Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

I’ve been tagged by Lorraine Cohen at Powerfull Living to participate in the meme asking to share 7 random things about myself and then tag other blogs. Hmmmm…. Here goes!

1. When I went to Alaska last summer, I had a few days at a wilderness lodge. I had to fly in a teeny plane. The thought of it scared me. I almost didn’t go. But I had to, since I didn’t know when I’d be in Alaska again. It was an exhilarating experience, one I’ll never forget. And I had 3 of the best days of my life in the Alaskan wilderness.

2. I was the first white female rapper. I was teaching school in Hollis Queens and my students dared me to make a rap record. There were only a few female rappers and no white ones. I didn’t want the kids believing that stereotypes could stop them so I learned to rap and made 2 rap records.

3. I was raised in the Bronx and developed a Bronx accent. After my first year of college I went to California with a friend. Everyone asked if we were from the Bronx. I became determined to get rid of it. I began mimicking people who spoke well. Since I went to school with people from all over, I absorbed bits and pieces of accents from different areas of the country. People often comment about my nice speaking voice. They try to guess where I’m from—usually Midwest with a hint of California. That’s because my accent is a mutt—a bit of here and there.

4. I’m a walk-a-holic. I’ve been walking everywhere my whole life. Living in midtown Manhattan I often walk to Brooklyn and back. Walking give me energy. I get some of my best ideas for writing while I walk. Some people think I’m crazy when they hear I walked over to them. Or walked miles to a favorite café with my laptop. But it’s all pleasure and helps keep me fit.

5. I’ve been doing weight training for 6 years. My trainer says I’m the only woman he’s worked with who can bench press 35-pound dumbbells. I love working on my form. When I was younger I tried going to a gym and hated it. The guys made me feel uncomfortable when I wanted to work with free weights. So I quit, even though I loved doing it. Now I get respect in the gym. I was featured in the weight-training chapter of The Female Athlete’s Body Book.

6. I love being alone. If I don’t get enough solo time, I get frazzled. I’m NEVER bored. There are always many things I want to do and am joyful when there’s time to do what I want. So loneliness is a word that never refers to me.

7. Travel is a big passion for me. I’m a country girl living in Manhattan. My soul is in the Rocky Mountains though anywhere in nature makes me happy—mountains, ocean, forest. I have an amazingly peaceful apartment in midtown but need to get away regularly to feel grounded. If you invite me for a visit, be warned, I may come! ?

Now that I’ve shared something about me I’m throwing the meme out and tagging these bloggers to continue it:

Karen Lynch
Chris Melton

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Bob at the every every minute blog came up with an interesting project this month. Throughout the month of October, he has guest posts from a variety of bloggers offering his or her personal interpretations and reflections of a few lines of Desiderata, a poem by Max Ehrmann. Desiderata means desired things. This poem has been published in many places is has bee subject to many interpretations.

Bob posted the schedule for each post on his Desiderata page. He linked each blogger there. I’m honored to be one of them. Check out the different posts for some great enlightenment!

I’ve been laughed at since leaving DoorMatville. People can’t believe some of my ambitions or the dreams that I say I intend to make real. They couldn’t imagine how I might think about getting the things I went after. Yet I got some of them! I used to feel limited in what I could hope to do. Now, the sky’s the limit!

Many folks stick their feet tightly in the rut life puts them in. They peek out and don’t seek out much more than they have, assuming it’s too late or too much. It can be easier to look straight ahead instead of looking up and up and up. So when an oddball like me talks really big, folks laugh. Maybe it’s nervousness—it might rub off on them and they can’t handle it. Or maybe they really think I’m nuts. I couldn’t care less. I’m the one flying high while they hover just above the ground.

In 1996 I decided I was ready to get published and announced to anyone who’d listen that I intended to have 3 book deals in one year. I heard many snickers and was told that was impossible. It takes over a year to get the first book out so I should be grateful for the one. But I don’t listen to can’ts! I got my first book deal in July 1996, and my third made it just under the wire in July 1997. Since then I’ve continued to aim high.

Artist and sculptor Michelangelo said, “The greater danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it.”

Don’t settle for what you think is your limit! Fear of failure can make us lower standards or not seek what we should. Often people tell us what we can and can’t go after. I had boundaries on which guys were okay to think about dating. There were many I felt were out of my league, so I didn’t go near them. It was the same with jobs and travel. I became a teacher because I felt unprepared for anything else. I’ve always had a passion for travel but visiting family in Miami was the most I’d do.

Until I woke up and accepted that limits were my CHOICE. So was making dreams come true.

Now I’ll approach any guy who interests me, with confidence. I go after work that interests me, even if I’ve never done it before, and travel the world. One of my biggest dreams was to go to Alaska on my own. I did it last summer—for 18 glorious days! Nothing is out of my reach anymore. Nothing! I may not get everything I go after, but getting less is still often a lot more than what I settled for.

If you don’t expect much, you probably won’t get much. When you go for the gold, you might get silver but silver is nice too! Dreaming large is a lovely long distance from DoorMatville!

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I appreciate having one of my articles included in these blog carnivals.

Many of my clients wistfully say a version of, “I just wish [THIS] would happen or work out.” Or “If only someone would help me.” I’ve got news for you boys and girls! These thoughts will just keep you in DreamLand. Just like Santa, the wish fairy doesn’t exist!

I lived in a state of wishful thinking when I was a DoorMat. I yearned for what others had without doing anything further and kept hoping that my wish fairy would miraculously appear and make my dreams would come true. Back then my wishful thinking as big as anyone else’s. I’d fantasize about having the perfect man and play out how I’d feel if I could ever find a way to leave my teaching job, which I hated. I wonder what it was like to look in the mirror without hating what I saw. Yet nothing materialized.

I waited. And waited. And felt angry and frustrated.

It felt like I was destined to be unhappy. Where was that wish fairy I kept wishing for!!?! Many of us are subconsciously in fairy tale mode. Waiting, wishing, getting angry and frustrated when the wish fairy never visits. TV and movies have the happy endings we all believe should just come. I waited for the wish fairy for years.

Until I realized I that I had to be my own wish fairy.

Ahhhh… I woke up a little. Wishing was getting me nowhere but frustrated. It was up to me to make my wishes come true. Sitting around feeling sorry for myself kept me in a wishing rut and made everything seem more unattainable. When my wish fairy didn’t wave her magic wand, I’d get discouraged, which made it even harder for me to take action. I finally understood that I needed to wave my own magic wand to make things happen!

And I did!

Life gets better when you take control of your own outcomes. First, figure out exactly what you really want. It’s harder to make your wishes come true if you don’t know exactly what they are. Often we think broadly, instead of honing in on what’s really desired. Your magic wand is the action you take to make your dreams become real life experiences! Dreaming in bed is nice if you like fantasy. I prefer reality—seeing my dreams materialize into my experiences.

Do you want to have your own “magic wand”? You can, if you turn wishes into intentions.
“I wish I could have a career I enjoy” can be “I intend to find a career that makes me happy.”
“I hope to find a romantic partner” can be “There’s a good person in my future and I intend to find him/her.”

Be specific in your wishes:
“I want more money” is vague. “I want to expand my income from doing (THIS) or (THAT)” shows your direction.
“I want to be able to relax more” can be “I intend to make more free time after work for running or …..”

One GREAT tool for honing my wishes into doable objectives was reading Wishcraft by Barbara Sher. It’s not a spiritual way to manifest. Instead, she talks about how to make concrete plans for turning your wishes into reality. I’m delighted to share that I just found this book available as a FREE download at I highly recommend you read it if you want to be your own wish fairy. Figure out exactly what you want and affirm it with details to own your own magic wish wand.

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