Whether it is bedtime or fireworks or maybe it’s sitting on Santa’s lap, children will have fear about things they don’t understand, things that their minds can’t wrap around, things that are just too big to put into context and in some situations, things they should be afraid of.
When our children experience fear we oftentimes try to minimize it by saying things like ‘there’s nothing to be afraid of,’ or ‘that can’t hurt you,’ and then we go on to force them to do exactly what they are afraid of. For a child who is actually experiencing fear sayings do nothing other than to make the child feel dismissed and unheard and the further action of forcing the child to experience that fear seems like a punishment.
As conscious parents we can follow five simple steps to help our child overcome fear.
Stop- when your child expresses or demonstrates fear of something, stop what you are doing and let your child know that you have heard them. If the fear is long standing and you just don’t have time at the moment, be sure to acknowledge it and let your child know you will talk to them about it at a set time (after dinner, before bed) but sure to let them know when you will be able to sit and discuss their fear.
Listen – Let your child speak about what is frightening her. Don’t talk over her, or dismiss what she has to say. Take the time to really hear what she is telling you.
Acknowledge – Acknowledge that she is afraid. If you can share a story of your own fear, which will let her know that others experience fear too. If you feel the fear warrants validation let her know that too. If you don’t, again, don’t dismiss the fear, but you also don’t have to validate it.
Explain– Always keep in mind what your child is trying to learn in a given situation.
-If the fear is an important learning lesson, avoiding it won’t make it go away. That in itself is important to share with your child. If it looks like a life lesson, see if you can help your child get the root of the lesson. Maybe it has to do with being seen, or being heard or speaking one’s Truth.
-If you have information that can dissuade the fear, now is the time to share it. If you don’t, if it is an intangible, don’t make something up and again don’t dismiss the fear. Simply saying one shouldn’t be afraid doesn’t make the fear go away. At the same time, too much discussion can add value to the ‘fear’ so gauge talking about it accordingly.
Action – Explore ways to help your child address the fear. Here are a few suggestions for different types of fear:
If it’s a legitimate fear – they don’t feel comfortable around a certain person, or something they are being asked to do makes them feel uneasy – it’s important to honor this. Children have a keen radar for people and situations that appear to be one thing, but in fact are something else. Don’t ever be embarrassed to honor your child’s inner knowing. By supporting your child you reinforce their intuition rather than force them to shut it off or turn it down.
If it’s fear of the unknown
Teaching your child to ‘blow the fear’ out can help. Have your child envision a big soup bubble out in front of them and then have them blow the fear into it. Then have them send the bubble far, far away and pop it.
Work with Natural Remedies(follow my Tuesday posts on Natural Healing for insight into these and other ways to support your child).
Flower essences work vibrationally and can help shift the energy. Explore Aspen, Rock Rose and Mimulus as options;
Work with essential oils such as lavender or chamomile to help relax and calm – use a diffuser
Have your child picture a big bubble of protection around them;
Have them work with their angels or other spiritual helpers to create a sense of safety.
Conquer the fear together. Sometimes by having the reassurance of you, your child can overcome something that they fear. By seeing you do what they are afraid of, they can let go of their own fear.
Show your child the other side – Show your child that in some cases the other side of fear is excitement. For things like performing or speaking in public, what we feel as fear, can actually be easily turned into excitement.
Help your child find a solution to their fear – if it is standing up for themselves, role play with them; if it is fear of the dark a simple night light might help; if it’s the fear of a situation or an activity determine if you feel they should confront the fear or if it’s ok to find a way to work around it (consider life lessons here – if it’s a life lesson the fear won’t go away by finding a work around, your child will create another opportunity to learn that lesson down the road).
Let your child have the experience -And sometimes, you just have to let them have the experience. Support them, reassure them and let them have the experience. Once the experience if over follow-up with what they experienced and hopefully it all went well. Now you can use this as a benchmark for any future experiences of fear.
Helping your child to truly navigate a fear, in the end, will give them an immense sense of self-empowerment. As they learn to both analyze and assess their situation and then implement tools that you’ve shared with them, they will continue to reinforce their own inner knowingness and foster their conscious awareness.
© 2012 Christine Agro
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Christine Agro is a clairvoyant, naturopath, Master Herbalist, conscious mom and author of 50 Ways to Live Life Consciously as well as of The Conscious Living Wisdom Cards (Special Moms’ Edition). Christine is founder of The Conscious Mom’s Guide , a membership site where she helps support you on your own journey of living life consciously and on your journey of being a Conscious parent. You can also join Christine on Facebook. To contact Christine, invite her to speak or to schedule an appointment with her please email her