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Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Self-Empowerment & Confidence Archives

Ditch the Victim Mentality

A common thread among clients who come to me for self-empowerment counseling is “Why do people use me?” And they groan, “Why me?” And they whine, “I’ll never get what I want because of _____.”  I tell them to fill […]

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Standing Up for Yourself

You may be angry at many people and want to tell them all of. But you need to –prepare to take a stand first. Before taking a stand, ask, “Am I WILLING to be serious?” You may want to stop […]

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Why People Become DoorMats/People Pleasers

George Bernard Shaw said, “The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.” Having DMS (DoorMat Syndrome) made me a People Pleaser who catered to others, with little reciprocation. […]

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Get Heard!


We’re often so proud of ourselves for making the effort to communicate that we don’t pay attention to our approach. Becoming aware of how we present our thoughts and ideas can get them across more clearly. Simply paying more attention […]

Get Good Customer Service

Do you complain about customer service people? If you were brought up to avoid causing problems, you may keep your mouth shut about bad service or defective products, and complain to friends. Reaching a person instead of an automated voice […]

Are You Willing to be Different Enough to Have a Great Relationship?

I’m happy to have Dr. Dain Heer back as a guest today.He’s an internationally acclaimed speaker and human behavior thought leader. Dain travels the world, coaching audiences and facilitating classes that teach people to access their own awareness and knowing, empowering them […]

Coping with Criticism

Criicism seems to be a natural part of life. There are many people who think they’re helping you by poining out that you’ve gained a few pounds, or you’re not doing a good job ast something, or your clohing doesn’t […]

You Can’t Buy Love

Love isn’t a product, like shoes, or lemons. Yet people pleasers try to buy it with favors and being agreeable. I did whewn I was a DoorMat! And like many women, I was under the erroneous belief that if I […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Delegating Responsibility

This is post 287 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Teaching People How to Treat You

I’m often asked why someone treats another friend with courtesy yet the same person treats him or her disrespectfully. Why? The other person’s behavior says they expect courtesy but their behavior allows disrespect. When you don’t stop someone from hurting […]

Autonomy vs. Dependency

Today I’m thrilled to have my friend Dr. Tina Tessina back as my guest. She’s  the author of 13 books including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction (New Page); How to Be a Couple and Still […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Adding Power to Your Manifesting

This is post 139 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Speak Up and Save Money

I recently went to find new sandals online. I know the brand I love and did a search for them. I found a site that gave me a window of a variety of shoes for the brand I wanted. At […]

What You Think vs. What Others Think

  People pleasers often let others think for them. You may not realize you’re doing it. You might tell a friend that you want to see a certain movie and get told you won’t like it. When you hear that […]

Do You Refuse to See Your Truth?

Years ago I had a friend who had HUGE issues, but to him, everything was fine. His friends had given up on getting him into therapy. He insisted he could handle stuff himself. And he did, with lots of alcohol, […]

Say a Prayer on Memorial Day

Today is Memorial Day in the U.S. It’s a day to remember who lost their lives while serving in the U.S. Armed Forces. I think it’s important to honor the memories of those brave folks who gave their lives to […]

Façades

I’ve learned that many people put on facades, when he/she is overcompensating for insecurity. Since I work with a lot of people, I get to see what’s behind the facades and how what they project isn’t who they are. People […]

Are You Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired?

Do you suffer from chronic pain? Many people do. Today I’m happy to have  Janet Komanchuk, as my guest. She’s a retired schoolteacher who has experienced the miraculous remission of chronic, debilitating fibromyalgia, which was the result of many overlapping […]

Standing Tall for Confidence

In my recent post, Stand Tall, I talked about how confident I feel when I focus on having good posture. By standing straight, arching my shoulders and holding my head high, people have a very positive impression of me. Your […]

Get Rid of Your “Not Good Enoughs”

When I was a DoorMat, I let people walk all over me. I jumped to do favors for everyone. I agreed to do what other people wanted to do. Other people ran my life for me. All because I believed […]

Is It Time to Put Meat Back on the Menu?

Eating meat has gotten a bad rap in the past years. Yet then we hear about its benefits. It can get very confusing. That’s why I’m thrilled to have Michael Fenster, M.D., F.A.C.C., FSCA&I, PEMBA, as my guest today. He’s […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Focusing on a Solution


This is post 284 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Own Your Future

I had a dream about going to Banff in Canada and Montana since I was a teen and a cousin went on an adventure there. He showed me his pictures and they blew me away. I had to go too! […]

9 Reasons Why Its’ Nice to Say “NO!”

Many people are scared to say “no because they were taught to be nice sand think it’s not nice to turn people down. Both women and men say they feel obligated to agree to requests. Yet they don’t like feeling […]

Tips for Becoming a Mllionaire

Have you ever thought about how great it would be to be a millionaire? I’m sure most of you have. That’ss why I’m happy to have Jaime Tardy, the author of The Eventual Millionaire: How Anyone Can Be an Entrepreneur […]

Law of Attraction in Action: “I Have It!”

This is post 283 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Do You Lie to Yourself?

You know it’s not good to lie yet often we lie to ourselves. That might sound ridiculous but we do. Some people may see it as deluding yourself but when you tell yourself something that you know isn’t true, it’s […]

Stand Tall

I believe in the importance of having good posture. The good thing is it’s easy to fake! Standing up straight and tall is a good habit to create for many reasons. One is that it helps you to feel better […]

Question: Why Do Friends Judge What Makes Me Happy?

A reader, who I’ll call Sandy, wrote to say she was making progress with doing what she wanted but her friends and family continued too judge her choices. Sandy pared down her lifestyle so she could quit her good job […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Making the Best of What Happens

This is post 281 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Rewriting Elizabeth Barrett Browning

  Elizabeth Barrett Browning wrote How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I borrowed it for the title of the book I’m giving away through The Self-Love Movement™—How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways. […]

Shutting Yakkers Up Nicely

Have you ever just wanted to be left alone but someone intruded on your space? When I was a DoorMat and someone talked my ear off when I wanted silence I’d just smile and let them go on and on. […]

A Wake Up Call

Can you easily recognize when it’s time to make changes in your life?  I’m thrilled to have Dr. Dain Heer as my guest today to give you suggestions for waking your consciousness. He travels all over the world facilitating advanced […]

Can’t vs. Don’t Want To

We often use words incorrectly. You may say one thing and mean another, without even realizing it. Often it’s done unconsciously. But it’s important to be aware of excuses you make for not doing something. Your words can keep you […]

Are You a Needy People Magnet?

Do you find yourself surrounded by people who need you for something? Do you tend to end up with romantic partners who need fixing? It’s common, especially for DoorMats who have people pleasing as part of their M.O.  I did […]

Overcoming Obstacles–interview with Jenn London

Beautiful Sorrow  is a true-life story memoir written by Jenn London, a talented singer/songwriter and a self-love ambassaador for The Self-Love Movement™. She’s overcome a multitude of sorrowful parts of her life, from  childhood obesity to immense family tragedy. Her […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Fear of Technology

This is post 279 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Give Yourself Permission to Express Yourself

I encounter many people who share that they’re scared to express how they feel to friends, family, work colleagues, etc. Some don’t know why they’re scared. Not knowing what the results might be can cause the greatest fear. Fear of […]

Be the Boss of Your Own Life

Today my guest is, Lynda Chervil author of “Fool’s Return,”  a new novel that incorporates valuable life lessons in a page-turning tale that touches on technology, the green movement, and other aspects of contemporary society. She graduated from New York […]

How Do You Handle Chaotic Times?

As spring slowly begins make an appearance as the winter tries to hang on, we’re getting out more. This can make life feel a bit chaotic as we try to catch up after a long winter. There are times of […]

Law of Attraction in Action: “I Have to Take the Good With the Bad.”

This is post 277 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Getting Heard

We’re often so proud of ourselves for making the effort to communicate that we don’t pay attention to our approach. Becoming aware of how you present your thoughts and ideas can get them across more clearly. Simply paying more attention […]

Who Have You Made God?

A woman recently told me with pride how after reading my book, All Men Are Jerks until Proven Otherwise, she was able to leave Jack, her boyfriend who she had put up on a pedestal as imperative to be with. […]

Has the Economy Changed Your Work-Life Balance?

Do you feel like your life is changing with the changing economy? It can really throw off your work-life balance. Today my guest is Bob Epperly, author of Growing Up After Fifty: From Exxon Executive to Spiritual Seeker,. He worked […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Selfishness

This is post 276 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Do You Need Everyone to Like You?

I grew up believing it was important for everyone to like me. So did my friends. Did you? It’s a common belief, especially for girls. And wanting this is what turns us into DoorMats/people pleasers. When I was on Oprah, […]

From March Madness to Happiness

It’s been a long winter for many of us. I’m sick of being cooped up because of snowstorms and frigid temperatures. As the March weather gets better, there will be a lot of catching up to do. I think women […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Resistance vs. Wrong Path

This is post 275 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Taking care of #1

When I was a DoorMat I eventually got tired of feeling like I was last in line to get my needs met so I ben to put my own needs first when people asked for favors.  Needless to say, it […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Struggling

This is post 274 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

“Could” vs. “Should”

Recently I got free tickets to a show at the last minute and called a friend who I thought would enjoy it to invite her to join me.  At first she was excited but then she said she “should” stay […]

The Power of Silence

Do you feel uncomfortable  when you’re with someone and there’s silence? Many of us feel a need to fill the void that it seems like silence creates I used to be like that. When I was a DoorMat, before I […]

Using Mindfulness in Business

I’m thrilled to have Stephen Josephs, Ed. D,as my guest today.With more than 30 years experience as an executive coach and consultant, he helps leaders build vitality and focus to make their companies profitable – and great places to work. […]

Learn to Trust Yourself

Trust is an important quality that we look for in others. It can be hard to trust if someone you trusted has betrayed you, or lied, or not done what they promised. But the one person you can count on […]

Keeping an Eye on Yourself

Self-awareness I crucial for making changes that can empower you. If you’re not aware of habits that hold you back, they’ll continue to hold you back. When you want to make changes, you need to assess what to change. That […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Facing Troubles

This is post 272 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Doing Good vs. You

Sometimes you have to make a choice between what’s best for someone else and what’s best for you. You may want to do what you see as ”the right” thing for someone even if it goes against what you’d like. […]

Building More Meaningful Friendships

Studies show that having good friends can be healthy for you. Yet these days, with people spending more time adding “friends” to their Facebook page, personal connections don’t get the attention they should have. Today my guest is Dawna Hetzler, […]

People Pleasing Anger

DoorMats/people pleasers often have a lot of reasons to be that way, most based on circumstances they bring on themselves. Pleasing everyone is a choice, not an obligation. But it’s common to get angry about the repercussions from it , […]

31 Days of Self-Love 2014

Self-Love Month is over  but the love shouldn’t be!  it’s important to not forget the importance of giving yourself love as much as you can. If you haven’t already done do, I highly recommend you read my free book, How […]

Dreams Do Come True!: New Self-Love Video

It’s fun to dream, but not when you never see any results. It can get frustrating to want something you dream about and feel like it’s out of your reach. I’ve had many dreams that never materialized. Years ago, after […]

Start an Inner Revolution

Today is Day 24 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement™. I say it often: In order to be happy, you have to work […]

Show Yourself Love with T’ai Chi

Today is Day 23 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement™. I love energy work! T’ai chi has always fascinated me with its gentle […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Tapping for Better Self-Esteem

Today is Day 21 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement™ This is post 268 in my series on the Law of Attraction in […]

How Do I Love Me? More Suggestions from Pros 2014

    Today is Day 16 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement™. I recently asked some experts how they show themselves love and […]

“I Love Me” Tip: Affirm Self-Love

Today is Day 15 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement™. Affirmations help your intentions to sink in. If you know you want to […]

Law of Attraction in Action: “I am worthy!”

Today is Day 14 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement™. This is post 267 in my series on the Law of Attraction in […]

Love Your Tummy

Today is Day 13 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement™. I weigh a bit less now than I have in over 20 years. […]

Is Falling in Love Always Good?

Today is Day 12 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement™. Most people look forward to falling in love. But there are times when […]

Who Matters the Most?

Today is Day 10 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement™.   Who matters the most to you? Be honest! There’s only one good […]

Are You a Bully—to Yourself?

Today is Day 6 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement™. If anyone ever accused me of being a bully I’d immediately refute it. […]

From Thinking I Was a Piece of Crap to Loving Me

Today is Day 2 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement™ Someone had to drag me to a mirror and make me really look […]

What You Don’t Need

At the end of every year, I clean and get rid of everything I can to make room for more good stuff. The first time I did it, was hard. As I looked at all my stuff, how could I […]

9 Ways to Jumpstart Your Life

People seem to think that New Year can automatically bring change. We make resolutions like wishes with hope that the New Year wish fairy will make it happen. But then the year progresses and you’re disappointed that nothing good has […]

Be Nice Without Being a Pushover

I’ve been a fan of Doreen Virtue’s books for a while. That’s why I’m thrilled to have an excerpt from her new book, Assertiveness for Earth Angels:  How To Be Loving Instead of “Too Nice”, ( Hay House), available at […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Essence

This is post 264 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Deflecting Word Darts

Some folks can be mean, especially if they think you’re an easy target. People may say things to make you feel bad when they’re angry, or don’t like you, or are jealous, or, aren’t happy with their own lives. Their […]

Why Self-Absorption Isn’t Loving or Empowering

There’s a fine line between self-love/wanting to be an empowered person and self-absorption. It’s easy to get lost in new-found self-awareness and overcompensate with too much self-indulgence or act like no one else matters, which is unhealthy for friendship, whether […]

Connecting in a World of Isolation

Do you feel isolated in today’s busy climate? You can change that using the tips from my guest Christian E. Megrelis,  vice chair of the International Union of Economists, biblical scholar, and author of “Glossary of Hope,” a contemporary distillation […]

Why Anger Can Be Like as Teakettle

When the water in as teakettle boils, it whistles to let the steam out. When anger boils up in you, how does it get out? Often we hold anger inside, especially if we’re DoorMats and don’t want to start trouble. […]

Pride vs. Being Full of Yourself

Self-appreciation is a good quality.  It helps you build pride in yourself. I often recommend writing a list of all your good qualities and owning them to help build self-love. But self-appreciation and having strong pride doesn’t mean being full […]

Surviving Holiday Madness

Does the holiday season overwhelm you? On Monday I posted Calming Those Feeling of Being Overwhelmed. Now with the holiday season is in full swing, it can take busy to another level. So I’m happy to have Laura Vanderkam, author […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Pride

This is post 262 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Calming Those Feelings of Being Overwhelmed

We all go through those periods where it feels like life is dumping on you too much and you feel as if you’re drowning in things you need to do. It might even be good things, opportunities to advance your […]

How Is My Today?”

We all have a limited amount of days, yet people tend to take them for granted. When today is over it’s gone forever. Every day is worth getting excited about by making it special. If you really want to enjoy […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Craving Instant Gratification

This is post 261 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Emotional Bondage

Some people thrive on drama. It almost feels like they create situations that feed negative emotions. I used to look for reasons to feel taken for granted or used when I was a DoorMat. For some reason I needed to […]

Start 2014 with a Commitment to YOU

Soon 2014 will be here. January can be a dreary month, depending on where you live. Yet most of us like the idea of starting the year on a positive note. That can be hard if your resolutions seem daunting […]

Can There Be Beauty in Sorrow?

Beautiful Sorrow  is a true-life story memoir written by Jenn London, a talented singer/songwriter who I’ve know for many years as an upbeat go-getter. Yet reading her memoir showed me how well she’s overcome a multitude of sorrowful parts of […]

Are You Putting a Dark Shadow Over Your Life?

Some people seem to thrive on worrying. It can seem as if they look for things to worry about. Are you one of those? Constant worrying is a happiness buster. It creates stress, which is detrimental to your health and […]

Watching Out for Psychological Abuse

I had a client who was both physically and mentally abused. She was beaten from childhood by her father and then by her first husband, throughout her marriage. Her second husband verbally abused her for a few years but she […]

Watch the Attitude in Your Words

Do you want to have a positive persona and to feel positive? Listen to yourself. What attitude do you walk around with? It’s harder for people who often seem angry or who have a negative outlook to feel positive about […]

Conscious Creativity

To me using your creativity adds color and texture to your life. It can also help you overcome problems. That’s why I’m happy to have master floral designer, Kevin Joel Kelly, as my guest today. Kevin is also the author […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Huge Goals

This is post 257 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Affirming Boundaries

I know how hard it can be to say ‘No” after you’ve been a people pleaser for years and people expect an automatic “Yes” to favors from you. But it’s also exhilarating to say it and know that you’re off […]

Physicians Tips To Prevent And Correct Signs of Aging

Most of us want to age well. I love looking much younger than my age. I credit it to what I put inside me, in terms of getting the vitamins for my body. Taking good care of yourself is a […]

“I Choose”

How many times have you said you wanted to do something but just didn’t do it. Maybe you really want to go to the gym a few times a week but never even get your sneakers out. Or you want […]

Do You Want a New Job?

Karen Okulicz, author of three highly regarded career books— the author of three motivational pocket books—Try!  A Survival Guide to Unemployment; Decide!How to Make Any Decision; and Attitude!For Your Best Lived Life—says if you answer five key questions, you can set […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Hidden Agendas

This is post 255 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Be the Master of You Fate and Captain of your Soul

Invictus by William Ernest Henley Out of the night that covers me, Black as the Pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be For my unconquerable soul. In the fell clutch of circumstance ?I have not winced […]

Are You an Introvert or Shy?

Many of my clients tell me that they’re shy yet they’re outgoing and it confuses them. I think of myself s shy too. I recently heard an interesting discussion on The Today Show about the difference between being shy and […]

Make a Date with Your Soul

In you fast-paced world it can be hard to slow on and tune ino you. Today my guest is Noelle M. Meade-Izzi is the author of “The Hummingbird That Answered My Heart’s Calling,” a full-color photo-book that tells the story […]

Law of Attraction in Action: “I Have Enough”

This is post 254 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Who You Are vs. Who You’re “Supposed To Be”

Who are you striving to be? Following in the footsteps of a family member or creating your own footprints. I encounter too many unhappy people who are trying to be what they think they’re “supposed to be” and feel negative […]

Writer-Adventurer Offers Tips for Expanding Your Horizons

We all have choices—stay in your current patterns or break away and try something new. I believe that life is an adventure—as much s you make it. Today my guest is Marshall Chamberlain, a man focused on his passions, like I […]

Controlling Your Response

Often we respond to situations automatically and aren’t aware of things we do that might be unhealthy, especially with people you’re close to like a romantic partner, your mom, a best friend, close work colleague, etc.  After years of being […]

Have You Ever Watched the Sun Rise?

 Some people drink alcohol or take medication to calm down. Those may temporarily give you relief from symptoms, but when the effect wear off you can feel worse than before. That’s what contributes to people becoming alcoholics or hooked on […]

Why Crying Can Be Good for You

I’m thrilled to have Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.,  back as a guest today. She’s a licensed psychotherapist in S. California with over 35 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and the author of 13 books in 17 languages, including […]

Losing Yourself in Diets

Dieting seems to be a national pastime. Even skinny people tend to explain the extra pound they must lose. Do you think that models who look beautiful and starve themselves to maintain standards set by an industry are happy? Seeing […]

Strengthening Your Spirit with Happiness After a Cancer Diagnosis

Most people know at least someone who has cancer or have had it. It can bring you down in spirit. When I met cancer survivor Cathy Hamilton, I was struck by her positive attitude about getting through a cancer diagnosis. […]

Birthday Joy

I recently overheard two women discussing the upcoming birthday of one of them. The tone was somber, commiserating, reigned, somewhat sad, somewhat fearful. In my opinion, that not how birthdays should make you feel! These women acted like a birthday […]

The Abundance of Being Open-Minded

I had a client I’ll call Sara who recently who complained about not being able to meet a good man, When I asked what she wanted in one she emphatically explained that he had to be a creative type. Being […]

What Direction Does Your Give & Take Go In?

I’ve never liked one-way streets. When I’m trying to get somewhere, especially in an area I’m not familiar with, it’s frustrating to try to navigate streets that aren’t going in the direction I want to go in.. Anything going just […]

How to Become More Resilient

Resilience is a quality that can help you get through life better. Tht’s why I”m happy to have Ken Druck, Ph.D.,  as my uest today. He’s the founder of The Jenna Druck Center  in San Diego, a renowned resilience expert, […]

Law of Attraction in Action: “I Don’t Need Anything”

This is post 250 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Spiritual vs. People Pleaser

Were you brought up with strong religious/ or spiritual values or developed some in more recent years. If you believe that it’s spiritual to try to be kind to everyone you can get baffled about how to handle feeling used […]

Turning Obstacles Into Opportunities

Jay Platt was medically retired from the Marine Corps in 1998 after suffering complications from von Hippel Lindau syndrome (VHL), a genetic disease that resulted in brain and spinal tumors, kidney cancer, and the loss of his left eye. When […]

Rev Up—It’s September!

Happy September! I love this month and always call it the month of new beginnings. I guess I love it partly because it’s the month I was born in, so I begin a new year of my life. I remember […]

Don’t Be a Life Tourist!

I’m an avid traveler, both in the U.S. and overseas. But, I hate being a tourist. When I travel, I like to just exist in the place. That doesn’t mean I don’t go see the sights. I do. But I […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Justification

This is post 249 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Paying In vs. Paying Your Dues

I’m happy to have Laura Vanderkam, author of several books, including her new one, What the Most Successful People Do at Work,  back as a guest today. She has an interesting take on paying your dues. Here’s what she has […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Trying to Run from Problems

This is post 248 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Speaking Up for Your Personal Freedom

As a young girl I was advised to try to be as agreeable as possible with everyone. That would help people see me as a good girl—a nice girl who they liked because she didn’t cause problems. That helped me […]

Relying on Others

Some people interpret self-empowerment to mean being totally independent by taking care of yourself and your needs on your own—not relying on anyone; doing everything for yourself. When I first declared my independence from depending on people for my happiness, […]

How Gratitude Can Be a Power Tool for a Better Life

I wwrite a lot about rhe impotance of having gratitude in your life. I even run a Conscious Gratitude group on Yahoo, where people can post what they’re grateful for every day and read what others are grateful for. Regularly […]

“Am I an Idiot for Making a Mistake?”

We use many negative phrases when we make a mistake. Do you relate to using any of these? •    “That was so stupid of me.” •    “I’m a moron/idiot.” •    “What’s wrong with me that I couldn’t get it right?” […]

Interview with Tao Porchon-Lynch—94 & Still Teaching Yoga!

As someone who believes that good role models can help us to improve our lives, when I learned about Tao Porchon-Lynch ™, who is a Master Yoga teacher, I had to interview her. That in itself might not sound inspirational […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Regrets

This is post 246 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Living with Regrets

Do memories of things you did or didn’t do lead to self-recrimination? Do you wish you’d done things differently? All those things that you did or didn’t do in the PAST can haunt you today. I emphasized PAST because they […]

Can You? Will You?

Often we do believe that we can do something but do nothing. When my confidence was low, people encouraged me to do things but I didn’t. I knew I was capable but something held me back. Often fear keeps us […]

Give Yourself a Confidence Boost

Confidence is a big issue for many of us, especially if we’re DoorMats. That’s why I’m happy to have Robyn Hatcher, founder of SpeakEtc.,  a presentation and communication skills training company which provides group and  one-on-one coaching to individuals, corporations […]

Needing to Do Everything Yourself

I’ve always been a multi-tasker. It was necessary years ago when I took on way too much because I had to do everything myself. DoorMats aren’t good at asking for help and I was totally uncomfortable with asking for anything. […]

You in 3 Words

I recently talked to a woman who was writing an interesting book. She was going crazy trying to find a title for it. As she described it I told her that it sounded like Eat, Pray, Love for parents. She […]

Do You Want More Wealth?

Vasavi Kumar describes herself as “your kick-in-the-pants guide en route to your desired destination.” A certified life coach, Vasavi (SAY VAH-sahvee) holds dual master’s degrees in social work and special education. She’s co-author of the bestselling book Succeeding in Spite […]

Be Your Best You Today

When you’re not happy, you look to the future to begin to  feel good about yourself and who you are. But why wait? Chances are if you can’t make right now work, the future may not get any better. If […]

Taming Your Inner Nasty

If you read my columns regularly, you know I encourage building self-love. Yet so many people who think they’re being loving to themselves still allow their inner critic to come out regularly. I still remember the days—painfully—when I found more […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Logic

This is post 243 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

I Do, Therefore I Am

Many times over the years I’ve heard, “You are what you eat.” It’s used in commercials for healthy eating and to discourage people from overeating fattening foods. And I often use Decartes quote, “I think, therefore I am” to encourage […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Looking for Open Doors

This is post 242 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Is the Grass Really Greener Where You’re Not?

Do you look at people with envy? Do you think that others have it better than you? I feel like I hear people say all the time that they’re sure other people have better lives, better relationships, better jobs, etc. […]

Make Today YOUR Independence Day!

For those of you in the US, yesterday we celebrated independence for our country. But how about declaring your own independence? On Tuesday I wrote about Independence for my Law of Attraction in Action series and how it helps you […]

Sustainable Giving with Bobby Sager

I’m a big believer in giving back in ways that help people. So many people in the world need help. That’s why I was thrilled to have a conversation with Bobby Sager, a businessman who made a fortune by seeing […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Independence

This is post 241 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Why You Shouldn’t Be Discouraged

I encourage people to go after their dreams. The benefits can be life-altering. Yet taking risks can feel scary. Often we think of all the bad things that can happen if you go after what you want. If you get […]

Creating a Power Gesture

When I did a fire walk years ago, we were instructed beforehand to create a gesture to do right after coming off the hot coals. The leader advised finding something that would feel powerful and do it as soon as […]

Reprogram Your Brain for More Success

I’m thrilled to have Christine Comaford as my guest today. She’s a global thought leader who helps mid-sized and Fortune 1000 companies navigate growth and change, an expert in human behavior and applied neuroscience, and the bestselling author of Rules for […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Closing Doors

This is post 240 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Replace Regret with Finding Blessings

Most of us have some regrets. Maybe you did something that you wish you didn’t do. Or you spent years involved with the wrong person. Or you didn’t go after a job you wish you had. And a million other […]

How to Heal a Broken Heart and Let Love In

Have you ever had a broken heart? I have. And it doesn’t feel good. The energy from it can create a block that keeps you from loving finding more love. So I’m happy to have Bradley Nelson, D.C., one of […]

James Gandolfini Passing at 51 & Your Mortality

When I heard that James Gandolfini had died suddenly of a heart attack, my first thought was, “He was only 51!” Ouch! As we get older it’s harder to hear about people dying young, and these days, 51 is young. […]

Getting Up After Being Knocked Down

It’s not uncommon to have life circumstances knock you down. So much is out of your control. The people who ran in the Boston Marathon, or came to watch it, didn’t expect a bomb to go off. People get knocked […]

Are All People Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise?

I wrote the book, All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise, in 1998. Now it’s out in its 15th Anniversary edition because so many women found it helpful. Not surprisingly, I got questioned often over the last 15 years about […]

How to Do Things You Could Never Imagine Doing

Trying new things is a great way to increase your self-empowerment. Knowing that you did something gives you confidence to try more new things. You may have to overcome fear in order to do something that seems hard. When I […]

Question: What Can I Do with a Friend Who’s Nice and Hurtful

A reader who I’ll refer to as P. wrote to ask why people think they can treat you nice one minute and then become hurtful. Her friend picks on her unfairly, calling her stupid and other names. She hurls insults […]

17 Ways to Empower Yourself

No one is born feeling self-empowered. Confidence is learned. EVERYONE has fears and insecurities. But, some create a confident façade. Attractive people at the top of their game share fears and self-loathing at my workshops or during counseling. Nobody feels […]

Why Hypothyroidism is a ‘Silent Epidemic’ of Misdiagnosis

Years ago I told two different doctors that I believed something was wrong with my thyroid. I noticed I had symptoms of hypothyroidism. Each pooh-poohed me, saying my numbers were fine. But they weren’t. I finally went to an endocrinologist […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Focusing on the World’s Problems

This is post 237 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

How Motivation Can Get You Far

Often we don’t realize how much we’re capable of doing. When I suggest to someone that they should make the effort to do what they want, I often hear, “I can’t.” Sometimes you need someone to motivate you to push […]

When You’re Not Sorry

I’ve had clients ask me if it’s okay to not say, “I’m sorry” when they’re not sorry, even if it’s expected. Perhaps you tell someone you can’t volunteer for something they want you for and the truth is you’re happy […]

Is it time to Reinvent Yourself?

I recently attended SPARK, the National Association Of Professional Women’s Networking conference  There were fabulous speakers, including, Arianna Huffington, Martha Stewart and Star Jones. But one who really stood out to me was Danielle Miller, brand strategist/reinvention coach. After hearing […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Expecting Money

This is post 236 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Give Yourself Permission to Walk Away

Often we take something on and feel obligated to finish. Or, we set a goal that feels daunting but believe it’s what we’re supposed to do. That can create a lot of stress, which makes it hard to embrace what […]

How to Receive a Compliment

How do you respond when someone gives you a compliment? Do you say something to negate it? Many of us do. For years getting compliments was almost painful because I didn’t think I deserved them or I was afraid owning […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Being Cheap with Yourself

This is post 235 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Who Is Your Body Image Role Model?

When I interviewed a woman who had been a model she said that the worst feeling was being a model, thinking she had a good body and then having her photos airbrushed to make her look slimmer and more perfect. […]

Standing Up to Aggressive Types

Some people are used to bullying. And it’s hard to stand up to them because it could be intimidating. I was bullied a little in middle school and got others to stand up for me because I was too scared […]

Are You Too Perfect for Love?

Too many of us strive for perfection, which is not loving to yourself. And it can keep you from letting love in. Today’s guest is Ann Smith is the Executive Director of Breakthrough at Caron. Her updated book, Overcoming Perfectionism: […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Being Cheap with Friends

This is post 234 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

QUESTION: How Do I Set Boundaries with My Boss?

Shana wrote to ask me how to tell her boss not to call her regularly at night and on weekends. She said he can never find things and hounds her with questions that aren’t urgent. She’s tired of feeling like […]

Handling Someone Who Takes All the Credit

Whether at work or play, there are people who step up to the plate when praise is given, even if you were the key part of it and they rode your coattails. That can create bad felings if it’s done […]

Are Women More Intuitive than Men?

I’ve been working on my intuition more and have found using it very helpful. I’ve read Angela Artemis’ books on intuition. She’s an author, businesswoman, intuition teacher and founder of Powered by Intuition dot com. Angela on a mission to […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Determination

This is post 233 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Weeding Out People Who Don’t Earn Your Trust

I don’t take friendship lightly. I know lots of people, but choose to have few real friends. That’s because my high values for a true friend limit who I completely trust. Most people don’t qualify and that’s okay, because the […]

Are You A Doormat? Take the People Pleaser Quiz

Are you confused about whether or not you’re so much of a people pleaser that you’ve reached DoorMat level, or you’ve convinced yourself you’re just a nice person? Below is a quiz listing things you may do but don’t feel […]

Outsmart Stress!

In honor of April being Stress Awareness month, HeartMath, a recognized authority on stress has shared some tips or lowering stress. Their clinical studies have demonstrated the critical link between emotions, heart function and cognitive performance. Its stress reducing solutions […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Getting the Weather You Desire

This is post 232 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Freeing Your Inner “No”

Most of us have a hard time saying “no”, at least sometimes.  Since most of want to seem like being a “nice” person, it’s often assumed that saying “no” to someone who needs you isn’t “nice.” But that’s not true! […]

Fighting Evil with Good

Many of us feel helpless after the tragedy at the Boston Marathon. Living in NYC there’s an extra feeling of vulnerability around me. When you’ve seen innocent people caught up in an unexpected bomb exploding, it can make you paranoid, […]

Question: Why Don’t People Keep Their Word?

I hear it all the time. It’s a common complaint on a variety of levels. “Why can’t people keep their word?” People are stymied, frustrated, alarmed, disgusted, and generating many other negative emotions because someone they believed didn’t follow through […]

Removing The Rose Colored Glasses

How nice are you? Are you so nice that you have negative emotions toward people who don’t appreciate you the way you feel you should be appreciated? Do you really think that it’s nice to feel that way for being […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Pure Wanting

This is post 231 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Feelings vs. Reality

We all get scared or anxious sometimes. But some of us wallow in those negative emotions as a lifestyle. Do you focus on “what ifs” so much that it seems like the definite outcome of something that worries you? Projecting […]

Have You Chosen to Be Happy?

Most people would ideally like to be happy. Yet achieving it can seem elusive. Having been an unhappy DoorMat for many years I can attest to how wonderful it is to actually be consistently happy. That’s why I’m delighted to […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Beating the “What Ifs”

This is post 230 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

If Not Now—When?

Did the resolutions you made last year fail to become true? It’s easy to decide what you want but much harder to get yourself to do what’s necessary. I’ve been through this too. I’ve had some dreams for years and […]

Realizing Your True Inner Power

I write a lot about the Law of attraction and about self-empowerment. Today I have Sugandhi Iyer, author of Joyful Manifestation: Ten Steps to Empower Yourself and Attract a Happy and Successful Life as my guest today to share how […]

Question: How Can I Ask for a Promotion at Work?

Question: Marissa wrote to say that she worked in a large company for a long time and sees the men advancing while she’s passed over for higher positions and more money. She’s very frustrated, and angry about it. She almost […]

Finding the Blessings in Problems

Often when life isn’t going the way you want it to, or something important goes very wrong, it’s easy to lose yourself in the situation. By that I mean your emotions reflect what’s going on. “Woe is me” or “This […]

Connecting with People Who Passed Away

I’ve always been fascinated by people who can see things in the future and communicate with people who’ve passed away. I admit to having some proven psychic abilities, though I don’t use them like I should. I was very skeptical […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Appreciating What You Have

This is post 228 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Make a “Not To Do” List

I make a lot of “To Do” lists. They help to keep me on track for doing what I need to do. But recently, I thought about all the things that I did in my DoorMat days that I didn’t […]

How Crazy Are You?

When you think of the word crazy, it probably seems more like a negative adjective. Yet I think it can often be a positive trait to have, in moderation. When I was a DoorMat, I tried to be as un-crazy […]

Can One Word Change Your Life?

I’m thrilled to have Dan Britton, Jimmy Page and Jon Gordon as my guests today. They’ve been doing One Word since 1999 and together wrote their newly released book, One Word That Will Change Your Life  (Wiley). Dan and Jimmy […]

Law of Attraction in Action: Accepting Today

This is post 227 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series […]

Be YOU

It might sound funny to say “Be you,” but, many people try to be someone they’re really not. Your parent may push you in a direction you don’t like but you want to be obedient so you go. The media […]

Stop the Fat Police

I rarely meet someone who is completely happy with his or her body. With the media setting higher and higher standards for perfection as celebrities get more procedures to improve their bodies, it’s harder to feel satisfied with what we […]

Self-Defense and Self-Love

Finding ways to protect yourself is an act of self love. Many years ago I took a series of self-defense classes and still remember the main moved I learned. It has truly help me feel more powerful. That’s why I’m […]

Remove Your Excuse Blinders

Many people live with blinders on to shut out any realities they don’t want to acknowledge. When you feel insecure, seeing people and situations for what they really are might force you to take action you don’t want to take. […]

QUESTION: How Can I Keep My Past Issues from Hurting My Present?

QUESTION: I got an email from Maggie, who has read some of my book and is struggling with her current boyfriend. She said they had a wonderful relationship, except for the bad issues from her past about falling in love. […]

Tips for Lovingly Reconnect with Your Body

A negative body image is on of the biggest self-love and self-esteem busters. It’s so easy to tell you to begin to love your body yet so hard to do. Erena DiGonis, LMSW, CHC, a licensed psychotherapist and certified health […]

Previous Posts

Ditch the Victim Mentality
A common thread among clients who come to me for self-empowerment counseling is “Why do people use me?” And they groan, “Why me?” And they whine, “I’ll never get what I want because of _____.”  I tell them to fill in that blank with, “because I allow myself to be a victim.” People

posted 10:41:37pm Jul. 21, 2014 | read full post »

Standing Up for Yourself
You may be angry at many people and want to tell them all of. But you need to –prepare to take a stand first. Before taking a stand, ask, “Am I WILLING to be serious?” You may want to stop unacceptable behavior, but are you willing to leave or mean “no” or cut visits if ignored? Decide how

posted 12:01:04pm Jul. 18, 2014 | read full post »

Law of Attraction in Action: What You Think Of Yourself
This is post 290 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series to see how. Very often, your biggest roadblocks to achieving goals are the labels you put on yourself.

posted 8:44:56pm Jul. 16, 2014 | read full post »

Why People Become DoorMats/People Pleasers
George Bernard Shaw said, “The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.” Having DMS (DoorMat Syndrome) made me a People Pleaser wh

posted 2:09:35pm Jul. 14, 2014 | read full post »

Law of Attraction in Action: “It’s for the best”
This is post 289 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series  to see how. People get confused when they’re trying to manifest if something doesn’t work out

posted 12:01:14pm Jul. 08, 2014 | read full post »

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