the same time. I spent most of the next 9 months preparing as most mothers do, then found out that my husband also had a girlfriend. Nextting i knew i was in labor and i did this alone also. I woke him after about 5 hours and said “it’s time”. My beautiful baby boy was brought into this world. Perfect in every way. When he was 16 Days old, he went into a grandmaul seizure, we scrambled and headed to the nearest hostpital, 25 miles away, he stopped breathing on the way so many times, but i was able to keep him going. We found out about a month later that a virus had attacked his brain and destroyed it. He only had the brain stem left, this only regulates basic needs, like heart rate and breathing and such. We were told to take him and love him for the little time we would have, if we were lucky it would be 6 months. Well we fought and so did he, he was such a strong willed little man, he never spoke, and maybe he never gave us a hug, but he graced us with 6 1/2 years, anf he knew me, my husband and his brother and sisters. He was a quadrapalegic, blind a deaf, he had a feeding tube and scoliosis very bad. My husband went to wake him on newyears morning this year, and he was gone. I never thought it would be like that, we always knew we were going tp loose him,, but never prepared for it. So, now i suround my myself with things to do and people who need help, just so i don;t have to deal with it. I am afraid to really really mourn him because i know how powerful that is goingto be. And now my husband andf I have split, so I am alone. How do I deal with this. I still have two daughters too.



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Jenna

posted November 15, 2008 at 3:51 pm


Little did I know that I would get old enough to feel completely lonely. I was born, not really planned for and adopted out. I lived a wonderful life with good loving adopted parents. Sadly, my mother died when I was 25, right when my daughter was diagnosed with a terminal illness. They were in the hospital at the same time! I never expected my mother to die, nor my father a few years later. My daughter’s illness gave her an expected lifetime of 18 years at the time of her birth. She is now 30, and just got married. Blessings abound. However, during the time she met her now husband, she pulled very far away from me and hurt me deeply. After giving her all my loving attention, and being the mom who took care of her and loved her beyond measure, she dropped me out of her life, saying it was a “mother/daughter thing” and I should be fine. It feels like losing her twice. In the meantime I divorced, and I also have two wonderful boys. An older son, who has blessed me with two grandsons, and a younger son, who is finding his way in life and is very lost. I also found my bio parents and five brothers, who were not put up for adoption. This is also a wonderful relationship. I love them dearly. Caveat to that is having two moms, is losing two moms. My mother now has lung cancer and I am feeling like a lost little girl at 55. The thought of losing her is beyond what one can bear, and my daughter has already surpassed her life expectancy, but is turning corners in her disease that leaves us all wondering how long she has left to live. It is like losing my daughter twice, she will not call me, return my calls, or communicate with me. I am grieving beyond what I feel I can take, but I pray daily and God gives me strength to go on come what may. I feel blessed in so many ways, but I also feel so lonely that it physically and emotionally HURTS. I want to end this with the best most positive words of wisdom from someone who has spent many hours, days, weeks, in the hospital waiting for loved ones to get better. Some times they do, some times they do not. I believe in the power of prayer and the touch of strangers. Please pray for me, as well as the universe and the beauty of life and love. I am missing the one thing I crave, LOVE. I know God loves me, but He cannot put his arms around me and make me feel safe. I am at a loss, living in a place of anticipatory grief and feeling the pain of unrealized, unconditional love. My boys are tremendously sensitive to my needs, but I do not want to be the mother I have heard about who has too many needs and pile them on their children. I have to get past this, but still waters run deep. I know I need prayer to get through this. Thank You, Jenna



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Gwen Wynne

posted November 15, 2008 at 6:07 pm


I have been without my youngest daughter who was only 35 years old for 2 years now and I miss her as much today as I did the day she left us, but one thing is sure, I know I will see her again one day. she is missed so much by her sister,and me but the only difference now is I don’t cry 24/7. She died on the 1st of November,2006 from a brain stem cancer. no cure..I hate those words!! it is a juvenile disease that you don’t know you have until it is too late. your dna mutates and forms a mass and latches onto the first thing it comes too and grows very slowly. She had just published her 2nd christian fiction book and we were so excited…. then the unmerciful thing hit. she left behind her a husband of 18 years,a 16 year old daughter and a 12 year old son.six weeks after her funeral I went to work and started feeling funny and hurting.I went to the doctor and found out I was having a heart attack.I nearly left my olderst daughter of 39 years old… totally ALONE. I don’t blame my daughter’s death for my heart attack but I do think the undue stress is what escalated it.Grief is something you work through with the grace of GOD on your side and working within you or you will absolutely go insane.



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Marilyn, This is for Jenna

posted November 15, 2008 at 6:15 pm


Jenna…Take refuge in new friends. I too felt unloved since I was 10
years old. My father was killed in a hunting accident. It is a long
and terrible story, but I never felt anyone wanted me, or loved me….
God loves me, and he loves you…and yes, he can’t physically put his
arms around you, but he will lead you to people that will if you only
trust him….I have no family members living now, and if I did, it
wouldn’t matter because they only used me for what ever..sad but true..
I put myself through school and college…I always smiled on the outside
but cried on the inside…today no one knows how I feel…Please take
Jesus by the hand and allow him to guide you in your life..Be happy
by doing things for yourself…Reaching out to others that are hurting
will strengthen your inter being and you will be more satisfied until
you meet someone you truly care about…I had never received love as
a child except from my father…My mother was an alcoholic and I was
her rubber stamp…My last husband I did not love him, and we have
a mutual trust, for our senior years…..It is terrible to go through
life with out love…But God has showed me through faith that he picks
up the slack shows me love in many ways…I wish you well, and if I
could physically hug you I would…I am sending you a hug from Ohio
and please embrace it…It is meant for you…Take care, and believe
me, we all have seasons in our life…Tell your God that you believe
in love, family and friends…and you want all you can receive….
God Bless and happiness! Marilyn



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Marilyn, This is for all of you

posted November 15, 2008 at 6:45 pm


This is Marilyn again…I have read 3/4 of these stories, and tonight is
the 1st time I have ever been on this sight. Must be a reason! Life
is a bunch of uncertainties and we make wrong choices, or bad choices
come to us…It is so hard when you have lost a loved one or someone in
your life is dying and you feel so helpless. When I was small, i saw
angels…Angels protected me from harm…I have never been loved by anyone
that I know of except my father and he was killed when I was a child…
But we all have a heavenly Father who loves us if you believe in God.
He gave his son up to die on the cross for us…That is true love, and
the ultimate price to give your son up to die so we all might have life,
and life abundantly…With out his love, I would have died many times.
He has saved me from committing sucide, from health reasons, and someone
wanting to kill me…He has given me reasons to live…He has given me
many talents..Gardening is my passion and I am unable to walk…but he
gave me ideas so I can raise a garden full of vegetables, flowers, and
have a beautiful back yard with out much effert on my part…He has given
me knowledge to write short stories and write poems..I sit here at the
p c and work and enjoy life by corresponding with folks just like you!
Time heals all wounds…Yes, I know that is an old saying and you have
not walked in my shoes…I probably have…I married my now husband
because I had no one…and he did not either…We have a mutual understanding
and at our age, it makes sense….There is someone for everyone, and all
you need to do is pray about it…The hardest thing in the world is to
lose a child….God bless each and everyone of you that have. It takes
courage to go beyond grief…but take on another child if you are able,
or give your love to a neighbor child or a child that is hurting for
someone to love them….Believe me, when you do, you will fill joy
unspeakable because you are allowing yourself to give love and you
are releasing some of your grief..I know what it is to hurt, and feel
pain within because we all need love….Reach out to God…Reach out
to others..Reach out to a child and see a little flower turn into a
beautiful Rose…When we forget our selves and give our selves to
loving someone else…We are who we are suppose to be…God Bless you
all….And you all have written from your hearts and soul…Thank you
for sharing…WE all learn from you!



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VERIONCA

posted November 15, 2008 at 7:46 pm


HI,l lost my companion of 24yrs, 46days ago. He had diabetes and was very sick for the past 2 years but I never saw death coming I always taught he was big and strong and he would fight this sickness. Looking back, I realised that he was probably hiding a lot from me because I didn’t realise how sick he was feeling two weeks before he died he cried and said he was tired of living this way and he did not want anyone poking him again and look at what he had become he could’t walk because his feet were so swollen. He suffered a massive heart attack and died. I feel so alone as everything I did was with him, I pick up the phone to call him and then it hits me, I get this overwhelming feeling in my chest and i feel it would burst. I go to the gym a lot so I am so tired when I get home I will fall asleep but then i watch the guys and I get so mad that they are healthy and he is not here and i go in the parking lot and cry my eyes out. In my heart I know when your time comes there is nothing we can do but it hurts so much. I lost my Mom and Dad and I did not feel this way, I feel so guilty. I pray everyday for them and I hope that one day we will all meet again.



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Lisa Andrews

posted November 15, 2008 at 7:47 pm


My mother has been gone for 7 years. She died at the age of 56. I just had my 3rd child, a little girl. She fought for life to see my daughter born. She got to feed her one last time. She was 3 months old. Anyway I watched my mom die as the cancer ate away at her. she never once complained. she had each family member and friend come by and say goodbye to them. i asked her if she had anything to say to me. she said she couldn’t because she would cry. i now feel anger and sadness because, she should have told me something, knowing she was going to die. so as she took her last breath, i still wonder what she wanted to say but couldn’t. I feel cheated. i miss her so much it hurts. yes the first year was the worst. and as time passes it gets easier to bare. but I think about her everyday and wonder if she can see or hear me and the kids. how can i stop being sad all the time? she always fixed things in my life, so i was never taught how to do the right things for myself. I messed up a lot, but i got back on track. but i feel like a terrible mom because i can’t sew like she did, or cook like she did or clean like she did, or make friends like she did. my dad is alive and i love him dearly, but he doesn’t believe in being depressed. he’s very religous,so i can’t complain or even talk about anyone being sick. he has never talked to me the whole time i was growing up. i know he loves me. he sends me money all the time because we are rather poor. he is very generous. i just wish i could talk to him about mom. he has remarried to a wonderful woman. and they were divorced when she died. but he took her death hard. he just isn’t the type you can talk personal stuff with, just business or God. How can i make my daughters feel worthy? I love them and my son. My husband is a drunk and we can’t take it anymore. my mom was always there for me. now i don’t feel strong at all to get my girls out of this house. he doesn’t hurt us or put anyone down. he’s just sloppy and miserable to be around. my mom was strong and was able to get us out of the alcoholic home. my dad has been sober over 20 years. i am very proud of him. but i was never taught by my mom how to do anything. i’m 41 and still ask her how to do this and that. and pray she will tell me in a dream. can she hear me? i have faith in God and pray to him everynight. i want to know if my mother can hear me. does anyone have an answer to that?
thank you.
lisa



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deb

posted November 15, 2008 at 9:54 pm


lisa,my heart is breaking for you. You have children depending on you and you must be strong. Just because you can’t cook or sew or whatever doesn,t make you a bad mother or person. You probably have things you do that are unigue for you. Your mother is gone and now you have to make a life for you and your children. Make your own traditions with your children. All they need from you is your love and strength.



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Catherine

posted November 15, 2008 at 11:04 pm


My great aunt was my best friend and cheerleader. I was 5 years old in 1958 and I told her that I wanted to be a doctor. That was a fantasy for a poor black girl living in Ohio back then. It is easy to discourage what you see as impossible dreams when you live in racism and did not achieve the dreams of your own. My aunt took the opposite track and encouraged me and told me I could be whatever I wanted to be if I was willing to work hard. Because of her I never wavered in achieving my dream and now I am 55 years old and have been practicing medicine for 27 years. I still love it. My problem is this. My aunt died in 1981 4 months before I graduated from medical school. I was so hurt I could barely speak and graduation day was bitter sweet for me. Despite the passing of time and the loss of many other family members since then, I still can not handle losing her. I don’t seak of her often because I fall apart. I don’t dream about her often because it is too painful. Even writing this note to you I have a basketball sized knot in my chest and throat and I’m sobbing buckets of tears. It still feels like yesterday. I miss her terribly. Why has her death affected me in such a profound way? Why can’t I seem to move on or accept her death the way I have others in my family?



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Judy

posted November 16, 2008 at 3:27 am


To all of you, as you cope with your losses…try to remember some truly funny happenings with the one who is gone. It sure can help with those tears and throat lumps. I lost my sister to medical error when she went to OSU hospital January 2004 for a simple colonoscopy and she ended up dying unconscious 21 days later. There were no chances for a goodbye. If I allow myself to think about it, I get angry then I get too emotional.Oddly, I knew she was dying I think before anyone else. There was an almost electrifying bond between us that had existed all our lives. I knew what she was thinking at times. I could feel her presence whenever we were together; however, when I entered the Intensive Care Unit that first day I didn’t have that feeling. It was almost a chill up my spine that it wasn’t there.
I will tell you that there can definitely be some communication with those who passed on.
I have found my shoestrings tied together, (something my sister and I used to do to prank each other.) My husband who is the biggest skeptic of afterlife has become a believer as he has had telepathic thoughts…he has shared childhood memories that only my sister and I would have known. He has heard her voice as he was trying to sleep. I believe she chose to speak through him as I would know it was real!
My prayers are with you all.
BTW: Lisa, I believe your mother did not have things to tell you as she was dying because you and she had a very open communication. There were no secrets between you two and she knew that each of you loved each other dearly. Things were already on an even keel between you and she! You were there to help her and that was the important thing for her!
She knew you were the strong one who could pull the family together.



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Misty

posted November 16, 2008 at 8:22 am


Hello Christine,
I wish I could go strait away to your house and give you a hug. This is the most painful time right now that you will ever go through, so seek out your family and friends to help you get through this. Go to your Church, go see a friend. You may not feel like doing anything but curling up and wasting away but I promise your husband would not want you to do this. We don’t know why things happen the way they do, but to you it will be revealed one day and you will know. No one can make you get through this any faster, but family and friends can help you move past each stage of grief. Don’t go through it alone hon.



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Annette Thompson

posted November 16, 2008 at 11:01 pm


I have lost all 4 of my Grd parents mydad & 3yrs. ago my mom. But inDec19 2007 the worst thing I think I’ve ever went thru we lost our 42 yr old son.He ran out of gas & went across the Hi way to call for help & started back to his car & a 18 wheeler hit him & killed him instsntly. Just 2 months earlier oct 19 07 they found my baby brother I had help raise dead. Then Jan 5 2008 my brother lost his 36 yr old daughter then Jan. 10 2008 my stepfather of 14 yrs. died then Feb. 8 my cousin’s 28 yr old daughter killed her self & Feb. 13 2008 my great aunt died But also my best friend was at my son’s funeral 12 21 2007 & on 12 -27 she died sudenly. You talk about @_3 month’s I lost 8 family members plus my best friend. She had sent me e-mail’s just minute’s before her husband found her. Of all these death’s my son is the worse. He had no kid’s & no wife just me & his dad. No I don’t think the grive ever will go away. I feel like it happened yesterday. I think it is to much grive at one time. If anyone belive’s in prayer PLEASE pray for me.I’m not dealing with it all to good. I feel like I’m just existing not living.Every day seem’s worse not better. Sincerely Annette



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carolyn veronica lashley

posted November 17, 2008 at 12:06 am


Hi Christine I lost my dear husband Richard on January 08,2008.Words cannot describe how my heart feels. I do know tht God as wellas my husband wants me to continue on with the precious lifet that He has given me. Hold on christine hold on God can and will make it better as time goes on.Get on yournees and pouryour heart t the Lord and when you get up you will feel peace His peace.God bless you and everone whohas lost a loved one/



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Mary Bader

posted November 17, 2008 at 1:40 am


I’m getting older, 72, and death is not frightful, but the thought of leaving loved one’s bothers me. I think If I just could make it easier for tTHEM, I want them to be happy for me that I have passed from death to life, like the Bible say’s. If we could see how wonderful heaven is, we wouldn’t mourn nearly as much. I don’t ewant my family to be sad, They can miss me as I hope that they would, but to grieve so long and hard, I don’t want that. I will be dancing and praising God, running through the beautiful flowers, and taking in God”S WONDERFUL THINGS hE HAS FOR US IN HEAVEN. PAUL SAID IN THE BIBLE”iT IS TO UNSPEAKABLE WHAT hEaAVEN IS LIKE, NO WORDS CAN EVEN DESCRIBE IT.”.Think how sad it would make me if I could look down and see the sadness! It would make my joy less..I have grandchildren, I have all ready talked to the 15 and 16 yr. old,To assure them I would still be alive and well, only with out pain amd suffering.. I lost my sister when I was 12, She just found out she was pg. her and her mother=in-law died in a car crash.I lost my Dad,, a week later I had a baby. It helped me keep my sanity. but then I lossed my 4th child. a DAWn’s syndrome baby, what a hard time that was. since then my 2 brother’s. so we have such losses. but “when we all get to Heaven what a day of rejoicing that will be, when we all see Jesus, that will be the victory.:I want nothing more now then for my loved one’s to come to know Jesus, and what He has done for us on the cross. So that we can all go to HEAVEN. I hope every one that has written here will be there to….Love, in Jesus Mary



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L Renee

posted November 17, 2008 at 10:24 pm


this is the first time I have ever done this and I am not quite sure what I am supposed to do. I saw this website, listened to the video and felt I needed to touch with people who feel such a devastating loss in their life that they find it difficult to face life. My loss was my beloved mom who was my best friend and I loved her to depths that words will never be able to describe. I realize that everyone is sad to lose their mom but my heart truly felt like it was beating with hers–that is how intertwined our spirits were. I saw my mom suffer and struggle from when I was a little girl and I reacted as though there was something wrong with her–until I grew up. And the older I got, the more I was able to walk right beside her, understand her, and love her more deeply than I could ever imagine.
My mom was such a sweetie pie with such a cute kid-like essence. She looked at life with such loving eyes and had a smile for everyone. I could go on for hours what a courageous, honorable, innocent and decent person my mom was but I can only say that she was one of the most noble and lovable people I have ever known. And because of the beauty in her soul, I miss her beyond description.
Her departure was unexpected. She suffered greatly and was mistreated by the health care professionals taking care of her. Despite my intervention, I just could not control the situtation. She did not deserve to suffer as much as she did, both during life and at the end of life. There is such a big hole in my heart that for three years has left me paralyzed. Nothing is fun any more without her. I have no other family and I am lost and alone. It is a struggle that I am unsure I am able to overcome. I just obtain no joy out of life now that she has left. And I am so afraid I will never get to see her again.
Well, thank you for reading this. I am not sure what I expect from posting this but I felt that I needed to do so. Thank you again for listening…



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reader

posted November 17, 2008 at 10:25 pm


I have bursted into tears reading readers’ stories from this blog.
I know in life we all face pain at one time or another. But still my heart aches.
I’m praying for every one who has shared their stories that May god protect you and your loved ones in this life on earth and in heaven, may he shower you with love so your pain will soon be healed!
Much love,
just another reader



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PtchsM

posted November 17, 2008 at 10:55 pm


Hi,
I’m amazed at this site, and have joined to get updates as new Video’s are posted! I lost my Mom just 10 mos ago on Jan. 8,2008 and was stunned to read someone else lost a loved on the same day! It’s been a long lonely 10 mos. and I was so dreading the Holidays. However, after 9 mos. of Therapy, it has helped me begin to laugh once again, at the bubbles when I blow them outside on our Patio. To laugh at the next door neighbor when finally after all these months he got up the nerve to ask me ‘what are you doing that for?”, LOL Only for me to answer “Getting rid of my stress of life”, and him to say “Okay, and disappear once again in his back door”…..only to imagine that he MUST surely be saying to his wife…..”Yep, it’s official, the neighbor has finally lost her marbles”……LOL
Life does begin again, tomorrow does come……it is different for everyone, the time we need to grieve. There is NO timetable, as each of us is just as individual as fingerprints and snowflakes! Don’t try to put a timetable on your grieving, it does NOT help nor work….relax, “let it just happen”, KNOWING it does and will end….you never ever forget, nor lose that hole in your heart…at least I haven’t and God bless my Therapist for telling me that! BUT you do emerge a different person, you DO laugh again, and YES grieving can last up to and past 3 yrs…..remember we are each individual, there is NO timetable that is right or wrong…don’t try to “shake it off” it will only prolong the suffering, and you WILL have to go through it anyway, we cannot control that part of our brain no matter how much we try or would LOVE to do that!
I will check in here more often, and praying for all of us…we can help and support one another, YOU are never alone….no matter how you feel. Angels are around us all, and even human Angels who post here all the time are with you, walking along the same steps…let us do that together. That way none of us will ever be alone in our grief!
Hugs and prayers for all,
PtchsM



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patty g

posted November 18, 2008 at 3:54 am


Martha,
I truly love your inspiration to all of us. I never knew there were so many others out there going so much grief. Sisters you are not alone. We all have grief, there is no time limit for it. There are days that I feel so much joy with my Children and Grandchildren and then there are the sad days, when I so miss my Mother and Dad and the fact that my Grandchildren never had the chance to meet them and crawl up in their laps and my parents never got to feel the joy of seeing them. Its so sad. I lost my father in law in Feb. of 2000 and found out my husband had a fungal infection of the brain in April and he passed in June 08, then my best buddie, my dog, Bear, passed in February of 2001 and my Father in Feb of 2002 and my Mother in May of 2003. I have a big empty house with two cats for comany and tons of memories. There are days I cry for all of them. Grief has no time limit. Some song or saying will set it off, no matter how you try to remember the good times the saddness creeps in as you know it is forever gone. Just ask God to help you thru these times. He is always there to listen. God Bless you all.



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JoAnna

posted November 19, 2008 at 9:31 am


Here it is the time of year in which we are suppose to feel so thankful and then the time we share our love and the giving of things. Each day I think of my wonderful husband of which we were married 51 1/2 yrs. He entered the Gate of Heaven on Feb. 6th, 2007. I miss him so much even tho I know in my heart that he is much better off and without pain. He had 5 heart surgeries then contacted staph & merca. I took care of him 24 hrs. a day as I brought him back home to spend his final times. That was his wish and I am thankful that the Lord gave me that opportunity to show him that I was capable of caring for him. The doctor didn’t think I was capable of doing all the machines he was on and doing all the care that he needed. But at 71 I learned to do everything. One day when I was changing him, he began to cry and I asked him why. He replied that he felt like a baby since I had to change/clean him. I reminded him that back on 6/26/55 I gave my pledge to him that in sickness and in health I would be there for him. He understood what I meant. I used to sit on his hospital bed and tell him how much I loved him and we talked about the raising of our 5 children and the grandson we raised. One of the last things that he was able to say to me before he quit talking was that he loved me too. The last night that he was with me I was sitting on the bed as that day was different in many ways. He kept looking upward with tears in his eyes. Part of me was thinking that he was going to take his final journey – I just didn’t want to accept it. I was talking to him about 20 minutes before he left me. I had went back into the living room and 20 minutes later I went back to his room. As I’m trying to change out his feeding bag/tube a voice told me that he was gone but I didn’t look at him as I was taking care of the bag. The voice said again only a little louder that he was gone and then for the third time it said it again. I then turned around and he was just laying there asleep – I thought. I began hollering at him and shaking him – checking his breathing -feeling his heart – then finally listening to it. I knew then he was in a better place. My children don’t like for me to talk about him in any way but every room of this house reminds me of the joy we had shared living here for almost 50 yrs. His site is just a short distance from our home so I can go over there and yes I talk to him about things. I feel so much that he is here with me at the house. I am a Christian but is all the feelings that I still have for him and the thinking of him all the time – is that wrong? My children feel that it is time for me to move on – I can’t. They don’t come out here very often as they feel I should give them the things they want and I find it hard to part with his things. I actually am looking forward to the day that the Gate of Heaven will open for me and that I can take hold of his hand. I find that a lot of people don’t want to talk about a departed loved one. I am so thankful that I found this site. I have read some of the letters that have been sent in and I feel so much for each one and then I don’t feel so alone. Pray for me and I will pray for this site that many that feel so alone at this time will also be a part of one another’s life. That we can become a family. God Bless all . . .JoAnna Deeter



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Sarah

posted November 20, 2008 at 11:54 am


Dana,
Thank you for your posting about your brother. I think it must’ve been for me & my daughter. My only son died a few days ago November 8, 2008. He was 30 years old & left 2 daughters, one sister Leah, & bro-inlaw Chad, & many more. He was walking to the ER & got run over by 3 cars, not far from our home. He’d been home from prison for good finally, for 7 weeks. He was also an alcoholic… but had been doing better. I don’t know why God took him, or if he really wanted to go now or not, but he’d been struggling so terribly with depression & addiction for 12 years. He wasn’t using, & seemed positive
about life actually. Some people who don’t know & weren’t there, are saying on the news
websites that he walked into the traffic on purpose. I think he would’ve overdosed if he’d been wanting that. I’m struggling so terribly with missing him. I have faith in God & I don’t want to question his timing, but my husband (his Dad) is so angry. I keep thinking I’m going to see him walk into the room, or be cooking in the kitchen. He had such a loving gently spirit & way about him – like you talked about your brother. These
last 7 weeks are so precious to me; I got to tell him that I loved him… whether he got
well or not. And he was seeing a counselor finally! Had had 3 seesions with her, & she said he was so ready, & insightful about what therapy could do, to help him face the demons of his past (child abuse). Something we’d only known about since he was 20, but had happened when he was 7. Thank you for sharing your feelings. I am still numb, & at
other times can’t stop sobbing. But I think I’ll be able to process it all later. Sarah



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Dana

posted November 20, 2008 at 9:22 pm


Sarah,
For some reason I went to this website tonight and read what you wrote. I Know your
in pain. What people are saying doesn’t matter. You know in your heart and that is
all that matters. I saw my brother take his last breath and I know the expression
that came over his face and I knew he was in haven. That he had seen haven. Which has
given me so much comfort. But, the one thing that keeps coming to my mind since I read
what you wrote. Is that I kept my brother alive with his memories. He taught us so much.
He taught me how to cook. He love to hunt and fish and now even that I’m a girl I hunt and
fish and I find so much peace in doing that. Last year Christmas was so hard for me and I
love Christmas. I’m one on the first to put up my tree and the last to take it down. And
shopping I’m done by Thanksgiving. Last year I did not put my tree up until the week of Christmas and it was down before New Years. But, the gift I gave to my Sisters was 2 pecan
trees with a note that said this is for you and your love ones to make memories because when we leave this earth that is all that is really left. So just remember that as the
Holidays come and go all you have left are the memories and the memories yet to come. And
when your in the kitchen cooking the memories of him cooking will be with you always and
nothing can take that away and no one can take that away. I know it’s not like seeing or
hugging them But, I know my Brother’s battle is won and now I’m the one in the fight, the
fight to live my life without him. I hope this helps you in some way. My prays will be with you.



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Mary

posted November 21, 2008 at 8:55 am


Good Morning, Martha: I listened to your video on dealing with the loss of a loved one, part 1- it is very hard to move on for some, I know. Thank God, HE gave us the ability to have and store “memories”. My first heartfelt sorrow was the loss of my husband of 6 years which happened Christmas Eve morning in 1996. I walked around in a daze and a fog for quite a while. It was so hard to wake up Christmas morning knowing this day was the day of My Saviour’s Birth but I would be spending it on the phone, informing family and friends of my husband’s passing. Oh, I had the normal “so sorry to hear of your loss” from my neighbors, co-workers and such! But, it didn’t make me feel any better.
I got so tired, as time moved on, of feeling the emptiness without him, I was getting more angrier at myself for not letting go. Finally, after almost a year of dealing with these feelings, I had some time off from work so I put gas in my car and drove out to our favorite fishing hole (Beautiful spot by a local lake). I, for some strange emotionally charged moment, drug his old fishing pole out of the trunk, pulled the reel off it (which was a very nice one), and screamed, outloud, to God and anyone else who was listening, “Enough is Enough-I want to heal!” I broke the pole in half and threw its pieces into the lake. A strange peace came over me and I realized God was helping me to let go and move on.
I still after all these years, look at the clock every Christmas Eve morning, and watch 11:06 am, thinking of that moment in time, when I first felt my most painful loss in my life.
I feel we all need to take time to heal, take time to store the memories, but let time take control. Just give it up to God and HE will help us heal! God Bless and please keep your inspirationals going. It gives every soul hope in such a troubled world. Yours in Faith, Mary



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Sarah

posted November 24, 2008 at 2:02 pm


Dana, Thank you for writing again & for your advice about
the memories of your brother. I keep obsessing on saying,
‘Oh, we were just in this or that store a few days ago, &
Aaron said this or that’…. I’m probably driving everyone
crazy, because we went so many places, & were together so
much in those last weeks. He helped me pick out a clock,
& after he passed I went & bought it. He saw toys he wanted
to get for his kids for Christmas & I’m going to get them
too. He wanted to get a christian-message hoodie for his
sister that he saw in a catalog that says something about
Jesus being the King of Kings. I’m going to get that too.
We’re going to donate his bus passes, & some of his clothes
etc to a homeless shelter in our city. I want to do things
to honor his memory… it’s all I can do for him right now
besides comfort his little girls. Thank you again for all
you said — it helps; reading others experiences really
does comfort us, to know we CAN get through this. Even
though everything seems so dark right now…& unreal too.
May God watch over you. Thanks again, Sarah



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Marlene

posted December 1, 2008 at 9:21 am


Good morning,
I thank the Lord for bringing me to beliefnet this morning. I especially want to thank JoAnna Deeter for her inspiring words and honesty-they have helped me immensely.What love you showed to your husband and faithfulness to your wedding vows.This time of year- the holidays -can be a time of grieving, remembering the times with loved ones who are not with us physically. I am especially thinking of my Mom who passed on about 9 years ago. I painted her portrait a few years ago and it felt like she was really with me. It now hangs over our fireplace mantle…it helps alot to look at it. I think we need to do whatever we can to take good care of ourselves during a time of grieving. We have a 5 year old grandson, Michael who has bravely been going thru treatment for a brain cancer tumor that was successfully, surgically removed…he is an inspiration to me…”one day at a time”. Be gentle with yourself as you grieve and as you live. Take as much time as “you” need to grieve…we must feel the feelings if we are to move ahead.
God bless everyone who posted here…I am grateful for this site.
Blessings of Love and Healing, In Jesus’ name, I pray.
A special hug to Christine…(((((((((((Christine))))))))
Marlene



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Rebecca

posted December 4, 2008 at 1:32 pm


Martha,
Last year on November 27th I lost a man that was my everything. He was my father. A man that taught me all about life and the world we live in. I was always daddy’s girl and as I grew into a woman things never changed. I lived with him after my mom died in 1994 and would travel to California for work about every three months. We talked by phone everyday during my times away and when I would return we would spend every waking moment enjoying God’s gifts. I am lost without him and just can not get past his loss. I pray to “Our Father” often and ask for his guidance but am so angry that I am here without him. My work is just work and it used to be such a joy for me. I have a grown daughter and two wonderful grandchildren who were the apple of my father’s eye and they also are not doing well. My daughter told me that my dad came to her in her dreams one night and she could feel the warmth of his chest as she layed her head there(she used to do this often), she even said she could smell him. Then at 6am her alarm clock went off with a very quite song; problem is that the alarm clock runs only by electricity and she said “Mom it was not plugged in!” I believe he came to her to let her know that he is with her always. What a wonderful memory for her. I know that dad sensed she was struggling with his loss and that he needed to remind her that he will always be close. Now, how do we get pass the grief and move on? I can not look at his picture as it cripples me! I know that he is in a good place but I miss him so much.
Please continue to do what you do as I am encouraged by your 3 minute talks and need someone to help me remember but also continue to live. Thank you!!



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Lee

posted December 11, 2008 at 10:32 am


One day you are born and one day you die…..but what is so important is what you do in the middle.
On August 6, 2008, we received the phone call that ” No ” parent ever wants to receive. You see it was the phone call that shattered our lives and our hearts forever. It was the hospital calling to tell us that our ” Son ” would not live but a few short hours. You see ” Our Beautiful Son ” took his own life. He left us that afternoon at 3:15 P.M. He certainly fooled all of us…his Mom, Dad, Brothers and his sister. He was alway’s a very happy, smiley and easy going baby. When he grew up he continued to smile and was alway’s their to help someone in need and the joy at any family get together to make everyone else smile. He had a definite gift and that was the gift to give from his heart. His goal in life was to work with large and exotic animals which one day he ventured off by car to Las Vegas, with a little money and a few of his personal belongings. You see not knowing anyone and so little he began “His Journey”. He managed with lots of hard work to get an interview with Sigfried and Roy in Las Vegas and ” He ” accomplished what he set out to do. He worked for them three years until he got hurt. After that his life and working with large animals was over. You see He became very depressed. Something that was hidden well. Depression is a terrible disease.
There are cures for most diseases but not this one, unless it is brought to ones attention. It is a very painful disease and it hurts physically and emotionaly. We need to somehow bring awareness of this disease in the open. Parents and children need to understand this. Losing a child is a horrible experience….but losing a child through suicide is a never ending story. We will never understand……but one thing we know is we Loved him so very much. May he rest in everlasting peace. Please light a candle on Sunday, Dec 14 at 7:00 P.M. For all the children who have died. It is the Worldwide Candlelighting Ceremony. In memory of all our children who left before us. Bryan’s Mom.



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Pamela Smith

posted December 22, 2008 at 5:09 am


Martha,
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your encouraging words
You see my only child, my 8 yr old son passed away 2/08/08 this year. It has completely devastated us an we are in pain daily. He was the glue that stuck us together as a family. Without him here on earth I dont know what to do . He is my everything apart of my heart an soul. An he took that with him on the day that god called him home. But thankfully I have more faith in god than ever an without all my prayers along with many other family an friends I have made it thru surviveing.
I just hope an pray that my son is ok without him mom an has no worries or pain. The only thing I want is for him to be TRUELY HAPPY, COURAGOUS, AN JOYFULL AS HE ALWAYS WAS. yOUR VIDEOS HELPED ALOT
Thanks again



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Rose

posted December 28, 2008 at 11:01 pm


I find it so hard sometimes to deal with the grief that I have I lost my Brother to the Terrorist acts of 9/11 . I have had seven people die whom I loved dearly prior to 2001 in a matter of three years. My brothers death just wiped me out he was 34 years old and had three kids , there isn’t a day that goes by that I am not thinking of him. I get so frustrated because I have mixed emotions I feel like I am being tested I know God had nothing to do with what happened deep down inside I know my brother is ok as much as I know God loves me why is it that there is still a part of me that feels so much anger and bitterness. I have lost all hope in this world and what it has become that it hurts so much. I sometimes cry to God to please let me come home. I know I need to get rid of my anger and bitterness but it’s so hard I know I need a spiritual healing I just don’t know how sometimes I feel like I am ok then I feel like I can’t deal with anymore.I do want to let you know that your words are comforting and I do appreciate them. I needed to vent thank you for listening.



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Elaine

posted January 4, 2009 at 12:48 pm


I have just discovered your site & hope to find some answers to my struggles.
My husband’s sudden death was 2 years ago this month.I have been stuck in the grief of over welling sadness & loneliness ever since. We had just celebrated our 25th anniversary.
Your experiences with grace & comfort from God & your loved ones who have died are wonderful. But I am envious! I have prayed & begged God for his peace & received nothing. I know it is my fault but I don’t know what to do differently. I have no one to turn to but Him because my family & friends believe I should be over this or at least further down the grief road. I just need something from God to know He has not given up on me.
I hope something good will come from this post.



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GAYLE

posted January 4, 2009 at 11:35 pm


I LOST MY MAMA ON JANUARY 5, 2008, FROM HEART DISEASE. THE SADNESS IS OVERWHELMING AT TIMES. IN A FEW HOURS IT WILL BE THE ANNIVERSARY OF HER DEATH. MY SISTER, BROTHER AND MYSELF CLING TO ONE ANOTHER FOR SUPPORT. MY HUSBAND AND SON ARE VERY SUPPORTIVE AND TRY TO ENCOURAGE ME TO FOCUS ON THE HAPPIER TIMES, AND I DO, BUT SOMETIMES I CAN’T HOLD BACK THE TEARS BECAUSE I MISS HER SO MUCH. SHE WAS THE BEST MOTHER IN THE WORLD. I KNOW SHE’S WHOLE AGAIN IN RESTING IN JESUS’ ARMS. THANKS FOR ALLOWING ME TO POST AND VENT MY FEELINGS.



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Sandy

posted January 8, 2009 at 4:48 pm


To Elaine,Rose,Christine,Jan and all of you, My heart goes out to you so much. I am a widow of 10 years now and the anger and grief is still with me. Don’t let that happen to you! I know you don’t want that and i will pray for you. It took 10 years for me to start seeing in my mind as I pray to God, lifting up that anger…i have to see it in a package and handing it over to Him. For me and it might be for you also having to do this daily. Months after my husband died, I started listening to soft songs of praise to God and would sit on the floor and try my best to block out anger, hurt…everything about me and try to concentrate on God, worshiping Him and He started to bless me through that but then I let the anger grow and I was sepperated from Him for along time. One cd if you can get this..I highly recommend is: “Draw Near To Me” by Scott Brenner
Satan will try to take your time away so you feel you don’t have time to do this…make the time..please! That open wound will fester in other areas of your life and you will miss blessings from God. I hope this helps you.
I am making a list right now with all your names on it. maybe this could be the beginning of my healing by lifting all of you up to God.



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Elaine Phillips

posted January 16, 2009 at 9:35 am


Martha,Sandy,my son Kris was killed in fatal car accident. Thank God Kris was alone and no one else was injured and involved. My son was a New Orleans Firefighter. In the making of moving his family to Marrietta, Ga. for a firefighter position there. this was a move after we lost everthing after hurrican Katrina. After getting the firefighter position Kris was notified that he had to be a EMT in order to become a firefighter in Ga. Kris traveled from Louisiana to Georgia every week until two weeks before graduation from Madix EMT School. This is when my sudden unexspected happened. My son SUV flipped and skidded 1,020 miles before landing,he was killed instantly. Looking at the news and viewing your brother truck,and listening to the news reporters stating that the driver was killed instantly.My son Kris and his sister Lyntrelle was so close,she was five months pregnant durning this time of the accident. It will be almost 3 yrs.in April,but I am still crying and still have heartaches and pain.I lost my father April 4th,my mother April 9th and Kris again April 9th. So April is a sad month for me. So please keep me in mind when you pray. I am not asking for you all to pray for me,but with me to let go and ease my heartache and pain. Thanks Elaine



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Mary B.Smith

posted January 24, 2009 at 6:22 pm


This is so hard to belive that I would find this video at this time. Next week marks the second anniversary of my husbands death . We had been married 39 Years. He had been very sick and I had taken him home knowing that it was his final wish to be held in my arms when the time came for him to make that final journey. I was very fortunate that he had our precious daughter in law to arrange for us to renew our vows before our children.grandchildren and great grand chilren along with a host of our friends and our God we both pledged our undying love to each other along with a promise from him that he would wait for me on the other side, and my promise to him to go on and make a life for myself.(It is one of the most precious memories that my family has of my wonderful husband). This is very hard to do as I can’t remember a day that he was not there for me and now I am still trying to go on and make that life without him. So Christine I would say this Time does not make it better only your faith will do that Stop and think about what your husband would want you to do.Then you do it to let him know that he was not wrong about you. I do not let a day go by that I do not pray and then I think of my husband and I now he is smiling because I am remembering all the things that he told me that I considered unimportant at the time.Thank you for letting me share this with you.
God bless you
Mary



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Patricia

posted February 3, 2009 at 7:39 pm


Our mother past away 3 years ago come this March. She was a very talented and gifted woman. Her and my father always gave of themselves in helping others. So when I watched the video I had to smile and say yes I have done the same thing. But I am finding it more memory filling when I work on the many quilt tops she has started and hasn’t finished before she passed. Wondering in my mind who she had this quilt top in her mind for, I catch my self basically asking her out loud not realizing I was doing it. Then I look at the pictures of all the wedding cakes and birthday cakes. The hours of detailed work she put into decorating them for friends family and even strangers. I remember how proud I was listening to her sing the special Sunday music or playing the piano or Organ for the church. The church campouts that her and daddy helped with. The many childrens lives and their childrens childrens lives she had an affect on when she drove school bus. Both of my parents were involved with the community Lions and Lioness clubs. Mom doing brownies ,girlscouts and later on Campfire, Dad with the boys brigades PTA The Grange. Young married couples group in the church.
My father passed away before my mom several years earlier but the memories of him are just a strong and clear. he spent more time jumping in the river at the family ranch to save some ones child from drowning and giving horse back rides up and down the road or taking us kids snow sledding around the neighborhood, The Phone calls he would get from s senior citizen in our community that had no heat because of electrical problems but had no maoney to pay dad for his work until the first of the month when they would get their social security checks. Dad would always tell them he would be right out, he would fix the problem and then the customer would ask “how much do I owe you?” Dad would reply, “pay when you can, I am not worried!” I thank God that God gave me parents that were so giving in helping others. Our family was never rich monetarily but God blessed us and made us rich with the love of helping others and beign thankful for what we have. So I don’t look at it as grieving anymore but more of celebrating the values and good times that God gave us with 2 of his special children, MY Parents!!!



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Joyce Trussell

posted February 10, 2009 at 4:48 am


I also lost my precious Mother on Jan.5, but it was 1999. I am still grieving and probably will until I see her again. I was almost 49 yrs. old when she passed and we had lived together for 46 years. My husband knew that when he and I married that my Mother would have to live with us, because she had no where else to go, even though I had 2 older brothers. My husband, being the sweet man that he is fell in love with my Mother too, called her Mama and I had to comfort him when she died. You see he was left with her on the day she went to the Lord and he felt that it was his fault, she was in the next room from him and he didn’t even know that she had left. I don’t blame him, never would, he has suffered so much, not just because of her, but his life was not a good one. He is a blessing to me, tells me that I am easy to live with, I love him so. We have a son, Casey, he is mentally challenged, but he also is a blessing to me. He is the reason that I have gone back to church. Any way, I am getting off track. I just wanted to tell Gayle and Renee that your Mother will never leave you. She is right beside you helping you in everything that you do. Cry for her and don’t stop your grief, it only shows that you loved and still love her. But, also remember the good and fun times that you had together, she would want that of you. I will pray for you and for the others who have lost loved ones, I have quiet a few myself that I have lost and I truly miss them. Thank-you for letting unload my feelings. Joyce, Feb.10. 2009



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Mindy Montanez

posted February 12, 2009 at 11:24 am


I have been skimming through most of the comments made on here about losing someone you love. I realize I have not been alone in this. My mother passed away on Thanksgiving of 2005. I took my Family Emergencly leave Act from work so I could be with her and take care of her. Everyday, I would go and read scripture to her. I would feed her if she needed feeding, and if she needed her diaper changed I would do that as well. While my sibs and I were growing up, we went through some very truamatic times. Once, she tried to choke me, another time, she hit me with an electrical cord across my bare back, another time she broke my pinkie finger with the heel of a shoe she was hitting me with, and yet still another time, she tried to committ suicide but before she took herself, she tried to hang my youngest brother. Subsequently, when she passed away I had to seek professional help and was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Syndomne, Clinical Depression, Attempted Suicide, Biopolar, Mixed Disorder, and Dissassociative Disorder. I could not forgive myself for hating her so much, yet missing her so much. I loved her because she was my mother. The unconditional love that Jesus has for us, well, that’s the unconditional love I have for my mom. I am seeing a Christian Therapist, Physchrist, and we have come a long way. I miss her, and I miss her terribly. There were great times togethers, and those are the ones I focus on, I try not to focus on the negative. I still feel like I could have done more for her so God could not have taken her, but slowly, the curtain is opening, and I’m beginning to see that no matter what I did, I was already doing what God wanted me to do. Thank you for your love. Mindy



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Elizabeth

posted March 3, 2009 at 2:19 am


Would like to add my story I loss my older son April the 9 will be four years, but the time it is I will have to come back on to tell what happen. Pls. E-mail me



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julie thomas

posted March 5, 2009 at 1:39 am


it has been awhile since i have written anything. i lost my husband april 1, 2008 and it is now less than 1 month away from that anniversary. it was extremely hard the first couple of months and he also died from his medications after surgery. it helped and still does to have freinds who truely care and to know that god is there for me when i need him and i truely do. this week has been truely heart rendering for me. i was previously taking prozac for my own issues and have been trying to wean myself off of them and taking a natural substitute instead. that worked for awhile, but i think, the prozac took awhile to get out of my system. the problems im having now is concentration, especially at work. sometimes i think my coworkers dont understand that i am still grieving and i feel shut out from everyone. im also a smoker and am trying to give it up. (i picked a bad time to quit) but i have to do it, being its bad for me and expensive. im sorry, i just need to vent to someone, because i really have no one else who truely understands. i wish this hurt would go away and i could be whole again. my hardest problem right now is i guess i am making mistakes at work and i try not to, and that makes me afraid for my job. i am the only support for myself. i am not trying to sabatage myself, but it feels like i am. i dont think the st johns wort is working. ive done nothing cry for 3 days when i get home from work and i was doing pretty well before. i dont know if i just expect too much from myself. i pray daily for those around me and for myself to make it through the day. i need to come out of this depression, it is so destructive. my grandbabys and my daughter and son in law make life worth living. ending mine is not an option, i am not willing to do that, but sometimes it feels so pointless. i know ill see him when it is time for me to go, but, not until then, and god only knows that date. thank you for listening. i do feel somewhat better. ill be talking to my doctor tomorrow on what i need to do. my prayers go out to all of you, floundering or not. god bless all of you



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kay

posted March 9, 2009 at 5:35 am


I seem to have come so late to this site, this topic. But the grief I still have over the loss of my husband almost nine years ago is still with me – it certainly has modified/changed over these years but there is it still.
It is as though, now, that my life with him was sort of a dream. Everything in my present life is so different from the one I lived with him.
I often say to myself now – “I miss my life” – meaning the one we had.
I never knew or realized the security I had with him – I’m not talking about money or material things – I’m talking about an emotional security. The one that I had in that I knew that there was someone in my life that cared for me first and foremost – the one person I could always come to, turn to, be with.
But this journey alone now has been a lesson in itself. I constantly amazed at the human spirit’s ability to pick up the pieces, try to put them back together in some fashion and live on. I think I never knew the resilence I had in me until I had to pull it out of me to survive.
The very old, very trite saying “time will help” is so very true. It has for me and I hope that it will for others, too, who read these posts here.
Kay



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glenda

posted March 24, 2009 at 10:56 pm


March is a sad time for me, I lost the person that loved me unconditionally for almost 50 years, my dad, he was 93 years. I never had to prove anything or be anything but myself, my mother is 95 now and they were married 67 years, that was 7 years ago, he lived a life he loved, was not rich in money , but rich in family and love. My birthday is also in March and my sons as well as my sister, so from family time of joy, seems like spring now is another year,sad memories, tears…..We are a family of faith and will see him again.But,the loss of my earthly father is always there. I have a loving husband, 4 wonderful,sons, and do thank God for my family. My older sister and I have never been close, she left home after high school, is almost 13 years older.I never left the area,and just did what was needed, took care of our folks as they became older. To this day I remember promising my dad to take care of mom and how he looked at me. She has the best of care and wants for nothing,but when he passed her life changed,as well as mine. I was a nurse for many years, but have not worked for a year, I became so emotionally attached to my patients, I had to separate my life from sickness, dying and death. I know God hand is on me, I pray to be able to bear the tears and sorrow as long needed. I have been taking meds for depression for over 10 years, I have had good times, but seems like the sadness always comes, back and gets a little worse. Please pray for those like myself and others that have posted and told their stories of loss. Everyday is a struggle. Thanks for the opportunity to share..



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Beverly Fortunato

posted March 29, 2009 at 3:13 am


My granddaughter was really my daughter. Her name was Brandy and the most beautiful
person. I love her so very much and miss her terribly. Brandy had Cystic Fibrosis and
had a double lung transplant in Nov 2007. Her recovery was great she looked the best ever. She passed May 2008. Everyday something reminds me, either through the music she enjoyed, or while shoppping I see clothing or earrings she would have loved, especialy the crazy big earrings. She was the light my life and she knew it. She lived beyond the medical professionals predictions. Her life and mine were constantly reminded of how dealth continually loomed over her. She was the happiest person and had many, friends on the net. We emailed one hundred sixty six people to notify people of her passing. She counceled many people who were discouraged. She would advise them about the Lord and tell them never to give up. Due to complications with the artery connections of heart and lungs while healing the connections just didn’t function properly. She slowly surumbed to the enevitable death. I just miss her so very much. If I look at her pictures it just seems impossible that she is gone. She touched many people. A angel to others but especially my smiling angel My heart just aches so.
Thank you for allowing me to share my loss
Gods Love to All that Weep
for their Love Ones
Beverly Fortunato



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Jennifer Tankersley

posted March 29, 2009 at 11:52 pm


What can you say about someone who made you who you are? My whole being was wrapped up in my mom.
I was raised by my grandparents(I called them momma and daddy) but still had my parents in my life – it sounds crazy, but it has always worked for our family. momma always made sure that I knew that my other parents loved me and she would never say anything negative or let me say anything against them, that was the kind of person she was. The times that I lived away from her I always felt like ther was a hole in me and it would only be filled when I could see her again. Growing up with older parents it never crossed my mind that I would have to bury them when I was young but, on Oct.19 my mom left me for the last time. The second that she took her last breath I felt like a little child that was just abandoned, because this time I knew I would never see her again. I’m a christian, but it doesn’t give me alot of comfort right now to know she is in Heaven, because I still miss her and need her.
I hide behind taking care of my husband, kids and my dad(he’s 95), and helping in our community so I don’t have to face this head on -Honestly, I’m afraid to grieve, because I know that the hurt will be so great that I push it away. In time it may get easier, but I don’t think I will ever get over losing the one person that accepted me just the way I am!
Jenny



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Donna

posted March 31, 2009 at 7:51 pm


I lost my best friend’s mother 2 years ago. I loved her but I didn’t go to her funeral. During the same time, I was having uncontrollable seizures. I was too afraid to go to her funeral and honor her. I regret this decision today, but I also feel justified for not going. I am a ball of emotions, really. I sometimes feel guilt that I didn’t go, even though no one in the family has accused me of not going. I accuse myself, and I wish I wouldn’t, because I was ill at the same time, too.
This is the first time I’ve aired these feelings. I want comfort. I wish I didn’t hurt as much as I do (I also lost a very wonderful job during this time. It seems every time I hear the word “death” I feel a pang of fear and sadness (fear that God will judge me harshly).
I recently had brain surgery, and I feel guilt for surviving this, too. I know I don’t have to feel guilt. I’m just full of bad feelings. I can’t help being hard on myself – I wish I wasn’t. I really feel like I’ve been placed in a corner and I can’t get myself out of it. I feel down all the time. I don’t want to feel bad.



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anthony pizzuto

posted April 2, 2009 at 8:47 am


DEAR MARTHA THANK YOU FOR YOUR THOUGHTS ON GRIEVING.I RECENTLY LOST BOTH OF MY PARENTS IN SEVEN MONTHS,MY MOTHER JUNE 08 & MY DAD TIS PAST FEBRUARY 09 I WAS THEIR CAREGIVER,I TOOK THEM TO THEIR DOCTOR’S APPOINTMENTS ETC.WE BECAME CLOSER THAN WE HAVE EVER BEEN. I AM STILL DEALING WITH THE LOSS. SOME MEMBERS OF THE FAMILY THINK I SHOULD GET OVER IT. I FIND THAT A BIT COLD & UN FEELING, AM I WRONG? LET ME KNOW. AGAIN THANK YOU FOR YOUR WORDS OF COMFORT. PS WE LOVED THE SHOW



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Leona Hong

posted April 16, 2009 at 9:57 am


Martha
I have find a way to help people who are griefing of a lost. I help people remember that love one that they lost keeping their memories alive. This last month I started a business making DVD’s for families who have lost a love one to Cancer. My DVD’s are free to anyone who has lost a love one and wants to keep that memory alive not only in their heart, but their minds also. My website is http://www.HeartforCancer2.Giving.officelive.com . I want to thank you for your messages they are a blessing to my life.
Leona



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beverly templeton

posted April 16, 2009 at 11:41 pm


Hi, I lost my only child 9 years ago in a car accident. He was only 17 and 1/2. I still am greiving. I don’t think we will ever completely quit greiving. I have been to counseling and am medication. It is just the little things that bring up so many memories and I think and then I start crying. I am told to think of the good times and let go of the bad. It is easier said than done. I am afraid that if I let him go he will think I am going to forget him. I know he is looking down on me and after me helping to try to go on. But when he passed on then a part of me went with him. My heart is half empty. I do know that he is with God. A few weeks before the accident he came in and I was fixing supper and he said mom guess what happened on the porch and I said what and he said the girls that come from the church to talk to him and he just got saved. I thank God for those girls. Love and prayers to each and everyone of you that read this.



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Eva

posted May 14, 2009 at 9:00 am


Thank you Martha for the encourgement. I lost my soul mate about 18 months ago. I miss him terrily for he was my stablizer! Since then my life seems to have spiraled downward! How is it we become so dependent on that other person that we can’t even seem to be able to function properly. He was the financial wizard in our relationship and I have made so many financial mistakes that I wonder how i got to this point and if my life can ever get back to “normal”…whatever that is!! And I’m like your daughter…I seem to ask the big question of WHY? all the time! Keep on encouraging us Martha! Pray for me….and I will also pray for you. God bless



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tubal reversal

posted August 24, 2009 at 2:54 am


This does not surprise me with the laws. I know of a state where a couple wanted to have IVF treatments to have a child due to a previous tubal ligation and the physicians would not do it because the couple was not married. Which the woman ended up having tubal reversal surgery performed at mubabydoc Tubal Reversal Center which was outside of the couples home state. Not only was it cheaper but the pregnancy success is much better.
There are people that change their minds but they should be the ones to make the decisions and not the government.
I would start by asking the physician if there is anyone else he/she can suggest to contact.If this does not work then I would be searching quite a bit. The answer is out there somewhere.
The suggestion are highly appreiated
http://www.mybabydoc.com



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Marianne Greenwood

posted August 29, 2009 at 10:51 am


I do not feel grief ever goes away. I lost my son 12 days before his 34th birthday. It will be almost seven years soon. I miss him more every day. He was a wonderful man and an even more wonderful son. Rarely a day went by that we did not talk, even if it was only for a minute or two. I am not the same person I was. I continue to look for that person, but she has disappeared completely and the new person that has developed becomes more different than the old person every day. I lost my mother in a car accident almost 32 years ago. At that time I was constantly told to get over it. No one I knew my age had lost a parent and there was no understanding anywhere. I was a mother with two children myself but I did learn to go on with it, however, I refused to get over it. Now my son is a different story. I grieve everyday. However, I live everyday also for him. In the beginning when I cried I coud hear him cry. I had to stop because I could not hug him and make him feel better. Now he no longer cries, but when I do which is shorter periods of time and not the screaming intense crying it was, I khow he hugs me. I still have a very close relationship with him in my heart. He has sent me many signs of his love and his help to keep me going. However, I grieve all the time. My heart always aches. God has blessed with me two wonderful grandchildren from my daughter. The intensity of my love for them I cannot even describe. They make me laugh. Although even with them it is a surface laugh. I have never had the same laugh or joy I had before or feel the happiness in the same depth. It is just not there. Part of me has died. And while I move forward and do things nothing will change that until we meet again someday. Sometimes I hear myself laugh at something and I think who is that. It almost startles me. But I do laugh and I do love. But the depth is not there. So while one can continue to live, laugh and love after the loss of a loved one (I also have recently lost my Dad and a Brother-in-Law) I do not believe you ever stop grieving at least from the loss of a child. The Compassionate Friends is a wonder group for partents that have lost childen and my husband and I attend regular meetings. It is a comfort (although I would never wish this on anyone) to be with others in the same situation. To see the same eyes with no sparkle any longer, to recognize that same underneath sadness that never leaves. We have meetings that we laugh and cry telling stories of our children. The severe pain does soften. The knife never comes out of the heart, but the piercing is not as sharp. One of the most important things to us, is that our son is never forgotten. Never! He lives on in everything we do even the grandchildren do not forget him and they were too little to even remember him except in pictures
So in closing, I feel you never stop grieving. It changes but it does not go away ever!
A grieving mother,
Marianne



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grandma of #13

posted September 9, 2009 at 1:12 am


I LOST MY GRANDSON 7 MONTH AGO I MISS HIM SO MUCH.ICANT BELIVE THAT HE IS GONE. HE HAD 3 SISTERS AND 5 BROTHERS AND THEY MISS THERE BROTHER AND LOVE HIM .I KNOW THAT MY GRANDSON IS DOING OK.GOD TELLS ME AND MY GOD IS HELPING ME THOUGH THIS.I PRAY DAY AND NIGHT I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH 13 GRANDBABIES I AM ASKING FOR SOME PRAYS AM TRYING TO GET MY OTHER GRAND BABIES,TOO PLEASE HELP ME WITH PRAYER I WANT TO KEEP THEM ALL TOGETHER I KNOW THAT MY GOD IS WORKING ON IT.I JUST WANT TO THANK MY GOD AND MY JESUS CHRIST I PRAISE AND WORSHIP AND I AM A BE LIVER. I PRAY FOR OTHER PEOPLE IN NEED.MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS THANK MARTHA YOU ARE A WONDERFUL PERSON.YOU ARE SPECIAL GOD MADE YOU WHAT YOU ARE GOD BLESS YOU AND EVERYONE LOVE.I DO HAVE THE HOPE AND FIFTH THAT WE WILL BE TOGETHER ONCE AGAIN



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Rebecca Metheny

posted October 16, 2009 at 8:23 pm


I only have one brother. He was my light. We were together a lot and enjoyed all kinds of things in life together. He had an alcohol problem and tried to kill himself on several occasions. I was always the one that he called. I would get someone there to stop him. He never wanted to live. So, on the 17th of August last year he finally succeeded in killing himself. I mourned the whole year, just cried and cried and cried. I loved him and miss him so much. But closer to the anniversary of his death, I stopped crying. I didn’t even cry on the anniversary at all. Actually, writing this is the first time I have cried in months about him. Yes, I miss him, and it hurts me to think of all the pain he carried around inside of him. But….I can’t grieve anymore for him. He would laugh at me and call me a baby. He wouldn’t want me to continue to be sad. He is happy now, free from this world.
I know that we all lose people. We all are appointed a time to live and then to die. We should not be sad for them or for us. They are our family, they wouldn’t want us sad, or to fall in a deep depression. We should live happily in the memories that they created for us. For a certain part of our lives we shared. That can not be taken away. We have to find a positive in a very negative situation.



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Nika

posted March 17, 2010 at 5:38 pm


Hi guys. Liberals are very broadminded: they are always willing to give careful consideration to both sides of the same side. Help me! It has to find sites on the: Womans replica breitling watch. I found only this – breitling b 1 watch. Breitling watches, what is the case turning? Many animals too have some distance manoeuvre entire, breitling watches. With respect :mad:, Nika from Vietnam.



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Xena

posted March 31, 2010 at 7:57 am


How are you. There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness. Help me! Help to find sites on the: Cheap turbo tax. I found only this – online turbo tax. Turbo tax, how open i help the service of my subconscious clearly? Turbo tax, erwin chargaff in the online specimens. Thank :rolleyes: Xena from Mongolia.



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cheap breaking bad season 5 dvd

posted November 6, 2013 at 9:44 am


So, we need these good habits, they enable us to live a well-ordered life.
Whole, the show strikes a fine balance between a techno-obsession with James Bond-ian with gadgets and more character-based action, with a sharp writing and direction that ratchets up the tension a notch further with every episode.
Criminal Minds: Mystery would play a role in this guest appearance,
thus that is why he would make a good guest star.



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