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Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat Archives

Standing Up for Yourself

You may be angry at many people and want to tell them all of. But you need to –prepare to take a stand first. Before taking a stand, ask, “Am I WILLING to be serious?” You may want to stop […]

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Imperfectly Pleasing

DoorMats go out of their way to please everyone, trying to be a perfect people pleaser. That’s what I did when I lived in DoorMatville. I was always trying to be the perfect little pleaser to insure that everyone would […]

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Keeping an Eye on Yourself

Self-awareness I crucial for making changes that can empower you. If you’re not aware of habits that hold you back, they’ll continue to hold you back. When you want to make changes, you need to assess what to change. That […]

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Start an Inner Revolution

Today is Day 24 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement™. I say it often: In order to be happy, you have to work […]

Happy 2014!

    Today is Day 1of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement™. It’s a new year!! It’s also the start of Self-Love Month! If […]

Be the Master of You Fate and Captain of your Soul

Invictus by William Ernest Henley Out of the night that covers me, Black as the Pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be For my unconquerable soul. In the fell clutch of circumstance ?I have not winced […]

Who You Are vs. Who You’re “Supposed To Be”

Who are you striving to be? Following in the footsteps of a family member or creating your own footprints. I encounter too many unhappy people who are trying to be what they think they’re “supposed to be” and feel negative […]

Strengthening Your Spirit with Happiness After a Cancer Diagnosis

Most people know at least someone who has cancer or have had it. It can bring you down in spirit. When I met cancer survivor Cathy Hamilton, I was struck by her positive attitude about getting through a cancer diagnosis. […]

What Direction Does Your Give & Take Go In?

I’ve never liked one-way streets. When I’m trying to get somewhere, especially in an area I’m not familiar with, it’s frustrating to try to navigate streets that aren’t going in the direction I want to go in.. Anything going just […]

Rev Up—It’s September!

Happy September! I love this month and always call it the month of new beginnings. I guess I love it partly because it’s the month I was born in, so I begin a new year of my life. I remember […]

Setting Priorities

My plate often feels overfilled. I hear this from many people. But I learned the hard way that trying to do it all leads to stress, low energy, other health issues and, you often get nothing done properly. Self-empowerment includes […]

Can You? Will You?

Often we do believe that we can do something but do nothing. When my confidence was low, people encouraged me to do things but I didn’t. I knew I was capable but something held me back. Often fear keeps us […]

Creating a Power Gesture

When I did a fire walk years ago, we were instructed beforehand to create a gesture to do right after coming off the hot coals. The leader advised finding something that would feel powerful and do it as soon as […]

Getting Up After Being Knocked Down

It’s not uncommon to have life circumstances knock you down. So much is out of your control. The people who ran in the Boston Marathon, or came to watch it, didn’t expect a bomb to go off. People get knocked […]

How to Do Things You Could Never Imagine Doing

Trying new things is a great way to increase your self-empowerment. Knowing that you did something gives you confidence to try more new things. You may have to overcome fear in order to do something that seems hard. When I […]

17 Ways to Empower Yourself

No one is born feeling self-empowered. Confidence is learned. EVERYONE has fears and insecurities. But, some create a confident façade. Attractive people at the top of their game share fears and self-loathing at my workshops or during counseling. Nobody feels […]

Freeing Your Inner “No”

Most of us have a hard time saying “no”, at least sometimes.  Since most of want to seem like being a “nice” person, it’s often assumed that saying “no” to someone who needs you isn’t “nice.” But that’s not true! […]

Feelings vs. Reality

We all get scared or anxious sometimes. But some of us wallow in those negative emotions as a lifestyle. Do you focus on “what ifs” so much that it seems like the definite outcome of something that worries you? Projecting […]

Realizing Your True Inner Power

I write a lot about the Law of attraction and about self-empowerment. Today I have Sugandhi Iyer, author of Joyful Manifestation: Ten Steps to Empower Yourself and Attract a Happy and Successful Life as my guest today to share how […]

Make a “Not To Do” List

I make a lot of “To Do” lists. They help to keep me on track for doing what I need to do. But recently, I thought about all the things that I did in my DoorMat days that I didn’t […]

How Crazy Are You?

When you think of the word crazy, it probably seems more like a negative adjective. Yet I think it can often be a positive trait to have, in moderation. When I was a DoorMat, I tried to be as un-crazy […]

Can One Word Change Your Life?

I’m thrilled to have Dan Britton, Jimmy Page and Jon Gordon as my guests today. They’ve been doing One Word since 1999 and together wrote their newly released book, One Word That Will Change Your Life  (Wiley). Dan and Jimmy […]

Remove Your Excuse Blinders

Many people live with blinders on to shut out any realities they don’t want to acknowledge. When you feel insecure, seeing people and situations for what they really are might force you to take action you don’t want to take. […]

When Knowledge is Power

I love the term, “Knowledge is power” and often use it in my music business books when I encourage musicians to learn as much as they can about  how the industry works. But there’s a caveat. If you have lots […]

Do You Feel Inadequate?

In my Law of Attraction in Action post on Hesitation I discussed how I hesitated to take The Self-Love Movement™ to the next level for two years. But when I found my coach, I knew I’d found the right one. […]

Empower Yourself

While Self-Love Month is over, I hope that you’ll continue to seek ways to love yourself. Self-love is the fuel for many positive things in your life. It fortifies you to build a happy life and to stand up to […]

Keep Self-Love Going Through 2013

Today is Day 31 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement™. Today is the last day of Self-Love Month but it’s also the first […]

Question: How Do I Handle My Boss’s Jealousy?

Jenna wrote: My boss recently got burned by her boyfriend and is very bitter toward men. I’m married to a wonderful guy and she knows it. She constantly snipes at me with comments that include a reference to my “perfect […]

One–way Takers

Some folks have a distorted sense of entitlement. They might expect help to get a job in your company or your field and push you for contacts. Or they might feel entitled to get free services from your professional skills. […]

Denial to Your Reality

Years ago I wrote a song called Denial after a discussion with a friend about a guy I’d been seeing who lived with blinders on. He ignored obvious things he did that caused him trouble and acted like everything was […]

Stop Playing Defense with People

When I began to say “no” to people or changed my habits in my DoorMat days, I found myself having defend what I did. People were used to me one way—always agreeable—and some didn’t like the new more empowered Daylle. […]

Become More Bouncy

There have been several recent studies showing that people who develop resilience live longer and healthier lives. But what does resilience mean? I see it as the ability to bounce back from adversity. This doesn’t mean ignoring bad things that […]

Freeing Yourself

I’m always happy to have Tina Tessina, Ph.D. as my guest. Her articles bring a great response as she has such a good take on life’s ups and downs. Tina is a licensed psychotherapist in private practice in California and […]

Making a Commitment to Grow

When I was a DoorMat, I went in circles around what I wanted to do. Of course I wanted to leave DoorMatville, and vowed often to do it, but I stayed for years after. Every time someone pushed me too […]

Take Down Your Barriers

I often hear from people who come to me for counseling, and also from people in my travels, who are frustrated at not being able to do something they want. They usually have what they consider good reasons for why […]

Yes I Can!

Have you ever been asked if you can do something that you’d love to do, but, you don’t feel ready or aren’t sure how you’d accomplish it? Or it’s the last minute and you don’t feel you have enough time […]

Do You See Life in Color?

Years ago I was dating Brian, a guy who I liked a lot, but, I knew he wasn’t right for me. He treated me well, was like my best friend, and I trusted him completely. Sounds perfect? Some friends didn’t […]

“Do You Have Minute?”

I just got a call from someone at a charity I’ve donated to in the past. I was working. Busy. Not happy to be interrupted. Grrr…. She asked, “Do you have a minute.” I wanted to get sarcastic and say […]

Make a Good First Impression

Sometimes a bad mood or insecurity or even a bad hair day can lower confidence or just keep the smiles off our faces. Or you may be tired and not in the mood to worry about what to wear or […]

Winning Your Personal Fear Factor

Fear inhibits expressing your feelings, asking for a promotion, letting people go, saying “no” to requests, and many other things. Everyone experiences it. It can be subconscious or subtle. Nowadays reality shows encourage fighting fear. People survive eating pig’s innards […]

You Can Always Get Up

I’ve seen Nick Vujicic on TV and heard his story but it never ceases to astound me how a man born with no arms or legs can be an inspiration for people who feel they can’t go on. Nick is […]

Declare Your Personal Independence!

Would you like to implement the power you already possess? Yes, you already possess it! It just needs activation. Declare independence—from other people’s needs, from insecurity, from friends who use you, from disrespectful people, from not being taken seriously and […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Don’t-Power vs. WILL-Power

This is post 187 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Getting Past Negative Experiences

We all have setbacks and disappointments and even traumatic experiences—your promotion at work may be stalled or your job is eliminated, your relationship ends, someone close to you passes away, you have an accident, your child gets into trouble, etc. […]

What Brings You Down?

Stuff happens. Life can be going well and then boof! A glitch appears. It could be something simple like getting a run in your stocking at work or hearing a weird noise from your car. It’s common to go to […]

Don’t Give Up Your Power for Anger

I was in a good mood when my friend called to tell me she couldn’t make it to a concert we were supposed to attend that night. Her excuse wasn’t good in my book—a guy she liked asked her to […]

Strategies for Negotiating with More Confidence

With all the strides made, it’s still be proven that many women aren’t paid on par with the salaries of men—for doing the same job! Since a majority of women have at least a little bit of people pleaser in […]

Stop Living on the Defensive

Do you fight urges to snack or overeat? Do you get crazy when things go wrong that you weren’t expecting? Then you’re on the defensive, trying to fight urges or shore up problems. I’ve found that the best way to […]

Question: How Do I Protect My Time

A reader, who I’ll call Mary, wrote asking how to handle a situation with the mom of her son’s 6-year old friend, who I’ll call Beth, Beth doesn’t understand and respect that working from home still means working. She expects […]

What Was Your Most Difficult Choice?

We all have to make decisions. Some are easier than others. Choosing what to order for dinner when there’s a large menu may seem tough at the time but it’s insignificant compared to deciding to have a baby or to […]

Law of Attraction in Action: HOW?

This is post 177 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in […]

Have You Learned Your Lessons?

Do you find yourself making the same mistakes, over and over? Or continuously ending up in the same situation that you don’t like? People tell me they feel jinxed when this happens to them. They look for what or who […]

Look Just Ahead as You Keep Walking

Have you kept any of your resolutions yet? Or have they already gone out of your life with the holiday decorations? As I discussed in my post, Set New Year’s Intentions, it’s so easy to make resolutions about things you’re […]

Question: How Can I Stop Lending Money?

A reader asked how she can stop loaning money to family. They rarely pay her back and always have a rationale about why she needs to help them out. They don’t help her. Yet they act like it’s her responsibility […]

How’s Your Relationship with YOU?

Today is Day 26 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jumpstarting your own self-love. Today I have Teri Johnson, author of Overcoming the Nevers by Gardening Your life and Nurturing Seeds of […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Writing Exercise #3

This is post 164 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in […]

Do Something NOW!

A good way to give yourself a quick dose of self-empowerment is to do something you’ve been putting off. Things often pile up in my apartment. I get so immersed in my writing that I don’t make time to sort […]

Question: How do I handle the people who are draining me at a 12-step program?

A reader said she’s in a 12-Step Program. She went through the program when her husband died and is now doing very well. It’s expected that she will give back for what was given to her and she’s fine with […]

Are You Prepared to Walk Away from What Bothers You?

You’re dying to stand up for yourself or ask for what you know you deserve. You work harder than anyone else yet haven’t asked a raise. Your romantic partner does unacceptable things but you haven’t had the nerve to address […]

Whose Thoughts Are Yours?

Years ago I had a friend I’ll call Lori, who was a parrot for her boyfriend’s beliefs, which I often disagreed with. He had staunch views on politics, which were the opposite of mine. Before meeting this guy, Lori didn’t […]

Staying Strong When It Hurts to Take a Stand

Letting go of old habits and people can be painful but it’s often necessary when you’re moving forward to leave DoorMatville and empower yourself. After my post on Monday, Baby Steppin’ to Bigger Success, a reader commented that she’s working […]

Question: Why Does My Daughter Say I Like To Be Treated Poorly?

A reader asked in a comment, how could her daughter say she liked being treated like crap? She and her brother use it as an excuse to treat Mom poorly and she wants to change it. How could they say […]

Previous Posts

Ditch the Victim Mentality
A common thread among clients who come to me for self-empowerment counseling is “Why do people use me?” And they groan, “Why me?” And they whine, “I’ll never get what I want because of _____.”  I tell them to fill in that blank ...

posted 10:41:37pm Jul. 21, 2014 | read full post »

Standing Up for Yourself
You may be angry at many people and want to tell them all of. But you need to –prepare to take a stand first. Before taking a stand, ask, “Am I WILLING to be serious?” You may want to stop unacceptable behavior, but are you willing to ...

posted 12:01:04pm Jul. 18, 2014 | read full post »

Law of Attraction in Action: What You Think Of Yourself
This is post 290 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series to see how. Very often, your biggest roadblocks ...

posted 8:44:56pm Jul. 16, 2014 | read full post »

Why People Become DoorMats/People Pleasers
George Bernard Shaw said, “The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to ...

posted 2:09:35pm Jul. 14, 2014 | read full post »

Law of Attraction in Action: “It’s for the best”
This is post 289 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series  to see how. People get confused when ...

posted 12:01:14pm Jul. 08, 2014 | read full post »

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