Why do children go through stages where they push back against us? We read a lot about the ‘Terrible Twos’, but many parents will tell you it doesn’t end there, it goes on to the ‘Torturous Threes’, the ‘Fitful Fours’, the ‘Fighting Fives’…all the way up and through the teenage years, which the thought of actually sends a shiver through my spine.
But if we understand our role in our children’s lives and we can gain the ability to look at our interactions energetically we can mitigate much of the drama that occurs and the struggle that our children feel the need to exhibit.
In order to create drama-free relationships, we need to begin by understanding our Spiritual Agreements.
When your child is but a twinkle in your eye, you and your child make a Spiritual agreement to travel through life together. They have things they want to learn this lifetime and you also have things you want to learn so together, you make an agreement to work in the Parent/Child dynamic to explore these life lessons.
Agreements can range from standing in one’s truth to living life consciously as well as learning lessons of patience, humility, compassion, balance, flexibility and the list goes on.
As parents if we have an understanding of our agreements with our children (what is our role? Why are they in our lives? What are we meant to teach them? What are meant to learn from them?) as well as an understanding of what their life lessons are, we can better navigate and manage not only how we interact with our children, but also how we support our children as they work on these life lessons.
Unconsciously, our agreements with our children (or our friends, or our parents or our co-workers) are played out with a push/pull energy. Someone in our lives gives us something to push against so that we can learn what it is that we want to learn.
So for example let’s say a life lesson for your child is to stand up for himself. Much like the old adage ‘if you ask for patience, God doesn’t give you patience, he gives you plenty of opportunities to practice being patient’; your child isn’t given inner strength, your child is given many opportunities to develop it, or discover it.
Since you are his strongest agreement, you may be the place that he is working this lesson out. Which unconscious results in struggles and contentious conversations as your child explores what it means to stand-up for himself.
All of this because he and you are unconscious to what he is working on. Approaching life unconsciously is what creates drama. That push/pull is full of drama and chaos, angst and anxiety.
If we can approach life consciously, understanding what we are working on and what others are working on the need for the push/pull goes away, as do the need for the varied forms of drama.
In the case of your child learning to stand up for himself, with a conscious awareness of this life lesson you can move from being the catalyst for his growth, to the enlightener. As you gain awareness you may find that you are seeing your child with ‘old’ eyes and not recognizing their growing capacity for responsibility. Once you do, he may not need to push against you anymore. Or another example, you may find that you are operating on the rules and regulations that were handed to you from your parents. Maybe these don’t work today and where your child’s lesson is to stand up for himself, yours is to release that out of date information that doesn’t serve you or your child.
The short of this is, if you find that you and your child are at odds, take a step back and consider ‘what is it that you are trying to learn and what is your child trying to learn.’ If you can begin to see your relationship from this perspective, you might just be able to avoid the need for drama altogether.
To be drama-free! Now, doesn’t that sound nice?
Join Christine for more discussion on Spiritual Agreement and Life Lesson plus an opportunity to ask her for insight into your own parent/child relationships July 11th at The Conscious Mom’s Guide. Register for TCMG for free and then sign-up for the event. (this link takes you the site registration and then directly to the event to sign-up.
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© 2012 Christine Agro
Remember, join me at The Conscious Mom’s Guide for more insight, guidance and to connect with a growing group of conscious parents.
Christine Agro is a clairvoyant, naturopath, Master Herbalist, conscious mom and author of 50 Ways to Live Life Consciously as well as of The Conscious Living Wisdom Cards (Special Moms’ Edition). Christine is founder of The Conscious Mom’s Guide , a membership site where she helps support you on your own journey of living life consciously and on your journey of being a Conscious parent. You can also join Christine on Facebook. To contact Christine, invite her to speak or to schedule an appointment with her please email her