Letting Go with Guy Finley

Letting Go with Guy Finley


Rising Above the Unconscious Fear of Being Yourself

posted by Guy Finley

QUESTION

Why is it that when it comes to others, I don’t say what I feel until I am irritated? Then I don’t care what I say to get my point across! 


ANSWER


Here’s the short answer to your question: we will almost never say what we’re really feeling (to those who somehow irritate or otherwise disturb us) because of an unconscious fear that we have of ourselves; the truth is, we fear our own negative states, as well as the inevitable negative repercussions that take place in our relationships if we express them. And so, rather than dealing with this fomenting force of darkness within us, we swallow it over and over again until the pressure grows so great that we can no longer keep it down. We all know what happens next: we explode (in one way or another) with no regard for what our negative state is doing to the one we are spewing it upon. This situation is usually followed by some kind of remorse, in which we promise ourselves (or the unfortunate other) that we will never be that way again…but of course the pattern repeats itself because the lesson remains unlearned. The solution to this sorry cycle is simple, but as challenging as anything we will attempt to do. When something is troubling us about the manifestation of another — assuming of course that we are not just being petty, superficial, or otherwise petulant — we must learn to tell them the truth of our experience with them, in spite of the fear we have that should we speak about the matter, we’ll end up either being taken over by our own negative state, or driving the person away because of the same. And yet, seen clearly, each time we refuse to act — for the fear of being taken over or compromised by our own negative state — the truth is we are, at that very moment, taken over by a negative state! Its objective is to keep us from becoming conscious of it, of being aware of what its presence is doing to us and everyone else around us as a result of our “silence.” So do what you fear doing! It is the only way to eventually realize a kindness that fears nothing and no one.


  • http://energyandintention.com Noreen

    Thanks for this post Guy, it is really timely.

  • Mora

    Yes, I say the same as Noreen–very timely. I encountered a situation a few days ago with my significant other, in which he later told me, “You should have simply said, ‘I’m angry with you.’” I did not. But he knew I was. So we did not discuss it, and the negative repercussions mounted over the next day until we opened up the topic. He told me not to fear my anger; that it is only an emotion. He told me to make friends with it, and express it in a healthy way. I learned a valuable lesson, and this post of yours strengthens that lesson. I pray that next time, I will be conscious, calm, open and honest up front, immediately, despite my many fears.
    Thank you!!!

  • Joie

    Why do most people not accept it as a gift of honesty to point out how we feel – and how can I undo the years of ‘if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all……..’ ?
    I’ve caught myself recently in this simmering cauldron that has nothing to do with halloween

Previous Posts

(Video) There's No Sense of Self in a Right Action
Guy Finley explains that true goodness is not measured by actions which validate your image of being good. What is truly good has no self-reference -- it comes from pure action, which is a natural outcome of being present. [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apyGb3NXhnQ[/youtube]

posted 3:00:10am Sep. 18, 2014 | read full post »

The Interior Action that Builds Character
The character of goodness, of compassion and kindness that we would like to reflect and express before our friends (and enemies), requires that we place “its” life before our own. And yet, when we agree to this interior action of self-sacrifice, not only is our life returned to us, but we find t

posted 3:00:29am Sep. 17, 2014 | read full post »

Enter a World Where Goodness is Its Own Reward
Once we see it's impossible to please ourselves at the expense of the pain of someone else, we are released from the cycle of seeking a false comfort whose conflict compromises "winners" and "losers" alike. Only then are we free to enter a new world – above the opposites -- where goodness is its o

posted 3:00:17am Sep. 16, 2014 | read full post »

Step Into the Unknown
When, at times, the spiritual aspirant feels as though there's no reason to go on...because he can no longer believe in an imagined good somewhere ahead of him, he comes to what seems a complete dead end. And yet, it is exactly in this place that he must step through himself, and persist in the work

posted 3:00:32am Sep. 15, 2014 | read full post »

Find the Fearless Nature Within
Whoever struggles to protect himself from his perceived fear does not banish his enemy but secretly breeds the dark seeds of its life…

posted 3:00:18am Sep. 12, 2014 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.