Beliefnet
Letting Go with Guy Finley

Part of the development of character in a human being — which can only be nourished by humility — is a growing recognition of how totally and undeniably they have missed the mark. There is only one way that a person could ever know with certainty that they’ve missed the mark, (so that there isn’t recrimination inside of themselves), and that is that they stand in the light of something that shows them at once what they are, and by what reveals that, they see what they could be.

It is in that gradual and ultimate realization that you are not going to save yourself that you start understanding how important it is to confess yourself to yourself… which is what you’re afraid of. You don’t know what to do with not wanting to be you. You can never stop not wanting to be you until you see, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that there’s nothing you can do about being you. Then, little-by-little, you’re willing (with absolute comfort and certainty) to bring before the interior eyes that have shown you yourself the understanding that the right thing to do is to never lose sight of what it is that you cannot and must not be. But, for most people, this is a very unwanted condition, because it involves a constant, conscious suffering of being present to yourself.

Being present to yourself means that you don’t lose sight of what you are because somebody says something nice to you. You don’t forget what it is that you have done and been simply because you get something that you hoped for. Instead, everything that happens is part of this broad understanding of who and what you are… without judging yourself.

God is always asking you, “What is it that you really want?” And when the heart has been stripped of its false pride, when the mind has been thrashed free of the chaff of embarrassment and regret (and everything else that keeps resistance in place), then such a heart and mind can stand before the moment, as it is, and have no problem whatsoever.

There must be a willingness — without fear, judgment, or self-loathing — to look straight into the eye that has shown you what your character has been, and to see every one of the instances in which that nature has acted against itself (and, of course, everyone else — including you). Because it’s through that wish on your part to be so clear in what it is that you really want from this life, that there’s no mistaking it. Then when life brings moments in which you suddenly see what you are –when you see what has been wrought in you – there is no confusion. There is no other wish other than what you would confess, what you would tell God is true about you and what you want Him to know about you (even though He already does). It isn’t God that benefits from your prayers.

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