Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Last night I flipped on The Bachelor for a peek and was horrified. This show is so degrading to women!! Considering how we’re supposed to be getting more empowered, this show is going backwards! I know much of it is probably scripted. But still. How can all those attractive, fit women vie for what they treat as a PRIZE??! Yet there they are, strutting their stuff and doing whatever they can to compete for the heart of one man. Meanwhile young women are getting the image of gorgeous women being pathetic in the pursuit of a man.

What an awful message it sends to single women!

It’s bad enough to see these women getting all-emotional about getting a rose each week. Begging, pleading, praying for one. Like true love will evaporate without one. Don’t any of these women have a life? Or self-respect? Last night they were crawling around on the floor, begging for a rose. Putting on a show for this man whose ego must be blown up beyond belief. Degrading themselves to impress this one man into believing she cares for him the most. Is any man worth that?

NO! You can’t negotiate, score, or plead for real love.

How can women feel empowered when they still believe that happiness won’t be theirs without a man? It’s a frightening message to other women, especially young ones! I HATE the idea of teenage girls watching this show. Too many women believe they need a man to complete them. Watching these attractive women beg for a rose and pray this man will choose them makes an average looking chick even more insecure about getting her own guy. The Bachelor reinforces the mindset I encourage women to get rid of.

Desperation! Our society reinforces that women get desperate for a romantic partner.

The Bachelor reinforces what I’ve been writing about in an effort to help women learn to empower themselves. In All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise, I try to help women learn to value themselves. Why treat men as a prize. I consider myself a prize for any guy lucky enough to be with me. ? Women need to learn to value themselves and get a life! It makes them more attractive and also feels better.

This show illustrates desperation at the next level. Why aren’t women taught to value themselves as a prize?

Love takes time to develop. These women fall in love in a week. That’s not real love. It’s neediness! And it defiles real love. They sob that they were hoping to find true love here. Hello! Even scripted, it sucks, and reinforces the need for a man. It’s rare to find love on a TV show. I don’t think any of the many bachelors ended up with the chosen woman. They all broke up once they got to know each other in real life. I could be wrong but the only couple I know of who married is Trista and Ryan. And SHE chose him on The Bachelorette!

What happened to The Bachelorette??

Interesting how that show didn’t do well enough to continue. Is it not taken seriously that men would vie for one woman? Was it too scary to see a woman in control? This one-way romance game show is unfair! Why not show women as a prize too? We are, once we recognize it! ?

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I’ve been tagged by Lorraine Cohen at Powerfull Living to participate in the meme asking to share 7 random things about myself and then tag other blogs. Hmmmm…. Here goes!

1. When I went to Alaska last summer, I had a few days at a wilderness lodge. I had to fly in a teeny plane. The thought of it scared me. I almost didn’t go. But I had to, since I didn’t know when I’d be in Alaska again. It was an exhilarating experience, one I’ll never forget. And I had 3 of the best days of my life in the Alaskan wilderness.

2. I was the first white female rapper. I was teaching school in Hollis Queens and my students dared me to make a rap record. There were only a few female rappers and no white ones. I didn’t want the kids believing that stereotypes could stop them so I learned to rap and made 2 rap records.

3. I was raised in the Bronx and developed a Bronx accent. After my first year of college I went to California with a friend. Everyone asked if we were from the Bronx. I became determined to get rid of it. I began mimicking people who spoke well. Since I went to school with people from all over, I absorbed bits and pieces of accents from different areas of the country. People often comment about my nice speaking voice. They try to guess where I’m from—usually Midwest with a hint of California. That’s because my accent is a mutt—a bit of here and there.

4. I’m a walk-a-holic. I’ve been walking everywhere my whole life. Living in midtown Manhattan I often walk to Brooklyn and back. Walking give me energy. I get some of my best ideas for writing while I walk. Some people think I’m crazy when they hear I walked over to them. Or walked miles to a favorite café with my laptop. But it’s all pleasure and helps keep me fit.

5. I’ve been doing weight training for 6 years. My trainer says I’m the only woman he’s worked with who can bench press 35-pound dumbbells. I love working on my form. When I was younger I tried going to a gym and hated it. The guys made me feel uncomfortable when I wanted to work with free weights. So I quit, even though I loved doing it. Now I get respect in the gym. I was featured in the weight-training chapter of The Female Athlete’s Body Book.

6. I love being alone. If I don’t get enough solo time, I get frazzled. I’m NEVER bored. There are always many things I want to do and am joyful when there’s time to do what I want. So loneliness is a word that never refers to me.

7. Travel is a big passion for me. I’m a country girl living in Manhattan. My soul is in the Rocky Mountains though anywhere in nature makes me happy—mountains, ocean, forest. I have an amazingly peaceful apartment in midtown but need to get away regularly to feel grounded. If you invite me for a visit, be warned, I may come! ?

Now that I’ve shared something about me I’m throwing the meme out and tagging these bloggers to continue it:

Karen Lynch
Chris Melton

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Bob at the every every minute blog came up with an interesting project this month. Throughout the month of October, he has guest posts from a variety of bloggers offering his or her personal interpretations and reflections of a few lines of Desiderata, a poem by Max Ehrmann. Desiderata means desired things. This poem has been published in many places is has bee subject to many interpretations.

Bob posted the schedule for each post on his Desiderata page. He linked each blogger there. I’m honored to be one of them. Check out the different posts for some great enlightenment!

I’ve been laughed at since leaving DoorMatville. People can’t believe some of my ambitions or the dreams that I say I intend to make real. They couldn’t imagine how I might think about getting the things I went after. Yet I got some of them! I used to feel limited in what I could hope to do. Now, the sky’s the limit!

Many folks stick their feet tightly in the rut life puts them in. They peek out and don’t seek out much more than they have, assuming it’s too late or too much. It can be easier to look straight ahead instead of looking up and up and up. So when an oddball like me talks really big, folks laugh. Maybe it’s nervousness—it might rub off on them and they can’t handle it. Or maybe they really think I’m nuts. I couldn’t care less. I’m the one flying high while they hover just above the ground.

In 1996 I decided I was ready to get published and announced to anyone who’d listen that I intended to have 3 book deals in one year. I heard many snickers and was told that was impossible. It takes over a year to get the first book out so I should be grateful for the one. But I don’t listen to can’ts! I got my first book deal in July 1996, and my third made it just under the wire in July 1997. Since then I’ve continued to aim high.

Artist and sculptor Michelangelo said, “The greater danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it.”

Don’t settle for what you think is your limit! Fear of failure can make us lower standards or not seek what we should. Often people tell us what we can and can’t go after. I had boundaries on which guys were okay to think about dating. There were many I felt were out of my league, so I didn’t go near them. It was the same with jobs and travel. I became a teacher because I felt unprepared for anything else. I’ve always had a passion for travel but visiting family in Miami was the most I’d do.

Until I woke up and accepted that limits were my CHOICE. So was making dreams come true.

Now I’ll approach any guy who interests me, with confidence. I go after work that interests me, even if I’ve never done it before, and travel the world. One of my biggest dreams was to go to Alaska on my own. I did it last summer—for 18 glorious days! Nothing is out of my reach anymore. Nothing! I may not get everything I go after, but getting less is still often a lot more than what I settled for.

If you don’t expect much, you probably won’t get much. When you go for the gold, you might get silver but silver is nice too! Dreaming large is a lovely long distance from DoorMatville!

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I appreciate having one of my articles included in these blog carnivals.