Last week I had a strong feeling of generalized anxiety come over me, even though there was no apparent cause. I want to remain with the emotion in order to understand it. I watch it, and it lifts, only to return again. I realize that anything “I” try to do to “get rid of it” will guarantee its return, or perhaps make it even worse. I want to use this strong emotion to break through its veil of oppression. Somehow I sense this may be a great opportunity for me.
Here is one thing that’s key for us to understand. If our work to be watchful is an attempt on our part to rid ourselves of some state, then this is not real watchfulness, but rather a cloaked form of willfulness that is secret resistance on our part. And all resistance is, among other things, a form of attraction (in reverse) as well as a form of unconscious identification. So, be watchful of this trap… of hoping for some outcome as a result of your effort to attend to the state in question. Our work to observe is in order to become conscious of our own machinations, not to make the machine work according to some preconceived notion.
Apart from these thoughts, rest assured that whatever the condition you’re meeting in yourself, you already have all that is needed (within you) to turn it into spiritual “gold.” Just persist with your wish to remember yourself, and stay in the middle of whatever is revealed. Eventually you will see that who you really are is the seer, and not any one of the gazillion things being seen.
Trying to be something that we are not, or loathing ourselves for imagined shortcomings, is born of resistance, the root of reincarnating all that we wish to no longer be; dying to ourselves begins with returning to ourselves – with being what we are – nothing more, nothing less.
I am tired of suffering uselessly, and want to make a new wish for greater self-understanding. Are there any practical steps I can take to strengthen my wish?
It may not seem so at the time of a trouble, but the truth is, the only thing any of us suffer from (psychologically) is what we have yet to learn about the truth of our lives and ourselves. This is great news for those with ears to hear.
We can learn. We can be self-discovering. We can dare the darkness we fear by knowing that even in the worst hours there is always Light just waiting to reveal to us the error of our perception. When we change the way we see life, life suddenly changes itself into the way we experience it — and there’s no end to this bright and upward spiral of self-renewal.
Make each day a dedicated choice to choose in favor of the Light. Work with principles that work to show you what is the truth of your life, instead of clinging to futile hopes that provide only their promise of bringing you a better life. The truth (about yourself) you’ll come to embrace is the true life your heart has been longing for.
We can be new now, if we’re first fed up inwardly with our old, false nature; and secondly if we’re willing to really let go of this nature as we understand what that means. That’s what our higher studies are for: to grow in greater and greater understanding that leads up to a whole new and now nature.
In short, we need to wake up. You can do it right now. Just be quietly aware of yourself — without thinking about it. This kind of awareness suspends habitual, self-referencing thought, and in that momentary absence of the mechanical thought nature, we touch another life: one whose nature is the same as “starting over.”
The truth is that nothing in life can stop you from starting your life all over, at anytime, because the true fabric of life is a cosmic weave of ceaseless beginnings. That’s right. Your power for starting over is backed up by Reality itself, which will place its supreme strength on the side of whoever chooses it over self-ruinous states. All that is needed to put the power of this ever-renewing truth to work in your life is for you to consciously agree to view any unwanted or unhappy moment not as some unavoidable ending, but as the temporary and passing condition that it really is.