Our experience of life is somewhat like a game of ping pong. Someone says something to us that we perceive as negative, and a certain “I” pops up that we identify with. The content of that “I” then directs our thoughts and actions. The other person probably doesn’t even have a clue that they said something that hurt us. In a split second, the content of self that knows why this happens appears… which separates us from the actual experience that’s happening, and then it tells us what is going on. It cuts us off from real life and creates a false one. The ball bouncing (me) is confirming the experience that “I” says it’s having. We call this experience “life,” but it’s just a tiny part of real life. Instead of going with the experience our “I” is explaining to us we’re having, we can be in the moment and experience what is real, not what the “I” is telling us is there.
We cannot change ourselves by following a “how to” program. Trying to fix the person or circumstances that causes us pain is not the way. The only way change can come is outside of the experience that produced it.