Question: I have been struggling for years with the fact that I often desperately want people to like me. It is clear that my needy self causes the opposite effect by making me nervous, tense, and artificial. It seems obvious that I need to stop wanting people and be myself, but I cannot think my way out of this one… do you know a way out?

Answer: Yes, there is a way out. The next time that you find yourself around others, make it your aim (ahead of time) to want to see yourself in these moments more than you want to feel wanted by those around you. What will this do? It will save your attention for where it belongs, and in this new attention you will “taste” the truth that to want anything from another person is the same as asking for some kind of pain.

Question: So are you saying that self-observation will halt this? I cannot let go once and for all? I have to do this every time I have a conversation with someone? This seems more than I am capable of on a consistent basis. Is there a faster way?

Answer: If you’re still thinking in terms of “should or shouldn’t I be watchful of myself,” you’ve yet to realize what is really happening to you in your state of psychic sleep. And we are asleep to ourselves anytime we are not conscious of what it is within us that is in conversation with someone. As you come to see the truth that the unattended mind can’t do anything but defeat itself (and your true interests at the same time), you will not wonder what’s best for you, or when to work at it.