Beliefnet
Letting Go with Guy Finley

In difficult moments with others let us remember this truth: it is better to find ourselves lacking the love we need to be kind — and to quietly suffer this humiliation — than it is to act from what is unkind by lashing out to blame another as a way of hiding our weakness.

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In this short talk, Guy Finley talks about how any kind of blame is actually an avoidance of seeing yourself as you actually are in the present moment.

Click here to listen to “Blame Schmame”

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A big part of our inner work in all of our relationships involves remembering this key idea: whenever we are not present and properly attentive to ourselves, we may be sure the false self is busy attending to something we’ll be paying for in the days ahead. Disconcerting, yes; but there’s no denying it: there are unconscious parts of us that feel good about getting us to do wrong!

Whenever we allow angry parts of us to cast blame on others for the conditions we find ourselves in, we enable the false self to keep dreaming that if it weren’t for others doing us wrong we would never feel so angry, defeated, or depressed.

The truth is there are unconscious parts of us that readily find fault with others in a misguided effort to remain infallible in our own eyes. Each time we blame someone else, we agree to remain asleep in this misery-making mistaken identity. Saying “no” to this nature is saying goodbye to a host of imagined enemies this false self needs to remain itself, as well as to a war that can never be won.

We have to do a special kind of inner work if we wish to catch and cancel self-harmful behavior. It’s not enough to just talk about achieving a good, contented life. Anyone can talk about that, and most do. Few will really do the interior work it takes to be free, which is why we must be different.

We must learn to put the light of Truth before all things. No such effort ever goes unrewarded. Little by little the living Light reveals within us a new and higher order of strength that has no problem saying “no” to those unconscious parts of us that care for nothing and no one, not even themselves! This new “no” then becomes a “yes” to self-wholeness — the secret source of all healthy, happy, and unlimited relationships.

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Question: I’ve said and done some terrible things to people in my life. How do I get through this guilt? Is there a right way to make amends to people I’ve wronged?

Answer: Yes. Change yourself. In the long run, there is no other way that we can be forgiven for who and what we’ve been, nor is there any other way to truly forgive others. Start by daring to stay awake to these recurring bouts with guilt and, instead of identifying with the negative sensation that is merely a rerun of your old nature, drop it like a hot rock. You’ll have to work at this, but real results will follow.

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