We have learned to “tolerate” those who don’t please us or who rub us the wrong way. We have come to believe that to do so is the same as living in harmony with others. Nothing could be further from the truth!
The whole notion of this order of tolerance is rooted in the idea of superiority, as only a superior person tolerates an inferior human being. When we are with someone, and we must “tolerate” him or her, we are in a state of secret self-love that keeps itself in place by having that which it quietly denigrates.
Unconscious self-superiority solidifies through a process of resisting what it imagines it isn’t like, but by the fact of the negative reaction proves its unseen likeness. Shakespeare said, “Methinks thou dost protest too much,” because he was pointing out that what we most strongly deny in another is what we unconsciously recognize in ourselves. But we’re sure we’re unlike everyone except for those who match the images we have of ourselves. And so it goes that we live from — see our lives through the eyes of a certain false sense of “I” that always resists anyone seen as being “not like I am.” [To be continued…]
Whoever would set blame upon another for feeling misunderstood, or who becomes bitter towards those thought to have let him down, has failed to realize the following self-liberating truth: the first root of sorrow in this life is not for what others have or have not done to us. Our suffering over the “shortcomings” of others is nothing less than the stuff of what we have yet to understand about ourselves.
If anything we do in our relationship with another encourages him to feel as though there’s something righteous about his anger, or in any way lends substance to his insistence that he has good reason to feel sorry for himself, then we do not help this person but serve only to strengthen his weakness along with our own.
In this short talk, Guy Finley talks about how our experience of life — the way we feel in any given moment — is the direct result of what we give our attention to.
Click here to listen to “The Seed is the Deed”
Question: If you see something someone else is doing, whether professional or personal, and it involves you and you know it’s not right (and the person that is doing the wrong definitely knows it isn’t right), should something be said, or should you just wait because sooner of later things always have a way of working out for the best?
Answer: As a general rule… if the wrongdoing negatively effects the life of another, or otherwise is immoral or destructive, it is best to make the correction (without being self-righteous, of course). But, if the wrongdoer is just “getting on your nerves,” then use their manifestations by learning to bear in yourself what they stir and reveal there. One must generally realize that what troubles us most about others is what we want from them (or don’t want them to do or be, as it troubles our sense of what’s “right”)… Remember that what is truly right and bright within a person can’t be upset by the darkness in another any more than the sun gets nervous because nighttime on earth approaches.