Now, if you have kids, you might be thinking, ‘they all do that,’ and they do. In fact, we all do. I know adults who still try on the dynamics of other people.
As a Conscious Parent, I feel like one of my jobs is to help point this out to Caidin when he’s doing because this dynamic is wrapped up in what we are trying to learn.
The past several weeks has been a bit challenging, although, while I was in India, Caidin was apparently really good.
His current phase is manifesting this time like this: he’s taken to ‘just saying things’. So for example he’ll just say, ‘I want waffles.’ When I point out that possibly there is a nicer way to ask for waffles he’ll say, ‘oh, I wasn’t asking for waffles, I was just saying, I wanted waffles.’ There have been many, many instances of this and it translates into both physical desires as well as what he’s thinking.
Over the past weeks I’ve tried to understand what his thought process is. I’ve tried to get him to see that his ‘just saying’ is the same as actually saying. But he just hasn’t been getting it.
Yesterday though, he said something, and I again pointed out that there might be a nicer way to express his thoughts and he started to cry.
I asked him what was wrong and he said ‘I don’t like how I’m acting.’ We had a long talk about ‘how he is acting.’ He told me that kids are ‘making him do things at school.’ I asked him what that meant and he said that they are pressuring him to do things he knows aren’t right – like chewing gum during school. So, not huge things, but succumbing to peer pressure is never a healthy thing.
This gave me an opportunity to talk to Caidin once again about our life lessons and the way in which they show up in our lives. I explained to him that he is being given the opportunity to stand strong in what is true for him and until he learns that lesson, he will be given that same lesson over and over. The difference is that right now it’s chewing gum and saying swear words and being demanding; but when he gets older it will be more serious things like drinking, drugs, skipping school and staying out past curfew.
He tried to place the blame on his friends and I reminded him that no one can make us do things and that we are ultimately responsible for the choices and decisions we make.
He went off and thought about all of this and later I noticed that he was trying really hard to be polite, be considerate and be helpful.
Caidin is a really good kid, but it is so easy to see how, where, when, and why a child can make a choice that takes them down a path we don’t want for them.
As a Conscious Parent all we can do is continue to help them see their life lessons and support them in learning these lessons. At the end of the day, the path they take will ultimately be their choice. Just as we tell our kids that they have to take responsibility for the decisions and choices they make, ultimately, we also need to let them.
© 2012 Christine Agro
Christine Agro is the founder of The Conscious Mom’s Guide™ and author of the forthcoming “The Conscious Mom’s Guide to Natural Healing and First Aid for Kids”.
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