Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Carnival of Healing #118


Welcome to the Carnival of Healing #118
I’m absolutely delighted to be hosting the last for 2007. The Carnival is a weekly round-up of personal blog posts on the topics of holistic health, wellness, spirituality, and self-empowerment. It’s coordinated by About.com’s Guide to Holistic Healing, Phylameana Iila Desy.

Last week’s Carnival of Healing was kindly hosted by The Reiki Digest and next week it will be hosted by Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul.

It’s my first time hosting a blog Carnival! I consider this one important because it has many wonderful articles with constructive suggestions you can take with you into 2008. People often make New Year’s resolutions but lose their resolve fast when they’re not prepared to make lifestyle changes. Last week I addressed why new year’s resolutions can hurt you. There are many articles in this Carnival that can help you make the lifestyle changes that can help make resolutions that stick.

In the spirit of making New Year’s resolutions that can lead to healthy lifestyle changes, I’ll include a resolution I think is valuable with each topic. I find that a more realistic way to get started on a new habit is to declare that “I am willing to try to….” Instead of saying “I’m going to lose weight,” say, “I am willing to try to eat more healthy and do more exercise.” It can make the resoluhtion feel less daunting.

Here goes with all the great advice:

“I am willing to try to become kinder to myself as I make my resolutions.”
Ananga at Ananga Sivyer’s Living by Design Blog gives some great tips for being more realistic and fair when you set and carry out resolutions, in her post, On Goals & Resolutions: Progress with Kindness.

“I am willing to try to become more conscious of whether my actions match my intentions.”
David B. Bohl at Slow Down Fast Today! says, “I’m always amazed at what people say about themselves sometimes, and how that really contrasts with what they do.” So am I. Often our actions contradicts the way we want to be. Awareness: How You Live is Who You Are, emphasizes the importance of being aware of making your deeds reflect the person you want to be.

“I am willing to try to CHOOSE to be happy.”
Happiness is a wonderful state to strive for yet it can feel illusive when life seems to be doing you wrong. Lorraine Cohen at Powerfull Living illustrates how to find reasons to be happy, even when circumstance aren’t going your way in Happiness Tip: Mining For The Gold. Lorraine inspires me with her story!

“I am willing to try to do what it takes to feel better.”
Many people suffer from pain but often resign themselves to living with it instead of being proactive to find a solution. Natural Pain Relief lists 19 Common Barriers to Effective Pain Control.

While you want to trust your doctor, sometimes you must be your own health advocate when the treatment you’re given doesn’t feel like enough. Chris Melton at Shoulder Performance & Rehab posted Shoulder Rehab, with suggestions for finding healing alternatives. It’s written by his business partner, Scott Kay. Scott’s desire to accelerate his rehab from a shoulder injury led him to invent the Rotater, a shoulder rehab and stretching device. It helped him recover so he and Chris offered it for sale and it’s getting support from many medical and sport professionals. He shows what a desire to take care of yourself can accomplish!

“I am willing to try to get more exercise.”
A popular New Year’s resolution is to get into better shape. Yet it’s one that gets passed on from year to year when it doesn’t happen. Often it’s because you see exercise as a tedious chore. Mike Remer at My Path To Fitness Blog has tips for reframing how you view exercise so it becomes an activity you happily choose to do in Wish Exercise Wasn’t so Hard?

“Push ups are one of the most simple and effective home exercises. There are many ways to do them. But there is one that stands out from the rest. With its technique and effects, it is the most “exotic” type of push ups,” says Stanimir Sotirov at All About Your Body And Spirit. His post, Hindu Push Ups includes a video demonstration is included. If you try them, be careful, as they look intense.

“I am willing to try to find more ways to relax.”
EVERYONE should make a resolution to practice relaxing more. Stress affects our well being on many levels. John at Where We Relax shares a ritual he’s found helpful for switching out of work mode into a mindset of play in Rumi For Relaxation.

“I am willing to try to be more open minded.”
Chris at Martial Development says, “According to the teachings of traditional spiritual schools, Subjective Reality theories may actually be holding you back! Learn why here at The Nondual Perspective on Subjective Reality.”

“I am willing to try to tap into the Law of Attraction.”
I live by the Law of Attraction and know personally how changing your thoughts can change your life. Akemi at Gratitude Magic
explains how energy can flow through you to make the Law of Attraction and Thought Energy more effective.

“I am willing to try to claim my power to feel better.”
Matthew Spears at Loving Awareness says, “One of the most fundamental aspects of any growth or spiritual path is the trust in one’s own perception. There is no question it is an incomplete perception; so long as you have a body, you will not see even a minuscule fraction of the totality of the universe, or that of your Self. But it is still your perception. It is your link to your soul. It is the basis for all growth, for if you rely on someone else’s eyes and intuition, you are not living your own life, discovering your own Truth, but are being a guinea pig for other’s experiments with Truth.” He gives details in Trusting Perceptions and Higher Communication.

“I am willing to try to change my thoughts to feel better.”
Aparna at Beauty and Personality Grooming addresses how many people convince themselves they have illnesses that their minds create and how the Internet is helping to feed a generation of cyberchondriacs by giving people too much food for thought in Hypochondriacs over the net.

“I am willing to try to pursue ways to help myself be healthier.”
Abdulrasool Sumar at Mesothelioma Cancer says, In 370 B.C., the father of Modern Medicine, Dr. Hippocrates quoted, ‘Let food be your medicine, and let medicine be your food.’ And he said the best types of foods that protect your body from cancer risk are fruits, vegetables, beans and whole grains. Recent research by scientists has proven that eating plenty of fruits and vegetables through the course of one’s life greatly enhances one’s ability to avoid developing cancer and many other diseases.” Suggestions are give in Good Nutrition Cancer Risk – Importance of Nutrition in Preventing Cancer

Dr. Steven Dell at Keyboard Culture has an interesting series of articles that provide understanding and alternative medicine treatments for Rheumatoid Arthritis. It begins with What is Rheumatoid Arthritis?

Andrew Michaels at Lifecrafting details his quest to repair his vision in Relearning to See: My Plan to Regain My Waning Eyesight and Hurl My Glasses Off A Cliff I relate to his mission. I’ve used good nutrition and eye exercises and amaze people that at my age (well out of my twenties!) I don’t even need reading glasses.

James Chambers at Hyperhidrosis provides insight about the problem of excessive sweating and has links to resources that can help curb the problem naturally in Hyperhidrosis Causes.

Lucynda Riley at Flower, Field, and Forest discusses Mullein (Verbascum Thapsus), a plant she found helpful for healing her cold.

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That’s it for this week’s Carnival of Healing. Remember to check out the one next week at Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul. You can submit to this Carnival with the Carnival Submission Form.

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon. Thanks!

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Why New Year Resolutions Can Hurt You


New Year’s eve is a time that many of us make resolutions—often grand ones. I used to do it too. It feels SOOOOOOOO good to make them. Oh yes, THIS is the year of change for the better. Some extra wine on New Year’s eve magnified my intentions for the next year. ? I shared them with friends and even wrote them down. Seems everyone around me had high hopes for the new year. We promise to:

* Lose weight/get into better shape. This is the big one. I know of few people who don’t want to lose weight. Even skinny minnies feel they have some bit of fat to lose. Even people in shape want to get into better shape. Gyms LOVE the lose-weight/get into better shape resolutions because in January they get bombarded with people signing up. By February, gyms stop being crowded as the resolve dissipates.

* Stop smoking or drinking. This resolution takes a plan. Just because the calendar reads 2008, nothing will change unless you do something about it. Smoking/drinking takes more than a resolution to accomplish. You usually need outside help and support—a therapist, program, support group or something to help break these habits that are hard to control. But New Year’s eve revelry can make one feel more invincible as the declarations come out and they smoke and drink extra as a last hurrah.

* Find a romantic partner. January can become hunting season. Everyone is determined to find THE ONE. I strongly discourage romantic hunts in my books. That makes the HIM or HER you search for to be more important than YOU. The best way to attract a healthy person is to become one, and trust spiritually that when the time is right, someone good will come into your life. That takes more than a resolution!

* Get a new job. People think that waiting for the new year to get a job works best. But all the others who think that way can create stiffer competition than at other times.

* Make more money. Often this is just wishful thinking. Making money takes an effort. It doesn’t miraculously come because you resolved to get more. You can change your mindset about money and attract more abundance but a resolution alone on one night usually doesn’t carry through.

* Keep your living space cleaner. I resolve this all year long now. My end of the year cleaning is almost done but I know that if I don’t maintain it every week, the benefits are soon lost.

* Become more empowered. There’s no empowerment fairy to wave a magic wand and make you more empowered for 2008. That must come from more than a strong desire. Subscribe to this blog to help you with that one! ?

* Begin a project you’ve been wanting to do for ages. Ask yourself, what about a change in year will make a difference?

Resolutions can hurt you if you don’t keep them. Think back to how many have actually materialized for you. I rarely followed through in the days I made them, especially when I was a DoorMat. I’d resolve to say no, or lose weight, or get myself completely out of DoorMatville. But I continued to be agreeable, stay the same weight, and live as a DoorMat. The only thing that changed was that I felt even worse about me.

When you don’t keep your resolutions, it makes you feel worse about yourself, and less empowered.

As the excitement of making declaration on New Year’s eve—possibly under the influence of alcohol—wears off, reality sets in. You’re the same person with the same limitations your were before the new year. If your self-control isn’t stronger and there are no new ways to find THE ONE, you don’t just suffer for what you lack or can’t do. You can feel more of a failure for not making resolutions stick. That can make you give up.

Making and breaking New Year’s resolutions becomes a habit that lowers self-esteem and actually can keep you from getting what you say you want.

Planning to do something good for the new year is just another way to postpone taking action. Sometimes you can do what you say if there’s a specific action you can do on that day. But thinking you’ll have the power to make big changes just because the number of the year changed is often wishful thinking. If you want to accomplish stuff, don’t wait till New Year’s eve to declare it, chill on January 1st, and lose the resolve on the 2nd.

Take action now! Right now! Stop postponing until you can make a resolution. Resolutions don’t work if you’re not serious and ready to follow through.

* You want to lose weight? Put down your fork NOW! Take control of your eating TODAY. Go take a long power walk. That means you’re really serious. Then continue in 2008.

* You want a romantic partner? Start NOW to be more loving to YOU. Put away your hunting gear and get a life. Make yourself happy and resolve to trust that at the right time, when you’re READY to meet someone, he or she will be there. Until you truly love yourself, it’s hard to find someone who’ll give the love you deserve. Do what you love and someone will be there.

* You want to stop drinking or smoking? Go to an AA meeting TODAY! Join a stop smoking program NOW. Enter the new year smoking or drinking less and continue into 2008.

* You want to get a new job or make more money? Get some help with your resume NOW. Make a plan NOW. Network like crazy and begin to create opportunities so you enter the new year having embarked on a new course of action.

* Write down a plan for whatver project you want to embark on. Start organizing it NOW!

And so on. It’s so easy to declare intentions in the heat of New Year’s eve celebrations. And what better excuse to pig out, or drink more, or smoke more, weeks before since you’re going to start dieting or abstaining right after 2008 begins. Be careful not to let resolutions sabotage your self-esteem, and good intentions.

I’ve the same resolution every year since I wised up. It’s one I can always make happen, and it always feels good to resolve to do it. While I’d like to lose weight I don’t resolve to diet. Instead, I keep it simple, to encompass whatever direction I want to go in:

“I resolve to continue to do my best to live up to my potential in all ways.” Period.

Because I have great self-esteem now, I know I have tremendous potential and I aim to not let it go to waste. But I don’t set dates or put limits on what I go after. I know my potential is tremendous and I want to see it through. So I’ll try my best to use it!

Another part of this resolution is to try your best to become the person you want to be. It begins with your values and how YOU treat YOU.
Are you critical of you or loving and kind? The latter is necessary to generate motivation to do the best thing for you. As you finish reading this, think of something you want to make a New Year’s resolution to do, and do something about it right NOW.

Go—get up and do it. Toss the box of cookies. Polish your resume. Find a personal trainer. Have 3 less cigarettes than normal. Go to an AA meeting. Go to the gym! Start the project you say you want to do! NOW! Not after the holiday is over.

Set your resolution to begin NOW, because NOW is when you need it.

If you’re really serious, prove it by taking action NOW so you enter the new year already on at least some part of the track. I just got back on a good eating track after Christmas pigging out. I indulge and enjoy, then run every day and am eliminating more sugar from my diet for a while. I’ll again eat more fun foods to celebrate the new year, and then get back on track New Year’s day.

Even while I celebrate, I remain conscious of not going overboard too much. I won’t let myself glide through the rest of the holiday week with my mouth open on autopilot, eating leftovers and buying one more gingerbread cookie twice a day since they’ll be gone soon till next year. Nope! I’ve begun to taper off, so I’m fully back on a healthy eating track to enter the new year on a positive note.

“I resolve to continue to do my best to live up to my potential in all ways.”

You can do this too! You have the potential to lose weight, get a job you love, start and finish projects, stop smoking or drinking, and anything else you’d make a resolution about! Show yourself enough love by doing your best to reach your full potential and leave the other resolutions for those who break them. This one you can keep IF you CHOOSE to take care of YOU! I highly recommend it. That was my key out of DoorMatville!

Taking control of your bad habits is a loving gift you give to YOU. ?

This Saturday I’m hosting the Carnival of Healing. It will contain an interesting assortment of articles written by bloggers around the world with suggestions for New Year’s resolutions that can result in healthier outcomes.

Stay tuned on Monday when I post about what I do on New Year’s eve so that I enter the new year fully refreshed, spiritually revved with my God-driven engine running on high.

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon. Thanks!

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Manhattan is Da Bomb around Christmas



I’ve spent Christmas in Florida and California. I see it in other places on TV. But nothing—literally NOTHING—can compare to my city at holiday time. When friends from out of town visit during this time of year, I love to take them walking and exclaim, “Look how beautifully my neighborhood dresses up for the holidays!”

Rows of trees with twinkly lights line the streets. Garlands, bells and other pretty decorations are strung above our heads on many avenues.

I’m sure many other neighborhoods are gorgeous too. But mine is the most festive. And then there’s the tree at Rockefeller Center, which I can just walk over to whenever I want. That’s part of my neighborhood too!

Going outside from Thanksgiving to New Years puts me in a particularly grand mood. I included a few pics to show you why I love New York at Christmastime. I took them at night in the rain so they’re not as clear as the real view. But I love how the lights twinkle in the dark of night. I posted my Rockefeller Center tree and the side of the Saks Fifth Avenue building. I couldn’t get close enough to get their glorious windows.

HAVE A VERY-VERY-VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS SEASON! Let the spirit buoy you into the New Year with a great big smile!?

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon. Thanks!

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Merry Spirit!


Whether you celebrate Christmas or not, enjoy the season! People are in better moods around this time and more conscious of the spirit of giving. That’s great to experience, no matter what your religious beliefs.

Besides the religious aspects, there are many things to celebrate this week, no matter what your religion, or lack of one. Pay attention to these great perks of the holiday season:

* We’re surrounded by sparkly pretty decorations. I love walking around during Christmas. The shops and some houses are all dressed up. That puts my in a better mood. Just today I heard a TV newscaster say how much he enjoys going to work because of all the gorgeous decorations. New York City truly dresses up in grandeur. It always puts I smile on my face, even in the rain.

* Great sales in most stores. Nowadays, the sales start well before Christmas. Since stores tend to get crowded, I go shopping for the big markdowns right after the holiday. I don’t make a list for Santa. Mine is to take with me to Macy’s, so I can buy all the things I know I need at a fraction of their original price.

* Time off. While some folks have jobs that need to be done on Christmas, a majority of us have more time off, religious or not. Since I’m my boss, I can take off whenever I choose. But I actually love to write during the holidays, since it’s quieter—a time that I get less emails and have fewer obligations. I’m lucky that I find writing FUN! I do feel MUCH MORE relaxed until January 2nd. And I will take more time to have fun. My boss wants me to enjoy! ?

* People are friendlier. There’s a lovely cheer to this season. Maybe it’s partly because people go to church more and feel more overtly spiritual, which translates into more kindness and good cheer to others. I see more smiles and less rage.

* The eating is yummy! I cut myself more slack on eating this time of year. I also make sure to get in extra running for balance. Plus, there are just things available that you don’t see the rest of the year. I’ll get ONE pack of something made of marshmallow and covered in chocolate. And, I LOVE gingerbread, which is hard to find at any other time of the year. So I get my fill of that now.

Enjoy this holiday season, in whatever way rocks your world! Keep yourself from getting all bah humbug over aspects you don’t like. Allow yourself to get caught up in the joy of this season so you can enter the new year with a great big happy smile. ?

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon. Thanks!

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Previous Posts

Ditch the Victim Mentality
A common thread among clients who come to me for self-empowerment counseling is “Why do people use me?” And they groan, “Why me?” And they whine, “I’ll never get what I want because of _____.”  I tell them to fill in that blank with, “because I allow myself to be a victim.” People

posted 10:41:37pm Jul. 21, 2014 | read full post »

Standing Up for Yourself
You may be angry at many people and want to tell them all of. But you need to –prepare to take a stand first. Before taking a stand, ask, “Am I WILLING to be serious?” You may want to stop unacceptable behavior, but are you willing to leave or mean “no” or cut visits if ignored? Decide how

posted 12:01:04pm Jul. 18, 2014 | read full post »

Law of Attraction in Action: What You Think Of Yourself
This is post 290 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series to see how. Very often, your biggest roadblocks to achieving goals are the labels you put on yourself.

posted 8:44:56pm Jul. 16, 2014 | read full post »

Why People Become DoorMats/People Pleasers
George Bernard Shaw said, “The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.” Having DMS (DoorMat Syndrome) made me a People Pleaser wh

posted 2:09:35pm Jul. 14, 2014 | read full post »

Law of Attraction in Action: “It’s for the best”
This is post 289 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series  to see how. People get confused when they’re trying to manifest if something doesn’t work out

posted 12:01:14pm Jul. 08, 2014 | read full post »


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