The only kind of “thanks” you can expect from others who see that you’ve decided to serve something higher than your own self-centered interests — including bringing an end to your previous support of their inflated self images — is their accusation that you have somehow wronged them…and that you owe them an explanation for the pain they feel due to blaming you for having become untrue.
If you want to see the real nature behind these not so veiled demands, just quietly refuse to explain yourself when others “hint” that you owe them something. Your reward, although it won’t seem so at first, is to see, beyond any doubt, the darkness in human beings that calls itself the light…and that despises anything or anyone who reveals it to itself.
The blessing in these moments of revelation — when you see the actual desperation and destitution of your accuser — is the kind of liberation that only comes with the clarity of seeing who you can no longer be, and what you can no longer serve.
Question: My mind is a constant racket. The thinking noise never seems to end. Something has to be done about this way of reacting to life that has plagued me for so many years. I have to find a way to remember at the outset of any crisis that God is in charge and that there is no reason for me to leap into anxiety, rage, or violence because I do not realize what is going on nor can I control what is going on. I know I must never take out my frustrations on another human being but somehow I’ve got to translate my occasional insights into actual living, breathing reality. I am currently seeking the advice of healers and counselors. Am I still trying to create my way out of a mess?
Answer: It’s impossible to grasp, let alone fathom that sometimes it’s the worst storms that are the most regenerative…especially when one is being blown away by the seemingly contrary winds. Nevertheless, it’s true; stay the course.
When we are brought to our knees by the violence in us that has masqueraded as righteousness, the man who one day stands aright again is not the same as the one who fell. The task is to do our best to accept what God, in his merciful kindness, has given us to see about the selfishness in our own heart.
Dying to the self has nothing in it that the self dying wants, even though it may have reveled in the idea while seated upon its imagined throne.
Do whatever your intuition tells you to do to strengthen your new conviction; never-mind what others may think, although walk softly and do not depend upon others to really take your side. The kind of strength you need cannot be borrowed.
All is well… persist with your wish to see what’s true; letting go follows, and following that… freedom in small unforgettable tastes.